Adrift and Apart

by Kadi
Rated: T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. These are just my favorite toys. I promise to return them when finished.

Chapter 5 - Time Marches On (Reloaded and Return to Sender Part 1)

He waited until the others left or were otherwise distracted. Only then did Andy venture into the Chief's office. Well, Sharon's office now, he supposed. That was going to take some getting used to. He still hadn't wrapped his head around the fact that the Chief was gone, and now he was supposed to get used to the idea that Sharon was his boss? That was a mind bender if ever he had encountered one.

There had always been a thought in the back of his head. Small, one he rarely let himself listen to. It told him that someday she would leave Internal Affairs. Or he would retire. Someday the thing that was keeping them apart would be gone, and maybe he would ask her out, and this time she would accept. They would try again, and whatever happened, however it turned out, it would be a real chance.

When he thought about her leaving FID, it wasn't like this. He never imagined that she would be sliding into a role in Major Crimes or that he would be reporting to her. Hell, instead of getting smaller, he wondered if that line between them had just gotten a lot bigger.

Andy looked around the office as he stepped inside. There were boxes on the chairs in front of the desk, another on the desk itself. Her things had finally been delivered from the fifth floor. He watched her for a moment, as she moved around the office, putting things in their place and arranging them how she liked. His gaze drifted, for just a moment, beyond the glass windows that lined her office. The kid was still slumped in a chair, sulking and unhappy.

When asked about it earlier, Sharon said she would deal with Rusty Beck. Andy wasn't sure what she had in mind, but that sarcastic little runt was still hanging around the Murder Room. He decided to let her deal with it. Sharon obviously had something in mind for the kid.

Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and moved closer to her desk. His brows drew together in a frown. He sighed. He watched her lift a framed certificate to hang on the wall. Andy walked over and lifted it out of her hand. He affixed it on the nail that was already in place and straightened it. "You couldn't warn me," he asked quietly.

"I didn't have a lot of warning myself," Sharon replied in kind. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry. I know you're upset about it." They all were. None of them were particularly fond of her. Then there was Andy. He was different. They were different, but even he was having a problem dealing with her transfer.

"I'm not upset." He stepped back, moved to lean against the credenza behind her desk. "I'm pissed as hell. Dammit, Sharon…" He ran a hand over his hair. They had gotten back on friendly terms, more or less, after the Gail Meyers case. They had accepted what they couldn't have, and figured they would take what they could get. If that meant working together sometimes, while she was helping out with the lawsuit, then so be it. They made the best of it. They also figured out that they kind of did okay at it. But this was different.

She smiled, just a bit sadly at him. "It isn't that difficult Andy." Sharon walked over and took another frame out of a box. "I'm your boss. The rest is just… it's in the past." She shrugged at him. It was the only way that this would work. "I know it may be awkward at first, but we're both adults. We've been doing this a long time, and I think by now we should be well equipped with being able to conduct ourselves in a manner that—"

"Yeah okay." Andy cut her off before she could go on. She was getting dangerously close to spouting the rules. Not, of course, that there was any rule against them being together. They were both just old school. Somethings you didn't do. Some lines you didn't cross.

Even if they were willing to try it, there was a lot more at stake now. If it didn't work, and history told them that there was a chance that it wouldn't, they couldn't just retreat to their own divisions to lick their wounds in solitude. Not this time. This time their relationship would end up being front and center, their triumphs or their failures would be on display for the entire team. That wasn't something that Andy thought he could handle. Still, looking at her every day, being near her, and watching that line get wider and wider… he wasn't so sure about that either.

Sharon held the frame in her hand while she studied him. She sighed. "Andy, I'm not going to apologize to you for taking a great opportunity when it presented itself. I know you're unhappy with it. I know that all of you are unhappy with this transfer, but it is what it is. I'm going to make the best of it, and I expect the rest of you to do the same."

She was getting close to the end of her patience. Andy grinned. She wasn't easy to rile, but when she got there… well, it was a bit amusing to watch. Even when it was turned on him. He supposed she was already riled enough, thanks to his partner. Provenza was being pretty vocal about his displeasure. Andy shook his head. "Is that your official response, Captain?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "It is. Take it or leave it, Lieutenant."

"I won't tell you what I'd like to do." He clasped his hand against his lap and studied her. "Okay fine. You can be the boss. Just don't expect me to always play nice."

"Thank you." Her nose wrinkled. "Your permission means so much." Sharon turned and hung the second frame, this one beneath the first. "I never expect you to play nice, Andy. It's just not in your makeup."

