Adrift and Apart

by Kadi
Rated: T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. These are just my favorite toys. I promise to return them when finished.

Chapter 6 - Why Can't This Be Love? (Acting Out and Internal Affairs)

She didn't want to talk about it. Those were the words out of Sharon's mouth when he dropped her off after the ballet. Not yet, she told him. She needed to think, she needed to process everything that Rusty and Nicole pointed out to them.

Andy hadn't really thought about it in those terms either, but hearing Rusty point out all the time that they spent together, all the places that they went, and all of the things that they did… just the two of them, well, he had to admit… it sounded a hell of a lot like dating. It sounded a hell of a lot like the dates that they used to go on, a few years ago, when they were actually dating.

They were friends. Very good friends, with a complicated history that they couldn't turn their backs on, and a bond that still drew them together from time to time. But friends, yes, they had become friends and he would always be there for her in that way.

He waited three days for her to decide to speak to him again. Three very hard, very impatient days. She asked him to breakfast at their favorite little roadside place. It was a cafe that had been around for practically forever. Andy had his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee when she dropped into the booth in front of him. He had gotten there early, unable to sleep and unable to wait, he sat drinking coffee while he waited for her to join him.

"We are not dating."

Those were words out of her mouth as she joined him. Sharon stared at him. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and she sighed. The only problem was, they were. She just hadn't realized it, or if she had, she ignored it. Dammit, she had dated him before, and it didn't feel like this. It was wild and passionate, and they had argued, and made up, and then it was over… and yet, here they sat.

It was so entirely different, their relationship now. They still argued. He still infuriated her. Just as she annoyed him. But they talked it out and they made up, and they were still there for each other when needed. Her tongue swept out, moistening her lips. Sharon remained silent while the waitress came and placed a cup of coffee in front of her. They were regulars here.

"Then what are we?" Andy held her gaze. "Because you can't just say that we're friends. Unless you want to qualify us as friends that just happen to fall into bed whenever we can't handle what the world is throwing at us."

Her eyes widened. They had an agreement. Those incidents had never happened, except that they had, and they both remembered it. She wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and sighed. "What are you suggesting then? That we pick up where we left off? Andy, we can't do that. The reasons that we broke up still exist."

"No, actually, they don't." He leaned forward. One of his hands slid across the table to curl around her wrist. "You're not FID anymore. If you're worried about being my boss, then I'll transfer."

"I'm not going to let you transfer." Sharon looked down. She studied the contents of her cup and took a deep breath. "At least…" She exhaled quietly. Her lips felt slightly numb. She turned the cup in her hands. "Not unless this gets in the way of how we do our jobs." Sharon looked up at him through her lashes, managed a small shrug. "We've managed it this long… that is, if Rusty's theory is correct."

"Always knew he was a smart kid." His hand slid down to hold hers. "So what you're saying is…"

She turned her hand over in his. "Everyone seems to think we're already dating. I've been thinking back, looking at it from their point of view. There's a reason your partner gets so frustrated with you when I'm around. There's something about the way that the others smile at us, when we're too wrapped up in the moment to notice, and yes… there's also everything that Rusty pointed out. I suppose I never really thought about how our relationship would look to others, and maybe this is my fault. Maybe I was foolish to think that I could have all of those parts of you without offering something of myself in return. I think… I was just being selfish."

"You weren't ready." Andy shrugged at her. "There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not really sure you were ready a few years ago. I don't think I was either. I can admit that I'm enough of an idiot that I had to know what it felt like to lose you to be able to appreciate what I had."

"Andy." She moved from her seat, only to slide into the booth beside him. "You didn't lose me, I was always here." He could be right, though. She wasn't ready for the firestorm of emotion that being with him produced. Things had changed, however. They had changed. Together and apart, they were both stronger. "I will always be here, however you need me."

He reached for her hand again, let their fingers twine together. Andy looked down at her. "Yeah." They hadn't really been apart. It was just a matter of recognizing it. "Now I need you to let me love you," he said quietly.

