Chapter 8

August 2005

RING RING RING

Bo sighed as she waited for Lauren to answer. She was almost certain she'd have to leave yet another voicemail as her girlfriend seemed to be the most difficult person in the world to track down now that her residency was in full swing. Although Lauren had braced her that changes would be coming as she moved further along in her residency Bo wasn't quite prepared for the amount of time Lauren spent at the hospital.

"Hello?"

"Oh...Lauren?" Bo smacked herself in the head at how surprised she sounded when the blonde actually answered the phone. She heard the slight sigh on the other end of the phone and clenched her jaw slightly at the exasperation she knew was coming.

"Hi Bo, is everything okay?"

The brunette bit back the sarcasm that was dying to surface as it would only destroy any chance she had at potentially having a nice night with her girlfriend. She'd practically memorized Lauren's schedule in attempt to figure out when the blonde would have some free time but every attempt she had made recently for them to get together was either met with an extremely exhausted doctor or some excuse as to why Lauren was busy. She was getting tired of her efforts being thwarted and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd put up with all of this.

"Yeah, no...fine. Everything is fine...Lauren…" For some reason saying her name felt strange to Bo but to her credit she shook it off and laughed nervously. "So, you have today and tomorrow off right?"

Lauren flipped through the research she'd been working on absentmindedly. "Uh huh."

Bo smiled as she pressed ahead. "Good. So….I was thinking maybe we could head down to San Diego for the night? We haven't had any alone time in a while?" She knew she sounded a bit too hopeful but at this point Bo didn't care. She was tired of not being the priority in Lauren's life and she was going to start doing something about it.

Now, it's not to say that Bo went as far as actually booking a hotel or making a dinner reservation because as she's learned over the last year that doing so only led to further resentment and annoyance at having to cancel her plans at the last minute, sometimes having to literally pay for her stupidity with cancellation fees. She wished things were different but for Bo she knew any sort of spontaneous outing or surprise weekend she'd planned would just not work in this relationship.

"Sorry babe, can't. Have to finish this rese-oh Bo hold on."

The brunette gritted her teeth as she waited for Lauren's attention again. She knew it should annoy her more but honestly she was used to it and that bothered her beyond belief. She'd told herself when they first met that she needed to take into account the fact that Lauren was training to be a doctor and that this was her dream so who was she to stand in the way of that but in reality she wasn't prepared for how much strain that dream would really place on them. After a few seconds Lauren came back and sighed lightly into the phone as she spoke softly in a more apologetic tone. "I'm sorry Bo, this isn't a good time."

Bo frowned and muttered softly. "It's never a good time."

"What was that?"

Bo heard the annoyance in Lauren's tone but she didn't care. The smart part of her knew she shouldn't push it since she hadn't had a night alone with Lauren in over a week but the stubborn side of her had control of her mouth right now. "I said it's never a good time Lauren. It's always work, or your precious research or worst of all sleep. I'm trying to be patient here but it's kind of difficult when I see you maybe once or twice a week for a few hours. I'm not sure if we're dating or…"

Amazingly enough Bo stopped herself just before throwing down a huge gauntlet. Apparently Lauren knew exactly where this conversation was headed however, as she should given that this was probably the tenth time they'd had it. "Go ahead Bo, finish what you were going to say."

The brunette tightened her grip on the phone in frustration. She had two choices here, she could pick a fight with the love of her life over something as trivial as wanting to spend a nice night together or she could be the patient, understanding girlfriend she knew she should be. She went with option A. "Honestly Lauren, at this point I'm not sure what to call it. Sure, we see each other for a few hours a few times a week but what do we get out of that? I can't speak for you but I can tell you it doesn't do a whole lot for me."

Lauren pushed her notebooks aside as she flicked her tongue over her teeth in frustration. "I'm sorry Bo but we talked about this."

It wasn't the first time they'd fought over this and every time Lauren found herself apologizing again and again for her work schedule or not wanting to go somewhere or do something because she was exhausted. She knew that Bo had been very understanding and that she needed to do something about it or Bo would lose her patience soon.