"Hey, I can be a nice guy." He pointed a finger at her. "I can be so nice it'll make your head spin."

"Really?" Her brows lifted. "Well, I do look forward to seeing that."

There was just too much amusement in her gaze. Too much triumph. Andy swore quietly. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I walked right into that, didn't I?"

"You did." She laughed as she crossed the room to begin sorting through another box. "I'm sorry, Andy, really. I'd have warned you if I could. Right now, though, I don't have a lot of time to discuss it. I want to get this all put away, and then I have to get our young Mr. Beck settled at home."

His brows climbed toward his hairline. Andy straightened. "You're taking him home with you?" He glanced toward where the kid was sulking. "Is that a good idea?"

"It's temporary." Sharon shrugged. "DCFS is having a hard time finding a placement for him, and he's a bit of a flight risk. I'll take him home with me, perhaps get his cooperation, maybe even his trust, and then when DCFS goes to place in a more permanent home, maybe he will be willing to stay there."

"Yeah, but Sharon…" Andy shook his head. "You don't know anything about this kid. He could be dangerous. He was living on the street for months. Hell, you could be stuck with him for weeks."

"I could." She smiled. "He's a child, Andy. Just a scared, frightened little boy. He needs someone to believe in him. He needs to be able to trust at least one person. He doesn't trust the police, he doesn't trust his social worker. He's right, the only thing we want from him right now is his testimony against Phillip Stroh. Other than that, no one really seems to care what happens to him. That isn't a situation that I am willing to allow to continue. Rusty needs to feel safe. If nothing else, I can provide him with that… even for a short time."

"You're something else. You know that?" Andy straightened and pushed away from the credenza. "Just do me a favor, watch your back with him. There's still a lot we don't know about this kid."

She rolled her eyes at the implication, but nodded. "I can do that." Sharon sorted through the box in front of her. "Now then, I believe you have a report to finish, Lieutenant."

"Oh my god." He grunted. "You're going to be one of those bosses aren't you?" He made a face at her and walked toward the door. "Just for that, you're on your own with Provenza."

She snorted a little laugh. "Oh, like you were going to be able to contain him anyway." She slanted an amused look at him. "I can handle Lieutenant Provenza. I would recommend that you keep your head in your own game, Lieutenant."

He grumbled at her. When he reached the door, his hand rested against the knob for a moment. Andy glanced back. "Oh hey, about Sykes…" He smirked. "You didn't have to be so desperate. There was already someone here who likes you."

"Oh?" Her brows lifted. Sharon's eyes lit and sparkled happily. A smile curved her lips. "You couldn't tell me before?"

"Well…" He shrugged. "I thought it went kind of without saying. You know…" His dark eyes glittered playfully. "Buzz likes everyone." Andy winked at her and stepped out of her office, the sound of her laughter echoed behind him. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, this transfer. It just wouldn't be easy.

MCMCMC

As it turned out, it was the farthest thing from easy. In those first weeks after Sharon's transfer, there were moments when Andy wanted to throw in the towel. Moments when he wanted to turn in his transfer papers and get the hell away from Sharon and her rules. There were times when she wanted to shake him. Days when she just wanted to wrap her hands around his arms and give him a good, hard, shove.

No, it wasn't easy. They had to find their rhythm. They stumbled over each other a few times, but when it finally came, it came on strong. They worked well together. He could finish her thoughts as easily as she could finish his sentences, and knowing each other as well as they did leant itself toward being able to communicate silently. Just a glance, the meeting of their eyes, and they could say a lot, without saying anything at all. He could read her, and she him.

She still worried about him, she still cared about him. Those were emotions that flowed both ways. Somehow, with the passing months, they found their way toward becoming friends. That was something that neither of them previously thought possible. There was still a line separating them, but they found a way to stand on it, if not cross it completely.

Sharon told herself that going with Andy to his daughter's wedding was something that she would do for any friend. If she happened to enjoy the way that he held her when they danced that evening, then she kept those thoughts to herself.

Andy convinced himself that wanting to throttle Jack when he showed back up in town had little to do without how he felt about Sharon, and everything to do with the fact that the guy was a loud mouth and a loser. Andy didn't feel too bad when he took off again, and if he stayed a little closer to Sharon than usual in those weeks following Jack's departure, well, he told himself it was about the sadness he saw in her eyes. She was his friend, and it was his job to make her feel better.