Sharon drew her bottom lip between her teeth. She looked up at him. Her heart fluttered. She recognized the emotion burning in his eyes, realized she had been seeing it all along. It was always there, always shining back at her. She only had to accept it. Air left her lungs in a rush that left her feeling dizzy. She cupped his cheek as she leaned in to him. "Yes," she whispered. She needed him. She wanted him. Finally, she felt like she could have him.

He tipped her chin up, their lips touched, briefly, in hardly a kiss and barely a caress. He was mindful of their surroundings. His nose brushed at her cheek, nuzzled gently. He felt his heart swell. It was hope, and light, and warmth. "Sharon…" His lips moved across her cheek. Her answering hum made him smile.

Her eye remained closed. She curled a hand around his wrist and leaned into his side. "I know," she said, just a bit breathy. She loved him. She had fallen once, and now she felt free to allow herself to feel it. She hummed again and turned her face into his shoulder. "No one can know." Sharon lifted her head when she realized how that might sound. "I mean, I want to be sure… I am sure, of course I'm sure, but you and I are complicated, and there are so many factors to take into consideration, and…" She groaned. Sharon leaned forward against the table and covered her face with her hands. She was really terrible at this.

Andy laughed. It was a low, rumbling sound that vibrated through him. His arm curled around her waist. He leaned forward beside her and let his lips touch the side of her head. "I get it. You're my boss. That complicates it. You have to report it, but we don't have to tell anyone else. You know, it doesn't bother me. I kind of like the idea of having you all to myself. At least for a while. Besides, like you said, everyone already thinks they know what is going on."

She offered a relieved smile. She was thankful, not for the first time, that he knew her so well. Perhaps that was what was missing the first time. They hadn't really known each other very well. "Rusty will need to know," she pointed out. "I have no problem with the kids knowing. The rest can wait. I think I want you to myself for a while too."

His dark eyes glittered. "So then, what you're saying is…"

"Let's see where this is going." She said softly. "I think maybe it's time we tried again."

He caught her lips in another soft kiss, but it was the ringing of both their phones that interrupted them. He laughed quietly. "There's a reason it's taken us so damned long…"

Sharon chuckled quietly. "The dirtbags of the world are not conspiring against you."

Andy sighed as he turned his phone so that she could see the caller ID. "No, but Provenza is."

She laughed outright as she reached for her own phone. Taylor was calling her. Provenza was calling him. That could only mean one thing. Their personal interlude was over. It was time to return to reality. Sharon slid out of the booth as she answered the call. "Yes, Chief, what can I do for you this morning?"

Andy waited for her pause to answer his own phone. "What?" He was a lot less cheerful in his greeting. When she made a face at him, he just grinned crookedly. He was still the same asshole he had always been, he was just the ass that was in love with her. He stood while she gathered her things, the phone tucked between her ear and shoulder. Andy dropped a few bills onto the table to cover their coffee and followed her as she left the cafe.

At her car, Andy held his phone away from his ear. Provenza continued to drone on, filling him in on the case that they'd just caught. He pulled open her door for her and dropped a kiss onto her mouth before walking away.

They could do this. They could make it work. It was already working.

MCMCMCMCMCMC

It had the power to tear them apart. It could have undone all the work, and all the time, and all of the many weeks, months, and years of closeness that they had acquired. He was pissed off at the situation, and didn't like having Professional Standards sniffing around their Murder Room any better than the rest of them. Julio's brush with her former team had left a cloud hanging over the entire division until finally he was cleared. With the situation settled, they could all breathe a little easier.

It was a reminder, though, of who she was and where she had come from. Then he had looked at her, and he had smiled. Sharon felt a little better about it all. She was still worried about Julio and she would be keeping a closer eye on him, and his temper, but she left it at the office.

There was much more to deal with at home, however. She needed to sit Rusty down and find out what he'd discussed with Jack that morning and make sure that he was okay. She was still rattled by it. Upset and disappointed. Her marriage was over, but Jack was still finding ways of wreaking havoc in her life. This time, however, she had walked away from him. His words were all too familiar, she had heard it all before, many times. Sharon didn't want to consider if he was serious about it this time, or if he really felt the sorrow of his actions. She was done. She had moved on.

