Background Noise Chapter 2, a skins fanfic

I just want to say thank you to all the lovely reviewers, it was really unexpected feedback. Apologies I couldn't message everyone, especially the guests, so I thought to show my appreciation to each of you I'll just put up a second chapter. That brings me to say I'm so so sorry that it's taken so long. I am transitioning to a new job and took a language class on top of that so I've been busy a lot.

Silent companionship; that's what I was to you. Quiet rapture; that's what you were to me.

You walked with her to uni as the snowflakes melted around you. She let you hold her hand. You gave her your full devotion as she animatedly discussed the pros and cons of two schools she's thinking of applying for a job.

She stopped when she thought you weren't listening. You saw her frown and you said, 'St. Michael's curriculum gives you more room to grow. St. Jude's pays better but once St. Michael's see your brilliance, they'd offer you more to stay yeah?' She smiled, reassured. Happy. 'Or you know, go to where the kids are less pricks.'

She laughed and it was an awakening. Like flowers on a sweet spring day. 'That's sorted then.'

When you arrived at the gates, she turned to you with a regretful pout. 'I got loads of preparations to do for my teaching practice. You might not see me until Thursday.'

'Good luck.' You leave her alone if she asks. A dull ache pervades you every time it occurs but she always made up for it on your reunion. Maybe you'd finally read the books you bought last week, you thought in consolation. 'See you on Thursday.'

A delicate kiss was planted on your cheek. Her lips lingered. It's moments like these, when everything slows down and quiets, that you feel most for her. You never defined what you are, and somehow you were fine with that; what you had for her run deeper than any labels. She pulled back, gave you the most patient of smiles, before walking away.

You watched her go, your affection growing strength in its silence.

You still hold me at arm's distance. It's fraction of space in your eyes, but light years away in mine.

You preoccupy yourself with reading and idle writing when you couldn't be with her, mostly. You attempt a complicated meal or two sometimes. You go out in hope for a sliver of sunlight but you didn't mind the perpetual rainclouds that hung heavy in the low sky either; a spell over your sleepy town.

You went to the local grocer shop on a hazy Tuesday. You've always relished on the banal task. The brightly-lit aisles and organized shelves. Your mobile rang while you were stocking on cheese. It was your publisher.

'You answered on the third ring. That's brilliant.'

'Hey Eve.'

'Huge news, Naomi. A company from America wants to buy the film rights for Dirty Faces.'

The idea struck you as surreal and the first word to leave you was, 'Why?'

'Why, you ask? Because the bloody book sold half a million copies in America alone. The offer was 200,000. That's US dollars love, but we're in a position to demand for more.' You expressed your hesitance. Money wasn't the concern. You knew of films that didn't do its original source a justice. You just did not want to head that path. 'Valid sentiment, of course. They'd probably let you co-write the screenplay if you show interest. But this is obviously a tough decision and I asked them to give you time to think.'

'Thank you Eve. Appreciate it.'

You agreed to hold out your decision. You wondered what Emily's opinion on the matter so you paid for your items and headed to her flat. She's probably not even home but you knocked anyway. A muscled man with fake tan and bleached hair opened the door for you. Your insides instantly coiled in hot knots.

'Can I help you?'

'Who are you?'

'I'm Sam, I go to uni with Ems. Who are you?'

You didn't answer the question. The nickname was already bothering you. 'Where's Emily?'

'Emily, there's a girl here!' He called further inside the flat after he looked at you, curious. A second later, Emily emerged from the bedroom. She briefly halted when she saw you, then rushed towards the door. Her eyes darted wildly. You felt sick to your stomach.

'What are you doing here?'

Your eyes flickered between her and Geordie Shore. You hated how close he was to her; his territorial body language. Quietly, 'Eve called. They want to make Dirty Faces a film. I just… wanted to tell you.'

'That's, that's…' her words stumbled. 'That's great news Naoms.' Hollow.

'What in Christ's name is Dirty Faces?'

'It's a book,' she answered him absentmindedly. She shook her head and seemed to snap out her daze. 'You should go Sam yeah?'

'But I thought-'

'I've changed my mind. Now please leave.'

