Fun times before the badness :D
Fifteen minutes wasn't a lot of time to get ready but, damn it, if the Doctor could do it then so could she.
Christmas, a spaceship called Titanic, and early 1900s dress. Easily done. Bit weird, though. The Doctor had managed to gather that they were on an intergalactic cruise before sneaking back onboard. That was legitimate enough. But what were the odds that the ship happened to have the same name as the ship best known on the planet below for its tragedy? Celebrating Christmas was easy enough to work out: they were sampling the local culture. The outdated clothing could be due to a number of things, but Rose suspected it was because they'd first discovered this planet in the 1920s and just assumed that was what humans wore these days.
She chose a deep green evening gown from the Edwardian section of the wardrobe and a pair of dangling gold earrings. While she didn't expect trouble, something about boarding a ship called Titanic was enough to make her a bit paranoid. She opted to wear flats instead of heels. She didn't have time to really do much with her hair so she just used her hairstyler to put waves in her hair then pulled it into a bun at the nape of her neck. Not exactly Edwardian but those people wouldn't be well enough educated in the customs of Earth to know. She applied a minimal amount of makeup, adjusted her necklace, slipped a gold bangle around her wrist, then breezed out of the loo.
The Doctor was already ready and waiting in the console room wearing his black suit and, of course, the black converse. Not that she'd expect anything different from him after nine and a half years.
"You look lovely," he told her and held out his arm. "Shall we?"
Rose reached up to straighten his tie and smoothed down the shoulders of his jacket. Then she looped her arm through his and they strode out of the TARDIS. In true Doctor fashion, they had materialized inside a storage cupboard. He opened the door and they stepped out into what looked like a lobby.
The room was made of rich wood paneling and the carpets were extravagant. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling and the sparse furniture in the room was antique. If Rose didn't know any better, she'd think she was on the actual Titanic. Wreaths, candles, tinsel, figurines, and other holiday decorations adorned the room, along with (oddly enough) potted palms. Standing on the far side of the room were two angelic figures with gold faces, wings, and halos.
The people looked entirely human, from their bodies to their skin tones, but she knew they couldn't be. Just another example of a race that had gone through a similar evolution to humans and the real differences would be in the biology. Their clothing couldn't have been Earth-made but it was entirely Earth-inspired, just like the Doctor had said.
"Merry Christmas!" a passing crewman bade them. He was even dressed like one of the original Titanic crewmen would've been.
"And you," Rose replied with a smile.
From one of the adjoining rooms they could hear music playing. They stepped inside and were greeted with a party. This room was similar to the one before in style but this one was decorated even more than the other. Strings of lights hung from the ceiling and the potted palms were nowhere in sight, instead there Christmas trees decked with tinsel and baubles. Even more of the peculiar angels were in here and some of them were actually moving.
There was a buffet along one wall and a number of round tables were nearby, some with people, some empty. People milled around the room conversing with each other. There was a small dance floor in front of a stage where I live orchestra played and a woman sang Winter Wonderland.
The Doctor looked down at Rose and she grinned at him. They strode into the room, arm in arm. "It's beautiful," she said. "You're sure this isn't the real thing?"
"Bet me life," he replied and pointed to the nearest porthole. Outside she could see the blackness of space and far-off twinkling stars.
"But why?" she asked.
"Let's find out."
The Doctor guided her over to another adjacent room. This one was less crowded and less decorated but there was an ice sculpture in the shape of a ship with lights inside the ice. Near it was a screen surrounded by an ornate wooden frame bearing the company logo. Max Capricorn Cruise Liners.
Oh. Well that made sense.
The Doctor tapped the screen with his finger and the logo unraveled, the video of a bald man with a thin mustache sitting behind a desk.
"Max Capricorn Cruiseliners—the fastest, the farthest…the best." The man proclaimed. There was something about his nasally, smug tone that made Rose frown. "And I should know because…" It zoomed in on his face. "My name is Max." He grinned, revealing a gold tooth that actually glinted, before the logo returned.
"Well, that was unhelpful," she muttered. "And vaguely creepy."
The Doctor hummed in agreement. "Time to try something else then."
