First off, I'd like to say that I've been getting comments and reviews saying that there is no reason for Katniss to be scared of Peeta if she is letting everyone else see her. For sake of clarity, Katniss know's that they are real, and this isn't a hallucination, I apologize if I did not make that clear. Peeta treated her the worst, and it is a residual fear of him, so she does not want to be around him.
I hope that clarified some things, and I appreciate all of your reviews and comments!
Katniss POV
I haven't let anyone see me since I yelled at Prim. My mom tries to push through the other nurses, but they always pull her away just as she gets through the door.
I haven't been thinking about the hallucinations lately, mostly how much I've hurt everyone I care about. The pain I saw in Prim's eyes when I shouted at her, is on constant replay behind my eyelids.
I haven't been eating or drinking, so the only nutrients I get are from the IV fluids they inject me with. I've given up fighting their needles, but they still just gave me an IV line that stays in me on the top of my wrist.
It's been almost four days- I think- since I've seen anybody. I asked Dr. Larsen to make sure they don't let anybody in. He seemed disappointed, as if I've made tremendous progress, and just took ten steps back.
They stopped giving me sedatives, so I've hardly slept. It's hard to when you've stayed curled up in the corner of a bed for hours. Nurses come and go, checking on me, asking me if I want anything, but I just stare at the wall.
The doctors said that all the hallucinations and Versed has left my body, which has left my mind growing clearer, but, I feel like there is a battle going on inside my mind. I'm constantly wondering what I should be feeling right now. Whether or not to feel relieved that they really are alive, and that Snow was just lying to get to me, to feel scared because I still don't know exactly where I am. They have tried to explain it several times to me, but I just kept blocking them out, the most I've gathered is that I am in District 13.
And the most pressing emotion, anger. I'm angry at everyone. I'm mad that no one had told me about the rebellion, because then I could've been prepared for what was going to happen in the arena. Anger at 13 for waiting this long to get me, because if they would've came sooner, say like, after my first interview, then this whole thing could've been avoided.
I want to see Peeta. But I can't bring myself to ask them to let him in. I'm not even sure if he comes by anymore. I know Gale does. A lot of the times when I look over at the window of my room, I see him watching me from outside the room. I try to offer my best smile, but I can't help but feeling that that should be Peeta waiting for me to invite him in.
I didn't allow myself to have these thoughts when I was in the Capitol because I believed they were all dead and it would've been useless. But they're alive. Everyone I love is alive.
But the longer I'm here, the more the thoughts creep up into the front of my mind. It's as if they are demanding for me to pay attention to them.
I love Gale. But not like they way he wants me too. He is my brother. There was a time when I wanted to love him more, needed to love him more. But no matter how hard I tried, it's always been Peeta. I've always loved Peeta. I loved him even when I didn't think I did, when I was only pretending to love.
It's a shame that it took me losing him to realize it.
I jump as my door opens, and Gale walks in. He watches me in the doorway for a moment before he starts to make his way into the room.
"I told them not to let anyone in here." I say, looking back at the wall. He sighs and sits on the edge of my bed.
"I'm here for business." I look into his pain filled eyes, and waits for what he has to say. "President Coin, the leader here at 13, wants to speak with you."
"Why?"
He looks away for a second, then meets my gaze. "She wants you start working with us on the rebellion." I open my mouth, but he shushes me and goes on. "I know you just got here, so you don't have to do anything you don't want to. If you want to stay in bed and work on getting better that's fine," He pauses, and looks back at the ground. "But if you want to, they sent me down here to bring you to Command for the meeting."
I don't want to sit around doing nothing, I have to do something. But if I get up and out of this room, then I have to face everything I've been hiding from for the past three days.
"Okay." I whisper, and he looks up at me.
"Alright." He walks over to the shelf and picks up some gray clothes. "Put these on and I'll take you down there." He holds out the clothes and I take them.
"Now?" I thought I would've at least had a days notice.
"Unless you don't want to." He says quickly. "I can tell them to wait for a few days-"
"No, it's fine, just let me get dressed, and I'll meet you in the hallway."
He nods and leaves the room. I get dressed quickly and brush my hair back into a braid, and make my way into the hallway where Gale is waiting.
"Let's go." I say, pulling the sleeves of my shirt down over my hands and crossing my arms.
"You don't have to do this right away. You can rest for a little bit." He says walking towards me. His hand reaches out, as if he is going to touch my face, then he brings it back down.
I"ve been resting for three weeks. I'm ready to start working." He nods and I follow him down the hall.
Peeta POV
I'm on my way to the training center to meet Connor. I've been exercising everyday for hours the past three days. It distracts me from facing the truth. I pass the hospital on my way to the elevator and catch Gale leaving. He pauses in the door, and seems to wait for me to pass. I meet his glare, but keep walking. I haven't spoken to him since he told me Katniss asked not to see me.
And I haven't been to see Katniss since I heard her yelling at Prim.
I reach the elevator and shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts. I press the button that will lead me to the correct floor and wait for the doors to close. Once I'm out of everyone's views, I lean against the wall and try to calm my breathing. Hearing Katniss say those things, saying what she thought I'd done to her, hurt more than anything I've ever experienced, even finding out I had lost my family.
The elevator opens up into the training center, and I quickly spot Connor at the beginning of the track, talking to Johanna. She has her hand on his arm, and is smiling flirtatiously at him. He says something, using wide hand gestures, and she starts to laugh.
I try to ignore the thought that rushes into my head thinking that that should be me and Katniss, as long as the longing feeling in my chest as I walk towards them.
Johanna spots me as I come closer, and Connor turns his head to follow her gaze. He catches sight of me and waved. I nod and walk up to them. "Hey Connor, Johanna."
"Hi Peeta." She says nodding at me. "I'm gonna get going and let you to do your manly exercises." She smiles again at him, and leaves.
"Let's go." He says quickly, starting to jog before I have a chance to say anything. I run after him, and we quickly set an easy pace for our ten laps.
We don't talk while we run, which I hate because that silence allows my thoughts to cloud my mind.
When we reach the end our run, he leaves saying that he is needed in special defences, and breaks for the door, before I've even taken a drink of water.
I think that he's been acting strange as I walk into the elevator and run into Finnick.
"Hey," He says, nervously. That's when it clicks. Something's wrong.
"What's going on?" I say , turning to him when the doors close.
He starts pushing to floor he wants repeatedly. "I don't know what you're talking about." He glances at me, but quickly goes back to the buttons. "Nothing's wrong."
"Bull." I cross my arms and glare at him. "You and Connor are acting weird, Gale looked off when I saw him earlier." I say, recalling the look of sadness and worry heavier in his eyes.
He doesn't look at me, and he doesn't respond. When the elevator opens, he lets out a sigh, and I realized that we are on the same floor as Command.
"Are you going to Command?" I ask him. His hesitance gives me my answer.
He starts to walk out, but I catch up to him and grab his arm. "What is going on Finnick?"
He looks at me like he gives up, and his shoulders slump. "I'm going to a meeting. They're going to decide whether or not Katniss is ready to start working on the Rebellion." He says, in a rushed breath. He glances around nervously, and tries to get away again.
"What? She's only been back a few weeks! She's no where near ready-" I stop talking when the elevator door opens behind Finnick and I see Katniss standing there.
She's watching me with a weird expression on her face, and stare at her beautiful face, fully aware of the pain in my chest.
But seconds later, her eyes are filled with anger, "Don't tell me what I am or am not ready for." She says, walking past me, with Gale at her back.