'You fucking serious?' She nodded, resolute. He pushed passed you, filth pouring out his mouth. 'Bloody hell. This is a fucking waste of time…'

You turned to her when his footsteps blended with the noise outside. 'Who is Sam?' A cruel plot twist perhaps, will be the cause of your demise. 'Is he your boyfriend?'

You were expecting guilty admittance. Instead, it was shocked outrage.

'For fuck's sake Naomi, of course not. I… fuck.' Her eyes that gave you so much courage were cowardly refusing to meet yours now. 'The rent came up last month. My job at the library won't cover it.'

No, Em. No, no, no.

'You told me you stopped.'

'I did! But I didn't know what else to do.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Because you'd worry and try to help.'

'Is that too repulsive for you that you rather do this?'

'No. I'm sorry I-' Her voice was soft, remorseful. 'I just didn't want to rely on you for anything else.'

'What does that mean?'

'Nothing.' She wasn't quite there. Lost in her own thoughts. 'Just forget it.'

That's the problem, you wanted to tell her. My heart refuses to forget.

'No Em, tell me what you really mean.'

A pleading look from both of you. You didn't falter. She caved in the end.

'Naomi.' It was painful, the way she said your name. 'Before you, it felt like no one would notice if I disappeared forever. But you look at me and suddenly I'm the best version of myself. You make me feel so much that sometimes I can't stand to be with you. And I want to give you what you deserve but what if I can't?'

'You're more than enough.'

'Look at me, I'm so fucked up.'

'I don't care.'

'Are you sure?' Her voice small.

'I'm a little mess myself Em.' You smiled faintly, quite unsure of yourself. 'I love you.'

'I know you do.'

'Oh.' You stared at her floor. Your glass heart in her callous hands. 'Well I guess there's that.'

She walked up to you, wrapped her arms around your waist. Then she sent an irreparable blow to your fragile heart. 'I love you too, you know.'

You find yourself in people, you lose yourself in them. They break you into pieces and it destroys you for a while. But you emerge on the other side, stronger. Sometimes, better.

She was graduating in a couple of days. You accompanied her to buy a dress for the occasion. You didn't need one, you had a closetful for the high-end occasions you're compelled to attend. Networking, Eve insisted, but it's long been proven you're not effective on that field.

You sat on the floor of the spacious dressing room as she tried on a few dresses.

'Em?'

'Yeah?'

'Did you call your mum about graduation?'

'I did. She's not coming.' Her was voice neutral, an aloof air she now only rarely uses. 'Well she said she might but when I mentioned my girlfriend's going to be there, suddenly she had to visit Auntie Bonnie in Aberdeen.'

'Oh.'

A charged silence filled the small room until she sighed and looked at you through the mirror's reflection.

'It's not your fault she's a total cow.'

'Do you want me to-'

'Not go so she would?' She laughed derisively. You didn't like the abrasive sound coming from her. 'She made me fend for myself since I was 17. I don't care if she's coming or not.'

You doubted if your words could pacify the situation so you resorted to silence.

'Babe.' You gazed up. She was looking at you. A resigned smile to your troubled frown. 'I know you want everything to be better yeah? But this, there's nothing you can do.'

'Is there anything you can do?'

'I tried to fix it but she won't meet me halfway. It's been ages and really, I'm happier without her.'

You nodded, slowly accepting her truth as yours.

I live most in the nights, you love me most on closed doors; we are both shy creatures of darkness.

You had dinner at a fancy restaurant after her graduation. She was exquisite, her joy for the occasion made her glow in blinding splendour. After, you spent the rest of the quiet evening in her flat. Her iPod a hum in the background while you talked. She told you she's giving up her flat.

'Where will you live?'

'I'll move to a smaller one maybe. Or you know, share a flat with some of my mates from uni.' You nodded and idly picked on the fabric of your dress. She noticed your lack of reaction. 'What's the matter?'

'Is your mind made up?'

'Well… it's not like I have a choice. I can't afford this place anymore.'

'Why don't you live with me?' The air left your body as you let the question loose. 'I mean, my flat's got an extra room if you want to use it.'

'You serious?'

'You won't have to pay rent.' Her expression was still not giving anything away. You both knew you're in uncharted territory. Still you added, 'An alternative, if you want to consider.'

