Pretending like nothing was wrong turned out to be surprisingly easy. Auruo stood in front of the stairwell, looking completely devastated. "Levi wanted me to tell you that he was trying to hook you up with Mikasa, but she was only interested in a brother. It's not Levi's fault. Are you...mad at him?" Eren smiled his kawaii smile and swallowed the bile in his throat. "Of course not." Auruo perked up. "Okay, great! Levi wanted me to give you this." He then proceeded to place his right fist over his chest while holding his left fist behind him. Eren had absolutely no idea what that meant, but he copied the motion and nodded to show that it was okay, you could stop now, people are staring.
The tiny devil held out a new bug spray, honey scented. "It's called the Jinae Bug-Away, and all you do is spray this all over you throughout the entire day." His sister rolled her eyes. "For god's sake, it smells like the nectar of the gods. If anything, bugs are going to land on your clothes for so long, they might breed in there." He shrugged and responded with a mere, "I want bugs to go away."
Eren and Auruo arrived last, the girls and Erwin already at the lunch table. Levi smirked inwardly and pulled Mikasa by the scarf. He then proceeded to intricately tie it until it was shaped like an ascot. "Look, Eren. Doesn't Mikasa look a lot lovelier like this? Go on, tell her that." Levi was dangling Mikasa in front on me on purpose. I knew how this would be settled in the Maria world.
[Eren angstily bites his finger and transforms himself into a rage-filled greyhound, with one goal-to destroy Levi Ackerman. Racial slurs are thrown across the room as it is split apart in two sides. Money thrown on the battlefield by betters are taken by hobos as the crowd goes wild.]
But this was combat world. "You're killing that ascot, Mikasa." And in Combat World, all the fighting had to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.
"Tch. This bug spray is making me smell weird." Eren saw his chance and grinned. "I have this pastry that has this weird breath-freshening effect." He handed the angry dwarf the cream puff, and Levi took it without saying a single word back. That wasn't all a lie. Toothpaste has breath-freshening effects, doesn't it?
Levi affectionately pecked his sister on the cheek and Eren fumed internally. Mikasa scrunched up her nose and smiled. "You smell fresher than usual, bro." She then proceeded to peck Levi back. The angsty boy's faith dropped 20% lower.
The trio stood near the candy cane gram table, feeling frustrated. "It's been a month and all we did was make Levi smell like Colgate." Connie grumbled. "We need to cut Auruo Bossard. If we cut Auruo, we cut the lock on Levi's entire nasty history." "Say 'cut' one more time." "Cut." "All right! Thanks, baldy. Are we meeting at my place tonight for the mission? I have an unlimited supply of BLTs!" Unfortunately, Eren had to be committed to his job. "Sorry, can't make it. I have to go to Hanji's to practice for the talent show. We're doing some crazy parkour thing to this song-" "Guren no Yumiya." He was shocked at the duo's nonchalant attitude. "So you guys know that song?" Sasha giggled and lightly poked him in the arm. "Everyone in Germany knows that song, duh. They do it every year. Good luck learning that." "Thanks!" Missing the sarcastic beat, Eren skipped off only to run into Levi.
"Hey. Why were you talking to Pringles over there?" Sweat formed underneath Eren's angsty armpits. What do I do? Duh, do what you've been doing all this time- lie. "I don't know, I mean, he's so weird. He just, you know, came up to me and started talking about cutting my hair off." Levi looked as if rage was bottled up inside him, masked by a sarcastic smirk.
"He's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Connie Springer. We were best friends in elementary school. Like, seriously, we were tight. Weird, right? Anyway, in 3rd grade, I started getting into cleaning products, and Connie was so weirded out. He was all, 'No, Levi! We're only kids, grownups can do all the cleaning!' And I was all, 'Why are you so focused on changing my mind?' So for my birthday party, which was a private beach cleanup party, I was like, 'Connie, I can't invite you because I think you're too immature.' I mean, I can't have a brat at my party. We were doing a service for the environment and Connie was just too...dumb to appreciate the art of cleaning. So get this- he called Sasha over and she started bitching at me. It was so retarded. And then he always stayed in a corner or something because he was too dumb to realize that nobody wanted him around. When he came back to Sina Prep in the fall, all his hair was cut off and he was totally gross. Now, I guess he's trying to push that onto you."
Whoa. This relationship has serious baggage. Hitch walked past the duo, sipping a milkshake and wearing a silver sweater with a unicorn on it. "Oh my god, that sweater is so cute. Where did you get it?" To this day, I still don't understand how Levi changes topics so quickly. The ditz smiled, scrunching up her nose. "It's part of the equestrian club. You should totally join!" Levi made his half-quarter-mouth contortion appear again."I definitely will!" Once the military girl walked past, Levi dropped his face. "That is the ugliest fucking sweater I have ever seen in all my years of living. Did you know that horses can't vomit? They literally can't vomit. That means all those nasty toxins are just...kept in there until it explodes on you or something fucking disgusting. Hanji better back me up on this."