Bo laughed sarcastically. "Yes Doctor I remember. You told me you'd be busier and busier, I just didn't realize that meant you would basically disappear except when you needed to get laid."

Lauren opened her mouth to respond but because of the shock of Bo's statement nothing came out. The brunette had hinted at this train of thought before but this was the first time she'd actually said it out loud. Lauren could feel the tears burning hot behind her eyes as she huffed angrily. "Well I didn't realize you'd reduced our relationship to the very basic of functions. Normally I would apologize for not meeting your needs honey but I don't see any need to since this isn't about you and me Bo. This is about my career and my future. Whether you're a part of that future is your choice. Now if you'll excuse me I need to finish my precious research. Goodbye."

Bo couldn't believe how fast the situation had spun out of control. All she was trying to do was plan a nice evening with her girlfriend but now she'd basically been hung up on and managed to royally piss off the blonde, and worst of all she knew she did permanent damage by saying what she did about their relationship. She wasn't sure where to go from here but she knew she'd have some serious groveling to do.

ooOOoo

January 2008

"Good morning babe."

Bo smiled as Lauren greeted her with a smile and a quick kiss before turning back to the waffles and bacon that she was making for their Sunday morning breakfast. Since moving in together a few years ago and especially since they'd gotten married they made it a point to spend Sunday mornings together, just the two of them. Regardless if they were having problems or not they seemed to be able to put their issues aside for a few hours as it was their time to be together and share a few intimate moments and it was the one thing they both looked forward to all week long.

Bo smiled as she stole another kiss. "Mmm good morning. You were up early."

Lauren smiled as she plated the waffles for them. "Couldn't sleep. Sorry hun did I wake you?"

Bo laughed and shook her head as she poured a cup of coffee for herself after topping off Lauren's and bringing it to the breakfast table. "Nope, you know me I can sleep through anything."

Lauren rolled her eyes and laughed as she set the plates down on the table before turning to grab the syrup for Bo and the powdered sugar for herself. They settled into the food quietly and Bo moaned softly as she took the first bite of the fluffy waffle she loved so much. "Seriously babe if you decide to change careers you should be a chef."

Lauren laughed as she chewed on a piece of bacon and looked at Bo thoughtfully. "You just like that I make you all these sweet treats for breakfast. You barely eat any other time of the week."

Bo shrugged and sipped her coffee. "What can I say, you spoil me."

Lauren laughed and raised an eyebrow. "So you're using me for my breakfast skills?"

Bo laughed and nodded as she stole a piece of Lauren's waffle. Normally she drowns hers in syrup so every once in a while she steals a piece of Lauren's to taste the fluffiness of the breakfast food. Lauren had offered to make hers with powdered sugar as well but Bo would always adamantly refuse to give up her sticky mess. "I am...you caught me. This doesn't change anything though right?"

Lauren laughed and shook her head as she sipped her own coffee. "What am I going to do with you?"

Bo shrugged and dipped her bacon in the syrup before crunching on it slowly. "I don't know but you have a while to figure that out so take your time."

Lauren laughed and nodded. "I'll do that."

The pair ate in silence for a while before Lauren noticed Bo watching her eat instead of actually finishing her own plate. "Everything okay hun?"

Bo gave her a small smile and set her fork down lightly. "I was just thinking what this meal would look like with a few little ones joining us."

Lauren's eyebrows went up in surprise. This topic wasn't new to the pair so she was surprised that Bo was broaching it again. They'd had countless discussions that usually fizzled to some sordid agreement between them that it wasn't the time for them just yet. "Bo...we've talked about this."

Bo nodded and chewed on another piece of bacon. "I know Lauren but we said we'd wait til we're ready. You're done with your residency, my business is up and running...isn't now a good time?"

Lauren sighed and sat back in her chair as she pushed her plate away slightly. "I think we're just settling down Bo...don't you think kids would be a bit much right now?"

Bo frowned as she looked at Lauren seriously. "No, I don't actually. You keep saying we're not ready...I'm starting to wonder when you will be ready?"

Lauren sighed as she looked at Bo with an even stare. "What does that mean Bo?"

