Chapter 16
August 1 2014
I had been making dinner when the pain had started; it started out slow, growing from my lower back, reaching across my abdomen and moving up. I could feel my abdomen growing tighter, and it had gotten to the point where I had to put my cooking aside, and lean against the counter, pushing my body away from the counter, stretching my arms to their full length. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to breathe through the pain.
"Renesmee?" I heard Daddy's voice. He was over at our place since Jacob was still at work, and I hadn't felt comfortable being alone in the house.
It hurts, Daddy.
"It might be getting close," he commented. I felt his cool hands over my shoulders, rubbing them a little.
"There's still a few weeks," I said, remaining unmoved. "It can't be close. She's not done yet."
"We can't know that for sure," Daddy helped me stand, and walked me over to one of the chairs we had sitting by the island, and helped me sit down.
"Everything Carlisle's said has been an estimate, especially since we can't pinpoint an exact conception date."
Daddy….I wasn't necessarily up to a conversation with my father about my sex life. I already wasn't comfortable with him knowing the intimate details between Jacob and I, and I was careful to watch my thoughts around him.
"I'm just saying that if we could nail down an exact date, we would know more about the development of the baby." Daddy brushed a hand through my hair, and turned to continue the dinner I had been preparing.
"And even if he's early, we have to count the fact that he's going to have hybrid DNA between human, shape-shifter, and vampire, so his development is going to be much further than that of a human child at the same gestation—counting the human gestation period, not your gestation period."
"Yeah…" I sighed.
"Don't be nervous, sweetheart." Daddy brought me a glass of blood, setting it on the island. I took a quick sip from it and set it back down.
"I can't help it," I smiled weakly.
"You will be fine, love." Daddy pressed his cold lips against my forehead, and I closed my eyes.
"You're strong, and you're brave. Whatever happens will happen, and in the end, you and Jacob will have a beautiful baby that was worth all of this." He lifted my chin, and looked me in the eye.
"It was worth it for you," he said softly.
I smiled softly, but it quickly turned to a pained look as I felt my abdomen trying to stretch out again. It was a dull, achy pain, and it made my body tense, which ended up making the pain worsen. Daddy rubbed my lower back, and I cried out in pain on his shoulder.
It hurts so much, Daddy.
"I know, sweetheart." He said soothingly.
Am I hurting her? She's still growing but there's nowhere for her to go..
"Do you want me to see if I can hear her?" Daddy asked.
I pushed myself into a sitting position. "Yes," I nodded.
Daddy was quiet in his concentration. After a few minutes, he smiled.
"She's fine," he said.
"It's a girl?" I asked, hopeful of finding out the gender.
Daddy shook his head. "Like with you, I can't tell. I doubt that the baby has the mental capacity to differentiate between genders."
I sighed, running a hand down my stomach. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see," I was really hoping we could find out before, but my body was selective in deciding what we could and couldn't see on a sonogram.
I heard the door click, and Jacob's scent filled my nostrils. Daddy helped me stand, and I walked out to the foyer to greet him.
"Hey, beautiful," Jacob smiled, giving me a kiss after setting his keys on the table piece. "How was your day?"
"It was good. Daddy and I spent most of the day with the piano, and we got to talk, just us, and we haven't been able to do that since the wedding."
"I'm glad you had a good day," Jacob smiled, giving me another kiss. His hand brushed against my abdomen, and I tried not to show that it had hurt. Jacob was worried enough as it was; I didn't want him to worry more than he needed to.
"I believe that it is time for me to go," Daddy made his way to the door, stopping to give me a quick kiss.
"Jacob," Daddy nodded, holding out his hand.
"Edward," Jacob reached out and shook his hand.
As Daddy left, he patted Jacob on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Jacob."
He smiled, and shut the door behind him as he crossed the threshold.
"I really wish he'd stop doing that," Jacob walked into the living room, and plopped himself on the couch.
"You know he means well," I leaned against the wall near the edge of the couch. If I sat, I'd be down there for days.
"And you won't listen to me about not worrying."
"I can't help it," Jacob smiled sheepishly, turning his body towards me.