They returned to the main room and two stewards wished them a merry Christmas as they went. It really was quite a party she had to admit. Someone had definitely done their research on Christmas. Rose wondered if this was the first Christmas cruise and, if not, just how long had they been having these little events? By the TV signals she'd picked up from Earth earlier that week, she guessed they were in 2008. She knew for a fact there couldn't have been one in 2006 with the Sycorax inbound and the planet on high alert—any alien ships in Earth's airspace would've been attacked.
A man in a tuxedo cut in front of their path. He was talking rudely into the mobile he had pressed to his ear. "Now do as I say and sell," he ordered before walking away.
The Doctor let go of Rose and she felt him step away. "Evening," he said. She turned. He was talking to one of the angels. "Passenger 57. Terrible memory. Remind me. Uh, you would be…?"
The angel dinged and replied in a deep cybernetic voice. "Information: Heavenly Host supplying tourist information."
Rose was taken slightly aback. Well, at least they could get answers now.
"Good," the Doctor said, recovering quickly. "So, um…tell me, 'cos I'm an idiot—where are we from?"
The Host dinged again. "Information: the Titanic is en route from the planet Sto in the Cassavalian Belt. The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures."
"Primitive?" Rose demanded. "Earth isn't primitive."
"Information: According to the Intergalactic Code of Planetary Evolvement, Earth is considered a Level Five planet. Primitive."
She rolled her eyes in annoyance. Primitive her arse. Sure the Earth during the 21st century wasn't exactly a shining model of civilization but it was miles better than other places she'd been to.
"Yeah, but, um Titanic," the Doctor said. "Um…who thought of the name?
"Information: it was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth."
"Did they tell you why it was famous?"
"Information: all designations are chosen by Mr. Max Capricorn, president of Max—Max—Max—" The Host's head began twitching to the side and it kept saying the name Max over and over, its voice fluctuating up and down in pitch.
The Doctor took a step back, reaching for the sonic screwdriver inside his jacket. "Ooh, bit of a glitch."
But before he could properly get the sonic out, a steward hurried over. "Step back, sir, we can handle this." He waved to someone else for help and two other stewards hurried over. They seized the Host and it seemed to struggle against them for a moment before being forcibly powered down.
"Softwate problem, that's all," the steward explained with an apologetic smile on his face. The other stewards began dragging the Host away. "Leave it with us, sir, ma'am. Merry Christmas!" He gave a little bow then hurried away with the other stewards.
The Doctor turned to Rose, eyebrows raised, and she shrugged. "Software malfunction."
"Yeah," he said dubiously. Then he shook his head. "Come on, let's go see what they've got for nibbles."
A dark-haired, dark-eyed waitress in a crisp black and white uniform greeted them when they arrived at the buffet table. "Merry Christmas!" she said.
"Merry Christmas," the Doctor and Rose echoed cheerfully.
"Feel free to help yourselves. Everything is Earth cuisine made with authentic Earth ingredients."
"Really?" Rose asked. How had they managed that?
"Yes, ma'am," the woman replied. "Each dish is labeled." She gestured to the card in front of the plate nearest to her. "But, if you're not feeling adventurous tonight, there are some dishes from home as well."
They thanked her and picked up their plates, moving down the line. Some of their selections weren't very Christmas-y—they had a tray of buffalo wings—and some were more appropriate, like casseroles and a roast turkey. Why on Earth they had baklava, though, was a mystery. A tasty mystery. The Sto section was small and it didn't look like many people had been eating from it. The Doctor piled one of everything onto his plate to sample before letting her try anything. He didn't know Sto all that well and hadn't a clue as to their biology and what might be a harmless delicacy to them could be fatal to Rose. To drink they had a selection of wines, juices, eggnog, cider, and lemonade.
The Doctor found himself fascinated in a conversation and when he decided to chime in, Rose wandered off towards the band. She spotted a small red alien with darker spikes protruding from it head dancing amongst the Stoans. She thought it was a child at first, then she saw his face and realized he was an adult. No one seemed bothered by his appearance, which meant Sto had to have good relations and frequent contact with other species, like Earth would be in a few centuries.
The shattering of glass behind her caused Rose to turn. She quickly located the source just a few meters away. The rude man with the mobile and a blonde waitress were looking down at a tray and shattered glasses on the floor.