The brunette took a second to think about what she wanted to say next. She knew this conversation had the possibility to be volatile and she didn't want to disrupt the nice morning they were having. However, being true to form, Bo couldn't quite stop her thoughts from going from her brain to her mouth. "That means that I'm starting to doubt there will ever be a time when we're ready."

Lauren looked at her in disbelief. "So you think I don't want to have children?"

Bo shrugged. "I think you don't want to have kids with me."

And there it was. The one thought Bo had been holding back this whole time. The one thought that could destroy the surreal bubble they'd put themselves in pretending everything was fine. The one thought that kept Bo up at night and the one thought that made her doubt everything she knew to be true with them.

"Honestly Bo? Is that how you really feel?" Lauren had morphed into full professional mode and Bo knew she had shut down whatever emotion she was feeling. Lauren was famous for being able to compartmentalize which normally was an asset given her profession but could be a detriment in the relationship at times.

Bo picked at her napkin haphazardly. "Forget it Lauren I don't want to fight about this."

Lauren snorted as she locked her cold glare on the brunette. "I don't want to forget it Bo. I want to know why my wife who I swore to love and give my everything to thinks that I don't want to share children with her."

Bo bit the inside of her cheek in effort to keep her emotions in check. She wasn't sure she'd be able to do this for long though so she stood up abruptly and took her plate to the sink. She threw the discarded food into the trash and threw the dishes in the sink with a loud clank. "No Lauren, I don't want to discuss this because I don't want to hear yet again why my wife isn't ready or doesn't think now is the time. So thank you for breakfast, but I'm done."

Bo frowned as she wasn't sure if that statement was meant for the convo or for the topic as a whole but she knew at the end of the day it needed to be said. She walked out of the room leaving Lauren to watch her retreat with a confused look on her face. She wasn't quite sure what just happened but she knew Bo was hurting and she wasn't sure how to fix it. She ate the rest of her breakfast in silence and tried hard to figure out a solution to their problem. If it was just about communication that would be one thing but she knew it ran deeper than this. Bo was legitimately hurt by her wanting to delay children until they were financially and emotionally stable. She didn't see it as a bad thing but apparently Bo didn't agree. She knew this was bigger than just their decision about children but the problem was she didn't know what to do about that.

ooOOoo

June 17, 2014

"Lauren…I'm sorry about today. And…I…I need to tell you something…"

Lauren looked carefully at Bo. Her watery eyes and trembling lips had her dreading what her wife was going to say next. She had a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach and instantaneously knew that whatever Bo was tell her was going to change the course of their lives forever. In that second, Lauren pushed aside all her disappointment and anger and did something she rarely did. She chickened out.

She turned away again and tried to take her arm back."Bo, please let's just go to-"

Bo just tightened her hold on Lauren slightly to let her know she was serious "No Lauren, I need to tell you. It's killing me and I know its hurting you too."

"Bo you don't-"

"I've been having an affair Lauren." Bo half yelled, half sobbed.

And there it was. The truth.

The words hit Lauren like a slap in the face. It hurt. She felt the words tighten in her throat then go down to her chest where it blossomed into the worst kind of heartache she's ever experienced. Finally the confession settled in the pit of her stomach making her feel nauseated.

Did she suspect? Well… she had an inkling, she wasn't stupid after all. All those late work meetings and the recent heavy workload didn't sit right with her, but who was she to start accusing? Bo had the patience of a saint when they first got together regarding her schedule. How could she start throwing accusations around, especially if it turns out Bo really was working her butt off for them just as she herself did earlier?

But she was right.

Her gut which had almost never steered her wrong was right and she had ignored it. She knew better and yet she still let herself be played the fool all this time. She felt her anger swell and take over. Before she knew what she was doing she had ripped her arm out of Bo's grasp and took a few steps away from her wife.

Her wife.

Bo was her wife.

The one person of all the people on this earth who promised not to betray her. The one who vowed to take care of her for the rest of their lives. This woman, her wife, had done one of the worst things she could do to hurt her. She did it knowingly and of her own free will. That fucking bitch.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Tell me you're joking. Please."

