Chapter 110

June 5, 1871 – Colorado Springs

Sunlight filtered into the bedroom, creeping up the walls, as the curtains cast shadows upon the floor and blew gently in the breeze. Michaela woke first, stretching her stiff limbs and finding it hard to move, for she was wrapped in the arms of her husband. It hadn't been the sunlight to wake her, however. The babies had decided that she had slept too long, and had begun kicking up a storm. Now, she was up, and she knew it would be futile to try to get back to sleep.

Knowing that if she moved, she'd wake Sully, she decided to stay in his arms for a few moments longer and wake him up her own way. She snuggled in close, gently rubbing her nose against his. He let out a deep breath, causing her to grin a lopsided grin. She reached up, stroking the stubble on his chin, and she kissed his lips softly. They were dry from sleep, but still soft at the same time.

She watched the way he clenched his jaw, when she touched his chest, her fingertips softly stroking the hard muscle under the sun-tanned skin. She kissed his shoulder, tasting his skin, and she felt him move. Looking at his face again, she saw his eyes beginning to move under their lids. Smiling with delight, Michaela pressed her lips to his again, and then she kissed his forehead, stroking his arm, softly squeezing.

"Mornin'," he whispered, his voice raspy and thick in the morning air.

"Good morning," she grinned, softly stroking up his belly and his chest before letting her hand rest there. His eyes opened, and those cool blue eyes stared back at her with such love, and her heart swelled with more love than she had ever felt. It was an indescribable experience. Waking up every morning and feeling more love for her husband had never felt possible, because she thought her love for him was the strongest it ever could be. But each day, she surprised herself and fell for him all over again, drowning in those beautiful, loving eyes.

They'd been living in their new home for only a few days, but everything was progressing wonderfully. They'd purchased some chickens and a cow from Robert E., and they'd already been delivered out to the homestead. The horses were enjoying having the corral to run around in a couple of times a day. Johnny could explore the land and come up with all kinds of adventures from stories that Sully and Michaela had told him, while Little Wolf sat on the porch in his chair and watched. He longed to join in on the games, but sometimes, Gabby, Mary, and Brian would come out, and while Brian would play with Johnny, the girls would keep Little Wolf company. Mary was his age, and the youngest Cheyenne girl in the village was an infant. The rest were not close to his age, so having someone his size and his age but with different experiences seemed enjoyable for him to talk to. Sometimes, Gabby would wonder off, and she would join the boys' games. Mary sometimes looked jealous of that fact, but she didn't mind sitting with Little Wolf. She liked having a friend her age that didn't mind playing with just her.

Adjusting to living under one roof hadn't been as difficult as Michaela had expected, considering that Sully and Johnny had stayed at the clinic often. This time, however, she and Sully were sharing a room, and though Johnny knew that, there was always the fear that he would walk in on them at an inopportune moment.

Michaela closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against Sully's.

"I wish we could stay here all day," she admitted, knowing full well that they really couldn't. "It's so nice and peaceful here. Nothing to worry about…no patients, no clinic, no construction on the hospital. No Hank." Sully chuckled a little at that. Hank had been in a surprisingly good mood lately, not even making any fuss about the Cheyenne boy that Michaela and Sully were keeping at the homestead. Most days, Rebecca and Marjorie kept the boys company out at the homestead, and Gabby, Brian, and Mary would come along. Unfortunately, Marjorie's visit was soon to be cut short, because she had received a telegram from Boston from the bank. It was urgent business, and that meant that Marjorie had to leave on today's train.

"But it's your first day back," he pointed out, "and we gotta see Marjorie off on the train. The Reverend said yesterday he had somethin' to tell us, but he didn't wanna do it 'til everybody was in town at the train station." Michaela smiled, slowly sitting up in the bed.

"I hope Andrew doesn't feel out of place now that I'm going back to work."

"Only part of the day, Michaela. From what I hear, Andrew's a good doctor." Michaela looked away for a moment, but Sully squeezed her hands. "But everybody I talked to said they couldn't wait to have ya back."

