It was interesting to hear the blonde's account of events over the past week. Zoro, being the main topic, was familiar with the stories Sanji relayed to the little Companion. But it brought a new light to things, hearing what the cook had been thinking during those times.
He stood back and listened as Sanji rounded up his explanation with their plan after the first meeting he had with the other humans. Chopper hadn't budged an inch at all since the blonde started talking.
Sanji reached out and placed a hand on the Companion's shoulder, shaking him gently. "Chopper?"
Nothing. The deer was still as stone.
Zoro chuffed. "He's in shock."
The cook sighed. "Yes, I can see that. Talk about a deer in the headlights…"
Sanji got up and walked into the kitchen. "Keep an eye on him, would you?"
Zoro glanced back down at the reindeer, watching his ears twitch under his horns.
"I don't think it's helping."
He listened to the sounds of boiling water and pinging mugs emanating from the kitchen. After a few minutes, the blonde was back again. In his hand was a steaming mug of something that smelt sweet. The cook pressed the mug into the reindeer's hooves. To Zoro's surprise, Chopper took it, nose twitching to the scent.
The little deer held the mug close to himself, finally pulling his eyes away from Zoro to inspect the contents of the cup.
Sani waited for Chopper to take a sip. "Did you get any of what I just said?"
The reindeer nodded, then frowned. "That doesn't explain how you got those wounds though…"
Zoro winced, his gut churned and tumbled in his stomach. Retreating back into the tiger room, he buried himself among the sheets of the futon again. He didn't want to relive that story any more than he had done in his sleep, as nightmares insisted on replaying that moment for him through the night.
He sighed, curling himself up so tight that he could barely breathe. The acrid taste of Sanji's blood still lingered on his tongue, no matter how many times he spat and washed it out. Zoro closed his eyes. He hated it. He wanted to forget that moment. If anything, he wanted to return to that moment and stop himself from even lashing out.
Letting out a sharp breath, he turned himself further into the futon, willing his mind to forget. Forget. Forget. But all he could see behind closed lids was vibrant blue piercing through the veil of red. The taste of iron. The shrill yell, that angry and panic-stricken voice that made it to his ears through all the roaring. It was as though the further Zoro plunged into darkness, the more real those images became.
Zoro didn't know how long he had been lying there for. But the gentle clop of hooves entering the room snapped him out of the dark spiral his mind led him down. He raised his head from under the covers and watched a tentative Chopper hesitate as he crossed the white tape.
The deer paused when he caught Zoro watching him. For a moment, he looked ready to bolt out the door. But he clutched his med kit in his arms and pressed on.
"I… I should check on your injuries too," he said with a serious face, but his voice trembled.
"I'm fine," said Zoro. "You should check on that shitty cook first."
"I've finished with Sanji. It's your turn now."
Chopper knelt of the ground and unpacked the med kit. Zoro could see he wasn't getting out of this. Pushing himself out of the futon, he sat crosslegged in front of Chopper.
"Shirt," the deer said, curtly.
Zoro discarded it, watching the same hesitant glance that everyone made play on the reindeer's face once he saw the scar on his chest. Chopper got over it quickly and set about inspecting the scratches on his shoulder.
They said nothing else to each other. Zoro, on the other hand, had to admire Chopper's bravery. He'd already attacked the little Companion once before, but the deer was never swayed from treating him each time. Zoro felt some guilt for that. Chopper had nothing but good intentions, and Zoro had almost bitten his face off for it in their first meeting.
"Can you remember what happened last night?" Chopper's question startled him.
Zoro grumbled, casting his eyes on the floor. "How could I forget?"
Another silence drew out between them. Chopper turned his attention to his med kit, rummaging around for something.
"Can… can you tell me what happened?"
The tiger frowned. "Didn't the shitty cook already tell you?"
"He did. But I want to hear your side of the story."
Chopper gave him an encouraging smile, but he only sneered in return.
"What's there to hear? I freaked out and nearly tore his fucking arm off. There's no two sides to it."
He sulked, glancing away and lashing his tail impatiently. He was doing everything in his power to push those memories away and this tiny asshole wanted him to recall it?
Out of his peripheral, he could see the dejected look on the reindeer's face. Zoro sighed. Maybe he shouldn't have been so blunt about it.
"I don't want to hear about just that," added Chopper. "What happened the whole night?"
Zoro took a deep breath. They were really going to do this, huh?
"The rain was coming," he began, his eyes still drawn to the floor. "We got separated, so I tried to find someplace to take shelter until it finished and I could find the stupid shit-head again."
"The underground club?" Chopper prompted, when Zoro stopped talking.
He shrugged. "I didn't know what it was, but they let me in. I decided to kill time there."
From his peripheral, he could see Chopper eagerly awaiting the rest of his account. Zoro let out a harsh breath.