Bo watched in horror as her sweet wife yanked her arm out of her grasp as if she was burned and put a sizeable distance between them. It might of only been a few feet but to Bo it could've been an ocean. 'Holy fuck, what have I done?' she thought to herself after Lauren venomously spat those words at her. For a second she didn't respond. She was trapped by the pure hate emanating towards her. Lauren's hate was a tangible thing and she felt it squeezing the air out of her lungs. Bo couldn't breathe.

With a tremendous effort she sucked in a much needed breath and with a shaky voice finally responded to her wife. "No it's true. I cheated. I'm so-"

"Don't you say it goddamn you! Bo if you say sorry I'm gonna go insane!" Lauren screamed. Her anger which had become white hot had taken over her entire being. Hot tears fell down her face, but they weren't of sadness, at this point in time they were from her rage and frustration. She felt her arms shaking as she clenched her fists and her jaw hurt from snapping it shut after her outburst. Lauren felt herself lose control. She had never felt this way before and it terrified her that she wasn't in total control of her body. Just as she felt herself give in to this new feeling there was tiny voice telling her to calm down a little. This little voice of reason was trying to stop her from doing something she couldn't take back and Lauren recognized it as her saving grace. She closed her eyes and let this voice, her conscience, dampen down her anger to something more manageable, something she could use rather than let use her. After a few moments she opened her eyes again, but now feeling in control and a little wild at the same time. The only thing she was sure that she felt was the pure hatred for the woman sobbing in front of her.

To say Bo was terrified was an understatement. Watching Lauren almost lose control and knowing that she was the one to put her through this broke her heart in more ways than she could imagine. When Lauren opened her eyes again all Bo saw was hate. There was no trace of the love she used to lose herself in. The beautiful brown eyes she used to compliment regularly turned against her. Bo wished she could look away even as her shame grew exponentially, but she was having trouble stopping herself from searching. Searching for some hint of love or affection towards her, but they were void. As she looked at the love she had lost Bo had broke down and sobbed. Her shame, guilt, sorrow, contrition...every feeling she never thought she'd feel in the presence of her wife swallowed her up and almost had her on her knees. She had no dignity left.

"Bo" Lauren said in an icy tone foreign to her own ears. "Quit crying. It does nothing for me. Pull yourself together and talk to me, or you can get your shit and leave." Lauren took a second to look at the mess of a woman in front of her. Somewhere deep inside she felt her heart clench as if someone stabbed her, but she pushed that feeling aside and focused on her hate. Lauren may hate Bo more than life itself right now but this was still her wife. Still the person she'd loved unconditionally for all these years. Through it all, she was still the person Lauren had fallen for and that angered her beyond belief. This person, this woman in front of her wasn't deserving of her sympathy right now so she did what she always did and locked her feelings away and focused on the task at hand. As in the operating room she could apply the same method to her thought process and action here. Sometimes her ability to compartmentalize has its uses.

Lauren watched Bo with cold eyes waiting for her wife to pull herself together. If she would of seen Bo in this state just 20 minutes ago she would be holding her wife trying to soothe the pain away, but as it stands she could barely look at her let alone touch her.

Finally Bo regrouped. As she got her breathing under control she realized that yes she was hurting, yes she was terrified beyond belief, but with that also came a sort of relief. She was no longer lying to Lauren. She had done a terrible thing and now she was owning up to it. Bo wasn't a liar and there was something about coming clean and dealing with her problems that was almost cleansing. Still Bo felt lower than low for her deed and knew that this was the chance to let it all out in the open. She looked at her wife and felt brave. Brave enough to get through this. Brave enough to fight for Lauren. First she had to know something.

"Can you ever forgive me?" Bo held her breath as she waited for her answer.

"No Bo, that isn't how this conversation is going to play out. I'm the one asking the questions and they're going to be answered so either you stay and give them to me or leave and never come back." Lauren spoke with a sarcastic laugh. She spoke to the love of her life as if she was a child.

Bo nodded her head. She felt something in her chest as listened to Lauren's condescending tone. She hated when Lauren talked to her like that. Like she was less than. Yes she did make a mistake but she wasn't filth. She surprised herself when she realized that feeling was of annoyance. She knew better than to voice it and swallowed it down. She wasn't going to add to fuel to the fire of the worst conversation she's ever had.

