I've been listening to your FANTASTIC reviews. I hope this pleases. It may certainly surprise.
Kartik's POV
Humidity hangs unpleasantly in the air, the promise of a late-night thunderstorm. I toss and turn beneath the twisted cotton sheets, trying unsuccessfully to find a comfortable enough position to fall asleep. I rise to open the window as far as it will go, hoping for a hint of a breeze to alleviate the heaviness in the air. I may have grown up in India, but I never cared for humidity, for it makes me irritable and sweaty. I rid myself of my damp shirt before returning to my bed.
There, that is one less thing to plague me. The heat alone is not what keeps me awake, for I have slept quite well in lesser conditions. Tomorrow brings Gemma's birthday, and her coming out ball. I should be happy for her, really. It is such an important occasion for her, but I can't help but feel uneasy. I am a terrible friend for dreading the morning, but I know how much she wants me to attend her party. I also know how much I do not want to.
Really, what good will my presence do anyway? It is not the sort of thing I was bred for. I also do not wish to see Gemma dancing with other men, specifically the dreaded Simon Middleton.
I also have other reasons to blame for my anxiety. I plan on going back to India for awhile, to perhaps find my parents, or at least someone of relation. I do not know what to expect from Gemma when I tell her this. Some birthday present that will be – "Happy Birthday, I am not going to your party. In fact, I am leaving the country." I expect it might break her heart, and there is nothing I'd rather do less.
But perhaps she would ask to come with me. India was her home too, though now would be a terrible time for her to leave. Now that she will be accepted into society (by the Queen, no less!) as a lady suitable for marriage, there will be many balls for her to attend, and people to meet, and men to be courted by…
Come to think of it, this is a horrible time for me to leave as well. How do I know she won't just forget about me? My heart aches with the notion.
I listen to the first drops of rain falling and try to clear my head of ill thoughts. Somewhere, a cricket chirps, and its rhythmic chorus slowly lulls me to sleep. In the recesses of my brain, I draw up an image of Gemma, sunlight gleaming off of her magnificent hair. Her gauzy dress flutters about her like an angel's wings in the breeze. She smiles softly as she leans in for a kiss…
"Kartik," she whispers. "Wake up."
My eyelids flutter open, but I am still caught in the confusing space between dreaming and reality. Have I somehow conjured her up? I vaguely feel her hand brush the hair from my forehead. The touch rouses me completely.
"Gemma?" I sit up and run a hand through my hair to make sure it hasn't run wild. I am not entirely confident it hasn't.
She sits gingerly on the edge of my bed and smiles rather nervously. I cannot see her very clearly in the muted blue of the night, but I can smell the earthy scent of rain about her.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, wondering why she would sneak out in such weather to see me.
"I wanted to see you. Before…" her voice trails off. The silence that follows would have been uncomfortable months ago, though now it is just because we both know what has been left unsaid. She wants to see me before she won't be allowed to anymore.
"Gem," I clear my throat. As the mood is already negative, my news couldn't do it any worse. "I am not going to attend your ball."
She surprises me with smile, albeit a sad one. "I know, Kartik. I figured you wouldn't."
"I am sorry," I say.
She frowns, searching my face. "There's something else, isn't there?"
Her question comes more as an accusation, and is answered by my silence. I never like telling her things I know she does not wish to hear.
"What is it?" She whispers, her voice sounding defeated.
The humidity and heat bear down on me, intensified by what I have to tell her. "I'm leaving England," I say simply, figuring beating around the bush would be nothing short of torture to her now. My heart aches for her, the poor girl, always being told bad news.
"What? Where are you going? Why?"
"I am returning to India."
"But why? Why now? You cannot leave now!" Her voice is choked with tears.
"I wish to find my family. You gave me the idea, Gemma. Besides, you'll be so busy, you won't even notice I'm gone," I say, trying to sound cheerful, though it just sounds fake.
She sighs miserably. "So you want me to forget about you?"
"What? No, Gemma. I didn't say that."
"So that's it then? You get to leave, and I have to stay here and forget about what we have?"
