Chapter 103

May 19, 1871 – Colorado Springs

Andrew crossed the street and walked into the mercantile to pick up some supplies. He was pleased to see Carrie seated behind the counter flipping through a catalogue. He tipped his hat to her, and she smiled, as he made his way to the back of the store. She watched him for a moment, curious as to what Daniel had reacted so strangely to earlier. Andrew was a handsome fellow, but he wasn't anything like Daniel. Daniel had this rugged, cowboy appeal while Andrew was finely shaved and seemed to be straight laced.

"Lovely evening, isn't it?" Andrew asked, as he shelved through some items.

"Yeah. Most evenings are 'round here," she explained. "Colorado's beautiful, but it comes with its problems."

"Problems?" Andrew asked, glancing up from a box of candles.

"Some folks…well, most folks in this town can be awful set in their ways."

"That isn't so bad, is it?"

"Not if ya wanna spend the rest of your life doin' the same old thing and talkin' to the same old people. They don't like new ideas."

"I've heard talk around town about Dr. Quinn and Sully."

"Well, some of what ya hear is true…some of it isn't. Ya know by now they ain't married yet, and they're havin' a baby. Most folks were shocked by it when they found out. I was too, but ya know what? It don't matter. People think they got a right to tell folks how to live and what to do, but they don't. Truth is, ya only live once. Ya gotta do things the way you think ya ought to. If it don't hurt nobody, what's the problem?"

"You seem very passionate about that," Andrew said, raising an eyebrow. Carrie flushed.

"Sorry. I don't know why I'm spoutin' off to you about all this. It ain't like you really wanna know."

"Sure I do. I'm going to be here for a while. I'd like to get a little insight into some of the people I might meet. I'm sure you see just about everyone from town come through this store at least once a day, hmm?" Carrie shrugged.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"You probably know a lot of what goes on."

"Sure. But so does Hank," she smirked, rolling her eyes.

"Hank?" Andrew asked curiously.

"Yeah. Runs the saloon…keeps men away from their wives with whiskey and poker games. He's got a good side to him…he just ain't shown it yet. Most folks do have good sides. Some don't. Some just don't know how to be good." Jake flashed across her mind, and she swallowed hard, rubbing her suddenly sweaty palms against her knees. "You're lucky you don't have to stick around to meet some of those folks."

"Who knows? Maybe I'll be here longer than you think," Andrew suggested. "I plan to stay up through Dr. Quinn's delivery and as long as she needs me before she's ready to return to work. If I'm not needed back home, I may stay on a while longer."

"Ya mean…you'd be competition for her."

"I didn't say that."

"We might not be as proper and smart as you out here, but we're not stupid. Dr. Mike's a great doctor, and she don't need somebody comin' in to take her place." Andrew shook his head.

"I wouldn't dream of taking Dr. Quinn's patients away from her. She's a good woman, and from what I've heard, an excellent physician. My job here is to make sure nothing happens to her so she can continue to practice medicine…or whatever else she may decide to do." Carrie narrowed her eyes.

"You think she'll wanna stay home after she has the babies, don't ya?" She smirked. "Ya don't know her very well then. Believe me, Dr. Cook, she definitely ain't like any other woman I know. She's not gonna let no man take her place."

"Whoa," Andrew said quickly. "You like to jump to conclusions, don't you?" He placed his items on the counter. "Apparently, everyone has to have an ulterior motive. Can't a man come into a store to buy something without having other intentions?"

"Considering most of the men I know...no." Andrew raised an eyebrow.

"Alright then," he said quickly, "I guess I'll pay for these…"

"Two fifty." He handed her the exact amount. "Thanks." She wrapped up his items and handed them over. Andrew started for the doors, but he turned back toward her.

"You know, you should learn to be more trusting. For the record, I don't intend to steal anybody's job. I'm here, because I'm needed. I might stay longer."

"Why?" Andrew tipped his hat to her again.

"I enjoy the view." He turned and walked out of the store, causing her to shake her head, opening the catalog back up. Now she realized why Daniel had been a little apprehensive about the new doctor. Yeah, he was definitely a charmer, but she refused to let him try to charm her. She didn't need him. She didn't need any man, but the one she wanted was more than enough, and she was determined to let him know that as soon as he returned.

As soon as the sun went down, Sully was entering Michaela's room again after having dropped their empty plates off at Grace's after dinner. Michaela was reading one of her medical journals, and Sully smiled, admiring the way she stayed on top of things as a doctor. Most people confined to bed rest would enjoy the convalescence from work, but not Michaela. He loved the way she always had to be doing something. At least reading wasn't stressful.

"Readin' anything interesting?"

"Actually, yes. I'm reading about new techniques to remove intestinal blockages," she explained nonchalantly. "It's really quite remarkable. An incision is made in the—"

"I'll take your word for it," Sully grimaced, making Michaela laugh.

