"Thanksgiving"

When we pull up to the house, I want to pretend I'm not shocked, but I can't hide the way my mouth hangs open.
"You lived here?" I ask.
"Unfortunately," Tobias answers, and I close my mouth. I look over to him, and see that look in his eye — the one that breaks my heart. I know things aren't like they used to be, but his father was —is— an awful man, and those wounds don't close easily. I look back to the sprawling mansion as Tobias gets out of the car, and I can feel the nerves start to set in.

We walk in and are greeted by a man Tobias calls Charles. Charles takes our coats and directs us to leave our bags in the foyer, and he will take them up to our rooms for us. Tobias waves him off, takes my bag from me, and starts up the stairs. I smile politely at Charles who looks on with a blank face.

Tobias walks down the long hallway quickly, and I try my best to follow but I keep getting distracted by each door I pass. A gym. An office. A…library?

"Whoa," I say out loud. I take a quick peek in, and the only thing missing from this room is me in a yellow ball gown, and a talking candelabra.
"Tris?"
"Sorry," I say as I turn to him. "I've just never seen anything like this before. In person I mean." He smiles, motioning for me to follow him.

We go down three more doors and he walks into what I assume is his childhood room. I think back to what my room used to look like —band posters everywhere, pictures of Christina and me and our friends, stuffed animals— and realize his room looks nothing like that.

There's a patchwork blue quilt on a four poster bed, a neatly organized desk with an old iMac on it, a bookshelf filled with books that look more like encyclopedias than anything a teenager would read, and a blue sculpture sitting on the nightstand. I turn and look at Tobias who just looks on at nothing in particular.

"This was your room?" I ask.
"Yeah."
"It's so…plain. Was it always like this, or…" I stop, not really wanting to finish the sentence. Or hear the answer.
"Yeah. My dad didn't believe in nonsensical things like personal decorations." I bite my lip, afraid to say much more. I know me talking about it won't be the direct cause of the bad memories he has in this house, but I don't want to do anything more to bring them up in any way.

"Anyways, he should be home in a little while, and then we can eat. I'm sure the chef made a perfect meal. I have to stay tomorrow at his insistence, but I can call you a cab if you feel uncomfortable or whatever."
"No," I say quickly. I'm not leaving him here alone with his dad. "I'm sure I'll be fine." He gives me a soft smile and kisses me on the forehead.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to go in the gym for a while. You can join me if you want, or maybe poke around in the library. I'm pretty sure every book ever written is in there."
"You know, that sounds nice," I say, pecking him back on the cheek. I give him a wink and leave him to his work out.

Only because I've always wanted to, I climb one of the tall ladders immediately and start poking around at the books on the highest shelf. Tobias wasn't kidding. The Great Gatsby. The Count of Monte Cristo. The Iliad. Frankenstein.

I pull Frankenstein down and carefully climb down the ladder, setting the book down at a desk just as carefully. I open the book and gape at how old it is. According to the publishing date in the book, this version is over a hundred and fifty years old. I flip through the pages carefully, marveling that Mary Shelley was only eighteen when she started writing this story. If I have time tomorrow, I might sneak in here and read some of this. Right now I want to poke around some more.

I leave the book on the desk and move the ladder to a different section. I climb back up and notice this section seems to be different; Emma, Little House on the Prairie, To Kill a Mockingbird. I wonder if this is where his mother kept her books; I can't imagine Marcus reading any of these. I pull down a few more classics to stack on the desk and flip through later when it catches my eye- Little Women. I remember my mom reading this to me. It was a class assignment, but I was so sick one of the weeks I was supposed to be reading it, she read it out loud to me while I snuggled up in bed and tried to recover. It was one of the last things we did together.

