Disclaimer: I don't own etc. etc. etc...
Note: Review! I'm competing with OneSizeFitsAll and her story 'A Reasonable Defense' for the amount of reviews. I'm currently loosing... :( I will be forever grateful if you review! :D
Another Note: We are sorry we are slightly behind schedule posting a new chapter. We were rather busy eluding Lord Sauron to the best of our abilities, and found it quite difficult to proceed with the writing of these articles for a time. Hopefully he has given up the chase, however, and our writing will be back on schedule. Forgive us for any inconvenience caused by this mishap. -The Loving Author (and secretary)
Bilbo Baggins
Strength: He literally saves the day no less than five times (six if you count walking out his door) in just the first two films. (We estimate another two, at least, in the third)
Weaknesses: He is a Hobbit, and therefore necessarily weak and small
Disorder (mental): Feels the need to do everything anyone tells him to, or, in short, a pushover
Favourite Food: Mushrooms, but also likes some hot fish with lemon and salt
Probable Cure: Going on an adventure
Warning: By very definition adventures are dangerous. Therefore we suggest that the patient is accompanied by an eagle summoner at all times. This will greatly diminish the likelihood of him dying. We hope.
Thorin Oakenshield
Strength: Talent at swordfighting; brave, strong, etc.
Weaknesses: Pride
Disorder (mental): Chrematomania*
Favourite Food: Venison
Probable Cure: Reclaiming his homeland
Warning: Again, this cure could be dangerous, and therefore hard for us to recommend. However, since Bilbo Baggins and his accompanying eagle-whisperer need to go on an adventure anyways, we suggest that the patient takes them with him. It will, in our humble opinion, greatly increase his odds of success (or at least survival).
Thranduil, Elven-King
Strength: Well, he's king. Oh, and he's really good at whacking off Orc heads without looking.
Weaknesses: Long hair that may tangle in trees and bushes. And that crown, that may tangle in the hair. And everything else.
Disorder (mental): Chrematomania*
Favourite Food: Skittles**
Probable Cure: We believe that if the patient were given the Arkenstone, which his heart desires above all else, and he were to give it back to its rightful owner, then he would be cured.
Warning: Our secretary begs to differ. She declares that a greedy person will not be cured by giving something away, because he would never do that. But we still think there's a chance. Anyway, it's worth a try, right?... We didn't ask you, Thorin...
*An obsession with money. Could also be perhaps cresomania.
**This information was entirely unknown until recently. It so happened that one day King Thranduil's manservant entered the throne room to do some duty or other, and was quite startled to find the king eating Skittles as fast as he could fit them into his mouth. When Thranduil saw the servant, he leaped up guiltily. 'Get out, you foul dog,' he cried, turning red in the face and pointing the way with a shaking finger. The manservant was severely punished. (We had this account first-hand from the manservant; however we are not 100% sure of its accuracy.)
One More Note: We just had a call from a fellow psychiatrist who is practicing in Gotham City. He informed us that the proper word for Denethor's illness was Autophonomania, the obsession with suicide. He also suggests that one of his problems may have been Cremnomania, an abnormal interest in cliffs. We are thankful for this Doctor's help (he chooses to remain anonymous at this time).
Also... if any, what Dwarves should we do? Because we aren't exactly sure that we want to do them all...:D