"You already know how the rest of the story goes," he grumbled. "Why the fuck do I have to tell you the same thing again?"
Chopper shuddered, biting his lower lip as his eyes glazed over. Zoro felt bad, but if the little squirt was going to patronize him just like the rest of the idiots out there, he wasn't going to tolerate it.
"Um," the deer started again. "W-why did you enter the fight?"
Zoro looked at him, keeping his face calm. He watched the reindeer's trembling ears, his watery eyes, the tight grip he had over the med kit box.
"I just wanted to," he answered. And that was the complete truth.
It was a feeling, a fleeting sensation that triggered instinct to act upon it. He wondered if the reindeer understood, wondered if there was some way Chopper had retained some form of that… instinct, that ran so clearly in the tiger's veins.
The look on Chopper's face seemed to relay that he didn't expect the tiger to reply in any other way. Whether or not that meant he understood, Zoro didn't know, and decided to leave it there. But his conscience wouldn't let go of the topic, and his mind flickered up images of Sanji, writhing and bloody in between his jaws.
He snarled. "I wanted to fight. But I didn't want…"
His voice trailed off, unable to bring himself to put images into words. He felt a cloven hoof press gently on the back of his hand, and looked up to see Chopper's eyes glinting up at him. The reindeer nodded. Something about the whole gesture comforted the tiger.
"What... What did he say about last night?" asked Zoro.
Chopper's mouth opened to answer, but the gentle swoosh of the sliding door pulled the attention of both Companions away from the conversation. Sanji waltzed in, balancing three plates in one arm and tray laddened with three mugs in the other. A sweet, doughy smell accompanied the cook, and he gently placed all the items in his arms on the table.
"You made pancakes?" Chopper exclaimed, face lighting up and conversation forgotten.
The cook beamed at him, pushing a plate across the table towards the little Companion.
"More cocoa too," said Sanji, placing a pink mug beside Chopper's plate.
The reindeer squealed, his face splitting into such a wide grin as he happily picked at his food.
Sanji placed a second plate on the far side of the table, along with a green mug, and gestured for Zoro to come eat. Zoro inspected the dark liquid in his mug. It smelt stronger than what Chopper had, and Zoro felt his senses sharpen at the scent of it. When he brought it to his lips, the liquid burned his tongue. It was bitter, but in a good way, and Zoro was sure he could taste alcohol.
He glanced at the blonde, who only gave him a sly smile before turning back to Chopper, who was singing his praises about the pancakes. Zoro ate in silence, listening to their conversation, but he watched the cook out of the corner of his eyes.
After what had happened, he was sure the cook would be scared of him. All the way back from that place, Sanji acted so distant. Zoro would only ever admit this to himself and himself alone, but he was frightened. Sanji seemed to be the only one vying for him, and after biting the literal hand that fed him, the tiger was sure Sanji would take action and make him suffer the consequences.
No Companion could ever harm a human.
But the blonde surprised him yet again. He didn't act any differently. More importantly, he wasn't afraid. Even if he was, he did a good job hiding it. Zoro could feel a dangerous spike of hope igniting in his chest, so he snuffed it out, focusing on his food. The pancakes were too sweet, and rendered his fur sticky, but it finally got rid of the sharp taste of blood from his mouth.
Sanji rinsed out the last of the plates and placed them in the rack among the others, waiting to dry.
"I don't like it," Chopper piped up from where he sat at the island counters.
They'd left the tiger room long ago, but Zoro remained. Sanji left him to sulk. He'd done all he can to reassure the tiger, Zoro would have to get out of his stupor himself now.
"Don't like what?" asked Sanji, drying his hands on a dish cloth and turning to his friend.
Chopper had his arms crossed and wore the fiercest pout the cook had ever seen on his face.
"You lying," he stated, bluntly. "We should tell Law and Robin."
Sanji grimaced. "No, no we can't."
"Why not?"
Sighing, the cook took a quick glance at his hallway. He'd left the door to the tiger room open, so he leaned on the counter, closer to the reindeer.
"Law and Robin," Sanji began, keeping his voice low. "I don't think they're ready for all this yet."
Chopper frown deepened. "What do you mean?"
"I mean…" Sanji stalled, trying to think up an excuse that didn't sound stupid. "How do you think they'd react if they found out I basically broke Zoro out?"
"Angry, for sure!" answered Chopper. "But it's better than just lying to them. What about the project? Don't you think they'd want to know about all this development? And the bite! You got hurt! They'd definitely want to know about that."
"Alright, and what do you think they'd do to Zoro once they find out he attacked me?"
Chopper didn't answer, so Sanji did for him.