After speaking with Rusty, and being reminded again at just how resilient and wonderful her son was, Sharon called Andy. She still needed to tell him about Jack, and she imagined that he wouldn't be pleased about it. She should have changed the damned locks. That was what he would point out to her. Sharon just never really thought about it.

She had a busy year. Changing the locks on her door was the last thing on her mind.

Dinner was already in the oven by the time that Andy arrived at her condo that evening. Sharon had changed into a soft sweater and a pair of leggings. She met him at the door with a smile and a kiss. The smell of roasting potatoes and onions filled the apartment. Sharon grinned when she saw realization light his eyes. "Get in here." She tugged him inside and closed the door behind him.

"I love it when you cook." He curled an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. His lips found hers again. His hand moved into her hair as it lingered, slow and unhurried. "Been wanting to do that all day," he muttered against her mouth.

"Hm." Her lips curved. "I've been wanting you to do that all day." Sharon took his hand and walked toward the sofa with him. She had sprayed it down and flipped the cushions, but she still thought that it wreaked of stale alcohol. Rusty assured her that he couldn't smell anything, and maybe it was only her, but Sharon was seriously considering replacing the sofa.

"Where's the kid?" Andy looked around as they sat down. Rusty's car was downstairs, he spotted it when he parked in the garage, alongside Sharon's silver sedan.

"In his room. He'll join us for dinner." She shrugged. "He doesn't want to be witness to the odd dating rituals of the very weird old people in his life." Sharon rolled her eyes at him. She drew her legs up and leaned against his side. "Those were his exact words. I gathered from them that he's okay with us, but he doesn't want to see it."

Andy snorted quietly. "He's still a comedian." He reached up and swept a lock of hair behind her ear. "What's going on?" She looked upset about something, bothered. "Julio's fine, Mike checked on him earlier, so if you're still worried about him…"

"I am, but no, I'm sure that he's fine. I'm more worried that his temper will get the better of him before he can take advantage of the opportunity he's been given." She shifted on the sofa, turned so that she was facing him, and rested her elbow against the back of it. "Rusty's emergency last night. That's what we need to talk about."

"The kid okay?" His brows drew together in a frown.

"He is, surprisingly." Sharon drew a breath. "Jack was the emergency. He was here. He was drunk."

She filled him in on everything. She spoke in quick, succinct sentences. She didn't linger and she didn't embellish. When she was finished, she drew her bottom lip between her teeth and shrugged. Andy studied her, she was exhausted, emotionally drained, from both encounters. Julio and Jack. "Come here." He tugged her closer, settled her across his lap. It pissed him off, but he was angry for her, not at her. Andy settled back on the sofa, sank further into the cushions. He toed out of his shoes and lifted his feet onto her coffee table. His arms wrapped around her. "Sounds like you had a bad day," he said quietly.

There was a part of her that almost wanted to cry. She burrowed closer to him and didn't even care that his feet were on the coffee table. She tucked her face against his neck and inhaled. She figured that he was right, it had been a horrible few days. The situation with Jack hadn't helped any. "It's getting better now." The feel of his hand in her hair, fingers gently stroking her scalp, made her hum in delight.

"Good." Andy wrapped his other hand around hers, let their fingers twine. His thumb stroked the inside edge of her wrist. He turned his face into her hair, let his lips brush her temple. "So, how long until we have to move again?"

She chuckled quietly. "Half an hour." It would take that long for dinner to be ready. "What did you have in mind?"

"Not much." Andy leaned sideways on the sofa and pulled her with him. He settled her atop him and got comfortable. They were both tired. It was going to be an early night, he knew. "Just looking for a little pillow time with my girl."

"Hm." She wriggled close, shifted until she was comfortable. Sharon was nestled in, half on top of him, with the back of the sofa behind her. Her hand stroked up his chest. She reached up and loosened his tie for him. "Have I mentioned lately," she said softly, "that I love you?"