The tears flow freely down her cheeks now, and the sight of them makes me feel terrible. "Gemma, I didn't mean that."
"Then what did you mean?" she cries.
"All I meant was that I was returning to India temporarily to try to find my parents! Nothing else is changed, Gemma!"
She flings herself into me, pushing me back into the pillows. Her rain-kissed skin is cool against my hot, clammy body. "I don't want you to go!"
"I know," I whisper, defeated. She has taken the news worse than I thought. She cries into my bare shoulder and I stroke her hair lightly, trying to quell her. I am slightly bewildered, though I suspect there are other reasons for these tears. Gemma doesn't cry often, and when she does it's from numerous things.
"I'm sorry Kartik!" she wails.
"Shh, it's okay."
Her sobbing soon lets up. "Everything hurts," she says shakily. "It's all too much."
All of a sudden, I feel completely rotten for bringing this upon her. "I'm still here for you, Gem," I say softly.
"No you're not. You're leaving."
"Only for awhile."
"You will come back, won't you?"
I laugh lightly. "Don't I always?"
I feel her smile against my chest. I hug her tightly. "Nothing can keep me from you for long, Gem."
She sits up, rubbing her eyes with one hand and lifting her hair from her neck with the other. In her sleeveless silk nightgown, she looks good enough to eat. She seems to realize the compromising situation we are in, and in the dark, I see her green eyes linger on my bare torso. She lets her hair drop decisively, and leans over me precariously.
"Kartik," she whispers. "There was something else I wished to discuss with you."
"Oh?"
"Let's go to the realms," she says excitedly.
A thrill runs through me as I catch on to her intentions. For what other reason would she want to go to the realms at such an hour?
My heart pounds wildly as the blessed girl summons the door of light. The vivid brightness of the garden is a stark contrast from my dim bedroom. An inviting breeze off of the river relieves our skin of uncomfortable heat, and with it I feel renewed, though I cannot help but feel like I am still dreaming.
Gemma leads me out of the garden, to where, I do not know. All the time we wasted frantically searching for the Temple (and in my case, dreading its discovery), and I still do not know where it is. True, I have not needed to know until now, but the irony of it is still quite humorous. I start to laugh. Gemma looks at me quizzically.
"What is so funny?" she asks with raised eyebrows.
"I am to help you find the Temple and bind the magic!"
She cocks her head playfully to the side. "Really? Is that so?"
"Yes," I say, trying to keep a straight face. "That is my task."
She scowls in jest. "But what is your other task, Kartik?"
"There is no other task."
She kisses me forcefully. "We shall see about that."
There is an urgency in her voice that I find quite attractive, as it matches my own. We both know what is going to happen, and we are both very, very excited for it.
Fantasies of what may come fill my head as Gemma leads the way to the Temple. I scarcely take in my surroundings, for I cannot tear my eyes from the figure in front of me. The white silk of her nightgown does little to mask the curves that move beneath it, and I can hardly concentrate on anything other than the gentle swaying of her hips as she walks.
We come to a stop in front of a wall of rock seemingly blocking the rest of our trek. Her hand lightly strokes the rock, a gesture that has a pressure building inside of me. I decide to act upon it.
"Gemma," I say breathlessly, pushing her up against the wall. "Surely, it does not matter if we reach the Temple, does it?" I claim her lips before I let her answer. With a soft moan, she pushes me away.
"Kartik, we shall continue on to the Temple."
I gesture grandly to the cliff blocking our way. "It doesn't exactly seem to be here, Gem."
She smiles widely. "It is much closer than you think."
I groan. "Certain things cannot wait very long, Gemma."
She traces the line of my jaw. "Certain things will have to wait, Kartik. For the moment, patience is a virtue." She turns her attention back to the rock.
As it would seem, I am quite impatient. "And how is that?" I ask, leaning against the wall.
"It builds character." She pulls open a nonexistent door in the wall of rock and grins triumphantly. "Not that you need any, of course."
"Of course," I echo emptily. I follow her inside the door. Lanterns hang around us, casting a golden glow about.
"Well?" Gemma asks.