"For Tov's sake!" he exclaimed. "Look where you're going! This jacket's a genuine Earth antique!"
The poor waitress looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there in that moment. "I'm sorry sir," she apologized then knelt to clean up the mess. Rose felt her feet carrying her towards the confrontation without her permission.
"You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart," he snapped. "Staffed by idiots!"
"Leave off," Rose said, stepping up next to the woman. "She said it was sorry."
"Mind your own business."
She glared at him. "It is my business. I saw the whole thing. So busy talkin' on your mobile, not lookin' around, you bumped into her!"
"I'll say again, stay out of affairs that don't concern you, woman. "
"That's Dame, actually," she corrected hotly. "Your jacket's fine. Try garnishing her wages and I'll tell them what really happened. They might even make you pay for the broken glasses, which can't be cheap, I'm sure, seeing as they're Earthen antiques themselves."
He sneered at them. "Staffed by idiots, catering to all sorts of riff-raff. No wonder Max Capricorn is going down the drain." With that, he stormed off.
"And yet, he's here," Rose said. Then she knelt down next to the woman and set her own plate aside.
"Thank you," the blonde murmured as she gathered up the little pieces. "You didn't have to do that."
"Yeah, I did." Rose began picking up the pieces she could see and dropping them on the tray.
"I can manage."
"I know." Rose dumped another few pieces onto the tray. "'M Rose."
"Astrid, ma'am. Astrid Peth." And the woman smiled for the first time.
"Nice ta meet ya. Although, really, don't call me ma'am. Just Rose. I don't like playing the title card but he was being a bastard. You don't need someone like him ruining your Christmas."
Astrid seemed surprised and another, prettier smile spread across her face. "So, you enjoying the cruise?"
"Oh, yeah. I mean, so far. Tell you what, though, this is not a half bad Christmas party."
Astrid got to her feet and Rose picked up her plate then followed suit. "Oh? You been to many Christmas parties?"
Rose nodded. "Oh, loads. Most of them right down there on Earth."
Astrid's eyes grew very round. "You've been to Earth?"
"Yeah. A few times. The cruise sort of…took us by surprise and—" she shrugged "—y'know, we thought 'Why not?'"
"You're lucky," Astrid told her. She glanced around then leaned in, lowering her voice. "I spent three years working at the space port diner, travelled all the way here…I thought, hey, new skies, new ground beneath my feet…and instead all I'm doing is waiting tables."
Her mouth twisted into a half-arsed attempt at a smile then she walked off. Rose felt a twinge of empathy. She wasn't about to let her go that easy.
"Well, cruises usually dock, let people disembark," Rose said. "Can't you just, I don't know, pop down for a visit?"
Astrid began picking glasses off an empty table by one of the portholes. "No. We're not allowed. They can't afford the insurance."
"Blimey, all this way and it's a little thing like insurance what stops you."
"Yeah. I just wanted to try it, just once. I used to watch the ships heading off to the stars and I always dreamt of…" She shook her head. "It sounds daft."
Rose shook her head. "No. Not at all. I was like you, once. Then I met my husband and he took me away from my boring life. He showed me the stars, worlds you can't even imagine, and worlds you can but are still more than you'd believe. So many civilizations, people, places… They're all out there, somewhere, waiting." Rose glanced down at Earth, visible through the window. "I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'll never go back."
Astrid shook her head, like pulling herself out of a daze. "So, you're a traveller, then?"
"Yeah, me and my husband. Oh…." She trailed off, recognizing the small tickle in her mind that meant the Doctor was trying to locate her via telepathy.
Rose, where'd you go?
They had managed to establish a permanent connection between their minds years ago, some time after Martha left. Rose had plenty of latent telepathic ability in her mind—a leftover of Bad Wolf—and between the two of them, they'd managed to create a telepathic bond. It wasn't perfect. Rose's mind was strong but her brain was still human and there was only so much she could do. While inside the TARDIS, the ship was able to provide assistance to Rose so she and the Doctor had a perfect two-way communication. Outside the TARDIS, Rose could hear clearly, but sometimes found it difficult to talk back.