"A couple of times." He slanted a look at her and grinned. "It's been a few days. Good thing my ego isn't fragile." When she laughed, he smiled. His hand moved into her hair again. "I love you, even when you neglect me," he teased. It had her poking his side, but he only grinned that much wider.

"Your ego isn't fragile, honey. It's enormous." She huffed a sigh, but relaxed against him again. "It needs pruning. Remind me to do that later."

"Yeah," he smirked. "Sure. You bet'cha sweetheart. I'm going to make a note of that." He reminded himself to distract her instead. She was easily distracted, as he recalled, when he really put his mind to it. "So I was thinking," he said. "It's been a while since we've been camping. Maybe with everything that's gone on lately, we can get out of the city for a couple of nights. Drive out to the desert, spend a couple of nights looking at the stars."

Her lips pursed while she thought about it. "Whatever will we do with the Provenza while we're gone? That is, assuming of course, that we can get away for more than five minutes without one of our phones ringing."

"Hey, we're both entitled to our vacation days." His eyes closed. "Use 'em or lose 'em." The department only allowed them to bank so many and roll them over from year to year. The excess was lost.

"Mmhm." She couldn't dispute that. Sharon lifted her head and looked at him. "At the same time?" Her brows lifted. Amusement danced in her eyes. "Don't you think that's going to look just a little bit obvious?"

"Nah. I've got it all worked out. I'll put in for vacation, you call in sick." He cracked his eyes open and grinned at her. When her eyes narrowed, he sighed. "Okay fine. You put in for the vacation, and I'll call in sick."

She snorted with quiet laughter as she lay down against him again. "It's so ridiculous it might actually work. Fine. We'll try it your way, but you get to deal with the fall out. As far as anyone knows, I was actually on vacation." She waited for him to grunt in agreement before she added, "or we could just go and not give a damn what they think. I'm fairly certain that we've already passed obvious and moved right into old news."

"Have we?" Andy grinned at that idea. "You know, you could be right about that. Provenza isn't even giving me a hard time about it anymore. I think the shiny has worn off. He's got something else to focus on."

"Exactly." Her lips moved, trailing kisses along his neck. "So you make it happen. I'll arrange the time off." She lifted her head and pointed a finger at him. "Bearing in mind that there are no emergencies and we are not needed."

"Yeah, that's a given." He pulled her back down. "Don't spoil the mood. You just agreed to go public. I'm basking here. Let me bask, Sharon."

"Oh." She kissed the tip of his chin. "I'm sorry. Bask away honey."

"Too late. You ruined it." He sighed, but when she poked his side, he gathered her closer. His hand settled against her hip. "You know, if you wanted to make it up to me…"

"My office is still off limits," she drawled, all without opening her eyes.

"Dammit." Andy sighed again. "I had to try." The desk in her office was always going to be off limits, but he was never going to stop trying to change her mind. It was all part of the fun. His lips brushed the top of her head again. He let himself relax a little more, drifting a bit, as the tension of the last few days left both of them.

He didn't comment on the incident with Jack. He listened, but he didn't judge. He accepted the situation with Julio. When she expected an argument or a discussion, he held her instead. He talked about plans for the future, rather than looking back.

Four years ago it would have been an entirely different result. He'd have questioned her judgement and argued with her about it. She'd have been angry at him or questioning her, hurt that he didn't trust her. Tonight she was prepared for him to have an opinion, she would have accepted his questioning, and expected him to be irritated at both situations. She would have seen it for what it was, his passionate nature, the depth of his care for those around him. Sharon smiled as she considered how far they had come.

He had been lover. He had become her friend. Now he was her partner. He was all of that and more.

The start of it was buried in anger and heat, explosive and unpredictable. Time had tempered them. It brought them closer together. It gave them the opportunity to learn. To find one another. To love.

They drifted through the years, together and apart, waiting for a moment just like this one. It was more than just a quite respite. It was acceptance. It was a beginning.

~FIN