Title: Fix Me
Summary: Seeing Cloud's hurt for so long made him hurt, too.
Pairing: Cloud/Sephiroth
Warning: boy/boy, depression, everything...just, everything
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just write about them getting screwed over for personal satisfaction.
Tifa Lockhart was from another world, a lifetime away from Cloud. He wasn't sure why he bothered himself with thoughts of her anymore. It might have been closest to the truth to say that it was her fault that he was this way. Not to say that she had caused his hearing impairment, but rather he looked at himself differently when she pointed it out. Because not once before that day had Cloud Strife looked at himself as slow, disabled, or invalid. But that day, she slapped him in the face with the harshness that was his reality, had said that he was all of those. Until that day, he never thought much about it, but after that day, Cloud thought a lot of things he never thought he would think. He thought about things like how many people would miss an invisible person, exactly how cold someone had to be before their hearts stopped, a lot of things that a lot of teens think that they never thought they would think.
But they do.
And most of the time, they never really stop, either, occasionally crossing their mind.
But Cloud wouldn't do it. He had become stronger than that, had more reasons to live, had more people to live for. Even if they didn't often notice how he truly felt, didn't often ask him how he felt. Sephiroth was a bit different, though. He always asked, always waited, never forgot, never left him behind.
Sephiroth was pale perfection, a personal stranger, a trainwreck of beauty, a warm wind in the close of August. Sephiroth who was once nothing more than a passerby in the high school hallway, who was nothing to him and in return he was nothing to, was somehow rooting himself into Cloud's life and becoming his everything.
And what a scary, scary thought that was.
Because while the ROTC was finding out more and more about the blond, Cloud still knew next to nothing about Sephiroth's personal life, his past, his anything.
Sephiroth Crescent was a world away.
Sephiroth had nothing to say. The things he wanted to say he could not say. If he were to say the things he could not say, no one would hear. If someone did hear him say the things he could not say, they would not understand. If they were to understand what they heard of the things he said -that he could not say- they would be angry. If they were not angered by the things they heard that they should not be able to understand of what he said -which he most certainly did not say (because he could not say them)- then he would be afraid of that person. But he never met that person who heard what he said and was not angered by the things they understood of what he said. Because he could not say them, and therefore did not say them.
So, no. Sephiroth Krieger des Hojo-Crescent had nothing to say that day. Nothing. At. All.
If he did have something to say -and he didn't- he kept his mouth tightly shut.
He didn't say a word when Cissnei badmouthed Genesis. He didn't say a word when Johnny badmouthed Cloud. He didn't say a word when Zack didn't say a word about Johnny badmouthing Cloud. He didn't say a word when Reno 'accidentally' knocked him over in the hallway. He didn't say a word all day. But he did observe. He watched, he listened. He felt, for some of it.
Then he threw down the 40 lb. bar with it's extra 30 lbs. because it bruised his collarbones several reps ago and, goddamnit, Sephiroth was not made of steel no matter how his peers perceived him and it hurt like Hell. (And also maybe because the silveret always half-assed upper-body strength workouts because who the Hell lifts 70 pounds over their freakin' head outside of circuit? is what he thought every Friday, thereby was not he the strongest when it came to doing exactly that in circuit.) The (non-fireable) rifle-swinger was sweaty (he thought he might actually drown), overdressed (even though it was near Winter and his ensemble consisted of a tiny white tank-top, tiny black shorts, and even tinier undershorts than his tiny shorts), light-headed (he could faint any second, now), and in a lot of pain (his arms could literally be on fire and he would be none the wiser.) But to Hell with all of that, because he felt good. Sure, some painkillers and a week-long siesta with frigid blankets and pillows might feel even better, but he did in fact feel amazing.
As if to spite his non-pharmaceutically-induced antidepressant, Reno appeared.
And Sephiroth Krieger des Hojo-Crescent had nothing to say. Nothing. At. All.
Genesis always had a knack for picking up strays. In first grade: a cat. In fifth grade: a crow. In seventh: a snake. His favorite stray, however, was a human. A Sephiroth -insert only parents remember for the sole purpose of scolding their children which for some reason his friend had an extraordinary long one for some reason name- Crescent. This pet had spoken the entire first month in the monosyllabical language consisting of 'hnn,' 'mm,' 'grr,' 'ugh,' 'huh?' 'oh,' and sighing of all kinds. The first actual English (Genesis wasn't sure before then if he knew it) consisted of the phrase 'Uhm...I'm kind of on a ton of medication, so this could take a while.' Of course there was a bit more pausing, mostly because of what Genesis was doing on his new friend's lap, but one cannot go three years and remember the exact pausing of a single phrase, most memorable or not. The redhead never could decide if he remembered it more for sentimental value or for comedic value; they seemed to weight equal.
The words were not the most important part -though useful for a fond moment or a good laugh. After all, much like Paulo Coelho's 'The Alchemist;' it was not about what the journey yields, but rather the journey itself. The entire first month was most best described as 'Genesis Amarant Rhapsodos hosting a one-sided, month-long, conversation with an ungodly-long-named brick donning a silver braid. But, somehow, Genesis had coaxed him into a kiss, had coaxed him into a bed, had coaxed him into a (somewhat) relationship, and just pestered him until they were best friends. Lately, though, it felt like the ROTC had applied a thick coat of pesticide around his life, and not even his best friend's pestiness. Genesis did not appreciate that. Genesis could not accept that.
Mannerisms change. Natures do not. Somewhere, under this strange, new force field the silveret had erected around himself was the blushing Freshman who looked away the first time the redhead had given the younger a kiss. But with the new barrier, it was too hard for the Senior to find and pull to the surface.
Genesis was still a persistent collector of strays, but the one in his bed was only a distraction.
Sephiroth's hands were not soft. It was hard to lift weights and have soft hands, Cloud was sure. The blond was rather relieved the ROTC's hands were scared, even that there were fresh blisters from yesterday. His own would get caught on the ones his upperclassman had tried to scratch off, and the Sophomore knew that no amount of chalk would have completely saved his hands. The callous skin tickled his hand. To him, it was the proof that Sephiroth was a real person; a real person who sweat, a real person who bled, and -though he'd yet to've seen it happen- a real person who cried.
Sephiroth had talents and Sephiroth had weaknesses. Sephiroth had joys and Sephiroth had pains. Sephiroth had pride and Sephiroth had insecurities. Sephiroth was a bit of everything, and Sephiroth was a surprisingly normal human being who was walking through a freezing ass park holding his underclassman's hand. Neither of them were saying a word, but Cloud was sure that Sephiroth was just as content as he was, if his soft smile were anything to go by. (And it was, because any kind of smile on him was extremely rare, and to most people: a sign of the apocalypse. But Cloud was willing to put up with the apocalypse if it meant he could see that smile.)
Sephiroth's hands were not soft. But they were definitely tender.
A/N: I got a review a few hours ago, so I decided 'What great motivation!' and finished the chapter. Thank you all for your support on this story!
Tobirion, I'm glad you find Genesis an interesting character. I read a couple of your stories, and I really enjoy how you write him, as well ^_^
Sorokokiri, thank you for the review, it inspired this update! I hope you continue reading it ^_^
School goers, it's the end of the semester! enjoy your 4 to 7 day break!