She set her beer down and inched closer, her front pressing against your side. Her eyes droop, almost shyly she whispered, 'Thank you.'

'What I'm here for.'

'I'd like to take up on your offer.'

'Brilliant.'

'On one condition.'

'Yeah?'

'Spend the night here?' You felt her lips on your neck. Languid kisses. Her hot breathe against your skin. Your mind that always wreak havoc was suddenly blank. 'Naomi.' Your name sighed impatiently when you didn't respond right away. She pulled back with an unhappy pout; your lips curved into an amused smile.

'Your temper is quite adorable.'

'Is that a no?'

'No.' You held her by the jaw and kissed her with all you had.

Later, much later, you held her closer than ever before. In the dead of night, your heartbeats synced.

'You're so soft.' Her voice was broken, a hush.

'You are too.'

'You're so hot.'

You breathed out a laugh, shaking both your bodies. 'Yeah, my pale limbs are to die for.'

She kissed you and it was different. You can finally see again. You told her this and it was her turn to laugh.

'I love your way with words.' She moved off you and settled on your side. A lazy feeling of tenderness washed over you. 'Thank you for today. A year ago, finishing uni was just a step. Now it feels like a huge achievement.'

'It is.'

'With you, it is.'

Incredibly close. You invade every nook of me even the rainclouds fail to reach. You're an anomaly I don't mind having in my tired existence.

She moved in during a bright Saturday. You opened all the windows to your flat and let the sun in. All her possession fitted in a taxi's trunk. You watched her settle down in the guest bedroom across yours. It seemed backward, for her to move in and not stay in a room together. You didn't mind. Watching her fill the bare spaces with her trinkets put a smile on your face.

'You sure I can take this one? It's the biggest room.'

'I like my room.'

'Yeah, I like it too.' Her grin was suggestive and you found yourself biting your lip.

It was odd sharing your place with someone after a stretch of solitude. But she's a change you welcome any day.

'I'll leave you to it then, I got some e-mails to send. I'll be in my study if you need help.'

'Fine, thanks babe.'

You headed to the smallest room in the flat and sat in front of your computer. You're still in talks with the producers who wanted to buy the film rights of your third book. You were gauging how they wanted to approach it and so far, they were giving you the right answers.

She knocked at your door an hour later, informing you she was done fixing all her things. You sent your last e-mail for the day before joining her in the kitchen to make dinner.

'Your room alright?'

'It's three times bigger than my old one. 'Course.'

You had dinner in front of the telly watching a rerun of Jeremy Kyle. It was raucous entertainment. Your flat was never filled with that much noise since your last relationship was in its final dying breathes. But this was happy noise and it made all the difference.

Later, she kissed you goodnight on the hallway before heading to her room. The following evening, she fell asleep in your bed recounting her treasured childhood memories. You didn't spend a night apart since.

'Is it wise to depend all your happiness on another person?' I ask you. 'An absolute no,' you answer, wisdom in your words. 'But love is never wise. It's trusting.'

She found three different bottles of prescription pills in the bathroom. When she asked you about it, her eyes were already tremulous. You were quick to assure her they were your old medications.

'Why didn't you tell me anything?'

'A few reasons.' Thousands and thousands.

'Try one.'

'It doesn't even matter anymore. It was a long time ago.'

'Can we please talk about it? I don't want to trigger anything, I-'

'Don't.'

'Excuse me?'

'Don't treat me differently. It's not your duty to take care of me.'

'What the fuck am I here for then?'

'I mean-'

'You can't just give and give and won't let me do anything. That's not how we work.'

'I know that.'

'You obviously don't.'

'…I'm sorry.'

She looked at the bottles in her hands. 'When's the last time you took these?'

'Last November.'

'For how long?'

'Thirteen months. My head didn't feel right for a while.' The side effects were brutal, the reason you needed over two years to finish your third novel.

She nodded, left the bottles on your table, and went to her room without another word.

She didn't arrive at your door come evening so you went to hers. She was already in bed, the room dark. You stood by the door, an invisible barrier stopping you from going all the way in like you normally would.

'You're staying here tonight?'

'Yes.'