"Uh huh," I pushed myself off the wall and walked to the kitchen.
I looked over the pot of mac and cheese I had cooking, and decided that it was done. I went to grab two bowls out of the cupboard, when a sharp pain rolled through my abdomen. I felt my abdomen tighten again, and I felt as though I couldn't breathe. I dropped the bowl in my hand, and I heard it shatter against the floor as I doubled over in pain.
"Nessie?" I heard another crash, as Jacob made his way into the kitchen.
"Shit, Ness, are you alright?" I felt his gently wrap around me, as he tried to stand me up.
"Fine," I tried to feign a smile. "Really, Jake, I'm—"
Another pain rolled through my abdomen, and I felt a tremendous amount of pressure pooling at the base of my abdomen. I doubled over again, trying to breathe evenly. There was a small pop, and a gush of warm liquid cascaded onto the floor, creating a puddle between my legs.
Slowly, I looked up at Jacob, a small 'o'. I couldn't think straight, and my breathing staggered.
"No," I murmured, shaking my head. "It's too early, Jake…" I blinked back tears as I felt another pain roll through my body.
I heard the front door crack, and with a rush of wind, Daddy was by my side.
"Renesmee?" Daddy asked.
Daddy, it hurts so much… I cried.
"Ness, breathe," Daddy said calmly. He placed his hand in mine, and rubbed my lower back.
"Do you think you can walk?"
"I can try," I pushed myself into a standing position, and leaned on Jacob for support.
As Jacob helped me walk through the foyer, Daddy called Carlisle, and updated him on what was happening. I had to stop a few times on the stairs, because the pain had gotten too bad for me to walk, but they passed, and with Jacob's help I was able to walk to the second floor.
"I want to be in our bedroom," I told Jacob when we stopped in the hallway.
"What about…?" Jacob started.
"Jacob, if she doesn't want to be in there, don't push it." Daddy said.
"Jacob, please," I begged. "I'd really much rather be in our bed,"
"Alright,"
We walked into the bedroom, and Jacob called Emily as I leaned against him, turning my body so that I faced him. Jacob supported me with one hand, as he spoke on the phone with the other. I felt another pain course through my body.
"Alright, Ness, she'll be here in twenty minutes," he kissed the crown of my head, and rubbed my lower back.
"Daddy, can you get Mom?"
"Already on it, love." I felt Daddy's cool lips on my cheek, and his hand on my back. He was gone a few seconds later.
"Oh, fuck, Jake…" I moaned. "Jacob, I can't do this. It's too early. She's not ready…"
"She's not ready?" Jacob questioned. "Or you're not ready?"
"I'm scared…"
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen Black," Jacob said, lifting my chin. "You are the strongest, fiercest, bravest woman I have ever known. You can do this. I know you can. Don't think, even for a second, that you can't."
I dug my fingers in his back, trying to hold in a scream.
"Ness, you have to let it out," Jacob said soothingly. "I promise you'll feel so much better if you scream it out."
I shook my head.
"Ness, holding it in isn't going to help you."
When another pain hit, I screamed into Jacob's shoulder, beginning to cry. I dug my fingers into Jacob's back, and I wondered in the back of my mind if I was drawing blood.
"Carry me to the bed?" I whimpered when the pain passed.
"Of course," Jacob scooped me in his arms, and gently laid me on my side in the bed. He walked around the bed, and crawled on it, curling next to me. His arm wrapped around my body, holding onto my hand, which was resting over my belly.
Regardless of what Jacob and Daddy said, I was still afraid. I was afraid, and I was angry. I was mad at myself for not being able to hold onto her for three more weeks. What if her hearing wasn't developed enough? Or her lungs, and she couldn't breathe? I knew that Carlisle had emergency things in the room next to ours, but I didn't want him to have to use any of them.
At this point, all I wanted was for this to be over, and for my baby to be healthy and in my arms.
"Nessie," I heard Mom's voice from behind the bedroom door.
"Mom," I pushed myself up, and she walked into the room.
She enveloped me in a hug. "My baby's having a baby," she tearlessly sobbed.
"Oh sweetie, I'm so proud of you."
"Thanks, Mom," I smiled weakly.