"They'll take him away, Chopper. They'll assign him to some other idiot who won't know head or tail of Companions. They'll probably even move him back to Law's lab and lock him up there. He doesn't want that. Believe it or not he's gotten used to being here, and moving him somewhere else, with someone else, will only wreck all the progress I've made with him."
He stopped, watching Chopper's eyes slowly narrow.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Sanji… Are you just keeping all of this from us because you don't want to let go of Zoro?"
He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from bursting in outright denial. That wouldn't help the situation. But as he saw the smile slowly break on Chopper's face, Sanji grumbled and turned away, running a frustrated hand across his hair.
"Listen, Chopper, think about it. Have you seen the tiger behaving this openly with anyone else?"
Chopper glanced away. Sanji could almost see the cogs working in his brain, as he genuinely pondered on what the cook just said.
"Exactly," said Sanji, leaning close to the reindeer again. "I know it's too much to ask, but I'm telling you, it's better if things stay the way they are now. And now that you know, I'm going to have to ask you to help us."
Chopper breathed in and opened his mouth to protest, but Sanji held up a hand in a plea to hear him out.
"It's not like we're planning to keep it a secret forever," he continued. "Law and Robin'll know, eventually. But we've kind of gone at this backwards, and we'll have to work our way to meet them in the middle somewhere."
Concern etched a deep frown on Chopper's face.
"He bit you, Sanji," said the reindeer. "If he was any other Companion, he would've been put down by now. Despite what you think, he's dangerous. He can't stay here with you."
"That was an accident!" Sanji scowled, voice rising. But he quickly bit his tongue when he saw the surprise on the Companion's face. "He didn't mean to, Chopper. It's… it's like he's not himself when he gets in that state."
"What, and you think you can control these 'states'?"
Sanji shook his head. "You don't understand. I'm not looking to control him, I never was. But if you want to look at it that way, then I have a better chance of talking the tiger down than anyone else Law might entrust him to."
Chopper's face was still scrunched in thought. Sanji pleaded to him again.
"Please? This'll be a lot easier with your help. I'm sure Law will ask you to report to him after your check-ups, anyway. So, just play along until we can get the whole situation levelled."
Chopper groaned. "I can maybe dodge Law, but you know I can't lie to Robin."
"I know. But I'm not asking you to lie directly. Just… Don't tell them the truth."
He forced a grin on his face as Chopper gave him a blank stare. With a sigh, the reindeer slipped off his stool and began to collect the med kit he brought with him.
"Just promise me that you'll come see me as soon as anything like this happens again," said the reindeer. "And if it gets worse, I'm telling Law. There's no need for you to die on this project."
Sanji sighed in relief and ruffled the Chopper's muzzle.
"Thanks, buddy. You're the best," he said.
Chopper bristled and batted at Sanji's hand away. But his cheeks flushed pink.
"D-don't distract me with compliments, asshole!" He scurried to the door. "I'll keep my mouth shut for now. But if anything goes awry, I can't keep my promise."
Sanji nodded. "That's all I need."
He beamed confidently at the little Companion, but the confidence wasn't mirrored on reindeer's face. Chopper took one last, concerned look at the tiger room, before bidding goodbye.
After seeing him out, Sanji took a deep breath and rested his forhead against the cool surface of his door. For now, at least, it looked like they avoided getting found out yet again. But Sanji could sense his luck was wearing thin. He glanced down at the bandage on his arm.
I suppose I should be thankful for the little miracles, he thought to himself, flexing his hand. It still hurt, but he was glad Chopper was able mend him. He realized he didn't even thank the little doctor properly yet. He owed Chopper big time for this.
When he turned back to the living room, he startled at the sight of Zoro stood by the couch, watching him.
"Jesus," cursed Sanji, holding a hand to his chest. For someone so big, the tiger couldn't half sneak around. He cleared his throat. "You okay?"
Zoro didn't answer, his eyes darted over to the door. Feeling awkward just standing there, shunned, Sanji returned to the kitchen space and busied himself with putting the clean dishes away.
"How's your arm?" asked Zoro.
Sanji glanced up to find the tiger had followed him into the kitchen, amber eyes glued to his fresh bandages.
"It's fine," answered the cook, holding up his right arm as proof. "No real harm done. Your bite's not as bad as your bark, Marimo."
He laughed, but it soon died after seeing the pained expression on the tiger's face. Okay, not funny then.
"It really is okay," he insisted, closing and relaxing his hand to the tiger just prove his point. "And I managed to convince Chopper to keep everything he's learnt to himself, so we're in the clear for now."
Sanji expected some sort of relief to appear on the tiger's face, but Zoro still looked uneasy. His ears pressed back against his head, tail twitching, and his eyes kept lingering on Sanji's arm. He could sense the apology stuck on the tip of Zoro's tongue, but he didn't know what else to say or do to ease the tiger's conscience.
