Sorry for the delay here. I have been insanely busy with the holiday and then family issues. I am working on chapter four as we speak, and until today, I hadn't any time available to sit and write, or even get this posted. Hope you all enjoy.

Only God Can Judge Me

"Swan, you're late." I attempted to slide into the group of other med students for rounds unseen. I rushed as fast as I could. Truly I did. I was only fifteen minutes late. I didn't want last night's activities to impact my day. I brushed my hair on the drive and changed into my scrubs in the locker room in record time. I may have even walked out of the said locker room with my pants half on. I was determined.

On my way to rounds, I popped some vitamin C and chugged a coffee from the break room – a sure way to cure any remnants of my hangover. It always worked back in the day.

Yet no matter how hard I tried to put yesterday night behind me, I failed. Big time.

"Yes, I know. I apologize. There was an emergency at home and it will never happen again. I promise."

"Better not. Now, let us use this moment of Ms. Swan's misfortune as a lesson for you all. As you may find it easy to dismiss an appointment, or start time in your life, know when it involves patients, real people who are relying on you, you cannot be late. Swan, your emergency could have meant someone died."

Doctor Riley Biers was one to be feared. It was known he hated med students. And where he hated them, he hated ones who disregarded the stethoscope even more. My act of being late was a disregard for what we were to stand for. Alice owed me her life after this. But really, I was the one that kept drinking. I was the one that got pulled into the god damn music and then woke up with the singing God in my room.

"Swan, are you paying any attention?"

"Uh."

"First you are late, then you ignore me. Are you sure you want an M.D. after your name?"

"Yes, sir. I apologize. Again."

"Now, Ms. Swan, I asked you to please provide me with your opinion on this patient. Ms. Franklin is a fifty-four year old, one hundred and eighty pound, non-smoker, post-menopausal female, with no family history to offer. She was brought in with swelling to both hands and feet and trouble breathing. She states she is on no medications and her tox screen shows the same. She has been on oxygen since arrival and nebulizer treatments every two hours. Chest x-ray is clear for any masses. Can you please provide me the next steps you would take?"

"Uh, well I would check for a possible allergic reaction, but since she has swelling to multiple extremities, I am doubtful that would pan out. May be helpful to check with the patient if she has any allergies, as this wasn't noted."

"She provided none," Dr. Biers stated.

"Then I would move for an echo. Due to age and weight, she very well could have pulmonary hypertension. With the swelling and pain, she very well may be at a later stage with the illness."

"Very good diagnosis, Ms. Swan. We actually already ran an echo for Ms. Franklin in the overnight hours, and it shows heavy strain on the right side of her heart from her lungs being over worked. For now, she will be on oxygen as well as a channel blocker. We are also keeping her for twenty-three hour observation. Nice job, Swan. Good to see all that schooling paid off."

We moved forward with the next patient, Doctor Biers changing from harassing me to giving James a hard time.

James Harrison was every nerd girls dream. He also had the look that he creamed his pants every time I have been around him. Lucky for me and unlucky for him, I wasn't a nerd girl. I was only in disguise. I was a girl trying to keep my shit straight. Something I failed miserably at last night. The thought of last night led my mind back to the messy haired boy that was in my room when I left. I wondered how good of an idea that really was. He could rob us, move in, or steal all of our underwear. Who knew? I wasn't even sure I cared. I didn't understand his motives for staying, other than hoping for a drunk fuck. But if that was the motivation, he didn't have to wake me to let me know he had been there. It was clear my passed out ass wasn't putting out. Unless I did put out.

I shook my head. He said he stayed on the couch. It was obvious I didn't put out. Plus I was still fully dressed sans shoes. He clearly cared. I just couldn't understand why.

Even though I didn't understand him, I did understand a few things; he was unbelievably attractive and he showed me attention. Yet, as nice as both of those things were, I knew it wasn't what I needed in my life. Not now. Not ever. Not if I wanted to succeed at making something of myself.

As difficult as it was, I pushed the messy haired singer out of my mind to focus on my day at the hospital. The first half I did typical med student rounds and the other half I spent in pathology. I needed and wanted the head start into the world of autopsy. If rejected from the residency, I would have to continue to work hours in the emergency room. This wasn't something I was willing to do. Not now. Not ever.

I always wanted to be in the medical field, but the thought of working with real, live people didn't do it for me. I didn't have it in me to be professional and kind and understanding to the sick and ill. I would rather be able to be myself, locked behind closed doors than be subjected to the bull shit doctors were dictated by.

"Bella, what's up? Why were you late?" Rose asked me when I got into the pathology lab.

Rose was in the same boat as me, in regards to wanting to work with dead people. The only difference between my current situation and hers, was that she already had her residency set at another hospital across town. She didn't need to come to work in pathology every day, she was set. She preferred the microscope to the stethoscope, like me.

"Ah, girl. I can't even." I pulled my glasses from my pocket, placing them on my face. Had to look the part. Contacts didn't have the same appeal when you needed to look like you belonged. "Alice took me out."

"Say nothing more." Rose knew of Alice. From me sharing bits of our nights out with her, Rose was more than knowledgeable on the ways of Alice Brandon. "Who was the guy?"

I laughed, unable to help myself, as I grabbed a slide and placed it under the electronic microscope. "Some guy in some band." My mind went back to the singer. His tats. His voice. His pull.

"You know which one?"

Of course I did. I hadn't stopped thinking about how he sang. How his fingers strummed the guitar. How his Adam's apple bobbed when he sang.

"Some local group. They were at Club Amplify last night."

"Only God Can Judge Me!" she shrieked. "I have a massive stalker crush on the bassist. He's amazing. I wanted to go last night to see them perform, but I couldn't get in. How were they?"

I shook my head. There was no way I could deal with this. Another girl with a crush on another band member. There would be no way for me to get away from thinking about him when everyone around me would be talking about his band. "They were," I paused to think.

"Amazing, right?"

"Yeah. They were amazing."

Rose went on and on about Emmett, the bassist she watched from afar. It was rather creepy how she knew all about his favorite foods, places to shop, and where his tats were. Creepy might not have even touched the surface. Granted, Rose was harmless. She was a true nerd girl. She desired to not be labeled as a 'nerd', but her thick framed, coke bottle glasses, hair that was last updated in the early nineties, and her second hand clothing begged to differ.

By the end of the day, I knew more about Emmett McCarty than I needed to know about anyone I wasn't romantically involved with. I gently pried her for any stalker information on the other band members, claiming it was for Alice, but she knew nothing about the rest of the band.

She was a single man stalker type of girl.

As much as I hated that she had no information to give me about my singer, deep down I knew it was probably for the best. As much as I wanted to know his name and his favorite food, and where else he had tats, I knew his type.

His type would only cause me trouble I didn't need.

Til next time...