Ĉђąρτεŕ Sїϰ » τσƒƒεε Ńʊτ Latte

Toffee: (noun) A kind of sugary sticky sweet made from butter and caramelized sugar.
Nut: (noun) A hard-shelled, one-seeded fruit, such as the hazelnut or macadamia nut.
Latte: (noun) An espresso usually topped with frothy, steamed milk.
Toffee Nut Latte: (noun) Rikku's number one favourite. And it's banana milkshakes for Yuna and flat whites for Paine.

"Away, foul demon! Lest I slay thee with this sharp, pointy thing!"

Wednesday night had left Cloud Strife in utter shambles like a recently demolished building. It was downright possible that the nightmare that was Starbucks would haunt him forever and ever… until the day came where he would be buried six feet under rocks and gravel and fertilized dirt, or something equally dramatic. Which won't happen for a very long time to come. And so, Cloud Strife would be forced to live his days with the entire episode plaguing his unsullied mind.

The atrocious incident had forced the poor man to mull over his previous beliefs about his co-workers. Well, apart from the redheaded one. That bitch had been an asshole. As per usual. Nothing out of the ordinary about that. One day, I swear that son of a goddamn Mutated Poogle will go down in flames, never to be reborn again, Cloud had sworn to himself vehemently.

Demyx. Dem-freaking-myx. He'd known that walking disaster for like, less than twenty-four frigging hours, and he already wanted to punch him square in the face just to see what the hell kind of reaction he would get from the punk-musician-barista-psycho hybrid. Would he let loose a shriek and drop to the ground like a pathetic sack of potatoes? Or would he return the blow with a tight bitch slap of his own (complete with war cry and all) and then launch into a tirade about ethics and principles of morality? Or maybe the idiot would just fix him with a rejected look of sadness, which would then morph into a happy little smile and then he'd skip off like nothing happened. Cloud found it enormously disturbing that all three accounts were quite plausible. Oh, and what the fuck was up with his hair for crying out loud?! Damn kids these days… just when had mullets and mohawks fused together to form a fashion statement?

And Leon. Oh god, Leon. He didn't even want to go there. No. Cloud did not even want to think about that man. But then! Said man had brought in brand spanking new trainee baristas (what the hell, we have to stop using that term in this coffee bar!) and Cloud lost all self-control. Really, the blond was a pretty patient, tolerant, long-suffering chap. But as far as all patient, tolerant, long-suffering people go, they've surely gotta snap some time.

"You cannot seriously be serious!" he spluttered with absolute seriousness, voice hitching an octave higher with every syllable articulated. Actually, he stumbled over his words, eating them somewhat, and what he said sounded more like y'knotsrslybeSRS! …No, really. It was a miracle anyone understood him. And his mouth was (no, not foaming) hanging agape in fury and disbelief, one of his fingers pointed directly towards the general direction of Sora and Roxas.

Leon deadpanned. "Live with it, Strife," the boss man said unsympathetically, indicating that yes, he had indeed grasped what his employee had blurted.

"I know I can!" Axel chirruped gaily. "Leon! You are my hero!"

Urge to kill tall, elevated redhead: rising… a small voice in Cloud's mind intoned. "Ugh… We've gone from being understaffed to being severely overstaffed in a matter of two days," the blond muttered darkly under his breath with a frown so vicious that it actually made Sora squirm uneasily. Cloud was getting quite irked by Leon's behaviour lately. Screw that, he was getting dreadfully irked. Popping up out of nowhere all of a sudden every goddamn time (oh that never gets old), hiring that queer retard Demyx (how the hell did he even get into UT?!), playing that dumb baby game at Starbucks last night (the power of Axel compels you!), then kissing him (dfndjfkefjhlfnwtfOSKSD?)… And now employing two noobcakes (of all people)?!

The Strife was beginning to think that maybe this was some sort of conspiracy/plot/scheme against him that had everything to do with Leon's stupid new girlfriend.

… Fuck.

