"CHANGES"

Tobias

I haven't talked to Tris in close to a month. We had spoken a few times —and her support and encouragement was been beyond wonderful and so motivating— but her not being with me was harder than I thought it would be, especially through the holidays. Right now not talking to her is easier for me, and I've learned that it's okay to feel this way. I love her more than anything, but she can't be my crutch. I have to do this by myself, because if this is final, if we are truly over and done with, I can't fall back. This is my demon, and I must find a way to slay it on my own.

I've been attending my counseling classes regularly and it's taken some time, but I've learned what my triggers are, and how to avoid them.

Tris is a trigger.

Not her specifically, but my past and how it relates to her. I had told Johanna about the first time —when Al kissed her— and how I didn't react then. She was able to explain to me that although I was very upset at the time, it wasn't directly in front of me. I saw it from a distance, I kept that distance, and listened when Tris offered me an explanation and an apology. This time however, it was right there in front of me, unexpectedly, on top of two instances of mistrust with Al in the past. That coupled with my already brewing distrust that something was not right was a recipe for disaster.

It's not required, but I'm also taking the class with the abuse survivors. Some of them are older, like me, but the majority of them are still young. I see myself in them — that hopeless tug of hating your parent for what they are and what they do to you, but still loving and still hoping that they'll change one day because after all, they're your parent. However fucked up that may be, it's the truth.

But I don't need him. I don't need his love, or lack thereof. I don't want it. What I want is waiting for me to admit that to her. Waiting for me to give her the love and respect and trust she deserves. I have to do this before I even consider offering anything to her again. I owe her that much.

"You're going to be fine," Tori says as we drive to Marcus'. She's been my rock throughout all of this. Sure, Zeke and Uriah have come around, and I'm willing to bet they're even reporting back to Tris right now, but Tori is who I called that day, and she's the one who offered to see me through this moment. She knows what it's like better than anyone. Zeke had wanted to come too, but I told him it wasn't worth it. With him around, it would probably set everyone off even more.

"I know," I say. "Thank you. For everything."
"You're welcome. You know I still think of you as my kid. I'm proud of you." I smile.

As we walk up to the house I take a deep breath, shake my hands out, and ring the doorbell. No surprise, Charles answers the door.

"Is my fa—Marcus here?"
"In his study." He bows his head as Tori and I pass, and head up the stairs.

I can hear him yelling, through the phone probably, like he always does. I knock once and open the door without being invited in. He narrows his eyes at me —and even more at Tori— before getting off the phone.

"Well, get on with it," he says gruffly.
"I'm here to return these to you," I say, pulling out my wallet. I place the various cards on the edge of his desk and take a step back. He looks at them for a moment before raising an eyebrow.

"What, did you win the lottery or something?" he says, a cruel grin creeping across his face. "Be serious Tobias and take the cards back."
"No. I'm done with them, and I'm done with you." My voice falters for a spilt second on the last word, and I curse myself.
"Oh really? Now this I have to hear. Let me guess, you put him up to it?" His eyes drift behind me, but Tori remains silent.
"No. I don't need you. I don't need this life. I don't need…" God dammit. I can't even get the words out.

"Right," he says, his face serious and his voice deep. He leans forward and snatches the cards off the edge of his desk. "Then I'm done with you too. Off you go. See you when you come crawling back. We'll see then how much you don't need me."
"I don't think you understand," I say. "I'm done. This is it."
"And I said goodbye. So go on. It's not like it makes much of a difference to me anyways." I let out a strangled laugh and shake my head.

"You're right. It doesn't make much difference to you, does it? You never gave one shit about me. Or my mother."
"Don't you dare talk about your mother like that," he snarls.
"Like you care! Like you ever cared!" I snap. "I know the truth, dad. I know all about the others. I know all about Four."
"You ungrateful piece of shit."

"Ungrateful?" I yell. "Yes, so ungrateful. I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars I had you to beat on me when you came home drunk, or when you lost an election, or when you thought I might make you look bad. How could I ever forget to thank you for that. Well thank you, Marcus, for fucking me up in ways you can't even begin to imagine." I'm sweating and breathing heavy now, but the one thing I am not, is angry. If anything, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

"Oh," I add, "You can fuck off too if you think I'm going to be a lawyer and help you and your sleezeball friends out. I'm done with school, too."
"Tobias," he says, a bit softer, "Now, son—"
"Don't son, me. I am not your son. You don't even exist to me anymore. Goodbye, Marcus." I spin around to see a proud Tori. She reaches out to take my arm and we walk out of the room, together.

"You owe me for all the years I wasted on you!" I hear him yell out.
"Yeah? Sue me for it," I say to Tori, who smiles.