"Was it a one time thing?" Lauren waited for her answer with boring her eyes into Bo's . She hoped it was some drunken debacle. There might be a chance if this was a fling. She prayed it was a fling.

Bo took another breath. She knew things were about to get worse. She looked at her feet but spoke clearly as this was not something she wanted to say twice. "No, it was going on for a few months."

Lauren felt like she had been sucker punched. She physically had to take another step back to keep her balance. Bo took a step towards her thinking that Lauren was going to fall, but Lauren put her hand up to stop her. "Do not get near me." She closed her eyes and swallowed as she felt white hot anger shoot up her spine. At the same time she felt her eyes water. She willed them to stop. She wasn't going to cry in front of Bo and now wasn't the time to go into hysterics. She still had questions to be answered. "Who is she?"

Bo nervously licked her lips. Here it goes. "Does it matter?" She asked trying one last time to delay the inevitable. All her previous bravery now deserting her.

Lauren let out another dry laugh. "Of course it matters. Do I know her? Have I met her? Did you bring her here into our home Bo? Please, tell me...I want to know who you've been making a fool out of me with."

The sarcasm dripping from Lauren's voice wasn't lost on Bo and she braced herself as she knew the next few moments wouldn't be easy. Or fun. Or anything she'd ever want to experience again. "Evony."

Evony? Lauren was confused. Bo couldn't stand her. That can't be right. "Evony? As in Evony your bitch lawyer?"

"Yes" Bo gulped.

"Who you pay?" Lauren asked her with disdain. Of all the people Bo could have said Lauren was not prepared for this to be the woman who had managed to lure her wife into doing the unthinkable. Fuck that, Evony didn't lure Bo to do shit. She had been in control of herself and Lauren felt a new surge of rage take over as she thought about this fact.

Bo repeated her answer a little confused. She couldn't see where this line of questioning was going.

"So she's your whore?"

This time is was Bo who stepped back. She can feel her own anger starting to rise and again she kept it down. She had no right to be angry and tried to keep it in check.

"No its not like that."

"Then what is it like because it sounds like you bought a whore on retainer." Lauren felt all the anger she was holding in come out now. She couldn't stop the words coming out even if she wanted to. "Wow Bo. Of all the things you could and would buy I never thought sex was one of them. Good for you. Now I see why you pay her so well… She has to earn that retainer somehow right?" Lauren closed her eyes and took another deep breath. When she opened them again she looked vulnerable. As much as she tried she couldn't stop the quiver in her voice as she spoke. "Was I… was I not good enough anymore?" Her question came out with a sob she had no idea was coming. It horrified her that she might break down in front of Bo, but she couldn't stop herself. She fell down the rabbit hole and the end wasn't in sight.

Bo opened her mouth to protest but Lauren barreled through raising her tone as she went on. "What does she have that I don't Bo? Is she prettier than me? She's definitely trashier than me. Is that what does it for you now? "

"No Lau-" Bo tries but Lauren went on as if she didn't say anything.

"Do I need to start acting like her? Need me to start dressing like a common streetwalker? Here, how's this?"

Lauren, completely out of control now, starts to unbutton her shirt to prove her point. The small delicate buttons gave her shaking hands trouble and she could barely comprehend what she was doing through watery eyes. After a couple moments of frustration with no real progress she gave up and pulled her shirt apart angrily, popping the top few buttons off. She was so caught up in her shirt that she didn't realize Bo had approached her until she felt her hands on her arms trying to still her.

Lauren reeled back from her touch disgusted. "Don't you dare touch me. You lost that privilege when you decided to touch your whore." And for the second time that night Lauren tore herself from her wife's grasp and took a couple steps away.

Bo couldn't bear to have Lauren thinking she thought Evony was better than her or had something she didn't. At this moment Bo couldn't remember why she was messing around with Evony to begin with. She also couldn't stand to watch Lauren in so much pain that she struggled with taking off her own shirt so she'd stepped in and tried to stop her. For the second time Lauren turned from Bo like she was a piece of shit but this time she couldn't hold her tongue. "Jesus Christ Lauren, you act like I'm going to hit you or something. I was only trying to fucking help you."