Now why the heck would he think that? And why the heck did he suddenly have this strange desire to want to murder said new girlfriend?

There was something very weird going on, he decided.

Anyways, after they had all entered the kitchen to get acquainted with the new kids (whilst Leon, in an act of graciousness, took charge up front), it only took Axel all but seven (maybe eight, but Cloud was pretty sure it was seven) seconds to start hitting on his main target. Y'know, the unsociable one with the blue flinty eyes and first class dirty blond hair?

The silly redhead had his most charming smile in place as he mock-casually leant against the divider and eyed the Goldilock-ed one in a most disturbing manner that Cloud had to look away, lest his eyes fall out of their sockets and clattered onto the floor.

"Hiiiii. You must be Sora," Axel all but purred.

Blond kid stared at him. It wasn't a stare of stupefaction. It was closer to one of those Leon stares.

"Uh, no dude. I'm Sora," the brown-haired one said, shaking his head. "He's Roxas."

Axel blinked, totally and utterly jibbed. "Ah, fuck. Right, riiiight!" he exclaimed quickly with an apologetic smile directed at Roxas. "Of course! A kid like you would never get stuck with the way girlier name!"

"Hey!" Sora yelped indignantly, a pout gracing his adolescent-esque features. "Standin' right here, red!"

Oh great, Cloud groaned inwardly. We have another Demyx. Great going, Leonhart, you prat. He looked toward Axel with a headshake."Ax. Stop picking on the new kids," he drawled in an apathetic tone. If they were going to be like that, fine. He'd just play the unfriendly little bitch.

"Shut it, Cuh-louuud," Axel said, sticking his tongue out, underscoring his blond co-worker's name in heavy emphasis.

Cloud scowled deeply. What the—? The nerve! Really! There was no need to attack his name. What was wrong with the name Cloud? Helloooo, at least it wasn't girly dammit.

"Yeah, anyway, as I was saying," Axel continued, "Well, no, I wasn't saying, but hey, my name's Axel. A-X-E-L. Or whatever. Just call me Ax, like everyone does. The one gnashing his teeth over there's Cloud Strife. He just loves raining on your tea parties, if you get my drift," he smirked his royal smirk. "Real stormy, that one. He would be better off with the name Squall."

And the redhead laughed at his own joke. Which would have been worth something if only it wasn't just him laughing alone.

Cloud clenched a fist. Unclenched it. Clenched it again. And he repeated that action over and over until it drained his anger and agitation away. Ah yes, those stress-relieving sessions with his Zen instructor Ansem the Wise and Obsolete had taught him some useful tricks on how not to die too early of spiking blood pressure.

"I thought you guys were rich," Axel was now saying. "Why work at a coffee place?"

At this, Roxas made a disgruntled noise. Cloud had yet to hear a coherent sentence from this boy. Truly.

Sora beamed like a five-pointed star (if that was even remotely possible). "Experience, duh! Money can't buy you everything y'know? Plus hey, I ain't rich! Who said I was rich? Haven't we already been through this?" He grinned an impish grin. "We're only working here every afternoon once school's out though. Not full-time or anything. The pay's not much, but like I said, work experience for the win!"

Roxas cut in evenly, voice smooth and boyish (like a pop singer's voice). "The fact of the matter is: I'm only here because Sora's here."

"Yeah," Sora nodded, spiky hair bouncing up and down eccentrically. "I told him I wanted to work here and the first thing he said to me was—"

"—you're freakin' crazy, you—"

"—bitch. And then I said, 'okay, fine, call me a crazy bitch, but I'm still gonna work at the Caffeine Fixation because it seems like a cool place. Plus their poster thingy said they needed help'. And then Rox was all like, 'dude, you can't be serious', and I was like, 'uh, chyah, I toootally am'. And he said, 'what if you get friggin' molested by that creep?' and I was like, 'he was not a creep! I think he liked you!' And he just gave me his what-the-fuck face, glared, then told me he'd apply for the job with me. For my 'protection'."

Silence reigned for a moment or two as the boy caught his breath.

