The six month journey from Erebor to Hobbiton was dreadful, especially with only Fili and Kili in his company. Thorin was protective of his nephews, and the two of them had caused more trouble than not on the already unsafe path across the land. They were honestly lucky they had made it to the Shire alive, and Thorin was trying really hard not to let it get to him, he wanted to be happy when he was reunited with his Hobbit.
They wandered around the Shire for hours, traveling through Bywater and making it to Bagshot Row, but somehow missing Bag End all together and ending up on the south side of Hobbiton in the neighborhood of Underhill. Thorin was becoming frustrated, unable to remember which house was the one he'd shown up at the last time, and his terrible sense of direction wasn't helping. Despite Kili and Fili's insistence that they turn around, Thorin decided that he clearly remembered traveling a little further (though this was only his pride talking) and the company continued, coming dangerously close to leaving Hobbiton all together and ending up in the Southfarthing. Thankfully for them, they ran into a familiar face before they got too far.
"Gandalf, my old friend, I didn't expect to be seeing you here." Thorin said with a less tense smile, the wizard's presence instilling hope in him that they weren't going the wrong way after all. The old wizard smiled brightly and wrapped an arm around Thorin.
"The same could be said for you, Master Thorin! I was coming back from the Southfarthing to bring some pipeweed to Bilbo, it's been too long since I've seen the Hobbit. What brings you to the Shire?" Thorin's face fell, realizing he was going to have to tell Gandalf that they were not only lost, but that he too was in search of Bilbo.
"We're looking for Bilbo too!" Kili piped up, knowing that Thorin wasn't going to be the one to admit to it. Gandalf looked surprised and he looked long and hard at Thorin before replying.
"Well then you've gone a bit too far, follow me, I can take you to him." He paused and let his arm fall from Thorin's shoulder, looking around at them all wearily.
"I must inform you, I haven't seen Bilbo since you last did, or at least since I helped him journey home after the Battle of Five Armies. Know this, I'm not sure he has been notified that any of you are still alive, and it may come as a shock to him. I highly suggest the three of you go in one at a time, as not to overwhelm the poor fellow." This made Thorin's heart sink in his chest, feeling so guilty that he hadn't come for Bilbo sooner. I'll make it better, Thorin thought to himself. I'll make his pain cease, and he can come home with us.
About half an hour later there was yet another knock on Bilbo's door. Primula and Drogo had just been over showing off the now six month old Frodo, and it had honestly driven Bilbo over the edge. He had come to realize, holding that tiny precious bundle, that he would never have that. He was so lonely, and so shattered, that when his cousins had left he had crawled into his bed and decided to stay there until the end of his days. When he heard the knock he pulled his pillow over his head and grumbled into his sheets.
"Just leave me alone to die…please…" Bilbo had never felt so low in all his life, and while he wasn't one hundred percent certain that death was what he desired, he knew he did desire to be alone until he could figure this all out. However Bilbo had left his door unlocked, and Thorin decided to turn the knob and go inside anyway.
"You guys don't come in until I say, alright? I'm going to make sure he is okay." The three other men nodded and Thorin shut the door behind him, looking around happily at the familiar house.
"Bilbo, are you home? Hello?" Thorin called out, his booming voice easily reaching the ears of Bilbo, though the Hobbit wished he hadn't heard it. His heart clinched within his chest and he beat one of his small fists on his bed.
"Why…why do you torture me so? Thorin if you can hear me, wherever you are, tell me why?" Thorin had just passed Bilbo's bedroom as the small man wept, hearing and opening the door to his bedroom slowly.
"I don't mean to torture you, Halfling. I wouldn't ever…I wouldn't ever hurt you, not on purpose." Thorin said awkwardly, not sure exactly how to express himself as he sadly watched Bilbo sit up in his bed.
"Then let me alone, would you? How am I supposed to heal if you keep visiting me like this, reminding me of what I lost. It isn't fair." Bilbo's lips were quivering and he looked so skinny compared to when Thorin had last seen him, much too skinny for a Hobbit. Thorin opened his mouth to speak but Bilbo interrupted him.
"There was a time, long ago, when I thought I was over it and I went through life pretty normally…but now…these last six months have been absolute hell and I don't understand what I ever did to you to make you want to haunt me." Thorin couldn't believe this, he had no idea how seriously all this had affected Bilbo, and it hurt him more than anything had ever hurt his heart before. Thorin sat down on the edge of Bilbo's bed and attempted to caress his cheek, Bilbo flinching away and shooting him a shattered expression.
"I asked you to leave." He whispered. Thorin wasn't taking that for an answer, taking Bilbo's head in his hands and forcing the Hobbit to look him in the eyes.
"But I'm not dead, don't you understand? Don't I look and feel real?" A couple of tears slid down Bilbo's cheeks and Thorin had an intense urge to kiss them away.
"You always do." This troubled Thorin greatly, fearing for Bilbo's health and mental state. Thorin scooped Bilbo up in his arms, much to the dismay and discomfort of the smaller man, and began to carry him to the front door.
"What are you doing? How is this possible? Put me down!" He squeaked, earning a grim look in return from the Dwarf.
"It's possible because I'm really here, and if you won't believe me, maybe you'll believe the others." Bilbo nuzzled into Thorin as the sun hit his face, having not seen it in a while, and Thorin protectively threaded his fingers in his ginger locks, holding him there for shelter. Bilbo could hear three rather loud gasps, but he didn't want to open his eyes, only for it all to have been a dream.