"You're not just making that up, are you?"

"Why would I?"

"I know how people feel about me, Sully. The truth is, we're lucky that we have so much support. But there are so many out there…well, maybe they'd prefer having Andrew as their physician. When I came here, hardly anyone accepted a woman doctor. Now that…everything's happened…maybe they want Andrew to stay."

"How can ya say that? Michaela, there've been folks askin' me every day when you're comin' back to work. They've been askin' me how you're feelin'."

"And I'm certain there are even more people that keep their distance…that stay in the background and watch us, like they'd rather come in contact with the plague." She looked away, hating this feeling. She refused to feel sorry for herself, but she knew that's exactly what she was starting to do. She'd have none of it. "If we were in Boston, I'd have no practice. The truth is, I had patients because I was the only doctor around, and those who needed me came to me. But with Andrew here…"

"Ya think that they'll wanna run us off?"

"Or at least prevent me from getting my job back."

"That ain't gonna happen, Michaela. Ya know it won't. Ya got too many friends in this town who understand. Maybe they don't agree with our choices, but they understand." Michaela pulled herself out of bed and pulled a robe on. She turned toward Sully, her eyes full of skepticism.

"I know that, Sully. But despite the fact that we're married, they aren't going to forget."

"No, but we already talked about this. People are gonna accept it."

"I think that's what we'd like to believe. Maybe some will, but you've heard them. You know how a lot of them feel."

"They ain't us."

"I'm afraid that doesn't matter to them. The truth is that we have our choices, and what we've gone through because of it is relatively easy compared to some women I've seen…"

"What do you mean?" Michaela closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Sully crawled out of the bed and stood with her, holding her hands. When she finally opened her eyes again, she saw that his were full of concern. "Tell me."

"When I first started medical school, there was a fellow student that had been missing a lot of classes, and when she did show up, she was feeling ill. She looked completely run down. The only person she felt she could confide in was me, and she told me that she thought she was pregnant. She was from a wealthy family, but she wasn't married. She said she didn't know what to do, because she'd been turned away from doctors she'd gone to…"

"To get rid of it?" he asked. Michaela nodded.

"Nobody would grant her an abortion. She offered them as much money as she could get her hands on, but they wanted consent of a husband or of a father, because she was still young. She said she didn't know who the father was, because she had been attacked. She'd been raped and nearly killed."

"Her family must've known."

"She hid it, Sully. She stayed away for days recuperating, and when she returned home, she had a story all ready for them. They wouldn't tolerate a pregnancy."

"So what happened?" he asked, seeing the tears in her eyes.

"When the board at the school grew wise, they found more than enough reason to expel her. I tried to keep in touch with her, but I don't know what happened to her after she left. Her family sent her away somewhere, and they wouldn't tell anyone where. They were ashamed, Sully." Sully sighed softly, and he squeezed her hands.

"Why didn't ya tell me this before?" She looked away.

"I don't know. I guess…I just felt as if I failed her."

"But ya couldn't have done anything."

"I was the only one she could talk to, and I couldn't even help her…I didn't know how to."

"Ya did, Michaela. Ya talked to her. I'm sure that meant more to her than anything ya coulda done."

"That's not the point, Sully. She was sent away. Her family was ashamed. I was lucky. I still have the support of two of my sisters. I even had my mother's blessing on her deathbed. I…I have friends here that I wouldn't trade the entire world for, but that doesn't stop the rest of the world."

"Look at ya, Michaela. You're a successful doctor. Ya got plenty of patients. You're a great mother to Johnny, and ya will be to these babies. You got a hospital bein' built that you're gonna run."

"Most of those things come with respect. The only ones that respect me are those close enough to understand. I've known people who were looked down upon but treated with respect. But being shunned by a community you've grown to care about so much?"

"That ain't happenin'…"

"Sully, open your eyes!" Michaela finally exclaimed. "You can't honestly stand there and tell me that everything is fine. Everything is wonderful. In this house, yes, maybe it is, but out there, it's so much different. Nothing I can say or do can change the way they look at me. We might be married, but to them, that doesn't even matter. What matters is what went on before we said our vows."

