Disclaimer: I stole everything. Muahahaha!

Witch-King of Angmar

Strengths: No man can kill him; he can defeat Gandalf

Weaknesses: Can be killed by women (and perhaps Elves, Hobbits and Dwarves, since they are not men)

Disorder (mental): Gets easily distracted; is overly confident

Favourite Food: Strawberries and cream

Probable Cure: One Adderall pill (500 mg) daily*

Warning: Since the patient is a villain we do not recommend curing him. However, if the Earth ever falls to Lord Sauron's rule it would be best to know the cure so that you can heal him and he won't kill you.

Lord Sauron

Warning: If you are Lord Sauron, do not read this. If you are not Lord Sauron, do not tell him about this and do not tell him what this says. We are not responsible for this information, as it consists of simple facts that are not our fault. Lord Sauron, do not kill us.

Strengths: Has the self-proclaimed title of Lord; strikes fear into the hearts of all his enemies (esp. Elves, who shudder at the mention of Mordor)

Weaknesses: Lost his wars; is sometimes nothing more that an eye

Disorder (mental): Likes to spook people by saying in a creepy whisper, 'I See You!'; has an unnatural wish to rule the whole of Middle Earth

Favourite Food: Unknown, but some suspect it to be pickles**

Probable Cure: His Precious One Ring being destroyed, at which point he will hopefully give up his world domination plans

Note: Lord Sauron, as you see, we have been thoughtful enough to diagnose your mental condition and find you a cure. Therefore you should spare our lives. Lily Lindsey-Aubery requests us to say that she is only the secretary. The actual psychologist chooses to remain anonymous.

Warning: The patient will not like the cure at all. We suggest not telling the patient that the cure is being attempted. We are not responsible for any deaths or injuries incurred by the angry patient when he finds that the cure is being attempted, or that the cure has been accomplished (if it ever is).

Smeagol, aka Gollum

Strengths: Is somehow really cute; is a really good guide through Mordor and the Dead Marshes

Weaknesses: Must rely on his tricksiness, as he has no weapons or skills with weapons

Disorder (mental): Schizophrenia***

Favourite Food: Raw fish, so juicy, sweet!

Probable Cure: The liquidation of his 'Precious'; having him meet Frodo (or other nice person who doesn't beat him up all the time)

Note: We are hoping that the second half of the cure will boost his self-esteem, which could be good for him. We cannot guarantee that the cure will actually cure the patient 100%, but we can hope, can't we?

Warning: The patient has been evil and insane for a very long time. Do not expect an immediate change. Also be careful around this patient, as he is very tricksy. Do not trust him until you are absolutely sure he is completely cured.

*Adderall is the brand name for Dextroamphetamine, a drug that helps keep people focused. Consult a doctor before usage, or if you have a medical concern. Consult me!

**The Witch-King of Angmar was kind enough to give us his opinion on this subject

***This patient has many mental disorders, but we chose to focus on just one, as it is the most obvious. Some of the others are (this is not an exhaustive list): Obsession with riddles; obsession with something he calls 'the precious'; obsession with a Hobbit called Baggins; obsession with Elven rope; obsession with big spiders; obsession with saying everything funny (for example: Orcses, batses, Bagginses, etc.); obsession with taters; obsession with... you get the point

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I had lots of fun with it. I mean, like, these are like the three coolest people (or beings, if you prefer) in Middle Earth! (Don't tell Gandalf I said that... or Galadriel... or anyone, for that matter.)