I pull the book down and shove the others aside as I open it, eager to read just a few lines and bring up those memories. I furrow my brow as I close it, looking at the cover again, but when I open it back up, I'm met with handwriting. Confused, I read a few lines, and nothing seems familiar. I pull the book jacket off and stare at the black leather cover, the word Journal in gold embossed letters on the front. I look back to the door, making sure I'm still alone, and open it back up the the very first page. The name Evelyn Anne Johnson is written neatly on it.

I flip through the pages, noticing the dates and various lengths and reading a few lines here and there. Most of them are about school, or friends, or classwork. Based on the dates and the handwriting, I'm guessing she started this at the end of high school. The name Marcus suddenly grabs my attention, so I stop and read the entry.

I met the most wonderful man today. His name is Marcus, and he just transferred into my class. He sat next to me, and smiled kindly when I found myself staring at him. He was a bit lost at where we were in the syllabus, and the Professor was in the middle of a rant, so I offered to help him get situated and let him look over some of my notes.

At the end of class, he fumbled his words a bit before he thanked me and asked if I would like to have lunch sometime. He also blushed, which is quite attractive on a man. Of course I said yes, and he ran off without even giving me his phone number or picking a day or a place to meet! I tried to call after him, but he was too quick. I guess it will just have to wait until Wednesday when this course resumes. I don't think I've ever been so excited to go to class.

I read the passage again, comparing it to the man Tobias has told me about, and wonder at what point he changed. How could the two of them could possibly be the same? I peek over at the door again, the music coming in from the gym and Tobias, but I am still alone. I flip further back in the journal to a date a little over a year before Tobias was born.

It happened again. I told myself I wasn't going to stay, that I wasn't going to live like this, but there just isn't anywhere for me to go. My parents even turned me away. Said it was tough love and that I should have listened to them the first time he did this to me. I want to cry, I feel like I should cry, but the tears just won't come.

I'm seeing Dr. Tomlinson tomorrow. I haven't felt the baby move in over a week. I'm trying to tell myself that everything is okay, but I already know. This will be the third time. I don't know if I can do this again.

I don't finish the entry. I can't. I wipe away the tears that have started to form when I realize what she just wrote. The third time. Tobias used the nickname Four because of his mom. I flip through the journal quickly. There's nothing on Tobias' birthday, but a few days after there is an entry.

I can't believe I'm a mom! I never thought I would see this day. I've wanted this more than anything. This little boy, my sweet, sweet Tobias, he's my everything. He is my savior.

I never thought it was possible to love someone so much. His chubby little toes, his bald little head, those deep blue eyes. They all remind me of Marcus, but that's okay. I know he will never be like his father. I won't let him. If I have to flee to the ends of the earth to protect him, I will. I am going to do whatever it takes to show him he was worth it.

My brave little boy. My fighter. My lucky number four.

Whatever tears I managed to fight off before come freely now. I flip back a few entries and see that my suspicions are right; Marcus beat Evelyn while she was pregnant with Tobias. But unlike the others, he made it. I close the journal and hold it against me. A part of me feels guilty for intruding on something so personal like this, but another part of me is grateful for it. I can give this to Tobias. I can show him just how much his mother loved him. But most of all, I can let him know all about Four.

I wipe my face again and take a deep breath, clutching the journal tightly to me as I walk down the hall towards the music. When I reach the door, I can't help but stop and stare.

Tobias is hitting a punching bag with no shirt on. I watch how every muscle in his arms and back tighten and move with each hit; the way his tattoo takes up so much space, and manages to look like a raging fire as he pulls back and lets go each time. I lean against the door frame and just take it all in. This wonderful human being, is mine. My moment of infatuation is cut short by a booming voice.

"Just who the hell are you?" I jump and turn, coming face to face with an older man. His face is hard and cold, but not nearly as cold as his eyes. The same eyes that Tobias has. I open my mouth, but no words come out.
"This is Tris, my girlfriend," Tobias says as he comes up next to me. Marcus looks me up and down, a clearly disapproving look on his face. His eyes linger for a moment on my ravens; it makes me feel exposed and dirty.