Levi: I love your hair. Who did it for you?
Eren: This is my normal bedhead.
*TWIST* *BOOM*
Despite his sudden realization, Eren had to stick to the plan. "So...are you sending any candy canes?" "Tch, no. I don't send, I only receive. So you better send me one, brat. Later." Oh, I was definitely sending him one. I was going to use three candy canes to cut Auruo Bossard. "Three, please."
"Candy cane grams!" Principal Pixis burst into the room, cheeks red but that was probably because he wanted to look more like Santa...right? Right. "Marlow Sand? Two for you..." He stumbled his way over to a military kid whose bowl cut could rival Armin's. "Moblit Berner? Four for you. You go, Moblit Berner! Go...take a nap or something, you look more tired than me after a Friday night out. Did I just say that out loud? Heh. Guess so." The still drunk principal wobbled towards a kid who noticeably tries to spend a lot of time with Hanji, but always fails to do so. "Aaaaaaand...Eren Jagger! Do we have an Eren Jagger here?" "It's Jaeger." Eren put on a grateful face as he accepted the candy cane. Wait for it..."One for you. And...none for Auruo Bossard! Bye!" Whoomp, there it is! With not much grace, the Santa imposter flitted out the door, while Auruo immediately scooted towards Eren.
"Who is that from?" The rich kid hissed. "Hmmm...'Thanks for being not unbearable sometimes. Love, Levi'! Awwww. That's so sweet." Auruo's mouth dropped open and his eyes showed hurt. Luckily, he quickly regained his snobby posture. "Whatever. Candy canes are overrated when you can buy them yourself." He wanted Eren to see his indifference, but the redness in his ears and slumped posture didn't exactly help. Once Auruo thought Levi was mad at him, the secrets started pouring out. All I had to do was wait for one we could use.
"Welcome to the annual Sina Prep Talent Show! Let me hear you make some noise!" Pixis was on the stage, jolly as ever. "Okay, okay. That's enough noise. Our first act calls himself "a sight you've never seen before." Please welcome Armin Arlert and his assistant, Mina Carolina!" The blond proceeded to pull out a table and as Mina sat across from him, he went into lengthy detail about how she would die.
Meanwhile, the Recons were backstage, assembling their uniforms. Auruo was especially ticked, shown by his disheveled hair and lack of jacket. "Why would Levi send you guys candy canes and not me?" "Maybe he just forgot you existed. Like what Petra did on Valentine's Day!" "Real helpful, Erwin." Tension- check. Time to strike. "Levi has been acting kind of weird lately. Is something bothering him?" Auruo snorted, mimicking Levi's mannerisms but only managing to choke on air. "Well, I mean, his uncle isn't exactly doing legal things to those people who owe him money, if you know what I mean." Petra immediately popped her head up, while Erwin and Hanji shared constipated looks. He then realized what he just said. "Oh my god! Don't tell him I told you that!" This is becoming way too easy.
To Eren's surprise, Auruo continued to talk, except away from the crowd. "I mean, no offense, but why would he send you a candy cane? He doesn't even like you that much. Maybe he feels weird around me because I'm the only one who knows that he holds his cups on the lid because of some incident when he was younger. Wait, no! Dear Sina, pretend you didn't hear that." Outside, Armin's eyes glazed over as he droned on about how a greyhound with overly large eyes would bite her head off after she would crash into a wall on a bike. Mina began to grow nervous, mouthing to Pixis that this was truly making her uncomfortable. It was making the angsty boy uncomfortable, too. Luckily, the principal intervened, shutting down the deadly shota's act.
"Up next, we have the Recon Corps flying and throwing smoke to Guren No Yumiya!" In the crowd, Connie grumbled something about how it was his choice of song in the first place. Sasha just shoved popcorn in his mouth to shut him up.
"Auruo, switch sides with Eren." Levi barked at the taller rich kid. The former sputtered, "B-but I'm always on your right." Levi rolled his eyes and huffed. "That was when there were five of us and you stayed in the middle." "But the whole thing will be backwards! I'm always on your right!" Levi's scowl deepened. "And now you're on my last nerve,. Switch, shitty hair." With a grumble, Auruo reluctantly slid next to Erwin. The curtains began to open as the song started.
Seid ihr das Essen? Nein, wir sind die Jager!
The Recons assembled their swords into a winged formation as chanting took place in the background. Eren's feet were shaky but performing this routine flawlessly was the key to truly becoming one of the Recons. Towards the left of the winged formation, Auruo couldn't help but smile. He was still the lead singer, and not even a shitty brat could take that away from him.