Rusty's letters threw all of their lives into turmoil. Suddenly there was a very real threat looming over the kid's head. Sharon's too, although she spent all of her time worried about her foster son. There was another line that was blurring, Andy had watched for months as it disappeared. She had gotten attached to that kid, and he was pretty sure it went both ways, but Andy knew she absolutely loved that boy. She wouldn't be able to stand it if anything happened to Rusty. Andy promised himself that he wouldn't let it come to that, and if keeping an extra eye on Rusty meant keeping an extra eye on Sharon, he was okay with that too.

For Sharon, life became about protecting Rusty. Keeping Rusty safe. Taking care of Rusty. She thought of little else during the day, and thoughts of his safety kept her up at night. Moments with Andy were a respite. They were few and far between, she wasn't comfortable leaving Rusty alone for too long, even with his protection detail, but it was good to get away. A quiet meal, an adult conversation. He could still make her laugh. That was something that she desperately needed in those dark days that they spent looking for Rusty's stalker.

She needed a friend, and Andy became that for her. He was there when she needed him, solid and strong, and she began to count on it. She began to look to him when her doubt and her fear became too much, and she never had to question that he would be there.

The line that they were standing on was starting to chip away, slowly, and just a piece at a time, but it was disappearing.

MCMCMC

She almost lost him. She went against every instinct that she had, and gave in to the plan to put Rusty back on the street as bait for their letter writer. She almost lost him in the process. Ignoring her instincts, that was not a mistake that she would ever make again.

Sharon stepped into the hall, her eyes followed Rusty as he left, flanked by Lieutenant Provenza and Detective Sanchez. Her jaw clenched tightly, she took thin, measured breaths through her nose. Packing his bag and sending him away was the hardest thing that she had done in recent memory. He looked back when they reached the elevator and Sharon smiled. She lifted her hand and waved. If it was trembling, she hoped that he didn't notice.

The officers that were guarding her condo went with them. Rusty's protection would follow him to the Lieutenant's house. Sharon had no need of them, she was armed. She didn't really believe that Wade Weller would risk circling back to the condo anyway. She wasn't willing to risk Rusty on that belief, however, which was why she had given in to Chief Taylor's demands. That and keeping him. Had she not agreed to allowing him to stay with the Lieutenant, the Chief was more than willing to send him away.

There was a part of Sharon that wondered if that would be best for him. He could get away from all of the bitter and bad memories of his life in Los Angeles. The boarding school in Portland was a top facility. He would get the best education, tuition assistance… the offer was still on the table. Sharon wanted him to have only the very best in life, but she also wanted him close. In Portland she wouldn't know if he was safe. She wouldn't see him again. It was a one way trip, and not until the Trial was over would she see him again. Her boy. Her son.

Maybe it was selfish, holding onto him as tightly as she was. She just couldn't seem to let him go. Rusty didn't want to go either. Sharon held on to that too.

Her smile felt frozen as she watched him step into the elevator with the others. Sharon waited until the doors closed again before she turned. She stepped into her apartment and pushed the door closed behind her. She leaned back against it and took a shuddering, painful breath. Her stomach twisted painfully. Her throat closed with a keen, terrible ache. She held on to the door frame with one hand, gripped it tightly when she felt as though her knees were going to buckle beneath her.

A knock at the door made her jump. Sharon twisted around, ignored the tears that were already sliding down her cheeks. "Rusty." He could not have already given his security the slip. Surely Detective Sanchez had not let him out of his sight. She struggled to get the door open again. Sharon stumbled a bit as she pulled it open, only to realize that it was not Rusty at all.

Andy was only waiting for Provenza to tell him that they had the kid in hand before he came upstairs. His Partner didn't know that he was there, and that was how he liked it. He expected that she would be upset with Rusty's leaving, on top of everything that happened that day. God only knew that she had managed to scare the hell out of him that afternoon. Andy always knew that when it came down to it, Sharon would put herself between Rusty and danger and not give it a second thought. He had just always hoped it would never come to that.

He had seen her after the incident, but it was hurried, and there was too much to do. He had to satisfy himself with laying eyes on her. Now, with the day's end, he could move beyond that. He could assure himself that she was okay, and maybe, he could hold her together a bit. Just as she had once held him together.

His arm slipped around her waist as he stepped forward, into the condo. Andy took the door out of her hand and as they moved beyond it, he pushed it closed behind him. He flipped the deadbolt, because despite their being armed, he would not take any chances with her life.