"You know, it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding," Michaela pointed out.

"I'll take my chances. 'Sides, it ain't tomorrow yet." Michaela closed her eyes for a moment.

"I can't believe this is happening, Sully. I can't believe we're finally getting married tomorrow. I'm going to be your wife…" She watched him smile, and she saw the hint of recollection in his eyes. "What?"

"Do you remember…the first time…what you said?" Michaela furrowed her brows, sitting up a little.

"What are you talking about?" she wondered.

"I was layin' there in the teepee, and you were coverin' me…and ya said…in your heart, you're already my wife." Michaela's eyes lit up with remembrance.

"Of course I remember," she breathed. "How could I forget?" She took his hand, pressing his fingertips to her lips. "I remember everything about that day. I wondered if you did…you were in so much pain."

"Ya made it better. Ya had the right touch," he replied. "I remember everything." Michaela felt that familiar tingle bubbling up inside of her, spreading like wildfire to every sensitive spot on her body. "Still feel like readin' about intestinal blockages?" Michaela giggled, and she tossed the journal aside. She scooted over in the bed to make room for Sully to lie. She lay on her side to face him, and he smiled, tracing the features of her face with his fingers. He closed his eyes, memorizing the way she felt against his hand. Her skin was soft and pure, and her eyelashes were delicate, shielding her beautiful eyes. He still remembered every moment of the first time they made love. He remembered the certainty in Michaela's eyes, as she tended to him after he'd been shot. He remembered the fear in her voice when she'd told him that their lives could change at any moment, and they'd have no control. He remembered her crying when she'd told him that she didn't want to let time pass them by. If he'd had it to do all over again, he wouldn't have changed a thing. He had met his soul mate, and he would spend eternity being thankful that Michaela had been brought into his life after he'd lost everything dear to him. She was his new beginning.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Michaela rested her head against his chest, breathing in his scent and feeling his heart beat against her cheek. She heard the familiar whimpers of the wolf pups outside the door, but they sounded so far away. She felt as if she was in her own little world with him, though the rest of the town was winding down just on the outside of their little world. Her heart warmed at the closeness of him. Feeling him in her arms was something she'd missed. He was a part of her, and it wouldn't be long before they could lie like this every night. They could talk into the wee hours of the morning about everything; about nothing. They could make love until dawn and sleep in until noon. Well, maybe not, but they were nice thoughts to have. The idea of being able to make up for lost time and renew passions they'd been longing for was enough to make them both want so much more right now. But, when the little lives inside of Michaela began to squirm again, they both woke to the present and smiled at one another from a breath apart on the bed.

"You should probably check on Johnny," Michaela said quietly. "Find out if he and Mary have made up yet."

"I doubt it," Sully said gently. "Mary hasn't been outta her room, and Johnny's been with Gabby all day." Michaela shook her head.

"Children don't realize how naïve they can be." She shook her head. "I hope they're able to get past this. I know it's not easy to have to share your time with another person. It…it's a lot to get used to."

"The first minute I saw ya, I knew we'd be a part of each other's lives forever."

"You mean…when I was running away from you and being horribly rude?"

"Ya weren't rude. You were stubborn," he reminded her. "I never seen ya be rude to anybody before. You're not that kind've woman. You're kind…you're gentle. Ya do a lot of good for folks…includin' me. You've done a lot for me…for my son…our son." He placed his hands on her belly. "Now you're doin' so much for our babies. I'm so proud of ya, Michaela. I'll be proud to call ya my wife." Michaela smiled, and she caressed his cheek.

"I don't know how we'll keep up with them," she said honestly. Sully nodded.

"When Lily and Hanna, I didn't know how we were ever gonna take care of two kids. But we managed. We did the best we could. We did the same when Johnny came along. We'll give our babies a good life, Michaela. They deserve that."

"Yes they do," Michaela agreed. She looked over at the clock. "You should go check on Johnny. I'm going to try to get a little rest. I need my beauty sleep for tomorrow." Sully smiled.

"You're always beautiful, but ya should rest. It's a big day tomorrow, and I want ya feeling up to…"

"I'll feel fine tomorrow just knowing that I'll be your wife in every sense of the word tomorrow night." She leaned up to meet Sully with a kiss, and she smiled when he pulled away. "I love you."

"Love you too," he answered, not wanting to leave but knowing it'd be best if he let her be so he could talk to their son. A moment later, he turned away and left her to herself and headed down the hall to Johnny's room.

Hearing a soft tap at his door, Johnny looked up from his reading.

"Come in," he called. He smiled when he saw his father. "Hey Pa."

"Everything alright?"

"Sure," Johnny replied. "Why?"

"Well, I couldn't help overhearin' your…argument with Mary today." Johnny looked away.