"Hm?" Surely this is not the Temple…
"All this time, you've just been following me, no questions asked. It is most unlike you."
She's right; I am normally much more curious about everything, though for once, my head is not in the present. Rather, it's trying to gain a glimpse into the future. My future. A delicious thrill runs through me as I picture the two of us lolling about on a bed. It is something I have thought about often, but never really thought would happen. Yet, by some stroke of luck, it seems to be not only something desirable for me, but also something necessary for the future of the realms.
"I have other things on my mind, I suppose."
She shakes her head in bemusement and starts walking into the darkness. I follow quickly, not wanting to delay things any longer. The trek through the tunnel inclines, and soon my legs grow slightly weary, evidence that I have been too comfortable sitting around being a coachman. I silently vow to get more exercise in the future.
When we reach the second door, Gemma is positively out of breath. I reach forward to open the door for her, like a true gentleman, but I find I cannot.
"It's stuck," I say, exerting pressure on the door.
"Allow me," Gemma says, turning the handle with ease. She smiles slightly at my expression. "Just an added benefit of being the single pillar of the realms. All doors open for me."
We step out into the sunlight again. Wind whips our hair around and I note that we are at quite a high altitude. Heavily perfumed incense drifts through the air, bringing with it a horribly disfigured woman. She and Gemma share a diplomatic gesture, and then she glances at me curiously, similar to how the gorgon received me. However, she says nothing, only steps aside with a bowed head.
Up ahead there is a strange wall of water. Gemma leads me to it. There is no sound other than our soft footsteps, yet the silence is deafening. I am increasingly evident of my own breathing and heartbeat, both of which resonate with Gemma's. Together, we walk through the water into a room with a circular well.
"This is the Temple, Kartik," Gemma says. "This is where I bound the magic to myself…" She gently takes my face in her hands and kisses me. "And this is where we will bind the magic to you as well." She picks up a goblet I hadn't noticed resting on the edge of the well and dips it into the water.
I watch it slow motion as she raises the cup to her lips, drinking deeply. She closes her eyes as if savoring the drink, and hands the cup to me. The liquid feels strange on my tongue, initiating the same odd tingling I felt the first time I visited the realms. Gemma presses her body to mine, a perfect fit. Something pushes us off balance. And then we are falling backwards through the well.
I brace myself to hit the stone bottom, but instead we land on something rather plush. I open my eyes to find that we are no longer in the well, but in a bedchamber of sorts. Beautiful frescoes grace the walls, hidden partially by gossamer curtains and thick colored incense. And then there is Gemma, lying back into the satin jewel-toned pillows, admiring the room as well.
"How lovely," she whispers.
Oh yes, she is lovely. I twirl one of her copper curls around my finger, marveling at how silky her hair feels, and wondering how I have never noticed before. She watches me intently, teasing the ribbons of her neckline. Her eyes burn with a hunger I have never seen before, and I am all too happy to whet her appetite.
Ignoring the triumphant music playing in the back of my head, I unbutton my trousers, kicking them off as I do so. I watch her reaction carefully for fear, regret, guilt, anything that would tell me to stop. Her face flushes, but not with embarrassment. I know exactly how hot and bothered she is feeling.
I slide my hands up her thighs, savoring the soft skin beneath my fingertips, and relieving her of her nightgown. I allow myself one moment to take in the sight of her, more perfectly formed then I have could ever have imagined. And it's all for me.
I dip my head to kiss her neck, and my mind goes blissfully blank. I am aware of everything and nothing, for right now, all that matters is laid out upon these pillows, two intensely fervent lovers.
My lips travel down her porcelain body, silently noting which places to return to, and which places have her gasping my name. So long have I waited to explore the mysterious Gemma Doyle, to unlock her secrets. I savor every minute of it.
Her hand lightly brushes my shoulder. "Kartik…" she whispers almost inaudibly. I lift my head from her lower abdomen to meet her gaze. She beckons me closer, and I happily oblige. Our lips meet in the most passionate kiss with have ever shared. And then male instinct takes control of my body.