Andy felt the tremor that ran through her. His gaze lowered, he looked into her moist, tear-filled eyes. He saw her pain, her fear. His hand moved into her hair to grip the back of her head. Andy drew her close. His lips settled against her temple. "I know," he whispered. "It's okay."

Her hands curled into the lapels of his jacket. Sharon pressed her face into his neck. She drew a ragged breath and ached with it. Her teeth bit into her bottom lip. She moaned quietly. The pressure inside of her was building to the point of pain. "Andy." Sharon shook her head, the words wouldn't come. It was all simply too much.

He hummed quietly. Andy let his hands slide up and down her back. When she shuddered against him, he lifted her. He walked around toward her sofa and lowered both of them on to it. He sat sideways and leaned back, his arms and legs wrapped around her as she curled against him. It was pain and it was fear, and she could handle a lot, but she had to feel this if she was going to be any good at all to Rusty. She had to feel it, if she was going to put it aside enough to capture the son of a bitch that was threatening her kid.

Feeling it was the hard part.

His hands stroked her back. They stroked her arms. His fingers combed through her hair. His lips moved against her temple, and against the dampness of her cheeks. They brushed the corner of her mouth, and then over the trembling curve of her lips. He kissed the tip of her nose and the top of her head. Andy didn't let her go, he held her while the force of her fear and her pain swept over her.

This was not just a bad case. It was not only a close call. It was her child. Her son. The boy that was as much a part of her heart as the children that she had given birth to. She had feared for his safety, she still feared for it, and she had almost lost him. She had scared the hell out of him by taking on the threat by herself, and he assuaged that ache by feeling her against him, warm and safe, and alive.

She sniffled quietly. Her tears had stopped. It was easy to feel safe, to feel cared for, with him holding her. She never had any doubt that it felt good to be held by him. It was everything else in their lives that seemed to make things difficult for them. Sharon exhaled quietly. What they had, this bond that kept drawing them together, she didn't understand it. She only knew that he was beside her, every day. He was there when she needed him. He was with her now. Need him she did.

"Andy."

The whisper of his name, it was barely audible, but the low, emotion filled inflection tugged at his heart. She shifted against him, let her arm slide around his middle. Her head lifted and he looked into her eyes. They were dark, still pained, but there was an underlying need burning in them. His hand cupped her cheek. His thumb stroked the familiar curve of her bottom lip.

The line between them disappeared just a little bit more.

He drew her to him, let his lips move against hers as he rumbled quietly, "It's only tonight." He could give her something else to hold on to in the darkness of this night. "Just tonight, Sharon."

Another tremor moved through her. Her eyes filled again. He was always there when she needed him. She only wished that she could have him. Perhaps she could. Maybe one day they would be ready. It was not today. It was not tonight. Tonight there was pain and doubt, there was fear and anger. Hope seemed so very far away. She should be stronger, she knew, but she had been strong for a very long time. She needed more than strength, and he was here. He was solid, warm, and in him there was strength.

Sharon swallowed hard. She nodded once. She tipped her face closer to his. "Just tonight," She whispered. She knew that she would take what he could offer, she would pull it around herself like a blanket, and leave the rest of the world lost to the cold.

He sat up with her as their lips met again. It was a slow kiss, lingering, and almost sweet, save for the salt of her tears. He set her away from him as he rose. Then he offered her his hand. If this was the only way that he could love her, then it was what he would do. Andy drew her up and she moved easily into his side when his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

He would love her tonight, and then he would let her go again. It's what she needed from him. Some might question his sanity. Hell, sometimes he questioned his sanity. He couldn't walk away from her. He would stand beside her in any way that she would allow, even if that meant he was just her trusty, right hand man. It only reminded him of the old verse Love is patient, love is kind. No, Andy thought… it was waiting. It was an ache. It was hope. It was standing vigil and being ready.

It was kissing away her tears as he tugged at her clothes. It was in the tremble of her hands as they worked open the buttons of his shirt. The quiet sighs and low moans, and the sound of his name on her lips as they moved together on the bed. It was in the way the low light from the lamp shined in her hair as he swept it back from her face and her neck, and the gleam of her eyes as she looked down at him from where she sat astride his lap.

He took his time with her. He loved her slowly and in the best way that he knew how. He couldn't promise her his heart. She wasn't ready to accept it. What he did promise her, in the darkest hours of the night, as they lay in a tangle of arms and legs, words punctuated with slow kisses and quiet sighs, was that he would always be there for her. Even at the expense of himself.

Love was waiting. Love was hope. Someday she would be ready. They would try again. This time, they would get it right.