A Perilous Road.
Chapter Thirteen – We're all in this together.
Kili wasn't sure how he'd feel upon seeing the caves for the first time, and thinking back he wasn't sure if he ever truly believed they would make it this far.
It was hard to determine between the rage and urgency warring inside of him but he guessed above anything else he was overwhelmed. After all, they had been through a lot to get here; the cursed forest, deaths row in the settlement and the forsaken trail with their sanity still barely intact – and it had all been for this – to arrive here. A place where their kind had once thrived and lived in peace, only to be massacred and their homes infested with Goblins.
Hundreds of Dwarves had lived here, and almost all of them had died. The few that remained were in there somewhere and said to be slaves, if it was a myth or not they wouldn't know until they ventured into the vast caves.
Sighing impatiently, Kili adjusted his viewing position where he was hunkered down a little way back, nestled in a small rocky enclosure. Peering across the lake they could see the entrance to the city – two arched iron doors – currently the only visible way in.
So close, but so far away.
Kili had bit his tongue several times to keep himself from suggesting barging down the doors and winging it. It wouldn't do them any good to make it this far and get themselves killed, but the waiting around was unbearable.
A hand resting on his shoulder shook him from his brooding and back to the present. He knew his Brother watched him carefully where he perched beside him. "What's going on in your head, Brother?" Fili asked.
Unsure how to respond Kili focused on the doors again. There were so many things going through his head – too many things, but he found himself saying the words before he could even process them. "I can't believe we actually made it."
He saw movement in his peripheral vision. Fili had turned his back to the caves and rested against the rocky trench they occupied. "Did you really think we wouldn't?" Fili replied.
Unable to hide his feelings Kili shrugged. "At first I believed we would make it here easily, I was naive, I suppose. But we've been through so much to get here, I'm surprised we actually made it."
His Brother became silent as he thought this over. "I guess you're right." Fili answered. "We are lucky to have made it this far. But…"
Unsettled by his Brother's hesitance Kili regarded Fili cautiously. He'd known his Brother's mannerisms for long enough to sense the uncertainty layered beneath Fili's calm exterior. He nodded to his Brother, coaxing him to voice his concerns.
Staring at his Brother, Kili couldn't help but brace himself for what Fili was about to say. He knew that look, and it often surfaced when Fili was about to say something upsetting. "Kili, you know the chances of Liviel…"
"She's alive." Kili interrupted. He didn't want to hear those words. He was not travelling that route.
"Kili, listen…"
"No, you listen!" Kili noticed his Brother flinch at his tone, but he needed to say these words. "She is not dead, she can't be. I refuse to believe that she died that day, that she died trying to escape those animals. That trail we travelled to get here, she was not one of those. Liviel is alive, and we will be taking her home with us."
Noticing the pity Fili tried to conceal only served to make Kili madder. Getting to his feet he stormed away from his Brother. He was well aware he was being unreasonable but he didn't need to hear this now. She was here, she had to be.
Getting over his initial shock of his Brother's outburst Fili scrambled after Kili, he wasn't a stranger to Kili's outbursts but there was something different about him – something feral. He'd felt bad for bringing it up, but he'd known it had to be done. If he didn't say something he knew his Uncle would, and he was certain Thorin wouldn't have been so diplomatic about it. He had a way of just saying things as they were and then dealing with the consequences.
Ignoring Oin and Gloin's questioning glances Fili chased after Kili. His Brother didn't get far, there wasn't anywhere really to go apart from the way they'd come and he was positive Kili would rather turn into an Elf then go back along the trail.
Sure enough Kili had paused by a fallen trunk, which he proceeded to kick before pacing away from it, before returning and kicking it again. Fili let him vent his frustrations, waiting patiently for his Brother's attention. He could see Kili was livid, and it wasn't something he was accustomed to.
Keeping his tone neutral Fili risked continuing their conversation. "You need to face facts."
Kili's eyes narrowed, a venomous edge lacing his every word. "I need to get our Sister out of there. That's what I need."