Fortunately, she'd had plenty of experience with Torchwood and during that awful year communicating telepathically and knew what she had to do—it was just a matter of doing it. It took focus and effort. They had a distance limit of about five kilometers under normal circumstances and since they were rarely farther apart than that, it was enough.
I'm over here by the window, Rose thought. Across from the band.
"Oh?" Astrid prompted.
"Here he comes." Rose nodded to the figure of the Doctor who had located her and was making his way across the room. Astrid followed her gaze and grinned.
"Ooh. He's a bit nice."
"I know," Rose giggled. "Great hair, too. I mean, look at it."
"I am. Let me guess, rich as a king?"
"Actually, no." Rose shook her head. "We haven't a pound, either of us."
Astrid turned to her, confused. "But you're…how did you afford this cruise? First class tickets cost more than my wages for the whole trip."
"Well…you might say…we weren't exactly…invited to this party… On account of us not officially being passengers."
Her mouth widened into a disbelieving smile. "Kidding."
"Nope."
"No!" She grinned then looked around to make sure no one overhead. "How'd you get on board?"
"Our ship. The Doctor was working on it, our defenses were down and so the Titanic sort of, y'know, just bumped into us. We thought it was a pretty fair trade: the scare of our recent lives for a nice party."
Astrid smirked. "I should report you."
"Report her for what?" The Doctor asked, close enough to have heard Astrid's last statement.
"Oh…nothing," she answered. "Fancy a drink, you two? On the house."
With a secretive smile in Rose's direction, she headed off to do just that. Rose giggled quietly and the Doctor rested on the edge of the table.
"What was all that about?"
"Oh, nothing." She grinned cheekily at him and strode away. The Doctor caught up with her easily.
"Come on, now, don't leave me hanging." He nudged her with his elbow. "Who's your new friend?"
"Astrid. Young girl with the stars in her eyes, took a job to see space, isn't actually getting to see space. Stuck waiting tables, serving drinks, and taking abuse from rich men who can't watch where they're going."
"Hmm." He in the direction Astrid had gone. "Trip worthy, do you think?"
"Ooh," she drawled, puckering her lips. "Ma-a-aybe. But Doctor, do you think you could handle two blondes on the TARDIS?"
"I've managed just fine in the past."
Cacophonous laughing erupted from a nearby table. Turning to look, the pair of them saw a group of finely-dressed folks with wine glasses who's mocking laughs and finger-pointing seemed to be directed towards a plump couple dressed in purple American Western getups. The woman, whose dark hair was in an outlandish updo, seemed to realize she was being mocked.
Rose saw the Doctor's back and realized he was already heading for their table. Rose set her empty plate down on a nearby tray and followed.
"Just ignore 'em," the black man told his wife.
The Doctor slid easily into one of the seats across from them. "Something's tickled them."
"They told us it was fancy dress," the woman explained and gestured to their clothing. "Very funny, I'm sure."
Rose eased herself down into the chair next to the Doctor. "Now why would they do that?"
"They're pickin' on us because we haven't paid." The man shot the group at the table a brief look. "We won our tickets in a competition." He pointed to his wife proudly. "She did all the work, though."
"I had to name the five husbands of Joofie Crystalle in By the Light of the Asteroid." She smiled proudly. At their blank looks, she asked, "Do you ever watch By the Light of the Asteroid?"
"I think I might have." Rose said.
The Doctor looked up thoughtfully. "Isn't that the one with the twins?"
"That's it!" She confirmed. "Oh, it's marvelous."
"But we're not good enough for that lot." He jabbed his thumb in the direction of the laughing table. "They think we should be in steerage."
Very classist society, Rose thought in the Doctor's direction.
He reached inside his jacket and pulled out the sonic. "Well, can't have that, can we?" He held it just under the crook of his arm and the couple leaned around him to see what he was going to do.
Rose heard the whirl of the sonic and a grin stretched across her face. Behind her, there was a loud POP, the sound of liquid spraying, and the people at the table screamed. The wine spray died down and a look of surprised disbelief spread across the woman's face.
"Did—did you do that?" she asked, pointing.
"Maybe," the Doctor replied as he stowed the sonic. They laughed together and the man applauded.
"Oh, we like you," the woman chuckled.
"We do," her husband agreed. Then he held out his hand. "I'm Morvin van Hoff." The Doctor shook his hand then Rose did as well. "This is my good woman, Foon."