"Zeke, you have no idea how fucking liberating it felt," I say as I take a swig of my beer.
"Man. I wish I was there to see the look on his face. Damn son, am I proud of you." He smiles that wide smile of his, and I can't help but return it.
"Thanks."

"So, Shauna wants you to come by for dinner tonight—"
"Zeke."
"To meet the baby," he finishes. "I understand why, but you haven't exactly been around and you didn't get to meet her in the hospital." He raises an eyebrow at me. I sigh.
"Fine. What time?" I know my best friend better than he thinks I do. This is not going to be just a baby meet and greet.

I dress nice. Kind of. I don't want to look like I was expecting anything, but I don't exactly want to wear a t-shirt and jeans either, just in case. I pull out a nice gray long sleeve shirt and a nice pair of black jeans and run my fingers through my hair a few extra times. It's as good as its going to get.

I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. Maybe when I asked Tris if I could kiss her on the cruise ship? Hell, I wasn't even this nervous the first time we had sex. I mean, that just felt right. But now, I just know she's here. I can feel it. I don't know how she's going to react to me in person. What if she's decided that she wants to move on? What if she's realized that she doesn't care about me as much as she thought she did?

I hope she still cares. I do.

I take a deep breath and knock softly, in case the baby is sleeping.

"Hey," Shauna says when she answers the door. She smiles sweetly and gives me a quick hug. "In here." She motions for me to follow her down their little entry hall, so I do, and stop as soon as I walk into the living room.

Tris is sitting on the couch, and she's holding the baby. She hasn't noticed me; I watch as she snuggles into the little bundle of blankets, smiling and cooing and kissing. I can't even begin to fight the warmth I feel spreading out inside of me, or the smile that breaks out across my face.

"Hey man," Zeke says, standing up and walking over to shake my hand. "Thanks for coming."
"Asshole," I mutter under my breath, but he just smiles and squeezes my hand tightly. I look back at Tris, who's looking at me now.

"Hi," I say.
"Hey." She looks between Zeke and Shauna quickly before her eyes land back on me. So she didn't know either.
"Can I see?" I ask, pointing to the baby.
"Oh. Yeah." She stands and walks over to me. I peek inside the bundle of blankets, and my jaw drops open.

"Holy shit. She looks just like you!" I say to Zeke.
"I know. Poor child."
"Hey!" Shauna says, smacking the two of us on the arm. "That's my daughter, and she's beautiful."
"Alright! Jesus. We're just joking," Zeke says, planting a peck on her cheek. It makes my heart ache. I look over to Tris who's looking at me.

"Want to hold her?" she asks.
"Oh. Umm, alright." She moves to hand the baby to me, but I put my hands up quickly.
"Not standing!" I say, moving to the couch. I've never held a baby before and I don't trust my nerves right now. Tris gives me a soft smile, and follows me over.

"Here, hold your arms like I am," she says. I do, and she places the baby in them. Our hands touch briefly, and my mouth goes dry.
"Thanks," I manage to get out. I feel stiff and out of place and like I might break the baby if I sneeze too hard.
"Relax," she says softly, pressing on my arm to rest on a pillow. I look down at the smiling little girl in my arms, and smile back at her.

"This is your Uncle Four," Shauna says from beside me.
"Tobias," I correct. I can see the three of them stop and stare. I look up at Tris though. "You can call me Tobias."
"Uncle Tobias, then," Shauna says. "This is Annaleigh."
"Hi," I say, and the baby gurgles. "Holy shit. I still can't believe you guys have a kid."
"Me either," she says. "But it's worth it."

I smile. I think it's worth it too.

We have a nice dinner, and somehow nothing feels too out of place. I use my time wisely —with Zeke's clever prodding, of course— and manage to spill all about my classes and how they're working.

"So that's why I've decided to make a change," I say. The three of them are quiet as they wait for me to finish. "I quit school."
"Tobias," Tris says softly.
"It's not what you think. I'm still going to go to school, just…not to be a lawyer." Zeke smiles.

"Well don't keep us in suspense!" he says.
"I'm going to go into counseling. Work with kids who were abused. Like me." I see Shauna turn her head towards Zeke who is just nodding, but I keep my eyes focused on Tris.

"Thank you," I say to her.
"For what?" she asks softly.
"For pushing me. For wanting me to be better."

"Zeke. You want to help me give Anna a bath?" Shauna asks.
"Yep," he says, standing immediately. He pats my shoulder as he walks past and I shoot him a look.
"Sorry," I say, giving Tris a small smile.
"No. It's okay."

