Chapter 5 Book I Arc II


Bored. bored, bored, boreeeeeeeeed. That was about the only thing I could manage to concentrate on at the moment, as I only half-listened to whatever it was that Professor Khaba was saying. At least his robes were more toned down today than they had been on Monday,1 but they still made my eyes go cross if I stared at them for too long. So instead I tried to see if I could balance my quill on my nose as Khaba continued to drone on. Turns out that I couldn't, and I ended up with ink smeared on my cheek for all my efforts. Queezle threw me a warning look, as her gaze flicked back to Khaba.

"Stop goofing off." She hissed as I let myself pout at her.

"Queeeeeezle. I'm bored," I whispered back, though I knew that whining in class would only make her give me the patented Shut Up And Listen Glare that I knew her so well for.

"You're going to get detention and make us lose house points in the process." I made a face. Sure I didn't want any more detentions than what I already had,2 and I definitely didn't want to lose house points.3 All the same though, I also didn't want to sit here and listen to Khaba just continue to drone on. I mean, his general creepiness didn't help matters either. For example, the shadow thing he had going on with his pink robes. Seriously though; it had been four days since that incident where our newest DADA professor's shadow was first seen by me and Ptol moving on its own,4 and both of us have been keeping an eye on him ever since. He hadn't stepped a toe out of line though since then. In fact, he seemed to be incredibly boring overall, his weird fashion sense none withstanding. I still didn't like him, don't get me wrong. That opinion had become almost unanimous among the student body by Thursday. He was by far one of the most boring DADA professors we have ever had, which could be forgiven if it wasn't for the fact that we really weren't learning much from his classes either. Tuning in to his lecture today, and all he had discussed so far was the 'ministry regulations' in his introductory speech, and some other things that I didn't listen to. If only I could get this stupid quill to balance on my nose –

The bell rang, startling me out of my concentration, and causing the quill to fall of my nose and land onto the ground. A quick grab later and it was stuffed into my bag alongside my books, and I let myself be half dragged into the hallways by Queezle.

"Come on, I'm starved!" She said, as we entered into the great hall. We walked over to the Ravenclaw table, ignoring the fact that it wasn't our house, seating ourselves around Ptolemy.5 Before I could even put anything on my plate though, Queezle beat me to the punch, and spooned a dollop of leafy green evil on it. I made a face.

"Really? Can't I have one, just one, day without you forcing me to eat those nasty green things?" I whined, even as she shot me a look.

"They're not that bad. I like them actually," Ptolemy said, as he cheerfully put some on a plate of his own. Queezle smirked as my head dropped. Damn her for knowing my weakness. I let my head fall onto his shoulder as I pouted. He simply patted my head, as he continued filling up his plate with food.

"Eat up. We've got Care of Magical Creatures next with Nouda, and you'll end up having to muck out the unicorn stables if you whine about being hungry in his class," he said, before returning his attention to the book on his lap, taking occasional bites off his plate. I poked at the green things on my own, and discreetly began moving them off, in an attempt to slide them onto Ptolemy's. My efforts were in vain though. Queezle flicked a piece of bread at my head. I stuck my tongue out at her. Queezle rolled her eyes.

"A real mature one you've got there Ptol." She said. I felt Ptolemy pat my head again.

"I know, right? At least he's cute."

I made a face. I was not cute. The epitome of manliness would be a more fitting description, thank you very much. Ptolemy and Queezle started talking about some Arithmancy thing,6 and soon Ptolemy's other Ravenclaw friends joined in, so I turned back to my plate and grinned as I began to rearrange them into a fairly convincing mashed potato and broccoli imitation of a quidditch pitch. Turning from the conversation, Queezle took one look at my masterpiece7 and slowly brought her gaze back to my face. I grinned cheekily at her. She let her palm smack loudly against her face.

"I give up. I'll see you guys in CoMC. I have to go to the library before class - and both of you had better be on time! That means no getting 'accidentally' locked in a broom closet again. That excuse will only work on Nouda once," she said, giving Ptolemy and I a stern look. I think it was Ptol's friend Penrenutet that gave out the low whistle. Ptolemy himself ducked his head, cheeks burning even as he grinned. I just smirked up at her once again.