When I claim her, it's as if the world itself holds its breath. My eyes flutter open at the force of the pulsating magic coursing through me. Is it magic? I can no longer tell. I look deep into Gemma's eyes, and it is as if I am seeing her for the first time. I am lost in her emerald gaze, being pulled deeper into the swirling hues of green. I see the forest in which we've rendezvoused many times. I see the dusty marketplace we first met in. I see myself and Gemma, kissing, dancing, arguing, laughing… I've shared so much with her and all I want is more.
We experience a rhythm so fine it is like music. Our passion builds like the pressure inside of me. I open my eyes again, to watch Gemma's expression. She is flushed and sweaty, brows furrowed in ecstacy; it gives me great satisfaction to see her this way at my expense.
She seems to notice me watching her. Her eyes spring open and she holds my gaze. Then, without warning, she throws her arms around my neck, arching her body into mine and kissing me with a renewed ardor. The new angle has me shaking and gasping for breath. We are waltzing to the most sacred of pieces, and the crescendo is fast approaching.
I feel as if I should come apart. Gemma's mouth leaves mine with a groan. I am vaguely aware of her leg crossing over mine, drawing me ever closer... I shouldn't care if I never live to see the next day. If the world were to end, I would not be bothered. All I have ever lived for is in this moment.
She cries out, clutching to me as if I were her life support. My Gemma, my love, my god, she feels so good!
"Gemm –uhh," I moan. She opens her eyes slightly, but it's as if she's in a trance. "Iloveyou," I whisper quickly, inhaling sharply. And then I am gone. Pleasure rushes over me in waves. I am aware of every inch of my body and hers; we are one, forever to be joined by this single moment. But all too soon, it is over, and everything goes blank.
I wake to the sounds of birds chirping and horses snorting. The dim light of dawn casts a surreal glow in my room. My room? Has it all been a dream? I look down and see my trouser-clad legs. I roll onto my stomach with a pitiful groan. I am fit to fall back asleep, but I feel something stir next to me.
My heart beats frantically. So it wasn't a dream after all. Gemma turns and looks at me groggily. Then she closes her eyes with a slight smile, snuggling into me.
I could get used to this, I hear her say.
"Get used to what?" I ask before realizing that she never opened her mouth to speak.
Her eyes open and she stares at me in wonder. "You -,"
"Heard your thoughts?" I finish with a smile.
"It worked…"
Are you sure it worked? Shall we try again to make sure? I throw her a sly grin. She blushes in response and props her head up on her hand. With her free hand, she brings my hand to her mouth and places light kisses across my knuckles. I watch her as she does so, unable to prevent a smile from playing on my mouth.
"Happy birthday, miss," I say, resting my palm against the curve of her hip, drawing her closer to me.
"Thank you," she says, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.
"So what happens now?"
She lets her head drop to the pillow and closes her eyes. I strongly assume she is not a morning person. "You leave the country, Kartik. That is what happens next." She says this with such frankness that I cannot help but feel guilty.
I don't say anything. A pained expression crosses her fair features, but she does not open her eyes. "When do you leave?" she whispers.
"Tomorrow."
Of course, you leave just as I am forced upon every man in London between the ages of seventeen and forty.
"Gem –,"
"No!" she cries out, startling me. "You think everything will be okay when you're gone, but that is now how it is! Your absence means nothing to my family! They don't know that I love you; they don't care if I do!"
I narrow my eyes at her. "I thought you said your father wanted you to be happy."
"All he wants is for me to catch the eye of a wealthy, respectable man."
"I though you talked to him about us!"
She looks away, her cheeks reddening. Perhaps I lied to you then.
My stomach turns unpleasantly and my face grows hot. "Perhaps you lied to me? What is that supposed to mean?" I try to keep my voice level, but I cannot mask the venom in it.
She shrugs and avoids my gaze. I grab her shoulder and force her to look at me, perhaps with a bit more force than I had meant. Her green eyes meet mine and for and instant I see fear beyond their glassy surface. Then the hardness is back with a vengeance. "Yes, Kartik, I lied to you. Just like you've lied to me many times before."
"That was different, Gemma! I lied to you to keep you safe, not to hurt you!"
"Yes, but you lied all the same." Her voice wavers.
"You are impossible!"
She laughs bitterly. "Oh yes, Kartik, I am the impossible one. I'm being tugged in every direction, having to serve to all sorts of people. 'Do this, Gemma, don't do that!' 'Bind the magic, save the world!' 'Marry someone you don't love! It's okay, they don't love you either, but the couple you make is so charming.' God forbid I try to have interests of my own!"
I look away from her, realizing she is right. She jumps up from the bed, the air around her crackling with her fury. "You know what, Kartik? Leave. Go ahead and leave. I'll be fine here without you. In fact, I think I'll dance with Simon Middleton tonight. Yes, I shall enjoy it very much I think. And you know what else? If he's nice to me, maybe I will let him take me to bed!"
She stares at me defiantly, waiting for a response. I glare at her. "You wouldn't," I say flatly.
She flares to life. "Oh yes, I would. Because apparently, that is the type of girl I am - one who gives up her maidenhood to someone that leaves her the next day."
Her words hit me like a slap, and she stares as if she would very much like to do just that. I'm stunned into silence, unable to say anything. She's right; I should not be leaving now.
"Gem," I plead, searching for my words. "If I had known what we were, um, going to do last night, I would not have made arrangements to leave."
This does not please her. "Kartik!" she hisses. "I don't think you understand quite what is at stake here! I – am – ruined! Unchaste, tainted, impure, whatever you'd like to call it. You can't just leave now. We need to figure out what we are going to do!"
"Oh, so I ruined you, is that it? If I remember correctly, it was YOU that made the advances, Gemma dear. Or did you just do so because you needed a reason to guilt me into staying?"
She opens her mouth and closes it. I stand and walk over to her, until we are but inches apart. "If that is the case, Gemma, then leave. Go and have fun dancing with Simon Middleton. Dance the whole bloody night away, for all I care. Then go to bed with him. But don't be surprised when it's my bloody name you cry out when he makes you –,"
She cuts me off with a stinging slap to the side of my face. I can't believe he just said that!
"What is it that upsets you so, Gemma?" I say softly, touching my cheek gingerly. "The fact that I am leaving or the fact that you are afraid you won't be able to resist the Honorable Simon Middleton anymore?"
Her troubled face drains of color and a tear rolls down her white cheek. "Everyone wants us to be together. I – even a part of me feels like we should be." She looks up at me with a pleading look in her eyes. "But I can't live like that, Kartik! I cannot live with the pressure of having to pretend to be someone I am not! He would hate me if he knew the truth…"
She looks so small right now, and I long to comfort her. "Then he does not deserve you, Gem," I whisper. She lets her head rest against the wall, but says nothing. "Do you love him?" I ask quietly, my heart thumping in anticipation.
She shakes her head slightly. Not like I love you. Her pink lips turn down at the corners sadly. "There is something about him that I want to trust. Sometimes, when I do not want this life anymore, I picture myself with him. But it does not make me happy. Perhaps if circumstances were different, then maybe…But they are not."
"Gemma, I love you."
"I know, Kartik," she smiles slightly. "And I love you."
"But damn it, Gem, you drive me mad sometimes."
"Oh?" Her face is a mask feigning innocence.
"You get all worried about everything, yet you do not heed your own warnings. And now, here we are, fully consummated in another world, yet you're driving a stake between us in this one."
She arches a brow. "Excuse me, you're the one leaving. How can this be my fault?"
"Because you do not realize that the success of our relationship does not rest solely upon my shoulders. I will be gone, yes, but I still want to be with you. If you want me too, then how can things end?"
"Because my family will force me to attend balls and events and meet men and eventually, I will have to accept someone's courtship lest rumors spread," she says coldly.
I sigh. "Then enjoy your season, Gemma. I am not asking you to resist meeting people. But be defiant; you don't always to do what you are told. That is what I love about you."
She lowers her eyes coyly. "And what of last night?"
I cannot stop the smile that crosses my face. "Like a dream, was it not?"
She blushes. "I did not mean to say what I did. About being ruined, I mean. I don't think you ruined me. I am still chaste in this world."