"I don't understand her, Pa." Sully couldn't help but grin. "What's wrong with her?"

"Ain't nothin' wrong with her, son, but let me give ya some advice. Girls, no matter how old they are, are different than boys. Sometimes they get upset, and we don't know why."

"How do we fix it?" Johnny asked. "I don't want her mad at me no more."

"Why do you think she's mad?" Johnny shrugged.

"Gabby says it's 'cause she's sweet on me." Sully's eyes sparkled with amusement. "What do you think, Pa?"

"What do you think?" Sully asked. Johnny hung his head.

"I dunno. She's my best friend."

"Are you sweet on her?"

"Why does everybody keep askin' me that? We're just kids, Pa."

"Sure, but kids are people too, ya know." Johnny rolled his eyes.

"But Pa, she's six and I'm ten. We're too young." Sully laughed.

"Ya sound like your ma."

"Which one?" Johnny asked. Sully's gaze fell, and a sorrowful sigh escaped his lips. "You mean Dr. Mike, right?" Sully nodded, but Johnny saw the sudden sadness in his father's eyes. "What's the matter, Pa?"

"Nothin'…I was just thinkin' about your real ma…about Abagail." Johnny stared at his father, afraid he'd see him shed a tear. He knew that if his father cried, he might do the same, and he didn't want that. He wanted to be strong, because being strong meant that he didn't have to feel sad about his first mother so much. "Johnny, I know ya love Dr. Mike a lot…I know ya said you're alright when me marryin' her."

"Sure I am," Johnny replied. "She's a good ma."

"She is. I just…wanna be sure ya don't have any questions."

"What kinda questions?"

"I…I don't know. I guess…I thought maybe ya might have somethin' on your mind ya haven't talked to me about. If there is…you can tell me anything, ya know?" Sully's eyes studied his son's, and he saw the boy withdraw for a moment, contemplating his father's words, and when the boy looked back up, an uneasiness teetered in his gaze, and it was obvious that he was nervous. "Johnny?"

"I…I guess…well, will it be the same?"

"Will what be the same?"

"After you and Ma get married. Will things still be the same?" Johnny swallowed hard.

"I s'pose they will," Sully replied. "Except, we'll all be livin' at the new house. We'll be together all the time, and when the babies are born, they'll need a lot of extra attention. But that won't mean we'll love ya any less. Ya understand?"

"Yeah, I understand, Pa." There was a brief pause, and Sully searched his son's features.

"Anything else ya wanna ask me?"

"Well…"

"Yeah?"

"You think…you're sure my first ma would be ok with me havin' a second ma?" Sully thought for a moment, not quite sure of how to answer his child. He wasn't certain how Abagail would feel, but he knew that despite everything, she loved her children and wanted happiness for them.

"I think that if havin' Dr. Mike for a ma makes you happy, that's exactly what she'd want for ya, Johnny." Johnny smiled, relief filling his eyes.

"Thanks Pa." He reached out and wrapped his arms around his father's neck, hugging him tightly.

"If ya ever need to talk…about anything, ya know where to find me." Johnny nodded.

"Thanks Pa. I know."

"Alright. Why don't ya go say good night to your ma? I'm gonna go double check a few things with Robert E. about tomorrow, and then I'll be back."

"Ok." Johnny got up and left the room, walking down to Michaela's. He tapped lightly at the door "Come in," she called. Johnny entered, and Michaela smiled.

"Hello, sweetheart," she said softly.

"I came to say goodnight." Michaela looked at the clock, surprised at how late it was already getting. She'd figured the day would drag on and on, but surprisingly it hadn't. Michaela held her arms out, and Johnny shuffled toward her, cautiously wrapping his arms around her. "Ready for tomorrow, Ma?"

"More than ready," she said with a grin, squeezing him a little. When she pulled back, she placed her hand on his shoulder. "How about you? Are you sure you're ready?"

"We're already a family. We'll just be livin' together all the time now. That's what Pa says."

"You don't know how proud I am to call you my son. I know I'm not your birth mother, but I love you as if you were my own. I hope you understand that by now."

"I do, Ma," Johnny assured her. "I love you too."

A breeze was in the air, but it was a calming one. As the town quieted down to nothing but the chirp of crickets, and the sound of the steam engine pulling out for the final time that afternoon, Sully crouched down at the graves of those he'd lost a lifetime ago. Their carved names were worn by weather, but he could still read them as plain as day. He still remembered the first time he'd visited their graves, seeing the names printed there as if they'd been scorched there by the cruel, unyielding flames that had taken his beautiful wife and precious daughters away from him. He was only grateful his son had been spared, but that didn't make up for the other losses.