Then Cloud muttered, "Oh, well, I think it's gonna be Roxas who'll be needing protection."

"Please do tell me who you were referring to when you said 'creep'?" Axel asked, ignoring Cloud completely.

"You," Roxas replied bluntly, face unsmiling, voice hard.

"Hmm, well, okay. Let's get one thing straight here, Roxy—"

"Call me that again and I will rip yo—"

"—I won't go groping your friend Sorwhatsit—"

"It's SORA!"

"—Scout's honour. No, I was never a scout. But hey, take my word for it. I neeeever lie."

Cloud raised an eyebrow. "You never lie?"

"Neeeeeeever. Besides, what's so special about Sora?"

"I'm standing right here!" Sora whined.

"Yeah, whatever, kid. I ain't blind." Axel waved a hand in the air dismissively. "As I was saying, I've got my sights set on someone else." And he grinned at Roxas.

Roxas stared back at Axel for like, a full minute or something. Then, he swore. "Fuck. So it was me that first time. Not Sora. Oh, goddammit!"

"What? You thought I was hitting on that guy?" Axel was dumbfounded. "No way!"

"Aw, man!" Sora squealed. "Stop dissin' me!"

Roxas looked more than a little put out as he crossed his arms with an exasperated sigh.

Cloud slapped a hand to his forehead spectacularly. "Okay, look guys, as much as this is all plenty amusing to everyone, let's try to wrap this brainless conversation up, okay?" He looked at the redhead pointedly. "Ax? Don't harass the kids, or I'll get Leon to kill you. In fact, I might just do it myself. Roxas? Feel free to bring a switchblade to work from now on, unless you know kung fu or any other similar badass martial arts. Sora? Keep an eye on your friend whenever you can. If he's being attacked by redheaded stalkers, call the police."

"Oh for crying the fuck out loud, Strife!" Axel exclaimed. "I'm not going to—"

"Save it," Roxas growled at Axel, then muttered to Cloud, "It's fine. This won't be the first time I've had a stalker on my tail. I can deal with it myself."

Sora giggled. "It's cuz you're so pretty, Rox."

Just then, Leon's voice cut in from the doorway. "Hey, people? If you're about done back there, I think you should know that we have incoming. The usual five o'clock crowd."

"Ah, damn," Cloud turned to Sora and Roxas. "Well, you guys came at the right time. I believe we're about to endure the Thursday evening swamp."

True enough, in the span of less than five minutes or less, the entire bar was full of people. It seemed like a war zone.

"Cloud? You grab one of the new guys to supervise and take the front. The rest of us'll be backing you from the kitchen," Leon instructed, taking charge. "Keep the orders coming."

That order was the signal for a Code Red People, Time To Suit Up And Get To Work Before We Get Snowed Under at The Fix. Axel grabbed onto Roxas before Cloud could say anything and smiled at his sullen co-worker. "SHOTGUN! Sorry Cloud dude, I call dibs on Roxas. You can have the Sorarah kid. Teach him something new. Make him be the messenger boy or something. Have fun! Byeee!"

And Cloud and Sora were left at the counter while Leon and Axel (dragging Roxas) disappeared through the kitchen doors.

"Fuck you, Axel," Cloud growled inaudibly. He had been thinking of snagging Roxas before Axel had a chance to because Roxas seemed like the more sensible one out of the two kids. In fact, Roxas actually seemed like a miniature version of himself. Which was kind of very freaky, but at least he wasn't half-crazy. Damn. Now he was stuck with Sora. ARGH. The world was being a real pain in the ass.

"Okay," he sighed and motioned at the puzzled Sora. "I'll be taking people's orders and cashing their cash in the register. You be a good boy and run back and forth with the orders. Capiche?"

"Le comprehendo, mon capitain!" Sora saluted.

Oh, don't you dare pull a Demyx, you freak! Cloud wanted to snarl, but was cut off at the right moment.