"But what if we really do get locked in a broom closet this time?" I asked, the picture of innocence. Queezle put her hands on her hips.

"Then I will make sure that Faquarl knows exactly who ate his Transfiguration essay last year." She said, before leaving. I slumped into my seat.

"Dammit. Now we really have to be on time for class, or Faquarl will have another reason to kill me." I sulked. Ptolemy patted my shoulder.

"You'll live. We should really get going though. I assume that you still need to get your books for class?" He said as he stood up. I nodded.

"Yup. Queezle dragged me right here after Khaba's class finished. Probably for the best. He didn't take too kindly to me entering class and sweeping around it like I was him. I tried to convince Queezle to change her face into his, but she wouldn't," I said, snickering as he sighed. He said goodbye to his friends, as we left the hall.

"I think that it's probably a miracle that none of the teachers have offed you yet," He continued, even as he let his hand slip into mine. I laughed.

"I dunno…I'm pretty sure that Ramuthra tried to have the Devil's Snare strangle me in first year, and then there was that hippogriff incident with Nouda in third year. And who could forget the thing with the dragons in fifth?" I said, idly swinging our joined hands back and forth as we walked, trying not to smile too much8 as we made our way down to the Hufflepuff dorms. Ptolemy waited in the common room as I ducked into my dorm to grab my textbook for CoMC,9 before returning and grabbing his hand again. I glared at a few staring firsties as we left. At least all the other 'Puffs were used to seeing Ptolemy around enough by now that no one tried to tell him to get out. Thankfully our Prefects were pretty laid back when it came to these sorts of things anyhow.

"I wonder what we'll be going over in class today. Monday was just review after all," Ptol mused as we walked through the hallways towards the first floor classroom that had a door to outside for when Professor Nouda felt like doing a practical class. I shrugged.

"Hell if I know. I just hope that whatever we go over, it doesn't try to take a bite out of me. I had more than enough of things trying to eat me last year." I made a face as he snickered.

"I know, you were always in the infirmary last year thanks to them. You had your own bed reserved for you."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh up my injuries. Let's just go to class already. I can't wait for the weekend..."

I wasn't lying when I said that I couldn't wait for the weekend. If I get one more bite from a chizpurfle, I'm going to go on an exterminating spree.

"Come on Bart, you have to get up. You have detention in an hour," Queezle said, as she pushed me in an attempt to get me to wake up. I rolled over, pulling a pillow over my head.

"Go 'way Queezle. 's too early." I mumbled. She pulled the pillow away.

"If you don't get your ass out of bed in the next five minutes, you're getting an in-bed bath." After hearing that, I was quick to scramble out of my warm bed. She would do it too, and I knew it. It wouldn't be the first time she had, after all.

"I'm up!" I had no wish to get soaked with cold water that morning.

"Good. I'll meet you in the common room so we can go down for breakfast. Your detention is ten to noon, so remember." She smiled sweetly at me before finally leaving the dorm rooms. I groaned and ran a hand through my hair, wincing at the knots in it before sighing. Might as well go shower, before Queezle decided that I'd taken too long.

One shower later and I was following my best friend grudgingly down to the great hall, hair still damp, but pulled back into its normal hair tie.

"Oh stop sulking. It's only for two hours, and Ptolemy will be there with you," my unsympathetic friend said with a roll of her eyes.

"But it's still detention." I huffed, before slinking over to the table and sitting down.

"You should try eating some fruit. I mean, it always helps me in the morning. There's only twenty minutes before you guys have to be at Lovelace's classroom anyway. I wouldn't worry too much about it; you'll probably have to just clean it up, or something boring and generic like that."

"Wh't'v'r." I mumbled around a mouthful of eggs. Queezle sighed. She turned to her own breakfast, starting a conversation with one of the other seventh year girls at our table. As I finished up, I gave a sigh of my own, before standing up and giving her a small jaunty wave.

"See you at lunch then." I left the great hall, stuffing my hands into my pockets. Making my way down to the History of Magic classroom, I had ample time to think to myself.

Detention. Oh how I hated that word. I'd had plenty of them over the years,10 so I wasn't new to them. I still hated getting them though.