"So…"
"So," I say. I hate that this is what our life has become — awkward conversations and our friends having to conspire behind our backs to get us together. "I didn't know, by the way."
"I figured. I assumed though."
"Yeah," I say, smiling. "Okay. The thought crossed my mind."

We sit in silence for a few and I can hear Zeke and Shauna laughing as they give the baby a bath. I sigh, as memories of Tris' laughter invade my thoughts.

"How's Marcus taking it?"
"Taking what?"
"School."
"I wouldn't know." She smiles that coy little smile of hers, and it takes every ounce of restraint to not take her face in my hands and kiss the ever living shit out of it.

"I told him to go fuck himself. Last week."
"I bet that went over well. He didn't…" Her eyes skim over me quickly.
"No. He thinks I'll come crawling back though."
"And you won't?"
"Not a chance in hell. I told him I was done, and I meant it."

She stands, and my heart immediately begins to thump harder as she crosses over to me.

"I'm sorry I haven't called," I blurt out, and shut my eyes tight at how idiotic I sound. "I just…it wasn't easy. Talking. Not talking. I thought I should just focus on what I needed to do with no distractions. Besides, I wanted to wait, you know, until I could keep my promises."
"Promises?" She's standing next to me now, and I have to force myself to breathe. She crouches down so we're closer to eye level. I feel her soft fingers on my cheek, and involuntarily shudder as she turns my face towards her.
"To you. And to myself," I say, opening them.

I have never been more happy to open my eyes.

Her beautiful gray ones stare back into mine, searching. She brings her other hand up now, and I lean into it's warmth.

"I don't need him," I say. "I'm running my own life, now. I have a job, and a house, and a car." I gulp, hoping I can get through this conversation without making anything worse.

"And?" she prompts.
"And…I'm making my own path."
"And?"
"And I'm going to go to school for what I want."
"And?" she prompts again, smiling now.
"And…" Oh god. It's fucking now or never. "You?" She smiles even wider now.
"And me." I let out a breath and smile too.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I know I overreacted a little. But I was so scared that you would…head down the wrong path, or that I would…"
"No, Tris. You don't need to explain why you felt scared. I know why. And you didn't overreact. You were one hundred percent right in what you did. I needed a kick in the ass to see what I had, and what I could lose if I didn't pull my head out. I know sorry doesn't fix it, but I'm really sorry I acted the way I did. And I'm really sorry it took me so long to realize I was slowly fucking it all up. And I'm—" …cut off by a kiss. It's a quick peck, but it still leaves me breathless.

"Quiet," she says, a smile playing at her mouth. Oh god have I missed that mouth. I lean forward and capture her soft lips with mine and kiss her again, pulling her up into my lap. She straddles me, and oh fuck.

"Get a room," I hear Zeke say as he emerges from the hallway. Tris giggles as she pulls away from me, and she gives me a look —that look— and I want nothing more than to get the hell out of here.
"Fuck you," I say, smiling.
"Now, now," Zeke says. "Keep that up, and I might just keep you here all night."

We spend another hour visiting, but when the baby starts to get fussy, we say our goodbyes.

"Zeke picked you up, right?" I ask as we walk out the door. She nods her head. "Is it okay if I take you home?"
"Tobias. You don't need to tip toe around me. It's okay. We're okay."
"We are? I mean…I didn't want to assume anything."
"Yes, we are. You can take me home." She bites her lip, and I groan.
"Tris, the things you do to me." I lean back against my car, and pull her into me.

"I really am sorry," I whisper into her hair. "I just couldn't see it. Or maybe I was just afraid to."
"What made you realize it?"
"Seeing those other kids who grew up like I did. If they can do this, if they can get through it, move past it, then so can I." She wraps her arms around me tighter, and nuzzles into my neck.
"You're going to be an amazing counselor."
"Thank you."

"So," she says, pulling away from me. "What exactly is it that I do to you?" She smiles ever so slightly, and I swear my dick instantly responds.
"You know."
"Maybe I don't." She leans up and whispers into my ear, "Maybe I need you to tell me." Holy fuck.

We burst through my front door fifteen minutes later, all hands and lips and tongues. I kick the door shut with my foot and press her against the wall, rubbing right up against her. She lets out a sigh, and I smile.

"I've missed that," I say.
"What else have you missed?" I swear to god.
"You," I say. "Every last part of you." She smiles and tugs on my hand, leading me down the hall.

I wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss her neck and shoulder as we walk. She breaks away as soon as we walk in our room and pulls her shirt off, tossing it on the floor. I suck in a breath at the sight of her smirk as she turns around.
"Get naked."

I don't need to be told twice.

