I saw a map of Panem of tumblr today...it was pretty legit.

Here's 12!

Peeta POV

My thoughts never strayed from Katniss. I was aloud to sit with her while she was sleeping, but when she was awake, only her mother and Prim were allowed in her room.

I asked Dr. Larsen, Katniss' main doctor, why I wasn't allowed to speak with her, and he said it was more imperative for her to get comfortable with her family first. I understand that, but I can't stand knowing that she is in this close to me, and I can't be with her.

Gale sits with her too, and when we are there together, he looks more at me than her. I know she loves him, it might not be in the way she wants him too, but she does. He's lucky I guess, I hardly even know how she feels about me.

Three weeks have passed since Katniss has been her, and I have no idea how she is feeling. Her mother and Prim don't tell me anything. I've spent most of my time in the hospital- in her room or in the hall-, my room, and in the cafeteria watching the Capitol's broadcasts.

They haven't said that Katniss and Annie had escaped, but they haven't said anything about them in general. They must be planning something, but I don't know what. There is no way they would've let us rescuing them go unscathed.

I am sitting in the cafeteria with Johanna and Connor- who seem to be spending a lot of time together lately- when Finnick walks in with Annie's hand in his. Annie had gotten out of the hospital about a week after they got back.

Johanna waves them over, and they sit in the empty seats in front of me. "Hey." I say, looking back down at my food.

I know I should be happy for them, that they are getting the happy ever after they deserve, but I can't help but feel a little jealous and angry because that is what Katniss and I should have.

And then I inwardly smack myself because I remember that she doesn't love me. And if she does, not in the way I want her too. over the weeks I have come to terms with the fact that Katniss was just acting in the Games, and now that we were both free from them and the Capitol's watching eyes, she didn't have to pretend anymore, she could be with whoever she wanted.

"Right, Peeta?" Connor's voice brought me back to reality and I snapped my head up.

"Huh?" I say looking around the table. "Sorry I didn't hear you."

Johanna interrupted Connor as he was about to speak, "We wanted to know how Katniss was doing, since you practically live in the hospital." She said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh," I glanced around at everyone's waiting eyes. "I don't know, I'm not allowed to see her." I looked down at my plate to avoid their confused expressions.

"Why," Finnick added, "I've seen her, and I know Gale has." I quickly looked up at him, disbelieving.

"How, they're not letting anyone but her family see her."

Johanna laughed, and Finnick, Connor, and Annie all gave her warning looks. "Is that what they told you?" She said, ignoring them. I looked questioningly at everybody else.

"What do you mean? Why haven't they told me I could see her?" I heard the hope in my voice and started to get up, when Connor grabbed my arm and pulled me back down. "What?" I asked, looking at their sympathetic looks.

"They're not going to let you see her." Connor said in a hushed tone.

"They let them in." I motioned towards Finnick and Johanna. "Why wouldn't they let me?"

"Because," I heard Gale say, coming up to stand behind Annie. "She doesn't want to see you." His voice was cold, but I could hear the hint of joy when he said that.

"Gale," Finnick hissed up at him, but we both stared at each other.

"Of course she does. She's just confused and scared. She'll want to see me, and make sure I'm okay." I started to get up again, when Connor grabbed me, again. "Let me go." I said down to him.

"She asked specifically not to see you." Gale said.

Pain ripped through my chest.

Katniss POV

My mother comes and sits with me everyday, Prim often with her. I don't say anything, except when they bring up Peeta, but they still talk to me. Prim comes and sits next to me on the bed, grabbing my hand, and my mother sits in the chair.

Gale sits with me. He doesn't talk, just holds my hand or strokes my hair. He hardly speaks to me, only when I start to tense up and curl back into my ball- I do that a lot these days.

Dr. Larsen comes in everyday to take blood, which he still has to have people restrain me for. He asks me how I'm doing and feeling, and tells me the same thing. "They were just hallucinations. You're safe, they weren't real."

And I would always have the same mono-tone answer: "It still seemed real."

He tells me I am improving- physically, not mentally. He doesn't need to say it, but I already know it's going to take a long time for me to ever be okay again.

The hallucinations have stopped, but I still feel scared and panicked when someone walks into my room. It's the nightmares that are the worst though. Even if I'm sedated- which is quite often- I still wake up screaming.

I can feel Peeta beside me as I sleep, and when I wake up and he is still there, I try to keep as even a breath I can so he still thinks I'm sleeping.

I don't want to see him. My mother brings him up a lot, and I tell her to stop, my voice quiet and scratchy. But she goes on anyways, telling me he is always outside or in here. And then she asks me, once again, if I'm sure I don't want to see him.

And then I feel like I'm on repeat, because whenever I do speak, it's a chorus of "I'm fine," and, "I know it wasn't real.". But the most common, "I don't want to see Peeta, don't let him in here."

But the thing that makes me laugh inwardly at myself, I don't mean any of it.

I was sitting on the corner of my bed with my knees pulled up to my chest when Prim walks in. "Hey Katniss." She says cheerfully, taking her usual spot next to me. I nod at her, and try to forget the hurt in her eyes.

"Peeta wants to see you." She whispers putting her chin on my shoulder. "Like really bad." She meant it light-heartedly, but it felt like a punch to my gut.

I know I was hurting him, but it was going to take me longer to get over the hallucinations of him because he was the most violent, and the last one who I ever expected to treat me like that, real or not.

I try to smile at her, but I can tell by her expression that she knew it was forced. "That's great." I whisper, burying my face in the shoulder that isn't occupied by her.

"Are you ever going to see him." I shook my head, and she sat back to look at me. "You're killing him Katniss, why won't you just see him?" I shot her my glare, and I knew I had anger in my eyes.

"Do you really want to know why?" I said, a bit more harsh and louder than it needed to be. And I should've stopped when I saw the shock and fear in her tiny eyes. But now that I was getting started, there was no stopping me now. "Everyday, every single day, he would show up. He would yell at me, blame me for the deaths of everyone I loved. For hours, he would yell at me. Or sometimes, he would go straight to the beatings. He was relentless, over and over and over again. The only rest I had from him, was when it felt like fire was running through my veins. It was a constant cycle." I stopped, trying to catch my breath.

I looked at my sister, and felt guilt rush through my body when I saw the tears in her eyes. She was standing at the edge of my bed, and she was shaking.

"Prim, I'm so sorry." I said as gently as I could, reaching a hand towards her. But she flinched away, running towards the door.

When she pulled it open, Peeta was standing at the door, tears threatening the spill out of his eyes. I hadn't realized I was yelling that loudly, but it was obvious he had heard everything.

Prim pushed past him, and his eyes followed her wherever she was going.

Then he looked back at me and walked away, letting the door shut behind him.

I know it was short, but it's the end of the semester, and I have so much I need to do, but I also had to update. I hoped you guys liked it!