'You're still mad then?' She refused to answer. Your voice was calm but a war was breaking out inside you. 'Did you change your mind about me?'

'No. Fucking hell, why do you ask me that every time we argue?' She didn't wait for your reply. She pushed her beddings aside, 'Come here.'

You joined her in bed and she pulled you by the back of your neck and kissed you possessively. She was purposely drowning in you. You'd always be amazed with the way she freely throws herself into the abyss, how it reduces you into a speechless spectator.

'I really am sorry.'

'No more secrets. Promise me.'

'I promise.'

'Promise me and mean it.'

'I mean it.' You could see from her face that she's desperate for answers. 'What do you want to know?'

She hesitated but her curiosity won out. 'How did it happen?'

You shrugged, attempted an answer. 'Too many words unsaid. Too many lives unlived.'

'And… do you still feel that way?'

'No.' You entwined your hands. 'Because I know what I want now. And I have her right here.'

You asked me what I loved most about you. Your eyes? Your nose? Your hazel eyes, perhaps? You weren't expecting it when I answered: the way you hold my universe together.

She went home one day with chopped hair and in a colour you only saw on pictures of her young self. You were immobile with curious anticipation.

'What happened?'

'Thought I'd try a new look. The red hair's not really appealing for a primary school teacher.' She touched it, self-conscious. 'Don't you like it?'

'It's different.' Her face fell, wasn't what she was hoping for. 'But I like it.'

You were on the front seat of her evolution. A lost soul once, now she's discovering herself in the most beautiful ways. A phenomenon that rivals the majestic Auroras.

'Yeah?' Her face lit up.

'It's brave for you to do it and I'm very proud of you.'

She laughed, 'I just changed my hair, I didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize.'

She went to her interview two days later and came home forlorn. She met the other applicants and felt she didn't stand a chance. Your assurance did little to lift her mood. You didn't push, you knew it's a process she needed to go through. Still, the following days with her shoulders visibly slouching lower, her eyes growing dimmer, was as brutal for you as did it for her.

Midday Monday, you were watching a documentary on the telly. She had her head on your lap, pretending to watch it with you, when the telephone rang. She didn't stir so it was you who reached for it and answered. A sophisticated voice was on the other line.

'Good day, my name is Margaret Stein from St. Michael's Academy. May I speak with Miss Emily Fitch please?'

You smiled. Calmly, 'Of course, one moment.' You held the phone out to her. 'It's for you.'

She took the phone, reluctantly she answered, 'Yeah?' A beat, then she bolted upright. Eyes wide, blinking hard. 'Yes, of course. I understand. It's no problem.'

They talked for another minute, her mood drastically changing. She tackled you to the cushions the moment the call ended.

'I got it! Oh my god, I can't believe they gave it to me. This is mental.'

She peppered your face with kisses. You both laughed sharing the joy, relief, thrill. You hugged her, let her know you're extremely proud of her. She grinned and pressed her lips to yours. You kissed for a while then after, you got up and pulled her to the kitchen. You presented her with a cake that you bought two days ago; a simple message written on it, Congratulations Emily.

'What if I didn't get it?' she asked curiously.

The look you gave her was enough of an answer. You bit your lip, cheekily you said, 'It's still good cake.'

She laughed and the light returned to her eyes. Everything was going to be all right after all.

We drag our broken wings through the dirt, searching for someone to save us from ourselves. We soar. We falter. We fall. We crash. But you and I, we're better. That's all that matter.

It was never easy being with someone. Sometimes you fall out of love with the person. Sometimes you love them so much you had to let them go or it will destroy you. With her, the condition changes every day. She's so full of contradictions, just like you are, and you wonder if you're too alike to love each other.

She had been working at St. Michael's for four months. Her students adored her. She's good friends with some co-teachers that they even go out on the weekends. You were happy of course, you always were for her. But she couldn't seem to have those much shiny new toys without disposing some of her old ones.

You would wake up and she's no longer beside you. She was out the door, a ghost of a hurried kiss planted on your cheek. She would come home tired and you could barely talk to her. She was already busy with something, but never with you.