She moved from the hug and kissed my forehead. "Nessie, if the baby is telling you it's time, then it's time. I'm sure that he's ready to be in the world."
"But…"
"Renesmee," Mom said sternly, looking me hard in the eyes. "This baby is going to be further in his development than a human child would be. I am without a doubt that he will come into this world screaming. And you were early; was there anything wrong with you then?"
I shook my head.
"Then he won't, either." Mom placed a gentle kiss on the top of my forehead.
"Ness," Jacob said, running his hand down my arm. "Did I ever tell you that my sisters were born two months early?"
"No…" I trailed.
"Well, they were. And is anything wrong with them?"
"No," I stated, knowing where he was heading.
"Ness, I don't know how many times we have to tell you that it's going to be alright," Jacob scooted his body closer to mine and cupped his hands over my shoulders, massaging them.
"Just think about how, at the end of the day, you're going to have your baby in your arms," Mom held my hands in hers, rubbing circles with her thumbs over the top of them.
I nodded, and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Okay."
There was a small knock at the door, and Emily poked her head through. "Hey, Mommy." She smiled.
"Hey, Emily," I smiled, feeling slightly more relieved.
"I'll be downstairs with everyone if you need me." Mom kissed my forehead, and slipped through the door, letting Emily in.
Everyone? I looked over at Jacob, and he shrugged.
"Seems like you've gathered quite the crowd," Emily laughed, setting her things down.
"Oh, God," I moaned, feeling another pain coming.
"Ness, can you tell me how bad the pain is, on a scale from one-to-ten?"
"Seven," I gasped sharply. I squeezed Jacob's hand, and I thought I heard something snap.
"Okay, Ness, breathe slowly through the contraction, in through your nose, out through your mouth," Emily modeled the technique for me, and I tried to mimic her.
"Good, Nessie," Emily smiled, snapping on gloves.
She sat on the edge of the bed, and moved my legs so they were open before her.
"Alright, Ness, I need to check to see how far along you are," she started, scooting closer on the bed.
"It shouldn't hurt, but you might feel some pressure,"
I squirmed when she slipped her fingers inside, uncomfortable with the feeling of her goved fingers inside of me.
"Relax, Nessie. Remember to breathe…" Emily said calmly.
I closed my eyes and nodded, trying to relax. After a few moments, she slipped her fingers back out, and took off her gloves.
"It looks like you're about five centimeters dilated," Emily said, pushing herself off the bed. "So it doesn't look like we'll see a baby anytime soon. We may have a few hours yet."
She tossed her gloves in the trash, and faced us. "Now, this could last anywhere between three and thirty hours; although I don't expect it to be more than ten, I need to include the full time frame."
"I really hope it's on the shorter side…" I pushed myself into a sitting position.
Emily laughed lightly, heading to the door. "Well, we'll see how it goes. I'll be back up to check on you in a little bit. I'm sure Carlisle will be in and out, too. I would recommend getting some rest while you can—you're going to need it."
Emily left, shutting the door quietly. I did the best I could to curl into Jacob's body, and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. Jacob wrapped his arms around me, and kissed the crown of my head.
"So, you changed your mind?" He asked, his voice soft.
"I'm more comfortable in here than the other room," I sighed, nuzzling against Jacob's chest.
"And, I figured why not give birth in the same bed we conceived?"
"Do you think you got pregnant before we were married?" Jacob questioned.
"I don't know…" I sighed. "But it's likely. Considering I didn't start getting sick until two weeks into our marriage…and if the baby isn't early, we had to have gotten pregnant in the days before the ceremony." I lifted my head and looked up at my husband.
Jacob chuckled softly. I felt his hand brush against my belly, and his lips pressed against mine.
"Well, no matter when or where this baby was conceived, today's the day he's going to make his appearance."
Jacob scooted down the bed, and gently pressed his lips against my belly. "Happy birthday," he whispered.
"Mommy and I can't wait to meet you."
Jacob moved back up the bed, and moved me gently, so that my back was against his body.
"Get some reset, Mommy." He whispered, moving my hair from my face.
"I'll try…" I sighed.
