"FIGHT"

Tobias

I sit in the back of the police car, staring out the window. I saw Al, and just saw…red. I even looked at that balloon, and I swear I saw 'It's a Girl' written on it, and I…I lost it. It said 'Get Well Soon'. How did I fuck up so bad?

I close my eyes and lean my head against the cool window as we drive away, trying to get the look on Tris' face out of my mind. She looked so…disappointed in me. She doesn't understand though. I was protecting her. I didn't spend a week combing through the University's website and Facebook looking for tutors until I found him for fun. I needed to memorize every last feature about him in case he ever came around her again. Ever since she got those damn flowers, he's all I've been able to think about. Him taking advantage of her trust. Him kissing her. Him stalking her. What a fucking asshole.

This is all his fault.

If he would have just kept his meaty fucking claws to himself.

We arrive at the station, and I'm half let out of the handcuffs, only to be the cuffed to a table instead. I give my information to the officer, then go to a different room for fingerprints and a mug shot. Jesus. I had always hoped if I got arrested that it would have been for something big, like killing Marcus. Not this petty shit. I'm led back to the same room to give my statement of what happened. I let the officer know who Al is and why I reacted the way I did, hoping that he will at least see it from my point of view. The officer is older, and it's my only shot at a reprieve. He comes from that chivalrous era where guys beat on each other all the time to win a girl over.

He gives me a small smile and says, "Look. I know you think you were doing the noble, heroic thing here, but there are rules set in place for a reason. You can't just go putting your hands on someone like that. I'm sorry, son." He claps me hard on the shoulder before undoing my cuff and leading me back into a holding cell. I sit for what feels like hours, until someone else comes to get me.

"You can make a phone call if you like. Let someone know to come and pick you up tomorrow morning. Should be able to let you out by ten or eleven."
"That's it? I can just go home?" I ask.
"Well, no. You're being charged with disorderly conduct. There will be a fine, but no jail time since it's your first offense. You may even be ordered to attend some counseling classes as part of your probation. You'll receive all the information and paperwork before you're released."
"Probation?"
"Yeah. Probably six months worth. Maybe less. Just keep yourself in check, and you'll be fine, Mr. Eaton."

The way he said Eaton rubs me the wrong way. I look over at him, hoping to see a sympathetic face, but I'm met with a hard one and an eye roll. Great. I'm just another rich kid with a daddy who can buy his way out of anything. I sigh.

"Did you call him?"
"No we don't do that. It's up to you who you call."

"Thanks." I guess there's something to be said for that.

I pick up the receiver when I'm led to a phone, and stare at it. I don't know who to call.

I can't call Tris. She's too upset and might not answer. I'm not sure I could talk to her now anyways. Zeke and Uriah are out of the picture, since they've been with Shauna and the baby all day. Will or Christina might do it, but they might not. Christina is Tris' friend, after all, and I'm not that close with Will. That leaves me with just one choice. I dial the number slowly, not wanting to hear it from the other end.

"Hey, it's me. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm in jail and I need you come get me in the morning."

I'm released with a fine of five-hundred dollars, a court date, and the possibility of a criminal record. When the officer opens the door to release me, I'm met with a hard stare.

"Just what the hell were you thinking?"
"I wasn't," I say quietly.
"Well that much is obvious. Jesus, Tobias. What are you gonna do if Marcus finds out?"
"He won't." I look Tori in the eye, and see her face soften.

"It's already started. You know I moved out. He hasn't said one word."
"And? That means nothing, Tobias. Do you still have the cards he gave you? Are you still accepting his money?"
"Yes," I say quietly. "But—"
"But nothing. This is no half in-half out scenario. You either commit, or give up the charade." She turns and walks away and I follow, somehow feeling even shittier than I did a few minutes ago.

We pull up to the house, and I wonder if Tris is here. They let me give her my car keys before they took me away, so I know she had to at least drop off my car, if nothing else. I thank Tori again, and get out of the car, taking a deep breath before I walk up. The door is unlocked which must mean she's here. My heart hammers in my chest as I close it slowly and see her sitting on the couch, a cup of tea in hand.