"But we both felt the same about that, Michaela. We said it didn't matter…that in our hearts we were married."

"And I still feel that way. I wouldn't change a thing. But that won't change them." Sully took a step back. This was Michaela…a woman who had always had the thought that people could change if they really wanted to. What was happening? It was as if they'd completely changed roles. He was the one hoping that things would change for Michaela's sake and for their children's.

"Listen to me, Michaela. Maybe things won't change, but ya know what? If they wanted to get rid of us, they'd have done it already. They might be stayin' away, because they're stubborn and don't wanna look at it different, but the truth is, they need ya. You're their doctor. Andrew ain't gonna stay here forever, and what happens when he's gone? They're gonna have to come to you sooner or later."

"And what about when the hospital's finished? More doctors are going to come, because I'm not going to be able to do everything by myself, as much as I'd like to sometimes. They'll be male doctors. They'll be…"

"Ya can't think about that right now."

"Of course I can, Sully. It's our future, and we have to face the possibility that…" She looked away.

"That what?"

"That…maybe we'll have to start over somewhere else. Like Ruth and Kid Cole." Sully couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You're givin' up? Just like that? That ain't you, Michaela? Whatever happened to lettin' people think what they will? Whatever happened to us doin' what we want and lettin' them think what they will? Huh? Now you're just gonna give in and let 'em run us out?"

"No…I…"

"That's exactly what you're sayin'. You can't give up just like that, Michaela. That ain't like you."

"I don't know anymore, Sully!" Michaela exclaimed. "What if our children grow up and feel the same way as everyone else? What if they resent us for what we've done?"

"Michaela…"

"I can't help but wonder. I can't help but think that someday, when our children are old enough to understand…I wonder if they'll think we did the wrong thing."

"We ain't gonna raise our children like that. Ya know we ain't. We're gonna raise our kids to be strong and happy and understanding. They ain't gonna grow up judgin' people for the things they done." Michaela felt the tears in her eyes.

"I don't want to hurt them, Sully."

"Ya won't. We won't. Our kids are gonna know they're loved. Ya just gotta give it time, Michaela. Everything's been happenin'…ya been under so much stress." Michaela turned away from him, crossing her arms over her belly. She looked down, feeling guilty again. She felt selfish. These two precious lives were more important than anything in the world, and here she was doubting herself again. How could she be like this?

"Sully…I'm…"

"Don't you dare apologize," he insisted, closing the gap and taking her in his arms. "Michaela, I know how hard this has been. Ya think it ain't hard for me to see the way folks stare or hear the things they say when they think we can't hear it? It's hard, Michaela, but what's harder is seein' what it's doin' to you. You're the strongest woman I know, and to see ya like this 'cause of…because of love…that's what got us here. We loved each other more than anything. We were best friends. We still are. We coulda stopped, but we didn't, and we didn't have no regrets."

"I still don't…" Her voice cracked.

"Are ya sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. I just didn't think about the consequences, Sully. I've told you that before."

"Yeah. Yeah, ya have, but the way ya keep bringin' it up…it makes me think maybe ya wish we'd waited. I told ya that night that we—" Michaela shook her head, as Sully pulled away.

"That's not it. I'm confused, Sully!" Sully pulled on his buckskins, and Michaela stared at him incredulously. "Where are you going?"

"I need to think. I need to let ya calm down, 'cause I don't think I'm helpin'"

"You're not walking away from me. Not now!" The tears began to fall, as Sully opened the door, and both froze in surprise. Johnny stood there, his eyes full of fresh tears.

"Stop fightin'! Please!" he cried. When Sully stepped toward him, Johnny turned and rushed out of the house. Sully turned back to Michaela, and her eyes were full of guilt.

"Michaela…I'm…"

"Go after him, Sully. He needs you."

"You…"

"Just go."