I closed my eyes, and breathed deeply, trying to sleep. The contractions made it hard to sleep, and as the hours passed, they got closer together, and increased in intensity. For over six hours, Jacob hadn't left my side for anything. Occasionally, Emily or Carlisle would come in to check on my progress, and to discuss the upcoming parts of my labor.
After the longest, most intense contraction, I couldn't take it anymore. I was beyond tired, done, and I wanted to give up. After the contraction passed, I fell against the bed, crying.
"Ness, you're doing so well," Jacob crooned, reaching out to rub my shoulder.
"Don't touch me," I growled. I was in far too much pain to enjoy the feeling of someone else's skin on my own.
"Sorry," there was hurt in Jacob's voice, but I ignored it.
"I want my mom," I said.
"I'll get her for you," I felt the bed shift, and heard Jacob walk across our room, opening and shutting the door softly.
While I was alone, another contraction came, and I knew that this was it. I could feel my heart beat faster and out of rhythm, and my breathing did the same. I began to cry, and as soon as Jacob was back up with Mom, I cried harder.
"I can't do this," I whimpered, as Mom rushed to the side of the bed.
"Ness…"
"No, Mom, I can't do this. I'm scared, and it hurts, I don't want to do this anymore…"
"Renesmee," Jacob said sternly. I felt him climb onto the bed, and he held me so that I was forced to look at him.
"You can do this. I know you can. You can do anything." The faith he had in me was unbreakable, and his eyes were strong. Although I still felt scared, the faith Jacob had in me gave me the strength I needed for that moment.
"Listen to him, Ness," Mom's voice was soft. "You can do anything you put your mind to. You only have a little while longer, and soon you're going to have your child in your arms. Don't think about anything other than holding her. I know you can do it."
"It sounds like its baby time," I heard Emily's voice, and looked up to find both her and Carlisle standing at the door.
They walked into the room, Carlisle going to get some things ready, and Emily towards me. I lifted my knees for her as she sat at the edge of the bed, checking me one last time with her gloved hands.
"Alright, sweetheart, you're fully dilated, fully faced, and it is go time." She smiled, getting off the bed to change her gloves.
"Are you ready?"
"That is a very loaded question, Em." I said, taking a deep breath.
"Well, you don't really have a choice, lovie. I'm only asking to be polite," Emily sat back on the edge of the bed, and had me scoot closer to the edge.
"Yeah, I know…" I felt Jacob shift the bed, and he sat behind me, supporting me from behind. He reached to cup his hands underneath my knees, lifting them up, and I held tight onto Mom's stone cold hand.
In the background, Carlisle was working at vampire speed, bringing in some of the equipment from the room next door into our room. I tried not to think about the more scary-looking ones, and instead focused on the thought of holding my child after this was all over.
"Okay, Ness, on the next contraction, I want you to start pushing," Emily started. "Listen to your body, and do what it wants you to do."
I nodded, my body tense as I waited for the next pain. As soon as it came, Emily told me to bear down and push hard. Although it hurt badly at first, it began to feel better as I was able to push. I could feel the baby getting lower, and the pressure grew as I felt myself stretching more and more.
After a few minutes of pushing on and off for several seconds and a time, Emily told me to stop. I collapsed against Jacob, panting hard.
"You're doing so well, Ness," Jacob said softly, kissing the crown of my head.
I felt Mom's cold hand on my forehead, pushing my sweat-matted hair out of the way. "Only a few more minutes, Ness. I'm so proud of you, sweetie."
"She's right," Emily informed with a smile. "Baby's crowning, which is why we need a small break. We're going to let your body naturally push her out until her head's completely out—although, if you want, you can give small pushes."
"No, the break's fine," I panted.
"Remember to breathe how I showed you," Emily reminded.
I nodded, breathing in and out slowly. Carlisle placed a towel over my chest, and within a few seconds, Emily announced that her head was completely out, and with one or two big pushes, she would be born.
With a deep breath, I began to push again. As I continued, Emily began to talk excitedly, telling me to keep pushing, with no breaks. By far, the most painful part of this part of delivery was getting her shoulders out; I felt like I was being torn in half, and wondered how in the world my body would still be intact after this was over. Almost as soon as her head and shoulders were delivered, the rest of her came as well—screaming.
