"Where ya been, J.J.?" asked the Joker in the vision, as the surroundings shifted to the dinner table of their home.
"Out," retorted J.J., sitting down. Nobody said another word, sitting in silence and picking at their meals.
"Well, I'll say one good thing about your mother's passing – at least the food has improved!" chuckled Joker. "Nice that we don't have to choke down her crap anymore!"
He laughed, but neither of his children did. "I miss Mommy's cooking," murmured J.J.
"So do I," agreed Arleen. "I just…miss Mommy!"
She burst into tears. "Aw, now, c'mon, Leenie," said Joker. "Stop crying, huh? Daddy likes smiles and laughter, you know that."
"How do you expect her to be happy when her mother is gone?" demanded J.J., putting an arm around her.
"Well, she ain't coming back," retorted Joker. "And you can't be gloomy forever. You'll turn into Batman!" he laughed.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" snapped J.J., glaring at him.
"Me? It's Leenie who's got the long face," said Joker. "I'm all smiles!"
"And that's why I'm asking, what's wrong with you, you heartless monster?!" shouted J.J. "Aren't you even a little upset over our mother's death?!"
"So what if I am?" demanded Joker. "What good would it do? I can sit here brooding, or I can make the best out of a bad situation! Always look on the bright side of life, that's my motto!"
"And what exactly is the bright side about Mommy's death?" demanded J.J.
"Lots of things," said Joker. "No more clinging, no more nagging, and you kids have got all the independence you want! Nobody to give you rules telling you to go to bed, do your homework, brush your teeth! It's all do what you want, whenever you want! We're all free, just like I always was before Harley came into my life! Completely happy and carefree, with no annoying dame to tie me down and order me around! This is the life, kiddies, and you'll see that, once you get used to living without Mommy."
"Daddy, how can you talk like that?!" sobbed Arleen. "Didn't you love Mommy at all?! After all your years together, and after all she did for you…doesn't that mean anything?!"
"Sweetie, Daddy doesn't like meanings to things," said Joker, patiently. "Daddy just likes having fun and being happy."
"So your years with her were a waste of your time, is that what you're saying?" demanded J.J. "Something that kept you from having fun and being happy?"
"No, there were some fun, good times together," said Joker, nodding. "But she's gone now, so I'm gonna have to have fun, good times on my own. No point wishing things were different. I can't change what happened, so I'm gonna make the best of it. You two should too."
A familiar figure crashed through the window at that moment. "Ah, see, now here's somebody who I couldn't smile without!" chuckled Joker, standing up. "Batsy, so nice of you to drop by! I know you're probably hoping that the old Joker cheer is on hiatus and that I'm as finally as gloomy as you are, but don't worry! It'll take more than the death of my little henchwench to wipe the smile from this face!"
Batman punched him hard in the mouth, knocking him back. "Aw, Jesus…nope, that won't do it either!" chuckled Joker, feeling his jaw. "Kiddies, why don't we show the Bat how we treat intruders into our happy home?" he asked, turning to smile at his children.
They both stood with their arms folded across their chest, glaring at their father. "Kiddies…c'mon," said Joker, nodding at Batman. "He wants to fight."
"Batman, fifty bucks if you break something permanent," growled J.J.
"What?" said Joker, looking genuinely shocked. "You mean…you're not going to fight him?"
They both shook their heads. "I'm on his side, Dad," retorted J.J.
"But…but…no!" stammered Joker, aghast. "No…my own flesh and blood can't…turn against me like that! Leenie, be a dear and punch him!"
"Didn't Mommy's death teach you anything?" whispered Arleen. "The violence has to stop, Daddy. And we're stopping it now."
Joker glared at them. "Fine, I'll fight him myself, as usual!" he snapped. "I could take him no problem before you kids came along, and before Harley came along, and I can take him just as easily…"
He was cut off with another punch to the face. "Little out of practice, but I'll get back in the hang of…" he began again, before being punched again.
"Oh God, son of a Bat! Who, by the way, I bet helps out his old man when he's getting beat up by…"
The fourth punch knocked him to the ground. "Did you secure the cell, J.J.?" asked Batman, reaching for his Batcuffs.
"Yes. It's ready," murmured J.J. "Fully equipped with hidden cameras, round the clock surveillance, and infrared alarms that lockdown the cell instantly if he puts one toe out of line. He's not getting out of there."
"What?" demanded Joker. "What are you talking about? You rigged my cell?"
"Yes, Dad," replied J.J., calmly. "I've been working with Batman to figure out a way to keep you locked up for good. This should do it."
"But…but J.J., why?" gasped Joker. "Why would you do that to me?"
"You let Mommy die," replied J.J. "And you don't even care."
"I…I do care! Just tell me what I can do to prove that!" said Joker, desperately. "What do you want me to say?!"
"Nothing," replied J.J., coldly. "There's nothing you can say or do. You're going away forever. Just like Mommy."
"I never used to think the things people said about you were true," whispered Arleen. "That you were an unfeeling monster, a psychopath. But I do think that now."
She turned to go. "Goodbye, Daddy," she said, leaving the room with her brother following her.
"No! No, wait, Leenie, J.J., wait!" shouted Joker after them. "You can't do this to me! I'm your father! I'm the Joker! I'm the greatest criminal this city has ever known!"
"Not from where I'm standing," muttered Batman, slapping Batcuffs on him. "Without Harley Quinn to save you, you're nothing."
"He's right, you know," came Riddler's voice. "Without Harley in your life, you would have been captured a total of 1,987 more times, and killed an approximate 3,589 times…"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it," snapped real Joker, interrupting the vision. "So the kid's brought some good things to my life. Fine, I can admit that. And with the way things are now, and in the future, her sudden death would be…a bad thing. I'd miss her, however much I pretend otherwise. But here's your problem, Eddie – I said if she never existed, I wouldn't be much worse off, and you still haven't proved that. Sure, she's changed my life, for the better in some cases, and even managed to wriggle her way into my cold, psychopathic heart. But if she never existed, I wouldn't know the difference, and my life would be just as rich. I'd always have Batsy, and really what more does a guy need than his bestest pal?"
"Interesting hypothesis," said Nygma. "Now let's test it out, shall we?"