I clumsily stumble out of my shoes while I try to yank my shirt off at the same time. She laughs as I rip my pants off, getting undressed in some new land speed record. Her face goes serious as she takes me all in, and I feel the back of my neck get hot. She licks her lips and laughs afterwards when it makes me twitch.
"Down boy," she says quietly, and I have no idea how I'm going to last more than twelve seconds.

She turns her back to me and bends over, taking her pants down with her. Fuck. I have to bite my lip to keep my thoughts to myself.

She turns back around and walks to me slowly, placing a hand on my chest, and gently guides me to the bed. I sit, and she winks at me as she reaches over and clicks on the radio.

"Perfect," she says as she places her arms around my neck, and slowly starts to move. My mouth hangs open as she straddles me and begins grinding. Why hasn't she tried this before? I try to touch her, but she slaps my hand away and wags her finger at me. I watch intently as she stands and unhooks her bra, letting it fall to the floor.

She straddles me again, rubbing herself against me and all I can do I watch. I want to touch her so bad; to kiss her and take her in my arms and make love to her. But I wait patiently, keeping to myself like she requested.

She pushes me down roughly and wraps her mouth around me and I'm completely caught off guard.

"Shit," I mutter as I fist the sheets. I don't know if she wants me to touch her yet. I close my eyes, enjoying her hot, wet mouth as it licks and kisses and sucks. I know I won't be able to hold on if she keeps this up. And down and up and down…

I reach out, not giving a damn about her no touching rule and pull her up to me. I cup her face with my hands and kiss her with everything I've got; like I've been poisoned and her lips are the only antidote. She pulls back, breathing hard, eyes wide and hair wild already, a soft smile growing on her face.

"What was that?" she whispers.
"I just…I love you, Tris." She leans in and kisses me softly on the forehead.
"I love you too." I smile and kiss her again, pushing her down this time. I kiss along her jawline, making my way across her neck. I stop at her collarbone, kissing each one of her ravens before planting one firmly over her beating heart. "I love you," I whisper again, turning my head to listen to it beat out it's rhythm, my own responding.

Her chest heaves as my mouth ghosts over her breast. I take her nipple in my mouth, teasing it with just the tip of my tongue. Her soft sighs and moans only turn me on more.

I slide her panties off painstakingly slow, receiving a loud groan in response as I tease a trail of soft kisses down her stomach to her hips, smiling at her cry of pleasure when I taste her. It feels like time stands still as I do everything I can to show her how much I have missed her with just my tongue. I tease and kiss, exploring every peak and valley until her hands are in my hair, tugging until it hurts and whispering my name as her thighs clamp around my head.

"Shit," she whispers, a little laugh escaping as I rub the top of my head.
"I missed you too," I say.

She points to the bed and I lay down, watching as she climbs on top of me. I dig my fingers into her hips as she takes her time, spreading herself as she glides down around me. I have never loved her more than in this moment. Her ability to see through my bullshit, and to still care about and support me is all I need to succeed. Her love, and her trust, and the look in her eye. Oh god, that look in her eye. All of it is more than I deserve, and I feel like the luckiest man on the planet right now.

This is what love is.

I watch her as she moves, slow at first, increasing her pace as my own heart rate goes up. Her body is slick, and so is mine, and she's never looked more perfect. I take over, holding on tight as she closes her eyes, mouth slightly open as she gasps with each thrust. She lets out a little laugh and bites her lip as I feel her all around me, wet and clenching with pleasure. I can't stop the growl that escapes my own mouth as I come with her.

I pull her down to me and hold on tight, never wanting to let her go. I kiss her softly on the head, and she brings her bright eyes up to mine.

"So why don't you tell me how you really feel," she says with a laugh, and I laugh too.
"I feel…like everything is exactly as it should be."

And it is.

A/N:

Songs: Justin Timberlake - Future Sex, Love Sound (strip)
Parachute - She is Love
Ariana Grande - Love Me Harder

One year, 5 months

I know it's sometimes hard to denote the passage of time, especially when only one chapter happens in between, but I just wanted to make sure you guys knew they spent two months apart (including Thanksgiving and Christmas). Initially some of your comments were a little worrisome when Tobias first lost his temper, but maybe I was a little too quick to assume that some of you weren't recognizing what was going on with Tobias and that he wasn't in a good place. He absolutely should have been arrested, and Tris absolutely should have walked away when she did. I know we all love our Tobias, but without getting help, he is not a person you would want to be involved with.

And on another note, HOLY SHIT IT'S FINALLY HERE. Tomorrow my ass will be in a movie theater watching Insurgent. TOMORROW. I swear it seemed like it was never going to get here, but then I blinked and it was March. Expect a lot of fangirling in my update on Friday haha.