"Foon!" the Doctor repeated, trying out the name. They both leaned across the table to shake hands. "Hello, I'm the Doctor, and this is Rose. My wife," he added.
Rose shook Foon's hand. She and her husbands had warm hands—warmer than a human's. She wondered if that was a Stoan thing.
"Nice to meet you both." Foon said. "You're welcome with us anytime. Have a buffalo wing." She gestured to the bowl of them in front of her. They each took one. "They must be enormous, these buffalo, so many wings."
"Well, actually," Rose started to say but she was cut off by an announcement on the PA. (Definitely not the real Titanic, then.)
"Attention please. Shore leave tickets Red 6-7 now activated. Red 6-7."
"Oooh!" Foon reached inside her shirt and pulled out a red ticket. "Red 6-7. That's us!" The two of them got to their feet eagerly. "Are you Red 6-7?"
The Doctor and Rose glanced at each other. You up for it? he asked.
Rose grinned at the Stoan couple. "As a matter of fact, we are!"
"Come on, then!" Morvin put his arm around his wife's waist "We're going to Earth!"
The two couples made their way through the crowds. Morvin and Foon did an excellent job of parting the crowd with their larger forms and Rose and the Doctor made sure to keep close, lest they be cut off. And they had no idea where they were going. The Van Hoffs lead them into another side room, far less crowded than others. An older man in tweed stood near a podium with a red 6-7 sign held over his head. A small crowd had gathered around him.
"Red 6-7!" he shouted. "Red 6-7, this way! Fast as you can!"
It was then that Astrid made her reappearance with a two drinks on her tray and a bright smile on her face. "I got you those drinks!"
Rose made a split second decision and grabbed Astrid's (warm) arm. "And I got you something better."
The Doctor, catching on, took the tray from the woman's hands and set it on the table behind him. Rose tugged Astrid's arm before releasing and the woman followed them over a few feet to the crowd.
"We're Red 6-7," the Doctor said, holding up the psychic paper. "Plus one."
"Uh…" The man seemed to hesitate then simply nodded. "Quickly, sir, please take three teleport bracelets, if you would."
The Doctor leaned forward to get three bracelets from the steward handing them out. He handed one to Rose and she slipped it on, then he held the other out to Astrid. She didn't take it.
"I'll get the sack!" she whispered.
"A new world…" Rose sing-songed and the Doctor held it up to her face.
A grin stretched across her lips and Astrid snatched the bracelet from his hand, slipping it onto her wrist.
The old man, who had just introduced himself as Mr. Copper, the ship's historian, was explaining their destination. "…taking you to old London town in the country of U.K. ruled over by Good King Wenceslas."
Rose's eyes widened and she nudged the Doctor.
"Now, human beings worship the great god Santa," he explained, "a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary."
Rose mashed her lips together to stop herself from laughing. Everyone else seemed enraptured except for the Doctor, who had one eyebrow arched and looked mildly concerned.
"And every Christmas Eve, the people of U.K. go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner." Morvin and Foon glanced at each other apprehensively. "Like savages."
Rose just about lost it. Thankfully, the Doctor chose to speak up then and Rose was able to muffle her laughter in a cough. "Excuse me, sorry, sorry, but, um…" he scratched at his sideburn with one finger. "Where did you get all this from?"
"Well," Mr. Copper said, "I have a first class degree in Earthonomics."
"Quack," Rose coughed and the Doctor elbowed her.
"Now stand by…"
"AND ME! AND ME!" A high-pitched cybernetic voice called. The crowd turned and saw the tiny red spiked alien running towards them. "Red 6-7!"
"Well, take a bracelet, sir," Copper instructed, looking vaguely uncomfortable.
Rose's eyes widened. Oh, he couldn't go down to Earth! Even in London—or, well, especially in London—the sight of him would cause panic. Or people would tell him he'd missed Halloween. One or the other.
This seemed to occur to the Doctor at exactly the same time. "Uh, but, um…hold on, hold on. What was your name?"
"Bannakaffalatta."