You knew you had to have an ultimatum, which was difficult especially if she didn't even have time to argue with you anymore. But your tipping point did arrive on a Wednesday afternoon. She went home, her keys clunking tiredly at the coffee table.

'Hey.'

You're sitting by the window reading a book. 'Hi. How was your day?'

'Fine. I'll go get change.'

That's the extent of the conversation you'd been having. She went to her room but came back after a minute. She noticed the packed suitcase by your bedroom door and asked you about it. Her obliviousness you were expecting, but the pain that hit you was a thousand times more brutal in reality.

Without looking up from your book, 'I'm going to London. I told you about it four times.'

'What I-' she was confused. 'I thought that won't be after your birthday.'

You turned a page on your book. 'It is. My birthday was yesterday.' You looked up after a moment. The impact of your words evident on her features. All those times she neglected you seemed to playback in her memory.

'Fuck.' She approached you, armed with her guilty apologies. 'Naomi-'

'Don't.' You stood up, not wanting any of it.

'But-' you shook your head and she paused. She looked at her hands, seeking. 'What do you want me to do?'

You've been here before. The dying process. But you already exhausted every star wishing it would never reach this point with her.

'Let me go to London. It'll give you time to think.'

'There's nothing I have to think about.'

'There is Em.' The brutal truth. 'We're not alright.'

She looked at you with pleading eyes, 'Don't say that.'

'I have to.' A sad smile. 'I don't want to demand a sliver of your time if you don't want to give it anymore.'

'I'm sorry if I've been busy, you know how parents could be when it comes to their children. And Margaret, I don't want to disappoint her for choosing me over the others.'

'I know that. But… I need you too.'

'You have it.' A silent conviction. 'You have my time.'

'Thank you.' But you knew it wasn't enough to fix the damage. 'The thing is, I shouldn't be asking you for it.'

'You're still leaving, aren't you?'

You nodded and her eyes darted wildly. Unsure. But at the end she nodded back, 'OK.'

You left the next day. The goodbye kiss lacked the emphatic emotions that would engulf two lovers parting. The gazed you both held as the taxi drove away, her standing on the pavement, was missing the familiar ache that goes with leaving her.

In London, you welcomed the distraction. You've finally sold the rights to Dirty Faces and the contract signing was the next day. You arrived at the publishing house and were shocked to see a familiar face at the lobby.

'Michelle.'

'Naomi.'

Her sun-kissed skin and curly locks. Her arresting eyes and easy smile. She hasn't changed a bit from the last time you saw her three years ago at a busy Heathrow Airport.

'What are you doing here? I thought you're in Spain.'

You spent one winter together. She was pleasant, free-spirited. Then she told you one day that she was sick of the cold and wanted to move to Seville. The sun. The history. The language. She wanted to experience that. She asked you to come with her but you didn't. You liked the dark weather.

You let her go, understanding her desire to see the world. Despite that, she was still part of your past that didn't break you into a thousand pieces. You still remember her last words before she disappeared in your life. Adios, amor, adios.

'I'm the screenwriter,' she simply said, her smile bright. 'I love this one the most by the way. Heart-breaking, reminds me of a Nabokov. I'm quite surprised you decided to sell the rights. Knowing you, you like to keep things private.'

She smiled wider, her eyes had a knowing glint. Her long eyelashes, graceful as she blinked. It brought you back to the intimacy you had with this person, the sleepless nights you spent with her. How she had a piece of your soul. You felt yourself blush. 'Thank you.'

She asked you to lunch after the signing. You briefly thought of Emily, then accepted.

'Are you single?' She had always been straight to the point.

'No.' You felt guilty all of a sudden. 'Her name's Emily.'

She seemed unfazed by your revelation and looked at you thoughtfully, 'And does she… understands you?' Like I do. She didn't say it, but it was the point of the question.

'Not always. But she makes me happy.'

'You don't seem so happy now.'

'Couples fight.'

'I see.' Her words sceptic. She took a sip of her wine. 'We didn't fight, did we?'

'No,' you agreed.

'I'm staying at the Marriott. Eve mentioned you're staying there too.' You silently nodded. 'I'm hoping you'd sign my copies of your books? They're in my room.'

'OK but… that would only be it.'

'We'll see.'