"Our names won't be remembered if we die like trampled flowers..." Petra was first to fly, attaching her 3D maneuver gear to a nearby hook as she let out a green smoke flare. "I refuse to be forgotten, written off as less than worthless..." The tiny devil's cravat flew up in his face as he quickly and expertly latched on to a spot directly above the clock. Pixis sighed. "Every year, it's the same spot. EVERY YEAR." "Scream and cry but none will hear you, plead and beg but none will help you..." Taking a deep breath, Eren positioned himself diagonally to Levi, praying that he wouldn't fall upside down like on the monkey bars. "We no longer live as cattle, will you rise and join the battle?" Hanji let out a holler as she flew in circles around the auditorium, placing herself near Eren and giving him a wink. In the crowd, she could see Sawney and Bean running up the aisles. Never bring coffee-hyped greyhounds to school, Hanji.
"There are beings that live off our fear and their words are like knives as they play with our lives..." Erwin was second to last as he dropped his jacket on a bunch of adoring schoolgirls and fired a red smoke flare. Everything was looking up. Just this one performance and Eren would be one of them. "They try to control us as if they own us, will you let them steal our-" Teeth collided with muscle as blood spurted out of Auruo's mouth. He abruptly stopped singing and looked to the levitated Recons in horror.
He had just bitten his tongue.
The song's instrumental embarrassingly blared on, skipping to the chorus. Mortification was displayed on the remaining Recon, still clutching his mouth. He tried to discreetly scoot over to the radio and press the Power Off button with his sword...but just managed to pierce right through the device. Auruo's faith in his position dropped 20% lower as the radio hit Shadis in the face. Eren turned to Levi, whose face was increasingly reddening. Levi turned to the panicking teen and gestured rudely with his swords. "FIX IT," he muttered through clenched teeth. "FIX. IT." Fix it? Hey, I can do that!
Eren took a deep breath and prayed that endless YouTube surfing would pay off. "Channel the anger swelling inside you, fighting the boundary 'til you break through..." The auditorium was dead silent. He could feel everybody's eyes on him. This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. This was- wait. "Deep in your heart there's no hesitation..." Is that me singing? Am I still singing? Yes. Then why do I sound like a girl? A girl... A girl? Mikasa? Sure enough, it was the scarf-clad girl that decided to help out Eren in his time of desperate need. Soon enough, the remaining Recons joined in, Levi's face losing its crimson shade. "So make yourself the one they ALL FEAR!" With confidence, Eren flew down to the stage, doing a barrel roll and a flip like Jean in the opening theme. The rest of the Recons followed suit, eyes shining and confidence radiating. Eren's parents began to join in, Grisha more reluctant. "There is a wild fire inside you, burning desire you can't extinguish..." Pixis was offstage, towards the side with Auruo. He swung his hands wildly and badly sung along as Auruo looked down in shame. "Your crimson arrow streaks through the twilight, this is the moment for war!" The entire room was singing along with the leading teen as the Recons expertly landed on their feet. Smoke filled the air and swords assembled themselves into an intricate design. The crowd went wild. Point: Jaegerbombs.
Backstage, Levi was smiling more than he ever did...which meant a half upturn of the mouth! "That was shitty, but then it turned less shitty. It was like...reverse diarrhea or something. Nice going, Jaeger." Auruo stumbled behind them, holding an ice pack to the mouth. "Y-yeah. You guys were pretty good out there." Levi glowered at him and Petra sadly looked up. Cut.
Armin came out of the supply closet, taking off his red contact lenses for his performance. "Nice going there, Maria boy." "Thanks." Auruo was livid by now and was willing to do anything to kick out the Recons' newest asset. "Oh my god, Eren's blushing. You totally like that little blonde boy!" Eren sputtered and turned around. "Wait, what? Is this an indirect way of calling me gay?" "I'm not hearing a 'no'! That's probably why you wanted to join the Titans!" Levi popped his head out of the shadows. "Titans? I didn't know you swung that way." Before Eren could say another word, Auruo cut in yet again. "Look how red he is, aww! You love him, and he complimented you. That is totally fetch!" Eren's angst meter was about to overflow until Levi stepped forward. "Shitty hair, stop trying to make fetch happen. It's never going to happen." The youngest teen didn't try to mask his smirk. Cut.
AN: Wow, I just realized this story would make a lot more sense if Annie was Janis and Reiner was Damian. ;-;
I'm going to continue to make 20% references until a brony sees this.
The "fix it" thing was an extremely slight Regular Show reference. *coughcough* ZOMBIES *coughcough*
And...yeah, horses really can't vomit. I did my research. Until next time~
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE USA