"Not without you. He needs his pa and his ma."

They didn't have to go far to find Johnny. He was sitting on the fence rail of the corral, and he was wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands, trying his hardest not to cry. Michaela and Sully walked out together, both feeling terrible about their previous conversation. Michaela felt a little calmer, though she desperately wanted to make things right with Sully and assure their little boy that everything was going to be all right.

As soon as Johnny saw his parents, he started to get up off of the rail, but he decided against it, knowing they'd just find him. Running away had never worked out well for him, and the last time, it had ended in his getting ill and his father getting shot.

"Go away," he insisted, as Michaela and Sully stood on either side of him.

"Sweetheart, we want to talk to you." Michaela placed her hand on his knee. "Will you listen to us?"

"Why? You weren't listenin' to each other. You were fightin'."

"We weren't fightin', Johnny," Sully said quickly.

"Sure sounded like it. You were yellin'."

"We were upset, but we weren't fighting, Johnny. Sometimes we get upset, and that's ok."

"Ya didn't have to yell at each other." Johnny turned to his father. "Ya didn't have to yell at her, Pa. I thought she was s'posed to relax." Sully looked away guiltily. Michaela watched her husband take that hit and withdraw inside of himself for a minute.

"Sweetheart, sometimes grown ups get upset with one another, and…"

"Ya don't have to talk to me like I'm a little kid, ya know? I know you were fightin' about the babies. I know you were fightin' 'cause of what the folks in town've been sayin'." He looked back and forth between his nervous parents. "Ya ain't gonna send them away are ya?"

"What?" Sully asked.

"Of course not!" Michaela exclaimed.

"And we ain't gonna move away?" Michaela's gaze caught Sully's.

"'Course we ain't, son. We don't run away from our problems." His gaze never left Michaela's, and she looked away.

"You wanna leave, don't ya, Ma?" Michaela sighed softly, not sure of how to approach the subject with her son. She knew he knew more than she'd felt comfortable with for a while, but he was growing up, and they couldn't protect them from reality forever.

"Of course I don't want to leave," Michaela assured him.

"Then why did ya say…"

"Johnny, I was upset."

"That's right. Folks say all sorts of things when they're upset…or confused." Michaela nodded, grateful that her husband at least understood. Johnny watched his parents for a moment, and he sniffled.

"You two still love each other?"

"Oh, of course we do, sweetheart," Michaela assured him. "We love one another more than ever, and nothing is going to change that. You don't have to worry. You let us do that."

"But it's not fair. Ya shouldn't have to get upset 'cause of the things people say. Ya told me that before." Michaela looked up at Sully, and she swallowed hard. "I don't want ya mad at each other."

"We aren't mad at each other, Johnny. We just had to talk about somethin', and…"

"You were yellin'. Ya didn't have to yell."

"You're right," Michaela whispered with a nod. She glanced at Sully, knowing that Johnny needed to know that everything was alright. "I'm sorry, Sully."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let it get out of hand."

"I think we both let that happen," Michaela admitted.

"So ya ain't mad at each other?" Sully sighed, helping his son down from the corral fence.

"'Course not." Johnny accepted his father's answer but looked to his mother.

"We're not angry with each other, Johnny. I promise." Johnny smiled a little.

"Good."

"And just remember…just because we may argue sometimes doesn't mean we love each other any less. That'll never change, alright?"

"Ok, Ma," Johnny replied, hugging her and then Sully. "I'm gonna go inside…"

"Why don't you put on your Sunday trousers? I'd like you to look nice when we see Marjorie off today."

"I will, Ma." With that, Johnny turned and hurried inside. Michaela and Sully stood together, both afraid to be the first one to speak. Finally, Michaela stepped forward, taking Sully's hands in hers.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm sorry I said the things I said."

"We both said some things. I'm sorry I doubted ya."

"Maybe you had the right to, Sully," she whispered. "I apologize for making you doubt that I…"

"I know how ya feel about all of it, Michaela. I guess it's just hard thinkin' about what our kids might go through when they get older. The fact that it was our choice…that's what's supposed to matter, but it don't matter to everyone else. I guess I let myself believe that it would all be alright after a while."