"Hi," I say. I'm not sure if she heard me. I barely heard myself.
"Hey," she says. She doesn't look away from whatever it is she's staring at.
"I'm out," I say like an idiot.
"Clearly."

This is not going as well as I hoped it would.

"Listen, Tris—"
"No, Tobias, you listen to me," she interrupts. "I have no idea what the hell is with you lately. You are you — loving and caring one minute, and the next, you're skulking around, all moody and broody like an angsty teenager. What is going on in that head of yours? Because if this is going to work out, you have got to be willing to talk to me."
"I know. And just let me apologize—"
"No! This isn't about apologies," she huffs quickly, and I don't dare speak. I've fucked up enough as it is.

"Tobias, it's almost like you've lost yourself. Does that make sense?" I nod, even though it doesn't. "I've never, ever met another person like you. You're just… amazing. So much so, that I don't think you have the first clue what other people think of you. Our friends? They love you. I am head over heels in love with you. But lately…lately you're just…I don't even know how to describe it. It's like you're living in the past. I mean, I brought up letting me call you Tobias in front of everyone, and you looked like you were going to have a heart attack. Months ago you told me you were done with your dad, and yet, nothing. I just…I don't understand. Please help me understand."

The truth is, I don't know what to say. Maybe she's right. I don't know why I can't let go.

"I…can't."
"You can't. Tobias…" she lets out a loud breath and runs a hand through her hair. I can see that she's fighting off tears, and it stabs me right in the heart. Those tears are because of me.
"I'm sorry." It's all I can say. I don't know how to make this right. I don't know how to answer her questions. I don't know how to do this.

"Tobias," she says, her voice wavering. I close my eyes, because I know what's coming. It was only a matter of time. "I'm sorry isn't going to fix this. Maybe…maybe we just need to take some time. I can't have you act like this because someone sent me flowers. I didn't do anything wrong. I can't risk letting this relationship turn into…" she trails off, bringing a hand up to wipe her eye.
"Eric," I say, finishing her sentence. She nods, biting her lip.

God, have I fucked everything up.

She thinks I'm like him. I've given her a reason to think I'm like him. A controlling fucking asshole. One who will eventually put his hands on her in a way that makes me sick. I sit down in the chair across from her, because standing has suddenly become too difficult. I see her pull her phone out and text someone. To come get her, I'm sure. It hits me so hard now, I feel a pain in my chest. She's leaving me.

She's leaving me.

I stare at the coffee table between us, and like I always do, I think of every fucked up thing I've ever done to deserve this. Every last shred of anything that could have possibly led to this moment, until her words find their way in through the mess of mistakes and memories. It's almost like you've lost yourself.

Have I? How can I find my way back?

"Counseling," I say quietly. I clear my throat when she doesn't say anything. "I'm on probation, and I think I have to go to counseling as a part of it."
"That's good," she says quietly. I drag my eyes up to meet a pair of gray ones — ones that are filled with so much sadness. I hate seeing her like this.

We sit in silence, taking turns staring at each other and the room. This is my fault. All of it. I should have just trusted her. I should have never burned his face into my memory, dwelling on it, letting my insecurities run wild. She wipes a tear from her face, and I don't ever want to see her hurt like this again, especially because of me. If that means letting go, saving her from all the heartache I caused her, then that's what I'll do.

"Christina's here." She stands, and I watch as she fumbles around for a minute in her purse. Even when she's doing something as mundane as looking for my car keys, she's beyond beautiful. I really am lucky to have her in my life.

Was.

Was lucky.

"Here," she says, walking over to me. She clasps both her hands around mine, and I close my eyes. God, if she only knew what just her touch did to me.

"Tobias?" I open my eyes and look up at her. She squeezes my hand, and I give her a small nod. "Call me?" I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. She gives me a small, sad smile, and I return it. My hand drops in my lap when she lets it go, feeling foreign to me without her touch.

I'm rooted to the spot as I watch her walk away from me. She doesn't turn around to give me one last look like they do in the movies. I'm glad — I think it would break me to see that last look of hope in her eyes. I hear the door shut, and my chest tightens.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. I don't know what else to say.

A/N:

Songs: Day is Gone - Noah Gunderson and The Forest Rangers (- If you really want to rip your heart out)
Kodaline - All I Want