My apologies for the delay. I'll try not to let it happen again. The assessment of Kurama's mentality is pretty much stagnant in this chapter, but hopefully you will appreciate its progression in other areas
Black Roses
Chapter IV
Empathy
September 11, 2006
It was not the last time Hiei would see Kurama cry. Though he wanted to remain, given his friend's alarming behavior, Kurama assured him that he would be fine, that Hiei need not feel obligated to stand watch overnight. Reluctantly, he left--But not before making the Fox swear to not do anything potentially harmful to himself; even in an ordinary Ningen house there were so many things one could do so with, and on top of that Kurama was incredibly resourceful….
Hiei intended to return and look in on his friend within a day or two, but instead found himself immersed in work. A day turned into a week, and then two … Finally, weary from many sleepless nights disturbed by the continuous image of Kurama's sad smile, his tears--the desperate confession he had made--Hiei went to his boss and requested leave, professing that he needed to attend to some personal matters.
Mukuro raised an eyebrow at her heir's formality; it was such a stark contrast to his usual direct manner. "And should I suddenly need you, where can you be found tending these personal matters?" He mumbled something inaudible in reply, but she distinctly heard "Ningenkai." "Again? Your interest in that world has peaked recently, I've noticed. Is your sister okay?"
"She's fine."
"Then it's someone else--Don't tell me you're keeping a woman on that side?"
He bristled. "I'd sooner return to running errands for Koenma than pollute my body with that of a stinking human!" he snarled, infuriated at the smirk growing on Mukuro's face.
"So you're going to see a demon, then." She looked thoughtful. "It isn't your sister, and the majority of the demons living in the Human World are weak little things you'd never affiliate with … Ah, I know now. Yoko Kurama--I'm sorry, it's just Kurama now, isn't it?"
"I don't know," he murmured. He coughed. "Yes, him."
"And you want my permission to go see him." Hiei nodded. Mukuro shrugged. "You know you don't need my approval to go anywhere or see anyone." She smiled. "But then, you're too courteous to leave without checking in with me, aren't you?"
The Jaganshi winced at this description of himself. "I'll thank you not to make that common knowledge, please."
"You'll thank me? Please?" Mukuro laughed at him. "Rest easy; I wouldn't dream of doing anything that might tarnish your ruthless image."
'Her sense of humor has grown twisted as of late, too,' he thought, turning to leave.
"I hope Kurama's okay," she added.
He clenched his jaw. "I do, too."
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Hiei's eyes welled up again, except this time it was due to the bitter stench of the bus. Though he'd have liked nothing more than to back away from the repugnant vehicle, he tightened his grip on the bouquet and boarded anyway. Listless
Listless Ningen eyes gawked at him, oddly reminding Hiei of a herd of sheep--a fitting resemblance, he decided. Quickly he found a place in the back where it was deserted save for an amorous young couple, laughing and kissing and completely oblivious to the surrounding squalor: the love-struck epitome--or perhaps two animals in heat.
He glowered, mildly disgusted by such a mushy display, though he could not suppress a slight twinge of jealousy.
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It was dusk, and though Hiei noticed bright squares of yellow coming from the other houses, Kurama's was dark. No one answered, but discovering that the door was unlocked, he went inside. "Kurama?" he called. No answer. He surveyed the room, starting when he realized someone was lying face down on the couch. "Kurama?" he said again.
'"… I fear I may be in danger of becoming a hypocrite….'"
"Kurama!"
"… Why are you shouting, Hiei?" the Fox muttered, not moving from his prone position. "How did you get in, anyhow?"
Something in how he spoke, in his breathing … "Your door was unlocked," Hiei answered. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?"
Hiei brushed off the sullen sarcasm. "Why are you crying?" Silence. "I know you are. I can tell from the sound of your voice."
"I don't know why," Kurama replied. "I don't feel good."
Though the room was primarily shadow, Hiei could see Kurama perfectly from where he stood. His face, which Hiei suspected was stained from tears, lay in a cradle fashioned from his arms; the majority of his hair draped over the edge of the couch. 'Like a waterfall,' the Jaganshi thought, looking at it. A waterfall made up of blood. 'And would that bloody waterfall become a reality, if his fear were fulfilled?' Hiei stared at Kurama's shoulders.
After a few minutes Kurama rolled onto his side, face blotchy, eyes red and swollen from crying. "Better?" Hiei asked awkwardly. Kurama closed his eyes and shrugged, his breathing still uneven.
Tragic beauty, Hiei thought. Having known Kurama for some time, and looking at him now … was like watching a flower once so vibrant wilt, shut up from the sun.
Hiei took a washcloth from the bathroom closet, his mouth fixed into a troubled frown as he turned to faucet on. 'I don't want to watch you fade away … How can I chase off the shadows that snuffed out your light?'
Kurama's eyes were still closed when Hiei returned, but they shot open when he knelt over and began bathing the Fox's face. "W-What are you doing?" the Fox demanded, shifting onto his back, giving Hiei a bewildered look.
"I'm cleaning you up."
"Stop it," Kurama said hastily, his voice almost resentful.
"What?" The change in tone puzzled Hiei.
"Stop," he pleaded.
"Hang on--." Hiei noticed the blush spreading over Kurama's face, and widened his eyes as he felt … He jumped up. "I'm sorry," he stammered.
Kurama scrambled away from Hiei, almost falling off the couch in the process. He curled up, trying to conceal his arousal, his face red with shame. "I told you to stop," he said pitifully.
"I'm sorry," Hiei repeated. "Kurama," he reached forward, trying to get the Kitsune to look at him, "I didn't mean to--"
His lips accidentally brushed Kurama's; the Fox pulled away--actually falling off this time. He crawled backward until he was against the wall, his eyes averted from Hiei's the entire time. Face still red, Hiei muttered to the floor, "I don't expect anything of you, Hiei."
"I know that," Hiei replied, climbing over the couch, kneeling in front of his friend. Kurama eyed him warily. "Don't look at me that way. I want to help you."
Though he spoke with the best of intentions, the shame in Kurama's face intensified. "This burden doesn't involve you. I can help myself."
"No." Hiei's hand found Kurama's shoulder; he squeezed it, as though making sure that the redhead would not get away. "Fighting an antagonist that persists gnawing away at you is tiring enough," he said. "But even if the entire world is against you, you should still be able to withdraw and find solace within yourself--And you don't have even that small comfort, Kurama. When the problem lies within, there's no escape. Everywhere you go, it's there, capable of emerging, of assaulting you, at any time.
"I know how you feel," he concluded. "I too have done battle with myself …" His free arm found Kurama's waist.
The Fox tensed. "Hiei--"
"I'm not finished." The hand on Kurama's shoulder tightened its grip. "You've caused me a lot of discomfort in the past," he said reproachfully. "Your annoying tendency to become entangled in dangerous webs, so more often than anyone else I know to teeter on the line between life and death while engaged in your conflicts … You owe my stomach and my throat apologies, for causing them to tighten up on so many occasions. Especially now, since the sensation has grown almost chronic recently."
He released Kurama's shoulder; the latter was unable to break away anyhow, pinned now by Hiei's legs. Hiei cupped the Kitsune's face and tilted it upward so that green eyes were forced to meet his. "I am fond of you, Kurama. Perhaps I don't know to what extent, like you do, but to me this has grown far more complex than mere friendship…."
Kurama struggled, but given his current position this was an overall futile effort. Hiei held him even more firmly still, pulling him forward, the space between them rapidly decreasing as they grew closer …