"I don't need any goddamn help from you of all people." Lauren sneered. "I think you helped enough."

Bo opened her mouth then shut it again. She knew there wasn't anything she could of say that would help the situation. She just stood there looking at Lauren not knowing what to do.

Lauren took a moment to collect herself again. Like it or not Bo's touch snapped her back to reality and she was back in control. After a few heaving breaths she addressed Bo in a somewhat calmer but in no way warmer tone.

"How exactly did it start?"

"I don't really remember."

Lauren snorts and rolled her eyes. "Don't hold back dear, tell me all the sordid details."

At Lauren's tone at dear Bo felt herself slipping again.

"I was working late one night and Evony suggested we have a drink before we went home. One thing led to another and… I'm so sorry Lauren. I never meant to hurt you." What Bo didn't mention was when she spent the better part of evening complaining to Evony about a fight they had the night before. The more alcohol she consumed the more Evony's twisted reasoning seemed to make sense. It took her months to realize she was playing right into Evony's hands.

"It that all it takes to ruin a marriage? A couple of drinks and some slut with her tits hanging out?" Lauren asked.

Bo flinched at Lauren's crude language. It wasn't like her to speak that way.

Lauren noticed Bo's reaction right off and snarled as she laughed at her. "What's wrong Bo? I thought this is what you like now. I can be as vulgar as her. I just chose not to, but now that I know this is what you like I can lower myself to her level for you. Baby."

"Stop doing that!" Bo yelled unexpectedly causing her and Lauren to jump. Bo immediately felt bad for yelling. After all this was all completely her fault and she deserved this, but she just couldn't take the needling. Lauren was torturing Bo by turning their love into something dirty.

Lauren smirked realizing she hit a nerve. It made her feel better to inflict some pain. "What's wrong Sweetheart? Can I not express my love for you anymore?"

Bo grit her teeth at Lauren's antics. She knew Lauren knew what she was doing. She ran her hands through her hair trying to calm herself. "You know what you're doing. Please stop. I beg of you."

"Please stop? Please stop? Honey, maybe you should have 'please stopped' when you were shoving your head in between the bitch's legs." Lauren scoffed. "While we're on the subject, Darling, do I need to get tested for something? For my sake do you guys have a good health insurance plan?

Lauren had a look in her eye as she went of on her tangent, "I hope my coworkers' don't find out I have something. Not only would I be a laughingstock known as the cuckolded dyke doctor, but also the one who caught the clap. A Doctor who caught the clap. Might as well close my practice now, Angel."

As she listened to Lauren, Bo was running her hands through her hair again trying to assuage her anxiety at Lauren's provocation. A large part of her knew she deserved it. More than, but Lauren's hateful words were starting to really get to her and she didn't know how to cope with her taunting. Of course she didn't give Lauren a STD, but in that moment all rationality was thrown out the window. Bo was still fixated on the way Lauren was using her sweet words to her. Say what you will about Bo's affair but it was never about hurting Lauren directly. Lauren was trying to torture Bo as much as she could and it was working. Bo didn't want to leave the conversation unresolved, but she couldn't take much more of this.

"Lauren for the love of God…" Bo whispered between quiet sobs looking at the ground. Her tears a constant stream down her face.

For her part Lauren knew she hit Bo's limit with her sarcasm. She saw the damage she was inflicting. As much as Lauren wanted to revel in Bo's pain, she couldn't go on. Its not easy to completely turn off 10 years of adoration in the course of an hour. She decided to back off in that respect and not antagonize Bo so much.

"How many times Bo?"

"I don't know the exact number. It's not like I was counting." Bo replied quietly trying to calm down enough to go on.

"Then ballpark it. Was it twice? Ten times? Fifty? A hundred? Give me something." Lauren pushed.

"Less than ten"

"More than five?" Lauren asked in a softer tone. The reality starting to really hit her now.

"More than five." Bo agreed.