You counted how many times Emily broke your heart. When she didn't have time to tell you about her day anymore; it always had been the highlight of yours, to listen to her stories. When she chose to go out with her new friends over a quiet evening with you, you pretended to be fine with it but it was truly picking you apart. How it left you craving for attention. Now, Michelle was giving it to you.

You finished your meal and walked to your hotel. She was holding on to your arm while she told you about her days in Seville. You found yourself hanging on to her every word. It's been a while since someone gave you that much sentences so you made sure you didn't miss anything.

You walked into the hotel's lobby and she asked you, 'I'm at the sixth floor, you want to go to your room first before you come to mine?'

'No, it's fine.'

As you headed to the elevators, you saw her and your guts recoiled. She approached you, her eyes darting between you and Michelle.

'What's the matter?' Michelle asked when you stopped walking. That's when she noticed her standing there. She was quick to piece it together. 'My goodness, Naomi is this Emily?'

'Yeah… yeah she is.'

'Hi I'm Michelle,' her voice cheerful, shockingly genuine. 'Naomi told me so much about you.'

'Hi,' her raspy tone clipped. 'I never heard of you before.'

Michelle smiled regally despite the cold reply, 'You know how Naomi is, always the private one.'

Emily's eyes lingered back at you, silently agreeing.

Michelle squeezed your arm, 'You can sign my books at another time, I think you two need some time to talk.' She kissed your cheek, then turned to Emily, 'It was great meeting you.'

You watched her walk away and realized that you hadn't exchange a word with Emily in the entirety of the conversation.

'Why are you here?' you asked her.

'I couldn't sleep last night… missing you…' she dropped her eyes, almost shy for admitting it. Then she chuckled, as if remembering a fond memory. But when she looked up, her eyes were hollow. 'I suppose it's safe to say that you don't feel the same.'

You didn't want having the conversation at a crowded lobby so you coaxed her towards a vacant elevator. Only when you were finally in your room that you answered her, 'You can't say that to me.'

'Why not?' she started pacing, agitated.

'Because this has nothing to do with distance. You were there every night and I couldn't reach you still. I've been missing you for a long time Emily.'

She briefly stopped pacing but she was determined for a fight. 'Yeah? And what about Michelle? Holding you and kissing you like you fucking belong to her. I felt like you were the real couple and I was being intrusive!'

'We weren't doing anything.' You sighed and flopped down the bed. 'I wouldn't do that to you.'

She scoffed, 'You looked so fucking guilty Naomi.'

You looked out the window. The sun was already setting in this beautiful lonely city and you felt empty inside. Choosing to be honest, 'She was giving me her full attention. You deprived me of that so I took it. Even only for a few minutes, just so I don't feel like I'm invisible.' You return your gaze to her. 'But really Em, if you think I'd rather have someone else, then you've never been more wrong.'

Her features softened. She stood there unmoving for a minute, suspended in her own thoughts. Then she walked over and sat beside you. Her arms wrapped around your waist, her head on your shoulder. Your hand rested on her leg. You stayed like that until the room was washed over by darkness.

'One of my students, Charlie, do you remember Charlie?' her voice was a whisper, her words intended only for you.

'Chipped Tooth Charlie? Yeah I remember him.'

'I taught the children to sing the national anthem a week ago and he was really struggling. He finally got to sing it properly yesterday.'

'That's nice.'

'It is. I'm very proud of him.' Your hand glided on her thigh. She inhaled a breathe and snuggled further into you. 'How was your day?'

'Signed the contract. They'll start filming next month.'

'That's great, congratulations.'

'Thank you.'

'Any idea who's going to play you in the film?' her voice was teasing.

'I'm not in the book,' you told her but she hummed stubbornly. 'But I heard Kate Winslet might be in it.'

She squealed excitedly. Your mild and loving heart seemed to repair from the sound. She looked at you. Through the darkness, you saw her tongue dart out to wet her lips. You felt a familiar tug on your stomach.

'I haven't tasted you in a long time,' her voice was husk and you swallowed audibly.

'I miss the way you say my name when you come,' you retaliate and she laughed before pulling you for a bruising kiss.

Thank you for reading, and again reviews will be very much appreciated. Much love to everyone.