"It's a boy!" Emily announced happily, over his screams.
I cried silently as Emily placed him over the towel on my chest. "Thank you," I wept with the greatest relief I had ever felt in my life.
His skin tone was a perfect mix of mine and Jacob's, and he had Jacob's hair. Although his eyes were shut tight, and I couldn't tell his eye color, I had gotten my wish. I rubbed him clean with the towel, and he screamed even louder.
"Jacob, he's you," I managed, looking up at Jacob, who had tears streaming down his face.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Congratulations," Carlisle said, a wide smile across his face. "Jacob, would you like to cut the cord?"
Jacob nodded slowly, still in a daze. I felt him slowly shift from behind me, getting off the bed. As Carlisle prepared for the cut, Jacob placed several pillows where he had been sitting, so I still had some support.
Carlisle assured us that the umbilical cord had no nerve endings, and would not hurt myself or our son. Jacob cut where Carlisle showed, and he was officially separate from me. Emily reached over my chest, wrapping my son in the towel, lifting him in her arms.
"We just have to check on him, lovie," Emily said, taking him to where Carlisle had set up the equipment he brought in earlier.
I watched them like a hawk as they weighed him and recorded his length. After a few minutes, they deemed him completely and one hundred percent healthy. Emily swaddled him in a new blanket, and handed him back to me.
His eyes were open now, and I as I looked into his eyes for the first time, I was surprised to see brilliant green eyes staring back at me.
"I thought all newborns had blue eyes?" I looked over at Emily.
"Most of the time," Emily replied. "But, once in a blue moon, children are born with different colored eyes."
"Is this the child I envisioned while I was pregnant with you?" Mom smiled, reaching out a hand to stroke his cheek.
"He's beautiful, sweetheart." Mom pressed her lips against my temple. "I'm so proud of you, Renesmee,"
"My son," Jacob said proudly. As I had always imagined, Jacob leaned over and gently pressed his lips against our son's forehead.
"Here," I held him out to Jacob as he pulled back from his forehead.
Jacob took him in his arms, and held him close to his chest. This was the moment I had been waiting for, for nearly four months. Seeing our tiny son in Jacob's large arms made everything worth it. Jacob gently sat back down on the bed next to me, and held the baby in such a way that he was between the two of us.
"Hey, little man," Jacob whispered, cupping his hand underneath our son's head. "I'm your daddy,"
I laughed lightly, careful not to move my abdomen too much. "I'm your mommy," I stroked his soft hair.
I heard Carlisle chuckle in the background. "I'd love to let you two have your privacy, but I think there are some people lining up outside the door who are dying to meet the little one,"
"To be honest, I forgot about everyone," I smiled, looking up at Jacob.
"That's normal," Emily laughed.
"Mom, can you let them in?" I looked from Jacob to Mom, who was already walking across the room.
Daddy led the pack, and everyone slowly filled the room, taking their turns to fawn over the newest member of the family, all of their faces bright. Daddy was positively beaming, and I don't think I had ever seen him happier.
"So, Nessie, what have you and Jacob named him?" Daddy asked, smirking.
"Like you don't already know," I snickered, looking over at Daddy.
"I can't help it," Daddy shrugged.
I shook my head with a small laugh. I looked down at my son, running my finger over his soft cheek.
"After much contemplation, Jacob and I have finally decided on a name," I started.
"Everyone," I looked from my son to the rest of my family, "meet Finn Edward Cullen Black."
"Oh!" Aunt Alice sighed. "That's a perfect name, guys!"
"I thought so," I smiled proudly, looking back down at Finn.
After I made sure everyone had clean hands (and mouths), I allowed everyone to hold Finn. I was close to explaining my reasoning behind the lips, but I knew how Emmett would take my words. Daddy chuckled, and we shared a knowing look.
Everyone absolutely adored Finn. Watching everyone with him only further proved my theory of Finn's want for nothing. When Mom and Daddy each got their turn, they both swelled with pride as they held their first grandchild. She was the hardest to tear away from Finn, but Daddy finally convinced her to hand him off to Uncle Jasper.