"…OK, Bannakaffalatta. But it's Christmas Eve down there. Late-night shopping, tons of people. He's like a walking conker." Bannakaffalatta whirled around indignantly. The Doctor winced. "No offence, but you'll cause a riot 'cause the streets are going to be packed with shoppers and parties…"
But the crew wasn't listening. No one was going to be discriminated based on looks. Rose felt a cool tingle wash over her and the Titanic melted away. There was a moment of darkness and then they were in the middle of a street. An empty…street. In London. At Christmas.
"Oh," the Doctor said, realizing.
The pair of them were instantly on alert. While the rest of then saw nothing untoward about the emptiness, both of them knew this was about as abnormal as it got. She didn't recognize the street but the shops lining either side meant that it should be crowded. If not crowded then at least populated.
Then she noticed Astrid's face and there was a look she knew well. She'd seen it on faces before and she'd worn it herself. The sheer wonder as someone realized they were standing on a new planet for the first time.
"—don't stray too far," Copper was warning, "it could be dangerous. Any day now they start boxing." With that and a wave of his hands, he dismissed them to wander about.
"It should be full," the Doctor murmured. "It should be busy. Something's wrong."
"But it's beautiful," Astrid sighed.
"Beautiful?" Rose glanced around again. "You think so?"
The Doctor turned to face her. "There are so many beautiful places on this planet. The pyramids, New Zealand…this country has a few as well."
"But this ain't one of 'em."
"It's a different planet!" she cried, taking her first steps. "I'm standing on a different planet! Th-ther'es concrete…and shops! Alien shops!" She hopped and whirled around. "Real alien shops!" She looked up and pointed at the sky. "Look, no stars in the sky." Astrid lowered her arm. "And it smells. …It stinks!"
"Yep," Rose agreed. "That's London."
"This is amazing!" she squealed and threw her arms around them both. "Thank you! Thank you!"
"Yeah," the Doctor said cheerfully. "Come on then, let's have a look."
He grabbed Rose's hand and pulled her towards a newsstand where a single old man sat inside. Astrid followed quickly behind.
The man was all bundled up against the cold, a red hat with mistletoe pinned to it on his head. He was staring at the small red telly next to him.
"Hello there!" the Doctor greeted loudly. "Sorry, uh, obvious question, but where's everybody gone?"
The man chortled. "Oh ho! Scared!"
"Right, yes. …Scared of what?"
"Where have you been living?" He looked at the blank faces. "London at Christmas? Not safe, is it?"
Rose cocked her head to the side.
"Why?" the Doctor asked.
"Well, it's them, up above." The main pointed skywards. All three of them looked skywards. Did someone know the Titanic was up there? "Look, Christmas last we had that big bloody spaceship, everyone standing on the roof." He pointed to his telly screen where there was footage of the Sycorax ship above London. Then it changed to the Racnoss web-star firing on the city. "And then last year, that Christmas Star electrocuting all over the place. Draining the Thames." He pointed in the direction of the river.
"This place is amazing," Astrid murmured.
Rose glanced down at one of the newspapers on the stand to confirm the date. It was 2008. Oh, wow, blimey. The Doctor had thought they were somewhere around 2020. They'd spent Christmas with Jack this year (three years ago for them), picking him up from Cardiff on Christmas Eve and returning him the next evening (two days later for them.) Beyond that, she knew nothing of how Christmas this year turned out.
"And this year, God knows what. So everybody's scarpered, gone to the country. Al except me…" He gestured to himself firmly then glanced at the TV. "And her majesty."
The man got to his feet as the reporter on screen announced, "Her Majesty the Queen has confirmed that she will be staying in Buckingham Palace throughout the festive season to show the people of London, and the world, that there's nothing to fear."
"God bless her," the man said proudly and saluted. "We stand vigil."
"Right on." Rose nodded.
"Yeah, I think her Majesty's got it right," the Doctor agreed. "As far as I remember, this year, nothing to worry about."
And then the man called Wilfred Mott watched as, before his eyes, the three people were enveloped in a strange blue light. With a humming zap, they disappeared. The few nearby conversations he'd heard in the background vanished in the same instant. He glanced around, mouth agape, just to confirm they had all gone. He looked skyward and saw nothing but, oh, blast. Were the aliens abducting people now?
He collapsed back into his chair. "Then again…"
WIIIILLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFF