Short and sweet. Last chapter!
After I crept back to my room, I fell asleep almost immediately, exhausted from last night's events. The clock next to my bed read 5:07 am, so I figured I'd at least have an extra two hours of sleep to refresh myself. My head felt foggy, as if everything was a blur. I know now that it was just the magic we took back with us, but that knowledge was swept under the rug during our argument. Though we were reconciled in the end, things were still said that hurt, and I couldn't help but still feel a bit of resentment towards Kartik, as much as I didn't want to.
I was woken up at 7 am on the dot, by a flustered and blushing Emily.
"Miss, Miss! Please! You must wake up! Your grandmother requires your presence right this moment!"
"Huh?" was all I could reply as I squinted my eyes at the blaring sunlight then pouring in through the parted curtains. It seemed that last night's storm had brought good weather after all. I only wished I could have said the same for Kartik and me.
Little did I know that my abrupt and rushed awakening would set the tone for most of the day. I rarely had time to even think for myself as servants and seamstresses flitted around me like hummingbirds, with my grandmother at the center barking orders. I was bathed, powdered, and preened into ladylike perfection, though I can't say I ever had the chance to acknowledge it.
My corset was new and flattering, cinching my waist in to a painful eighteen inches. The bloomers were lace, the stockings were silk, and the gown was the most extravagant of all. It was of the finest, most buttery silk I have ever touched, overlaid with Chantilly lace and pearls. Pearls, for a June birthday, my grandmother said.
And all through this whirlwind of feminine enhancement, my thoughts kept straying to Kartik. What if things weren't really okay between us? What if he left without saying goodbye? Of course, all of these ill thoughts were just due to nerves; however, I couldn't help but feel nauseated all the same. Thought that could be in part due to my measly breakfast of nothing, for "We don't want you bloating up and not fitting into your dress!" So color me confused. After all, I thought this was my birthday. If not for the fact that I didn't want people to gossip, I would have gorged myself on birthday cake just to spite my grandmother. But living in spite hasn't exactly brought me far, so I resisted that notion.
And then, finally, after my grandmother deemed me presentable, it was time to attend my coming out ball. The carriage pulled round and I waited, quite breathlessly, in fact, to see Kartik's reaction to my appearance. I was not, however, prepared for his. This was quite the formal affair, and I had overlooked the fact that he too would have to arrive in style. And stylish he was! He stood, a vision in pinstriped grandeur, waiting to help me into the carriage. As we glanced at each other, almost shyly I noted, his eyes widened and his beautiful lips parted just so, as if to convey his awe and appreciation. I had never wished more for the magic of the realms to be at my disposal than at that time, so I could read his thoughts.
The moment was brief, but it haunted me all evening. The decorations were lovely and the food was nothing short of decadent, but I couldn't help thinking how I'd rather be eating dosa in a dirty tavern with Kartik.
The evening was pleasant and rather uneventful by my standards. Felicity was at my side wherever I turned, as always, but this time was different. She saw the change in me. She saw the longing in my eyes and knew who it was for. Ever since my night in the realms with Kartik, the need to be near him increased tenfold. And that scared me. However am I supposed to survive months, perhaps even years without him if I could not live through this night?
And then there was the dancing. Of course, as I was the guest of honor, I rarely had time to sit down. Needless to say, Simon asked me to dance more than once. I accepted the first time, and declined the second, and have never felt freer about doing so. My obvious decision to choose Kartik over Simon or any other man that may come along had, if nothing else, taken that particular burden off my shoulders. It was my choice, and there is no going back, but I do not regret it. After all, there are no wrong choices, only different ones.
And because of that feeling, the sense that I had made perhaps the most important choice of my life without any one else's opinions to sway me, an odd sense of calmness took over my body. Whenever ill thoughts threatened to make me cry or vomit, all I had to do was remember that Kartik chose me as well, and anyone can tell that Kartik never takes things very lightly.
So for that revelation, I was surprisingly at peace when Simon approached me towards the end of the night. I had nearly succeeded at avoiding him for as long as possible, but if there's anything at fault with Simon Middleton, it's that he doesn't realize (or care) when he is not wanted.
"Miss Doyle," he said, walking up to my side. He looked exceptionally handsome, and I felt a blush rising in my cheeks. But then I thought of how Kartik's legs looked in his new trousers and was instantly sobered.