Lauren just stood in silence processing what Bo just told her. This wasn't a one time thing, it wasn't even twice. It was almost ten fucking times! This was something serious. Lauren felt what was left of her heart breaking. She looked up at Bo tears threatening her eyes again as she took it all in. With a much more soft and vulnerable tone she asked the question that has consumed her since Bo made her confession.

"Do you love her?"

"No." Bo quickly answered for the first time with real strength and certainty in her voice. "I love you Lauren. Only you."

Hearing Bo's confession broke what little resolve Lauren had left at not breaking down she backed up until she felt the wall a few steps behind her and sunk to the floor crying. Bo started towards her but stopped herself after a step remembering her touch was not welcome. Watching her wife break down on the floor caused Bo's flood gates to open again and she also started to cry in earnest.

After a few minutes of them crying in silence Lauren spoke up first. "I don't believe you Bo. You say you love me, but you slept with someone else. A lot. It wasn't once. You didn't just cheat. You had a full blown affair. Fuck you Bo Dennis. What did I do so wrong? What did I not give you?"

"No Lauren. Its not you. Its me. I made a mistake. A huge huge mistake and it'll never happen again."

"One time was a mistake. Maybe twice, but not really. But this… what you did wasn't a mistake. It was intentional."

Bo rubbed her face in frustration. All the reasons she thought she had to justify the cheating vanished into thin air. She couldn't think of one good reason why she was putting them through this. Everything seemed to unnecessary now. "I don't know. I honestly don't know. Im truly sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Was it the children thing? Bo was that it?" Lauren laughed at the irony of it all. Should she tell her? She's been waiting for the right time, but things kept getting progressively worse. Eventually she stop trying to think of a way to tell Bo the good news and instead focused on how to keep her relationship together. Should she spill the beans? Let her in on the secret? Tell her what she truly threw away because there was no way in hell they were going to have children together now. Lauren pondered her choice until she heard her little voice again. The saving grace from earlier. It was telling her not to say anything. Let it go. The voice wasn't wrong the first time so Lauren listened once more and kept her mouth shut.

Bo knew that their inability to agree about them having children probably was the root of her resentment lately and there was definitely some unresolved issues there, but she didn't know how to bring it up. She didn't want to put any blame on Lauren as she knew this fell on her completely and at this point no matter what she said she knew she would be accused of using it as a scapegoat for her poor decision.

"No Lauren it isn't about that." Bo finally replied. Wrong or right, she reasoned with herself that now was not the time to delve into that old argument and add more shit to the pile. She didn't see the point in rehashing the same argument all over again. She knew where they both stood. What was the problem with one white lie? If, and the longer the fight went on it was becoming a bigger if, they got through this they could address children at a later point. That is… If they were still together.

"It has to be something. Tell me fucking something. This non-answer shit isn't working. If it was really nothing we wouldn't be having this conversation right now would we? Or do you not remember how to tell the truth? Have all the lies you've told of rotted your brain?"

"I don't know Lauren!" Bo's frustration spilled over yet again. She knew she should give some great speech about how it all didn't matter, it was a moment of weakness...just something to justify her destruction of the best thing she'd ever had in her life. But as she sat there and looked at Lauren who in the moment was unrecognizable behind her anger and tears. Her Lauren, the love of her life that she'd swore to protect and care for all those years ago was now broken because of her. Her choices. Her decision. Her actions. She wished she could alleviate the pain she'd caused but in this moment all she could offer was her honesty and sorrow.

Bo looked at Lauren sadly and shook her head as she let the tears fall not caring how pathetic she looked. She took a calming breath to try and gain some control as she looked at the woman looking at her as if seeing her for the first time and bowed her head in shame. "I don't know."

Lauren looked at Bo with hatred and something she would later come to realize as pity. She couldn't feel bad for Bo, after all she was the one who'd destroyed their marriage, but some part of her could see how lost and truly sorry she really was. Not wanting to let this drag out any further Lauren turned to leave and looked at Bo with that look of disdain that had graced her features for most of the night. "Then I don't know either Bo. Now get out. I don't care what you do or where you go but do not...do not come back into this house until you can give me answers and tell me why you chose a few nights of pleasure over the life that we'd built."