"No…it still could be, Sully." She shook her head, leaning against the fence post. "I used to think that if I put my mind to it, I could do anything, so I've always been in that state of mind. Anything's possible if you just put your heart into it. I suppose I've let my guard down…I've let myself feel weak."

"There's nothin' wrong with that, Michaela. We've been tryin' to be so strong…"

"I suppose everyone's entitled to a weak moment." She looked down. "I feel so ashamed, Sully. I sound so…so selfish."

"No ya don't. Ya sound like a mother that's worried about her kids. Before…before it was just you and me and Johnny. Now it's the three of us and two new lives that we gotta protect. We been over this a hundred times, Michaela. We're gonna make it work. I swear to ya. We'll make it work no matter what."

"And if it doesn't?"

"If it doesn't, we'll find another way. Either way, our kids are gonna be happy, and they're gonna be loved." Michaela closed her eyes, and he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her sink into him, reveling in the feel of his arms around her, comforting her. That was something she just couldn't get enough of, and he vowed to himself that he'd hold her forever if he had to.

Town was busier than usual that morning. After dropping her medical bag off at the clinic and asking Grace to watch Little Wolf for a few minutes, Michaela joined Sully and Johnny and headed over to the train station, where Rebecca, Mary, Timothy, and Gabby were waiting with Marjorie.

"Michaela!" Marjorie exclaimed, her eyes lighting up at the sight of her sister. "I was starting to think you weren't going to make it! I only have a few minutes, and I want to hear Timothy's news!" Michaela broke through the crowd and threw her arms around her sister, hugging her close.

"I can't believe you're leaving," Michaela whispered. "You'll be back soon?"

"Of course," Marjorie replied. "I've come to love Colorado Springs and most…well, some of the people in it," she grinned. Michaela laughed a little. "It won't be the same without you here."

"You did just fine without me before."

"I know, but having you here makes things…"

"More interesting?" Marjorie teased. Michaela laughed and hugged her again. She fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. She hadn't had enough time with her sister yet, and she was already going back to Boston.

"Promise you'll write?"

"Once a week," Marjorie promised, "unless I find myself distracted by a handsome gentlemen…then we'll negotiate." Marjorie giggled, squeezing Michaela close. "But I don't see that happening in the near future."

"You never know."

"Yeah," Marjorie nodded. "Besides, I was hoping to visit Mother's grave and tell her that she's about to have two new grandchildren. She'd have loved that."

"I would like to think she would have." Michaela smiled, glancing at Sully, and she took a deep breath. "Well, I don't want to waste another moment." She turned to Timothy. "What's your news, Reverend? We're all eager to know." Timothy's smile widened, and he took Gabby's hand in his. She beamed up at her father, as if she already knew what he was going to say. Perhaps she had, but she hadn't told Johnny, so he glanced at her and then at Mary, who seemed to have withdrawn within herself. She certainly wasn't paying much attention to anything going on around her.

"Well, I'm glad you're all here…I wanted to make the announcement to the entire town, but I figured that…family should know first." Michaela and Sully looked at one another with raised eyebrows. Family? "As of last night, Rebecca and I are engaged to be married."

"Married?!" Marjorie asked, her voice high-pitched and her eyes wide. "Oh, Rebecca!" Marjorie was the first to rush over and grab Rebecca, hugging her in congratulations. Michaela's mouth hung open for a moment before she finally smiled.

"Congratulations!" she exclaimed. "That's wonderful!" She hugged Rebecca and then Timothy.

"Yep. We were wonderin' how long it was gonna take," Sully joked, shaking Timothy's hand.