"Good evening, Mr. Middleton. I hope you are enjoying yourself?"
"Quite so. But are you enjoying yourself?" Something about his tone angered me, as did the look in his eyes. It was if he expected me to fall all over myself and flirt with him. I had had enough of such expectations.
"I am having a lovely time, Mr. Middleton. In fact," I pretended to study my dance card. "It appears I have a dance with someone now. A good night to you."
"Wait, Gemma," he said, grabbing my hand. "May I call on you sometime?"
For a moment, I pictured my life being courted by Simon Middleton again. I could be normal. I could give in to the tides and be carried away by society. It'd be so much easier than trying to swim. But I'd drown that much faster.
"No."
His blue eyes widened. "What?" His voice was but a mere whisper. "Why not?"
"There is someone else." And with that, I left him, unsure if his crushed face was because he truly cared for me, or if for once, he didn't get what he wanted.
So now I stand, alone in the parlor, drowned in darkness. My family is fast asleep on the floors above me, yet here I am, wide awake and still fully dressed. I had promised Kartik that I'd visit him in my finery, yet I never had the chance to.
With precise, quiet steps, I make my way from the house to the stables, a vision in ivory silk and lace. When I step into the barn, careful to lift the hem of my gown, I am greeted by nothing but more darkness. Despair settles into my stomach as I realize he must have given up on me.
I turn around to face the moonlit yard. The moon is but half of her former glory, slowly returning to complete darkness. The breeze blows a familiar scent over the air, less potent, yet more desirable than the smell of horses.
"Waning gibbous," Kartik says, referring to the moon's phase, as he wraps his arms around me from behind.
"I thought you went to bed," I say as I nestle into his warmth.
"I knew you'd come."
His finger gently guides my chin to meet him in a kiss. "You look beautiful, Gem," he whispers against my lips. It sends a chill down my spine. All thoughts of our fight are lost as I turn in his embrace to face him. I hold his face with my hands and kiss him deeply.
"Come," he says, leading me into the barn. I stumble over something in the dark.
"Where are we going?"
"Somewhere we can talk."
I stop. "Wait." My eyes slowly adjust to the darkness. I see that I had tripped over a dandy brush tossed carelessly on the ground. Kartik looks at me expectantly. His finer clothing really displays his figure well, a fact that makes my face feel hot. I had seen that magnificent body.
I curtsy. "I saved you the last dance."
His mouth curls into a smile as he bows to me. I take his hand and we fall into step, our bodies warm against each other. "So, Lady Whatsit, I daresay you had a wonderful time at your ball?"
"Oh Lord Hoity-Toity, it was marvelous! Though quite a bit tedious, I must say." He grins in response. "Although," I say, dropping the act. "Simon Middleton asked to call on me."
Kartik's smile falters. I can tell he is trying not to jump to conclusions. "Did he?"
"I told him not to."
Kartik can't hide his surprise. "I thought it wouldn't be fair to you," I whisper. Kartik cocks his head slightly in question.
"And what of you?"
I shake my head. "I cannot quite remember what was so charming about him in the first place." It is a lie, but a slight one, to put him at ease. Kartik knows this and acknowledges it with a small smile.
"Thank you, Gemma."
"So what would you like to talk about?"
"Ah yes," Kartik navigates me towards the carriage. "Allow me, miss." With a swift motion, he leaps into the carriage and pulls me in after him, shutting the door as I sit down. We are immediately covered in darkness.
"Kartik?" I try to sense where he is. I am rather nervous, for anything could be crawling about in this carriage. A spider, a mouse, Kartik's hands…
An involuntary shiver runs down my spine.
"Just a moment, Gemma. Ah, there." Lantern light floods the carriage, warming me up again with its soft orange glow. Shadows dance as Kartik places the lantern at our feet. "Now no one will see the light and know we're here," he murmurs.
My heart lurches into a frenzied heartbeat as he moves to the seat next to me and places his mouth on my neck, lightly kissing and licking the skin there. My hands travel to his neck and shoulders, desperate to feel his heat through my satin gloves.
Suddenly he stops and looks at me, his expression strange and searching. "Gemma?"
"Yes?"
"This is our last night together for awhile."
"I know," I say sadly. He watches as I pull off my gloves, one finger at a time.
"I was wondering…" he trails off.