Exasperated Fili threw his hands up. "We need to prepare ourselves for the worst Kili. If we even find a way in there unnoticed the chances are she died all those years ago." Fili didn't miss the hurt that flickered across Kili's face. He hated upsetting his little Brother, he wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but the chances were completely against them.
Becoming quiet, Fili waited for Kili's response. Eventually his Brother spoke in a calm voice.
"Do you know why I had that panic attack?" Kili asked.
Thrown off by the change of subject Fili frowned. "Of course, because of the well, when we were Dwarflings…"
"No." Kili cut in. Shrugging he looked away from Fili, his eyes becoming glazed. "At first that was the trigger - the reason I panicked. I was back in the well, with that body… all alone. And then…" He swallowed and closed his eyes briefly, trying so hard to keep his grasp on the present and not wanting to fall into the downward spiral. "Then I thought of Livi… Imagined her being one of the deceased. Imagined what they went through and the horror of it all – of someone who shares our blood being killed so mercilessly and pointlessly."
Stunned into silence Fili just stood and watched Kili, feeling overcome with guilt for broaching the subject. He should have spoken to his Brother about the panic attack after it happened, but they were so fixated on leaving the trail they had focused all their attentions on that.
"I know what the chances are Fili." Kili breathed. "I know she's probably dead." Kili swiped a tear from his cheek. "But we owe it to her to believe otherwise. We have to believe she made it through it all because right now I cannot handle the alternative."
Feeling his heart shatter into a thousand pieces Fili paced over to Kili. "I'm sorry." Fili mumbled as he hugged his Brother. He could feel Kili shuddering as he held him and it took everything ounce of restraint not to join his Brother and weep. He wanted to weep for everyone that had died, for the possibility that their Sister was one of them. But he needed to be strong, for the both of them, and Kili was right, they had to believe in their Sister's survival. He knew how Kili felt, he'd gone through the same torture of imagining Livi dead and the grief was so unbearable.
He would believe for the sake of Kili and the Sister he prayed they still had.
Thorin descended into the hide out, Dwalin trailing closely behind. He was instantly aware his Nephews were missing. "Where are they?" Thorin asked Oin and Gloin as they got to their feet. As if on cue his Nephews approached from the trees and Thorin felt himself breathe easier again. He didn't miss the solemn look on Fili's face or Kili's bloodshot eyes but he decided not to inquire into the whys of it, if there was anything he needed to know he assumed Fili would tell him.
Once they were all gathered close Thorin looked amongst them all. He could feel the tension thick in the air, they had all been waiting for Thorin and Dwalin to return from their little 'scouting' mission.
"Well?" Fili prompted. Everyone watched Thorin expectantly but the words were wedged in his throat. He was unable and unwilling to speak because he knew the risk he would be putting his Nephews in. But he was fully aware it was too late for caution. He'd brought them on this road, agreed to bring them here knowing full well it would come to this day sooner or later.
Thorin glanced at Dwalin, his eyes giving Dwalin the silent go ahead. Needing him to explain on his behalf.
"We may have found a way in." Dwalin began. Thorin didn't miss the sharp inhale his Nephews took, both their faces hopeful and expectant. "Around the perimeter there are grates built into the city walls where the rock meets the lake. We're guessing the Dwarves installed them as a way of escaping, emergency exits so to speak – hopefully still with enough space between the lake bed and grate for us to swim through. Some of them may have tried escaping the city that way the day it was invaded. The only thing is, we're obviously not sure what's on the other side."
Thorin waited whilst everyone churned this over, every single Dwarf weighing the pros and cons.
"What are we waiting for then?" Kili asked. Thorin fought to keep from rolling his eyes at his younger Nephew.
"We will wait for night time, at least that way we will have the darkness on our sides." Thorin paused and looked momentarily to Dwalin. "Tonight."
The shock was evident on all their faces but nobody said a word. This was it, they were finally going to do this.
Six Dwarves creeping into the caves. Hundreds of Goblins to greet them.
"Did you see any Goblins while you were scouting?" Gloin asked.
"No none. We aren't sure if they have nightly guards but I'm going to assume they don't. I believe they've become complacent after all these years of going unchallenged. They are probably so confident in their scouting patrols in the surrounding areas that they feel safe in the caves." Thorin explained.