"Excuuuuuse me? Could I like, maybe order something puh-lease?" Some impatient, whiny, anorexic-looking girl with long blonde hair, a blue bandana and possibly the most revealing outfit Cloud had ever laid his eyes on had sashayed up to the counter. "Hello? I'm waiiiiting. And my girlfriends are waiting outside in the car too. Step it up, you slowpoke!" She tapped her white-blue boots testily with a tap-tap-tap on the polished floor.

"What the hell do y— Oh. It's you again," Cloud glowered when he realised who it was. The girl was a regular at the bar. And she was Queen Bee of the Hyperactive A.D.D. Beehive of Terror.

"Yes, me. Hurry up, Strifeman! Paine will muuurder me if we're late for the movie. And I'm telling you, we will be late for the movie because Yunie drives like a snail and the movie starts in ten minutes and the damn cinema is like fifteen minutes away and you neeeeed to make us one banana milkshake, one flat white and one toffee nut latte; large, large and large – takeaway – like, NOW."

"Woah, woah, hang on! I'm not Superman for crying out loud!"

"Yeah, but you're Strifeman! Nana-nana-nana-nana STRIFEMAN!"

Cloud resisted the mounting urge to pick up the cash register and throw it at her, but figured he didn't have big enough guns to do so. That and the fact that Leon might gut him if he tried. Plus it would set a bad example for the new kid.

"OKAY. Could you… please… repeat… your order… again?" Cloud said through clenched teeth.

But amazingly, Sora had already written all three orders down. He jabbed Cloud in the ribs before taking off.

"Your drinks will be done in a minute, lady!" he yelled loudly over his shoulder as the brunet raced spastically into the kitchen with his piece of scribbled-on paper.

Cloud gaped. Well… Sora seemed efficient enough.

"Wow. Is he new? I've never seen him around before."

"Yeah…" Cloud choked out. "He's new. Like, half-an-hour-type new."

"Gee, I wonder. If you poke him with something sharp, d'you think he'll start bleeding copious amounts of Red Bull?"

"That's… highly likely."

"Does he have a name?"

"Oh, hell no. You are not calling him Soraman."

"… Wasn't gonna."

"Suuuure."

Meanwhile, back at HQ (hindquarters, not headquarters), Axel was clearly not supervising Roxas like he was supposed to.

"Look here, motherfucker," Roxas was snarling, "Call me sexy one more time and I will tear your arm off and use your own damn fingers to strangle you to death."

"Axel," Leon called loudly over to the redhead when their banter reached his ears, "You do know that sexual harassment in the workplace is an offense punishable by law."

"What's wrong with stating the truth?!" Axel yelled back. "He is sexy!"

Sora ran in. "Three orders!" he announced, pressing the memo into his boss's hands and running back out again.

"That kid's pretty quick at taking orders," Leon noted as he handed the order to Axel. "Now Axel, go do your damn job and make the drinks. Roxas will need to learn how to make them. So teach him. Properly."

Axel rolled his eyes and looked down at what Sora had scribbled.

He frowned visibly, tilting the piece of paper this way and that as though trying to read a particularly confusing and mind-bending map.

"… Uhhhh… Is this in Latin or something? What the hell is a… a L bane machete? L Flak while? L Toffee new LATRINE?" He looked up slowly with a blank expression on his face. "… Roxas, is your friend dyslexic?"

"What?" The blond snatched the note from Axel's fingers and read it out loud. "Banana milkshake, flat white, toffee nut latte. And I think the L's are for large."

"Holy crap. You can read that?"

"I think maybe you're the dyslexic one."

"Huh… You may have a point there. Okay, whatever. Let me give you a demonstration on how to make a banana milkshake. Cuz, you know—" Axel wriggled his eyebrows and grinned widely, "my milkshake toooootally brings all the boys to the yard."

Author's Note: If it's not too much trouble, please review! I want your constructive criticism and valuable input. I want you to rant and rave and tell me which parts of this chapter deserved to burn in hell. Of course, you could also rant and rave and tell me which parts were totally awesome and deserved some apple pie. But that's totally optional. :)