I glance up at him. His face is unreadable as his fingers twitch restlessly at his sides. He reaches for something in his pocket, holding it tightly in his hand, but says nothing. I look at his fist curiously, pointedly, yet the silence is not broken.
"Kartik?" I begin cautiously.
"Hold on," he says, looking up and moving his lips slightly, as if rehearsing something in his head. His large eyes eventually return to mine. They are nervous, but hopeful. He opens his hand. In it lies a small ring of the finest gold filigree I have ever seen. Still, he says nothing.
I look at him expectantly. He blanches. "I forgot what I was going to say," he explains, a panicked expression forming on his face.
"Take your time," I say, trying to sound soothing. My voice betrays my excitement, for I know the gist of what he is trying to say.
He inhales and exhales loudly, then turns to me again. "Gemma, I know that our relationship is quite out of the ordinary, and probably quite doomed."
I snort at this. His startled eyes betray his bemusement for a moment, and then the nervousness is back. "However, we are all going to die anyway." He grimaces slightly at his word usage.
I nod encouragingly, but he shakes his head. "This is going completely wrong," he says sadly.
"You're doing fine, Kartik!" I cannot help but grin at the fact that he's the flustered one for once. He fixes his eyes on mine.
"I love you, Gemma," he says softly. "What I'm trying to say is that I hope that my love is enough for you." He holds up the ring. It sparkles in the lamp's light. "I know it's not much…but will you wear it?"
My breath catches in my throat and I feel my head nod slightly. I watch in slow motion as he places the ring on my finger; it is a near perfect fit.
"Gemma?"
"Hm?" I realize that my head is still nodding. I break out into a huge grin and throw my arms around him. I feel his heart beating frantically against my chest as pulls me in tightly. "Yes! I shall wear it always!"
Kartik makes a strangled happy noise and embraces me tighter. I raise my hand and gaze at it over his shoulder. The thin gold band looks perfect on my finger, delicate and understated. It feels as light as a feather, nothing like the pearl brooch Simon once gave me, forced on me, rather. Kartik at least asked me permission. Perhaps that made all the difference.
Our embrace loosens and I pull away slightly to look at him. His dancing eyes peer at me from under black strands of hair that have fallen out of oiled obedience. I reach out and finger them appreciatively. He takes my outstretched hand and brings it to his lips, kissing my palm sweetly. "Do you mean it, Gem?" he whispers softly, his large eyes shining.
I shrug, feigning disinterest. "I suppose I do."
Kartik cleverly catches on right away. He narrows his eyes at me, but they twinkle with laughter all the same. I stick my tongue out at him, which he takes as an invitation to another kiss.
"So," he says breathlessly a few moments later. "This will be a night to remember."
I stare, transfixed by the light reflecting off his moist lips. I run the tip of my finger ever so lightly along his bottom lip. He gazes at me with his doleful eyes.
"Gem, you know I have to do this," he whispers.
"I know," I respond softly.
"I need to have some sort of identity, some ground to stand on."
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," I say, smiling weakly. There is a stillness in the air as we hold each other's gaze for what seems like hours. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes, so I look away.
"Perhaps I should get back now."
Kartik jumps from his seat to open the carriage door for me. I wait for the lantern to be extinguished and for Kartik to step down from the carriage.
"Will you write to me?" I ask, looking at the ground.
"Every day."
My lower lip quivers and I fear I shall start to cry. Send him off with a smile, Gem! "I am not going to say good bye, Kartik."
"Then neither will I," he says. "Look at me." He cups my chin and tilts my head upwards. The moment I meet his eyes, a tear escapes down my cheek.
I smile shakily. "Good luck," I whisper. "I love you."
I break his gaze and turn away. I cannot bear to even kiss him goodbye, for I know I would never be able to stop. He doesn't try to stop me as I hurry through the thick darkness to the safety of my bedroom. The tears flow freely now as I imagine the seemingly endless stretch of days without him.
I am still sniffling miserably as I crawl into bed. A gentle rustling noise grabs my attention as my head settles upon the feather pillow. I reach underneath and grasp a piece of parchment. I gaze in wonder at the words written there.
"I love you too."
It is so simple, so unlike his past notes that I cannot help but smile. I turn onto my stomach and let my mind wander at what life will be like when Kartik returns until I fall into a deep sleep.
I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. That's why it has taken so long for an update. What do you think?
Only the epilogue left!
I can't think of anything clever to say,
LunaEquus