A silence came over them all as they took the time to process what they were contemplating. Thorin could see some concern and doubt on the faces surrounding him but above all he saw the resolve driving them on and it was something he was all too familiar with. If there was even the slightest chance there were still Dwarves in there they had to at least try rescuing them.
Rolling his shoulders and focusing on his comrades Thorin spoke from his heart. "If any of you don't want to go in I will understand. There will be no shame in pulling out."
They all looked amongst themselves. Kili to Fili, Gloin to Oin and all of them to Dwalin and Thorin.
"This needs to be done. We're all in this together." Fili said.
Thorin nodded. He felt proud of his Nephews, but it came hand in hand with a dread. Putting a cap on his misgivings Thorin buried the urge to drag his Nephews as far away from this place as possible and he grasped on desperately to the chance they might just pull this off. "So be it. We'll move as soon as it is night."
Kili gasped as the frigid water reached his shoulders, but instead of focusing on his discomfort he concentrated on their trajectory. The iron grate, straight ahead. The plan was to swim underneath the grate and up on the other side, and hope and pray that they resurfaced somewhere with little to no danger. It was a crazy plan, but their options were limited.
Ahead of him his Brother glanced back to check on Kili as they waded along as carefully and silently as they could. Kili remained tight lipped but nodded at his Brother, he was fine and he needed his Brother to stay focused on the situation at hand. He appreciated Fili's concern though, and he knew if he'd been ahead he would have kept glancing back as well.
A little way ahead Thorin and Dwalin reached the stronghold and pressed their backs against the caves outer walls, keeping themselves as hidden as possible. Kili didn't miss the tension on his Uncle's face and it only served to put him more on edge.
Once they were all gathered against the wall Thorin broke the silence. "Dwalin and I will go in first, if one of us hasn't returned swiftly then go back to our hide out and wait there. If we aren't back by dawn you leave, understood?"
Kili felt his mouth go slack from his uncle's words. "But…" He protested.
"No buts, Kili!" Thorin hissed. "If we don't come back then our purpose is blown and they will come looking for more of us. There will be no way for you to carry on if we are found out. You will have to leave or you will all be killed. Do you understand?"
Kili stared at his Uncle, bug eyed and bewildered. He understood exactly what Thorin was saying, he understood perfectly. If his Uncle and Dwalin were caught in the caves the Goblins would kill them outright. The two of them not returning would be a sure sign they were dead. And his Uncle expected Kili and his Brother to walk away. To forget everything and just leave.
For a while the only sound was their breathing and the disturbed lake water rippling around them. Kili looked to his Brother who was equally at a loss for words.
"Boys I am not going to get you killed. I need to know you won't do anything stupid if we don't return. Please." Thorin pleaded.
Kili felt his shoulders sag as defeat washed over him. It was the 'please' that had been his undoing and the look of desperation Thorin sported. They were so used to the authoritarian side of their Uncle that the softer side often knocked them for six.
"Okay." Kili rasped.
"Fine." Fili answered begrudgingly.
Thorin looked to Oin and Gloin.
"We'll make sure they don't do anything stupid." Gloin promised.
"Okay. Hold tight." Thorin nodded to Dwalin and they both took deep breaths before disappearing beneath the water. Kili held his breath for a while, unaware at first he was even doing it until his lungs ached in protest.
The seconds became minutes and the minutes an eternity as they waited and waited. None of them spoke for a long time and Kili could feel the unease becoming a separate entity inside of him, the longer they took, the more desperate he became.
"They should have been back by now." Oin muttered.
"They'll be back." Fili replied. Kili admired how sure his Brother sounded but he had to wonder if it was all a front.
"I don't like this." Gloin whispered. "Something doesn't feel right."
"They'll be back!" Fili hissed.
If something happened to their Uncle and Dwalin, Kili was all too aware it would be their fault and he knew deep down he wouldn't be able to live with it. Pressing his back flush to the cave walls he searched the water surface for signs of movement as they waited, with nothing but hope and prayers keeping him sane.