"This has happened before…" said Zoro, just as Sanji turned back to do the dishes.
The cook stilled, turning to face Zoro slowly. As though any sudden moves would break this sudden spell of openness that Zoro was showing.
Amber eyes roved up hesitantly to meet the blonde's, but they never met contact for more than a moment.
"Back when I was with Vegapunk," the tiger added. "I... I went beserk a lot… They had a more hands on approach of trying to subdue me, but as you can probably guess, that resulted in more casualties."
Zoro trailed off. His ears were completely flat against his head now, fur bristled as he fidgeted on the spot.
"What happened?" Sanji prompted, gently.
He waited as the silence drew out. Inside, he was dying to know. Some sick sense of curiosity wanted to know what Zoro did that he was so afraid to recall. But he waited.
Zoro took a deep breath, unable to look Sanji in the eye.
"He was one of Vegapunk's lab assistants," said Zoro. "That day I went beserk… I… He tried to get me back under control. They all had these rods with metal wires on the end. He got too close. I tore a hole through his neck."
Sanji's eyes widened. A chill ran down his spine, sending his skin to goose bumps and freezing him on the spot. Awe and fear battled in his gut. He felt elated that Zoro was finally peeling off a layer and sharing his past, but at the same time, the story unnerved and shocked him, and he tried so hard to keep all these emotions from surfacing so Zoro could continue.
"Nobody went near me after that. They locked me up, kept me deep underground. I knew they wanted to get rid of me, I could hear them whispering it to each other. But Vegapunk kept me alive for some reason."
Zoro's fur bristled more, and a growl rumbled in his chest.
"And I was supposed to be grateful for that?" he scowled. "Grateful for being locked away? Grateful for being shunned and treated like a monster? Why the fuck did he keep me alive? Once should've been enough! They were right. They should've offed me a long time ago. Did they really think I wouldn't kill again?"
"They made me this way!" Zoro's eyes turned to Sanji now, flickering like a raging fire. "Why the fuck would they let me live and lock me up if they knew I was a monster? They must've known. They made me!"
His breath drew out harshly through flared nostrils, chest rising and falling eratically, fangs gritted.
"Zoro…" Sanji hesitated, not really sure where to begin but knowing he had to get the tiger to calm down.
"You're not a monster. When, you go beserk, it's not you. You remember what you were like with Tajio's kids, right? That's you."
Zoro closed his eyes and shook his head. Sanji could tell he was trying hard to control his breathing.
"No, you're wrong," he replied. "The way I was with the kids… and the way I was in that ring… There's no difference. You make it sound like I loose myself when I go beserk. That's worst part, I don't."
His eyes opened slowly, and Sanji's heart sank when he saw genuine fear in those amber orbs.
"I'm fully aware of my actions during that state," said Zoro, his voice low and solemn, defeated. "I know exactly what I'm doing. But I can't stop it…"
Sanji didn't know what he was doing, as he crossed the small gap between them and reached his hand out. Every fibre in his being screamed at him to stay away, don't get too close, Zoro would only lash out again. But those voices were thoroughly ignored by something greater, fuelled by the fact Zoro didn't pull away or attempt to scare the cook away.
He grasped Zoro by his arms, feeling his muscles tense under his touch, and stared him right in those fiery eyes. Zoro didn't react. Sanji knew this was important right now. That Zoro had this contact, above all else. It was important that Zoro knew Sanji was not afraid of him.
"Alright," he began. "If that's how it is, then control it."
Zoro frowned.
Sanji pressed on. "If you say that you're as much yourself when you go all red-eyed and feral, then there has to be a way you can control it. If you think Vegapunk really made you that way on purpose, then control it. Make it yours."
Zoro's features began to straighten, his ears slowly turned towards the cook, but the worry still lingered on his face.
"If you don't want to harm anyone else, then let me be the last one you did."
"H-how? I don't know how…"
Sanji's features softened. "I'll help you. That's what I'm here for."
And at last, the tension that rendered the tiger's body so rigid, left Zoro. Sanji felt it drain away from the muscles on his arms. His breathing evened out, and Sanji watched, with fascination, as the slitted pupils relaxed and dilated.
Sanji smiled, pulling away from Zoro after realizing how long he'd been holding onto his arms for. Suddenly aware that he was so close he could feel the tiger's warmth rolling off his body.
He cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets, flustered by the fact that they still tingled with the feel of Zoro's fur under his palms and between his fingers.
"Then that's our next plan," he blurted out. "We get that state of yours under control, and your pretty much good as gold."
"Where do we start?" asked Zoro.
Sanji was encouraged to find the tiger with a determined look on his face. He'd done a complete turn around from desperately frustrated to calm and collected, now that the cook had given him a clear direction to go in. Excitement bubbled in his chest, as he felt the ground level between them again.