"I haven't visited in a while. I've been pretty busy. Michaela's…she's doin' better, but I worry about her. I know she wants to get out of that bed and do everything she's used to doin', but this pregnancy's been hard on her. I blame myself…sometimes I think…if we'd just waited a while longer…but I don't regret it. I only wish it had turned out different. I wish she didn't have to be scared. I wish it was easier on her. But, I guess we gotta take what we're handed, huh? Y'know, things ain't been so bad with the townsfolk. Those who don't accept us…well, they're stayin' clear. We've got lots of support from friends and…and family. I know some folks'll never accept it, but we can't worry about them. They don't matter. Our family matters."

"Didn't expect to see you out here." Sully stood abruptly and turned to face Hank. An immediate anger began to simmer inside of him, and he knew that he should probably just walk away, but his anger at Hank for having probably caused Michaela's collapse at the clinic still lingered in his mind.

"Why wouldn't I be here?"

"Maybe 'cause you're movin' on," Hank replied. "Don't really expect to see a man that's getting married in the mornin' to be sitting here talkin' to the dead."

"Why're you here?" Sully asked.

"Payin' my respects," Hank replied, nodding toward Jake's grave nearby. "He might've been a bastard, but he was my friend once."

"He wasn't anybody's friend." Hank said nothing to that, but when Sully started back toward town, he stopped him.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, ya know?"

"What?"

"The doc…I didn't mean to upset her. That wasn't what happened."

"Then what happened, Hank?"

"What'd she tell ya?"

"She said you apologized for some of the things ya said. She said ya wanted her to realize what we were doin'."

"Then why didn't ya believe her?"

"I did."

"Ya just want somebody to blame. Ya want a reason for what's happenin' to her, 'cause ya love her." Sully raised an eyebrow at Hank's sudden attempt at a heart to heart.

"What would you know?"

"More than ya think," Hank replied. "Comin' close to losin' somebody hurts. Actually losin' 'em…I know…it hurts like Hell. It makes ya want to die too, don't it?" Flashes of that perfect smile flashed across Hank's mind, and he tried desperately to forget about her, but the harder he tried, the more ingrained she became in his memory. Liddie.

"Ya shouldn't have been there."

"Nobody coulda stopped that, could they?"

"Ya didn't have to make her feel like that…she didn't deserve it."

"Ya want me to apologize to you too? You think I don't feel bad 'bout the fact that she passed out in my arms? Ya think I don't feel nothin'?" Hank looked toward Jake's grave. "You believe what ya want." He turned and stalked out of the graveyard, and Sully stared after him for a moment. He didn't know what to think. His head was spinning, remembering the blood and seeing the paleness in Michaela's cheeks. The thought of losing her made him turn back to Abagail's grave.

"I almost lost her, Abby. She was so close to…I don't even wanna know how close. She looked so pale…cold. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what I'm doin' half the time. I wanna do what's best for her, but all I know is that the doctors keep tellin' us. Michaela think she can do anything, and I think she can, but since she's pregnant and there's so much goin' on, she's startin' to realize she can't push herself. She's doin' better, but I'm still worried I'm gonna lose her…lose them."

"You won't lose them." Sully turned as if struck from behind, and he gasped into the blackening night. He saw her shade beside the tree, dressed in a fluttering white dress with a blue shawl. Her black hair had a shine of silver in the moonlight, as her eyes stared mercifully into his.

"Am I dreamin'?"

"That's up to you."

"Why are ya here, Abby? You…"

"You're getting married tomorrow."

"Yeah," he answered, not certain of if he was talking to her or to the wind. "I love her, Abby."

"I know. You knew that when ya met her."

"I can't help the way I feel…"

"I ain't askin' you to. I'm dead, Sully."

"It shouldn't have been you. You didn't deserve it…"

"Bad things happen to good people, Sully. Ya can't let yourself worry about what might happen next."

"I know. I just…I can't stop thinkin'…what if I can't protect them? I couldn't protect you."

"You can protect them. You know your place, Sully. They know theirs. With us…we never really knew. We couldn't talk about it. I couldn't talk about it. I'm sorry I pushed you away."

"Is that why ya came back?"

"I came, because you've told us what's in your heart."

"The children…"

"They love you, Sully. They don't blame you. You're taking care of Johnny, and that's enough. That's all we need. It's time for you to move on." Sully couldn't fight off the tears that burned his eyes. Dream or not, she was so real.

"I loved you. I…I still do." Abby smiled.

"I know. I always knew." When Sully blinked, she was gone, and he didn't know if she'd been there in the first place, but something had healed inside of him; it was something he couldn't explain. He glanced back down at their graves, and if anything, their names had further faded from the headstones. He knew now that his past would no longer get in the way. His life was with Michaela and Johnny and the new babies now. He couldn't keep dragging the past into their lives, because eventually, it would bury all of them. So he knelt down again, placing his hand over the small markings from his daughters' graves and he bowed his head for an instant.

"Goodbye," he whispered. "You'll always be in my heart."