I slunk into Professor Lovelace's classroom, slipping into the seat next to Ptolemy, and ignoring the other two as we waited. Lovelace himself finally left his office at the front of the room, glaring at the four of us as he did so.

"You four, are going to spend the next two hours cleaning. By hand and without any magic. Hopefully by the time all of your detentions are up, you'll have learned not to argue or lie to teachers. If you break any of the cleaning equipment that Mr. Simpkin has provided for your use, you will have to replace it." He gave a haughty sniff. "Now get started." And with that, he whirled around dramatically. Silence followed the sound of his office door closing again.

"... Well. We'd better get started I guess." There was our Gryffindor girl, Kitty Jones. Short and stocky as ever, she was already standing up and heading over to the pile of cleaning supplies. Ptolemy followed her, rolling up his sleeves in preparation as well.

"The sooner it's done, the better," he said, picking up a duster as Kitty grabbed a broom. I made a face and leaned back in my chair instead.

"You two have fun with that. I think I'm gonna have a nap instead," I said, putting my hands behind my head as I closed my eyes.

"Ugh, that's just immoral of him! Trying to make us clean up a classroom, as if we were janitors!" I heard Nathaniel mutter from a few seats away. I snorted.

"Lovelace obviously doesn't know how to run a good detention. Hell, he didn't even stick around to properly supervise!" I blew a few loose strands of hair out of my face, looking over at the Slytherin, who was nodding.

"He is a sorry excuse for a teacher. Wonder what hole Uraziel dragged him out of," Nathaniel said, still sitting upright in his seat, with the same perfect posture that every pureblood seemed to have, chin resting lightly on his hand.

"Probably a pretty deep one. I dunno if I can put up with seven more days of this," I said, letting my chair fall forwards again. He huffed.

"It's just insulting that he expects us to clean up his classroom. Honestly, even detention with Simpkin would probably be better than this farce," He continued, rolling his eyes.

"Mmhm. This really is a crap excuse for a detention. Personally, I'd say that Lovelace could use a good prank to show everyone that he's really not teacher material," I said, grinning.11 The sixth year shot me a suspicious look, but turned in his seat to face me, one dark eyebrow raised.

"And just what," he drawled, "kind of prank, do you have in mind?" My grin widened and I scooted forwards, ignoring the disapproving look that I could feel Ptolemy directing towards me.

"Well..."

1

They were still a hideous pink though, except this time it was more magenta-y than neon.

2

I was already dreading the one I had tomorrow. My first two classes with Lovelace after that incident hadn't been fun and I could see that he was itching to make me do some degrading menial task.

3

People (i.e. Queezle) would yell at me if I did that.

4

I mean there was that other thing that happened too. You know what thing. I refuse to admit that I had been hoping for something like that to happen since fourth year.

5

You know. My new boyfriend? Remember how that happened? If not, I could regale you with the story in full excruciating detail later. I of course never had any doubts that this would work out so well for me. I mean, sure he's much more intelligent than me, bound for a bright future. And sure he's from an old pureblood family, high class and all that. And sure, he was becoming more and more good looking with age and all that, drawing a few eyes besides mine. And sure, he might or might not have received a few offers more impressive than mine in the past, and all that. Like I said. No doubts. Whatsoever.

6

I wouldn't know, I had never taken that class myself. Yet.

7

That I was looking down at with pride.

8

I think that I'd give some of the other students a heart attack if I did. They weren't used to me being outwardly happy and would probably force me to go to the infirmary.

9

What was left of it anyways. My cousin's Kneazle had taken offense to it for some reason over the summer and chewed off the cover.

10

With a few of the more memorable ones landing me in the infirmary.

11

Oh, I could hear all the things Queezle would say to such a suggestion now. Mostly reasonable arguments against such an idea, a rounding wallop of various insults against my intellect, and the invocation of past similar attempts on other teachers (or staff members) that had gone awfully wrong. Hey, I said I could hear all the things she would say. I didn't mean that she would be wrong.

So I'm alive as you all can see. Sorry about taking forever to get this updated, please insert whatever excuse you'd like to hear here. Feel free to bother me on tumblr about updating faster if you want.