"Is that my book?" he asks. I look down, thankful that I put the Little Women cover back on it.
"Yes," I say. "I was just in the library while Tobias—"
"I don't give a shit what you were doing. Nobody gave you permission to touch my things." I feel myself getting redder, but it has nothing to do with embarrassment for once. He clearly doesn't care about the book. If he cared, he would have found this journal long ago. He only cares that I got it without his permission.

"I'll put it back," I say quietly.
"Tris, no," Tobias says, turning his back on his father. I don't miss the look of utter revulsion that crosses Marcus' face. "I gave you permission. Go ahead and put it back for now though, and we'll get ready for dinner."
"Please do," Marcus says. "And make sure you keep that trash covered while you're here. This is a respectable home where we don't desecrate our bodies." Tobias rolls his eyes, but gives me a small smile and a gentle push towards the library.
"I certainly hope you showed her to her own room," I hear Marcus say as I walk into the library.

I put the books away carefully, but space them out so they don't look like one is missing. I peek around the corner, and see that Tobias and Marcus are gone. I hurry into our room, closing the door behind me.

"Flirting with death?" I hear Tobias say as he tips his head towards the book in my hand.
"Oh, you know me," I say, waving my hand in the air. "This book is important. Tobias, just trust me when I tell you that, okay?"
"Tris, what are—"
"No. Later." I say, pecking him on the cheek. I tuck the book in the very bottom of the bag I packed and pull out my clothes for the evening. "Let's just get this over with."

I silently thank god that I listened to Christina and brought along a semi-fancy black dress. Unfortunately it's lace at the top, so my tattoo is visible. I style my hair so it lays over my left shoulder, hoping between that and the lace pattern, Marcus won't notice or mention anything. When Tobias comes out of the closet, he's dressed in a nice black suit.

"Wow," I say, smiling. "You clean up nicely."
"Yeah. It's amazing what years of fear can do to you." The smile immediately falls from my face.
"Tobias, that's not what I meant."
"I know," he says, leaning down and kissing me on the side of my head. "I can joke about it." Right, I think, but you shouldn't have to.

I watch as he buttons his top button and grabs his tie. He effortlessly ties it in a perfect knot before turning and handing me his pocket square. It's plaid —white navy and burgundy— the latter matching his tie.

"Care to do the honors?" he asks with a little smirk on his face as he shrugs on his jacket. I smile, tucking it neatly into the breast pocket.
"So, burgundy? For some reason, I never took you as anything more than a black or blue kind of guy," I say, giving him a little poke. "Maybe a little gray."
"So what you're saying is you think I'm boring."
"I am not!"
"Yes you are," he teases. "You just wait until later. I'll show you who's boring then." I feel myself blush as I look up at him. He licks his lips and gives me a wink and I desperately wish we didn't have to go to dinner.

"I think you're missing something," he says, looking me over.
"What?" I ask, looking down. "I'm as covered as I can be, so I don't think Marcus will have a reason to object or make any comments."

I didn't notice Tobias walked away until I see him walking back, holding something out for me. I look up and see a long blue box with a tiny white bow on it.

"Tobias," I whisper. I stare at the box for minute before bringing my eyes up to his.
He smiles just a little before saying, "Take it."

I hesitate before I reach out and take the box from him. My hands tremble a bit as I pull the lid off to reveal what's inside.

"Oh, shit. Tobias, it's beyond beautiful. But I can't. This is too much. Oh my god."
"Well, if I got you to cuss, then I must have done something right," he says, taking the box from me. I give a nervous laugh as he pulls the necklace out and unclasps it. I move my hair and let him put it on me; it rests perfectly against my chest. He walks me over to the mirror and stands behind me as I stare at myself.