"I get the sense that he's very overwhelmed," Uncle Jasper commented, when Finn started squirming in his arms.
"And that's usually a sign that there are too many people in the room," Emily jumped in. "I believe it's time to let Nessie and Jacob get to know their son,"
Uncle Jasper handed Finn back to me, and I held him close in my arms. Everyone said their goodbyes, and left, heading back to the Big House. Mom, Daddy, and Emily were spending the first two nights with us, since Jacob and I could use all the help they could get. Alice left saying something about how Finn's first outfit was ready for him in his crib, and with a final goodbye, my family left.
"Ness, are you ready to try giving him his first feeding?" Emily asked, shutting the door after Alice.
"Yeah," I smiled. "I'm sure after what he's been through, he's very hungry."
Emily laughed. "Alright, let's get started, then."
She walked over to the bed, and helped me slip an arm out of my sleeve, and showed me how to get Finn to latch onto my nipple. Almost immediately, Finn figured out what to do, and began sucking. It hurt for a few moments, but after Finn got into a rhythm, the feeling of his lips tugging on my breast felt almost relaxing.
"Wow," Emily started. "Usually it takes a while for babies to figure out how to feed,"
"Well, he is my son," Jacob replied.
Emily and I laughed. "That's true," I said.
"Alright, well I'll leave you to it," Emily began to head to the door. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."
Emily closed the door behind her as she left, and it was just the three of us in the bedroom.
"Think he's ready for his first outfit?" Jacob asked, reaching over to smooth Finn's hair.
"Do you want to get it?" I looked from my son to my husband.
"I'll be right back," Jacob kissed my cheek, and slowly got off the bed, crossing the room to the door that lead to the nursery. He returned with Finn's first diaper, onesie, and a blue receiving blanket that Alice had left in his crib.
When Finn had had his fill, I lifted him to my shoulder to burp him, and then set him on the bed in between my open legs. Finn was wide awake at this point, and was content with staring straight up at me.
"Hey, sweetheart," I smiled, running my fingers across his soft belly. "Did you enjoy your dinner?"
I moved my fingers and placed them in his palms. Finn tightly grasped them, and I moved his arms, which he seemed to enjoy.
"Do you think he knows who we are?" Jacob asked, gently sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I think so," I replied. "Babies tend to have an innate sense of who their parents are, and even though their hearing isn't that great when they're newborns, they can usually pick out their parent's voices in a crowd."
"Well, along with getting his clothes, I also got you some—I figured you'd want to change."
Considering I was still in the clothing that I had given birth in, I wasn't exactly as fresh as a daisy. I smiled when Jacob placed a pair of yoga pants and a light weight tank-top on my leg, placing Finn's clothing on top of mine.
"This is why I love you," I smiled.
"I hope that's not the only reason," Jacob replied, leaning in for a kiss.
I smiled underneath his lips. "I'm going to need help getting dressed,"
"My pleasure," Jacob kissed me again.
"I'm going to get Finn first, though." I left the kiss, and grabbed the diaper and plain white onesie from my knee.
Jacob and Finn both studied me as I put Finn's first diaper on, followed by the onesie. I lifted him with one arm, placing the receiving blanket underneath his body, and laid him back down on the blanket. I swaddled him, and held him close to my body. I held onto Finn as Jacob helped me change into my clean clothing.
"How you feeling, Mommy?" Jacob asked, his voice soft.
"Tired," I admitted with a soft laugh. "But he was worth it." I traced my finger around Finn's pursed lips.
"Get some sleep," Jacob kissed my hairline. "You've had a long day."
I settled into the bed, placing Finn on his back between Jacob and I. He faced Jacob, which I'm sure he'd enjoy much better than watching me sleep for a few hours.
"I'm so proud of you," Jacob whispered, leaning over to kiss my forehead. "So, so proud."
"Thanks," I said sleepily.
I kissed Finn softly on his forehead before I fell asleep, feeling dead to the world. Although today had been long, hard, and painful, everything that I had gone through had been worth it for Finn, and I would gladly do it all over again if it meant that Finn would be mine.