"I know. We both said some things we didn't mean," I say simply. "We share more than secrets now, Gem."
She raises her hand to softly stroke my cheek. I am sorry I hit you.
It's okay, I deserved it. I kiss her lips gently, their soft pressure sending small waves of pleasure down my belly. "You know," I say. "It will be hard resisting you now that I've had you in the realms. I may start to think I am entitled to it in this world."
She gives me a haughty look. "You would never take me without my consent, Kartik."
I place my open mouth against her neck, sucking at the white skin there. She gasps and her hand goes to the back of my head. I press my leg in between her thighs and she moans slightly. "Of course not," I say, tearing my mouth away. "Because I know you'd want it too damn much."
She looks at me with an unreadable expression. I release her from the entrapment I've created against the wall. She stands limply, defeated. Smiling sadly, she bows her head. "You're right, Kartik. I would want it too much. So perhaps it is a good thing you are leaving for the time being."
I watch in bemusement as her eyes boldly travel the length of my body. I cup her porcelain cheek and turn her face to mine. "You should go now, Gem, before they wake up."
"Yes, I should." She doesn't move. I pull her into an embrace. "We're doomed, darling," she says into my neck.
"Then at least we are doomed together." I release her with a smile. She returns it sweetly. My heart still aches dully from our fight, but the pressure has been lifted significantly. I reach for a blanket that had been kicked free from my fitful sleep the night before and hand it to her.
"Here," I say as she takes it, puzzled. "The night will no longer cover you."
She nods, wrapping the blanket around her body. The dusky pink glow of morning makes her look rosy, like a cherub in one of Michelangelo's paintings. I hope this will be the first of many mornings waking up to the lovely Gemma Doyle in my bed, though I'd rather not experience any more fights, as they leave me feeling drained.
She cannot resist kissing me again, a token that things are okay between us again. She turns to leave, but I stop her.
"Gemma?" She turns around. "Will you come visit me later today? I want to see you all dressed up."
"I will." She closes my door with a click and I return to my bed. The next few months will be lonely without her, and the fact makes me sad.
But as I close my eyes to catch a few more hours of sleep I cannot help but feel giddy, for I've finally seen her naked!
I have no idea what to say. Kartik is still a teenager! I just thought it'd be funny for, after all they had been through, Kartik to just be happy he saw her in the nuddy-pants. I mean, he's already seen all of her friends in the buff!
I did not want to make the sex scene cliche, nor did I want to make it pornographic. To clarify something, Gemma IS still chaste in the real world, because time doesn't pass when they are in the realms, etc. Someone wanted a fight, you got the fight. I hope I kept it as plausible and passionate as possible.
More clarifications: I rewrote parts of the first 3 chapters, so please reread if you have time. I tried to tone the first 2 chapters down, and I've taken out the part where Kartik and Mr. Doyle talk. After thinking it through, I agree that his acceptance makes the relationship a little less special. Plus, it makes for a good fight!
About my Zidane-y baby - he's not actually mine. I just forgot to mention that I'm raising him for a class and that we're auctioning off the yearlings on April 29th. So expect me to be absolutely heartbroken, because I am incredibly attached to him as it is. He did the cutest thing ever. I was wearing Burt's Bees lip balm, which is minty, and I gave him a kiss on the nose. I guess he smelled the mint, because his eyes went wide and he stretched his face to me and bumped my mouth with his nose a couple of times. I LOVE HIM!! On the bright side, my friend Michelle might buy him, so I'll get to see him grow up, hopefully.
Um, I've come up with a middle name for Gemma. Gemma Rose Doyle has a good ring to it. Now does anyone have any ideas for a last name for Kartik?
Reviews are lovely, especially when they are specific as to certain parts that are good and ones that need fixing. If you get a chance, maybe comment on my rewrites? Special thanks to Necily for praising this fic to Libba Bray on her LiveJournal! When I read it, I was like OMG! I can't even begin to express how flattered I am. The best I can do, I suppose, is keep writing to the best of my ability.
It's almost 4am,
LunaEquus