"Tobias, it's beyond amazing, but I can't accept this. I mean, Tiffany's? You could have got me something from the swap meet and I wouldn't have cared. You didn't even have to get me anything."
"I know," he says from behind me, and I finally bring my eyes up to his. "But I just happened to see it, and I immediately thought of you. I couldn't resist."
"Me?" I say, running my finger over the star shaped diamond pendant. "Why?"
"Because," he says, bending down to kiss the top of my head. "You're my true north. Whenever I lose my way, all I have to do is think of you, and I find my way back."

I wonder if this is one of those moments where Christina would speak up, calling Tobias out on his cheesy sense of romance.

I also don't care.

I turn and wrap my arms around him, and I swear I can feel his heart beat against mine. "I love you," I whisper, and freeze.

I just said that out loud.

I feel his grip loosen slightly, and I close my eyes, realizing that I've probably messed everything up. It's too soon to be saying something like this. We've only known each other for what, 3 months? God, what possessed me to say that? I mean, I've been feeling it, for a while now. Even flirted around with the idea of saying it, but that doesn't mean I should have. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I pull back and chance a look at Tobias. His eyes are wide, but his face is totally unreadable.

"Okaay. Well, let's go to dinner then," I say, extracting myself and hurrying past Tobias. I'm stepping into my flats when I feel his hand slip into mine. He tugs me back to him, but I stare at his chest, unable to face the giant, awkward elephant in the room. A few seconds pass before he places his fingers under my chin and lifts my face to his.

His eyes are soft now, and dark they way the get sometimes. He leans down and kisses me, and my heart threatens to leap right out of my chest. How he always conveys exactly what he's feeling through just the touch of our lips or the brush of his tongue, I'll never know, but I'm glad he does it. I let out a soft, contented sigh when he pulls away, and open my eyes to see him smiling down at me.
"I love you, too."

I can physically feel my heart thumping in my throat. I swallow hard and bite my lip, hating that I'm doubting this moment.

"I don't know why I said it, but I do mean it, Tobias. I just want to make sure that you're not saying it just because I did."
"Never," he says. "I, umm, I've actually stopped myself from saying it once or twice before." I smile as he blushes a little.
"Why didn't you say it?"
"I was afraid it might…scare you off."
"Sorry, you can't get rid of me that easily," I say.
"Good."

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me again. I thought it might feel different, but I think deep down I've known since the cruise that we would end up in this moment sooner rather than later. I think maybe I've felt this way all along and I've just done a horrible job at admitting it.

I don't mind admitting it now.

"Tobias," I say, pulling away. "I love you."
"I love you too, Tris."

This is the fanciest dinner I've ever seen.

Tobias and I sit at one end of a long table, while Marcus sits at the other. I wish I felt bad about the space that's between us, but I'm sure it's better this way. The table is covered in enough food to feed a small army, and it's just the three of us. Mashed potatoes, corn, rolls, three different vegetables, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and at least five other dishes I don't recognize. When the turkey is brought out, I look over to Tobias with my mouth hanging open.

"Is this a turkey or an ostrich?" I whisper. His eyes flit to mine quickly before landing back on Marcus. I should keep quiet. I don't know if he heard, but I turn towards Marcus and smile politely.

He bows his head and I see Tobias do the same, so I do it too. I listen as Marcus says a prayer, giving a long list of thanks, which mostly involve his career and how he got there. At the tail end he mentions Tobias, and I feel myself struggling to stay polite.

Tobias goes next, thanking his father for everything he has, and I mentally cringe. He goes on to list a few more things, and reaches out to take my hand and squeezes it as he mentions me. I swear I hear a scoff from the other end of the table. The room is silent for a while when I feel Tobias give me a gentle kick. Oh.

"I'm thankful for my parents, even though they are no longer here. I wouldn't be the person I am today without their love and support, even though the holidays just aren't the same without them. I'm thankful that my brother has been afforded such a wonderful opportunity to live and study overseas, even if that means he can't be here with me today. I'm also thankful for the wonderful friends I have made in my life, but most of all I am thankful that I met Tobias. Even with all of the things he has been through in his life, he still manages to love me the way I deserve to be loved." I wanted to be much worse -talk about the abuse he suffered at the hands of the man who he calls dad- but I hear another scoff and I know I've at least made some point.