"Bilbo Baggins, what have you done to yourself?" The voice that spoke was that of Gandalf, and Bilbo finally decided to suck it up and open his eyes, turning his face from Thorin's chest to look at his friend. He could see the horror in Gandalf's wise eyes and the absolute panic that was flooding through Fili and Kili, an immense sense of hope seizing his body. He looked up at Thorin, whose features were twisted with guilt, and Bilbo did something he hadn't done in a very long time. He burst into happy tears. Bilbo flung his arms around Thorin's neck and squeezed, a shaky laugh rippling through his chest.
"You really are alive…you've come back to me." Bilbo whispered the last part against Thorin's ear and a certain warmth spread throughout the Dwarfs body. He tightened his grasp on Bilbo, though the Hobbit was once again struggling to get free.
"Let me go!" He pleaded with a gentle laugh, freeing himself from Thorin's arms and hugging Kili with all the strength he could muster, and then Fili. He then turned to hug Gandalf but thought better of it, as the wizard looked very cross indeed.
"BILBO BAGGINS!" He yelled, causing even Fili and Kili to flinch. Thorin stepped readily in front of his Hobbit, a look in his eyes that dared Gandalf to continue.
"Look at him Thorin Oakenshield! Look at what he has done to himself! He knows better!" Thorin's eyes seemed to burn and he reached back to take Bilbo's hand, which confused him slightly, though he certainly did not object.
"Leave him be. This is my doing, I wasn't doing well myself before this journey, and I will see to it that Bilbo regains his strength." Gandalf sighed and looked from Thorin to Bilbo and back, taking quick notice of their woven fingers and narrowing his eyes.
"Is there more here, Master Thorin, that I should know about?" Thorin shrugged and began to tug Bilbo back inside.
"I know not what you speak of, friend. I am your friend, Gandalf, but I'm going to ask that you mind your own business." Once inside, he made Bilbo sit down in the kitchen and he grabbed him some tea and some biscuits.
"Eat, Bilbo. You're ill." Bilbo was indeed famished, but he was too eager to eat.
"I'd rather talk to you…I want to know about what happened after the battle, how you survived, what you've been doing…" Thorin walked over to him and tilted his chin up with his finger, coming close enough to Bilbo's face that he feared he may kiss him.
"Eat. I can tell you while you do so…I'm not having you die on me. It's unnatural for a Hobbit of all creatures to turn down a meal." Bilbo sighed and popped one of the biscuits in his mouth. One taste of food was all it took really before the Hobbit was scarfing down everything in sight and Thorin laughed, a twinkle in his eyes that not even Fili and Kili had seen before.
"I knew you were hungry. When I awoke I searched for you, you know. I was upset that you'd left without saying goodbye. It wasn't until later that one of the other Dwarves told me you didn't say goodbye because you thought I was dead. I wanted to see you then, to tell you otherwise, but I couldn't leave my kingdom while things were still so turbulent. Things are better now though, you wouldn't even recognize Erebor." Bilbo grinned over his cup of tea, getting lost in Thorin's deep blue eyes.
"Oh, I would love to visit sometime." The word visit hung in the air and Thorin scratched the back of his head in unease.
"Well, actually Bilbo, I was kind of hoping you would…come and stay, I mean, that way…" Thorin might have been afraid to finish that sentence, but Bilbo wasn't.
"That way we wouldn't be apart anymore?" Thorin simply nodded and avoided eye contact with Bilbo, whose eyes lost a bit of their shine.
"I can't." Thorin looked up suddenly, a bit of betrayal seeping into his eyes.
"Why not?" Bilbo looked as if he might cry for the umpteenth time that day and stared down awkwardly into his tea.
"My life here at Bag End isn't much, Thorin, it never has been, and lord knows I don't want you to leave. However, there is this child…I've been asked to be his godfather, and I would feel so horrible if something were to happen to his parents and I wasn't here to take care of him. I have a responsibility here, Thorin, and I love Bag End, it's my home. My father built it with his own two hands." Thorin clenched his fists together and closed his eyes, not sure if he was more angry or sad, or an infuriating mixture of both.
"So that's it then? I come all this way for you to pick a child that may or may not be yours one day and a silly old house over me? Me who you were about to die over twenty minutes ago…" Bilbo shook his head quickly, his eyebrows furrowing with disbelief that Thorin could ever think that.
"No! I was about to die over you, yes, and Thorin I will never chose anything over you. I just…I need to know that if the circumstances arise I can take care of my family, that I can take care of little Frodo. I want nothing more than to see the mountains again, to be there with you. Things are just always so complicated, and it isn't like you can move in with me, being king and all. I don't know what to do." That was all Thorin needed to hear.
"Alright then, my burglar, I have a proposition for you. You come with me back to Erebor to live and I will make sure communications between my people and the Shire will remain frequent, that way if anything is to happen to this Frodo's parent's, we will know. We can then come back for him and take him home, raise him like a prince, he would want for nothing. And…And…if you really love this Hobbit-hole so much, we can use it as a vacation house every now and then, so you can always come back when you're homesick." Bilbo seemed to mull over this in his mind, weighing the pros versus the cons, a ghost of a smile gracing his face.
"Can you promise it will be safe from the Sackville-Bagginses?" Thorin nodded.
"If you wish it, it will happen." Bilbo smirked, his mind mainly made up but he decided to not make it quite so easy on the dwarf.
"Give me today and tomorrow to make up my mind." Thorin seemed to catch on and returned the coy expression Bilbo donned, pulling him out of his chair by his coat and pressing their bodies together, their lips just inches apart.
"So be it."