"When's the wedding?" Marjorie asked. "Because I'm clearing my schedule. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"We haven't set a date yet, but we'll let you know as soon as we do," Rebecca grinned. The train whistle blew, and Marjorie groaned, not wanting to leave yet. "Go on! I'll write to you with all the details. The letter might be waiting for you by the time you get back to Boston! Hurry!" Marjorie gave quick, last minute hugs to everyone before she boarded the train and took a seat, waving as the train pulled out of the station. Everyone waved her goodbye, and then the train was gone. Sully squeezed Michaela's hand, and she turned to him.

"You gonna be alright?"

"Yes," she assured him. "I'm going to miss her though. I'd gotten used to having both of my sisters around." She sighed and swallowed hard.

"She'll be back."

"I know." She smiled, and Sully gave her a little hug. By then, everyone was turning back to face Rebecca and Timothy. "This is wonderful news," Michaela gushed. She grinned at her niece. "Just think, Mary, you're going to have a sister!" Mary flashed a small smile before fixing her eyes on Johnny who was looking at Gabby with a smile on his face. She sighed and dropped her gaze to a spot of dirt on the platform.

"I'd like for you to be my Matron of Honor, Michaela."

"And I was hoping…the past aside, Sully, that you'd be my best man." Sully smiled a little, shaking Timothy's hand.

"I'd be honored."

"We both would," Michaela agreed. As the group headed away from the station, Johnny caught sight of Mary, who was following her mother.

"Hey Mary! Wait!" Mary turned toward him, and she smiled.

"Hey Johnny."

"You didn't look so excited 'bout your ma and the Reverend getting married."

"Oh, I'm happy."

"You sure? Don't ya like Reverend Johnson?"

"Yeah. I do. He's nice, and my mother loves him."

"So why didn't ya look happy?" Mary shrugged.

"I don't know," she said gently. "I guess…I've never had a sister before."

"Oh." Johnny shifted nervously. "Gabby's gonna be your big sister." Mary didn't like the sound of that one bit. All of her friends back in Boston that had had older sisters had said how bossy they were and how mean they could be. The only exception she knew of was her mother being her aunt Michaela's big sister. She didn't want Gabby to be her boss. She didn't want a sister.

"I guess so."

"It won't be so bad. Least you'll have somebody to keep ya company and tell stories with at night. I got Little Wolf, but I don't know for how much longer." Mary shrugged.

"Maybe I'll go live with the Cheyenne."

"I don't know if they got enough room," Johnny replied with a laugh. "But I tried that once. Runnin' away don't work. I know what would though." Mary looked up at him curiously.

"What?"

"Apple pie from Grace's." Mary giggled and nodded. "C'mon. Let's go while it's still fresh." He grabbed Mary's hand, and she blushed, but Johnny didn't notice, and they took off toward Grace's, calling out to their parents to let them know where they'd be.

Soda Springs

"Thank ya kindly, Ma'am." He tipped his hat to one of the saloon girls as he left, whiskey on his breath and Ruth on his mind. He'd stayed away, hoping to give her time to realize he was serious, but he was going back. He was going to make her his again if it killed him.

He found the horse he'd bought off of a man outside of Colorado Springs. It was old but it was sound. As long as it got him back to Colorado Springs, he'd gotten his money's worth.

"You sure you don't want some more company?" the young woman asked, her eyes full of dread and obligation.

"Maybe some other time, darlin'. I got me a wife to get back to."

"Hope she don't know what you've been doin', or you're in for an earful." He winked at her and climbed into his horse's saddle. "I don't rightly think she minds, but I'm gonna prove to her that I still love her."

"Well, good luck," she said apathetically, sauntering back into the saloon, drawing her moth-eaten shawl around her shoulders. Jim nudged his horse into a canter, and he kept his eyes on the road ahead. His fingers gripped the saddle horn tightly, thinking about his plans. He couldn't wait to see her face again. He couldn't wait to hold her in his arms and kiss her and tell her he'd take care of her for the rest of their lives. But he couldn't do that while she was with Kid Cole. He'd been a problem for far too long, and once he was out of the picture, Jim just knew that Ruth would see the truth. She loved him, and she never stopped. She was just confused now was all, but he'd make her see. He'd make her see everything.