I finally look up when I hear Marcus stand, and Tobias keeps his eyes focused on his father. I smile sweetly as I give my attention to Marcus too. He looks between the two of us before snatching up the carving fork and knife. The look in his eye makes me hope I didn't make a mistake.

We eat in silence. It's so different than what I'm used to. My family would talk and laugh and share stories and jokes. Here though, there is no love to share. You are a robot, activated only when Marcus presses your button. I can't imagine growing up this way.

"Tris," he says from the end of the table, and I glance at Tobias quickly before turning my attention towards him.
"Yes?"
"What is it you are studying in school?"
"Oh, well I haven't decided exactly what I want to do just yet, but I'm taking the science route. You know, maybe find a cure for something one day."
"Oh. That's…nice," he says, and goes back to his meal.

It doesn't take a genius to see that he's already dismissed me as not good enough for Tobias, but his response has me hearing him in my head, chastising me for my choices. There's no money to be made in cures.

People like him make me sick.

After the wonderful meal dessert is brought out, and Tobias and I each have a slice of pumpkin and apple pie with whipped cream, while Marcus has none. It would cause too much joy in his life, I'm sure.

I make sure to thank the chef and the caterers for the meal before we head upstairs. Just before we walk into our room, Marcus calls out to Tobias.

"I'll just be a minute. Go on," he says. I smile at Marcus, hoping to diffuse anything that might happen, but his face remains hard and blank. Tobias closes the door behind me, and I feel uneasy leaving them alone. I try to listen, but all I hear is muffled sounds that I can't make heads or tails of. Instead I sit on the bed and wait.

I look around the bare room when my eyes land on the blue glass sculpture. I can't quite make out what it's supposed to be, but my best guess is it's an artists rendition of a waterfall. It looks so out of place in here. I can't imagine growing up and not being able to truly express who you are— whether it's through posters or pictures of your friends or even comic books. The door opens, and I look up to see Tobias, his face redder than it's ever been before.

"Tris," he says, calm and completely monotone despite his looks, "Would you please allow me to escort you to your room for the night?"
"Oh. Sure," I say, picking up my bag. He takes it from me and I follow him down the hallway towards the opposite end of the house. We walk past Marcus —who has a smug look of satisfaction on his face— and it takes everything in me to not smack it off of him.

Tobias opens a door, and sets my bag down. "I'm sorry," he says.
"Don't be," I say, waving my hand. "I get it. I'll see you in the morning?"
"Yeah. Goodnight, Tris."
"Night."

I wake up to the sun streaming through the windows. I groan and pull the blanket up over my head, not even daring to look at what time it is. It's not often I get to sleep in, so I hope it's not too early.

Eventually I peek out and pull my phone off the nightstand; it's just after eight. That's later than I thought it was. I yawn and stretch and hop out of bed in search of a bathroom; Tobias didn't show me where it was on this side of the house. I find it on the third try, and run back to grab my stuff to shower. Tobias comes in the room just as I'm about to head back.

"I really hate to do this, but you've gotta go." I notice he's in another suit and groomed impeccably- even his stubble from yesterday is gone. I raise an eyebrow at him, but he just pleads with his eyes. "I promise I will fill you in later, but you're gonna have to trust me. A cab's already waiting."
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Yes. I'll be fine. Please don't worry. I'll call you tonight, okay? But right now I have to go and so do you."

I gather up what I brought and pull a sweatshirt over my pajamas before kissing Tobias goodbye. He hurries downstairs and I hear quite a few voices greet him. I wait for just a minute before quietly leaving the house. Whatever is happening, I don't like it.

A/N:
SONG: The Beatles - I've Just Seen a Face