CHAPTER 3

VICTORS' CELEBRATION

Preparations for the oncoming Victory celebrations come in full swing just three days after we got back. By that time, the square had already been dramatically transformed by people from the Capitol, in attempts of making it look halfway as grand as their place. I get my first telephone call - from Effie, as expected - first thing that morning; her bright, shrill voice filling the receiver as she reminds me that she needs to meet me and Katniss to "iron out" details for the events.

I couldn't imagine how I could get through that one; Katniss and I had been way too formal and stiff when conversing with each other that even Prim's innocence can notice. I've made it part of my daily morning routine to give bread to Haymitch and the Everdeens, which is just as well, because baking keeps me sane whenever I wake up from the persistent nightmares. I'm not exactly sure if we can find a way to pretend for the crowd again, or if Katniss would rather choose to face the wrath of President Snow.

A swift knock on the door catches my attention later that morning - about 30 minutes earlier than I expected Effie to arrive. I shake my head, knowing Effie's obsession about always being on time and stumble my way from the kitchen where I have been cooking lunch to answer the front door. My feet stay firmly planted on the spot as I see who my visitor is.

"Uhm..." I stutter after a few seconds of silence. "Hi Katniss. What a pleasant surprise."

Her gray eyes slowly move from the doorknob to my face, eyeing me warily. "Hi Peeta. I'm sorry to come unannounced. I received a call from Effie this morning."

"Yeah I got one too." I reply, suddenly realizing the implications of her arrival. I scratch the back of my head as I think things over. Am I ready for this? "Come inside, I was just preparing lunch."

She smiles timidly at my invitation and enters the house silently, lingering beside the door even after I have closed it shut.

"Sit down, Katniss."

My heart thumps unevenly as she makes her way to the couch nearest her. I never anticipated this event; my mind had been almost fully convinced that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. And I'm not sure if I can act the same way around her as I did in the past, either.

"Would you want anything to drink?" I ask her politely, filling the awkward silence between us.

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

"Well then... if you need anything, I'll just be in the kitchen. I'll just finish up what I'm cooking. It won't take long. Would you be okay here alone?"

"Yes, don't worry about me."

I hover for a few seconds more, unsure if I'm doing the right thing. In the end, I retreat silently in the kitchen to finish the lamb stew I'm making as it became obvious that we won't be having any sort of comfortable conversation. Seeing Katniss has always been a mixed feat for me since the train ride back home - I feel happiness and pain at the same time. Perhaps the former is due to familiarity; after all, I have lived more than half of my lifetime just staring at her from a distance. Somehow, the past seem even more ideal than the situation that we are currently in.

But what would happen now? The Victory celebrations are fast approaching, and a Victory Tour is also scheduled a few months from now. Would we be able to keep up with the pretenses? Would I want to? The least thing I want to do is to have Katniss pretend that she loves me. I don't want to be used - I want it to be real. But it's not gonna happen, is it? Katniss had been good with the act during the Games; but this time, we both can see that she's having difficulty with it, now that the truth is out in the open. I know Haymitch will rely on me to make things believable. But can I still do it? Will I be a willing participant in something that will rip to me to pieces while we're doing it, and possibly destroy me even further when it's all over?

"That smells nice."

I turn around abruptly just as I'm transferring the stew into three dishes. I know of her capacity to move silently, so I'm not exactly surprised that she can sneak up on me like that. My cheeks flush slightly at her compliment, and I try not to look too pleased. How many times in the past did I wish for the opportunity to cook for her and dreaming of her compliment?

Get a grip, Peeta. Get a grip.

"Thank you. Did you need anything?"

Katniss stands awkwardly in the door of the kitchen, her body leaning slightly and her hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt. I've watched her enough to know that she's nervous about something. "No... I guess I just wanted to talk to you."

I purse my lips, wondering how best to continue.

"You can sit here." I finally say, gesturing towards the bar stools in front of the counter I'm working on. She gingerly makes her way towards it, carefully sitting down before looking at me again.

This time I don't recoil from her gaze. I hold it and try to remember all the reasons why I liked her in the first place, and I feel some bits of my armor melt away.

But it's not enough to return to our once comfortable relationship.

"So how are you settling in to your new home?" I ask, breaking the tension in the air.

"Prim and Mom loves it." She answers, her tone taking that warm cadence she unconsciously uses when she talks about her family. "I think they're fitting in it better than I am. I still prefer the old home, no matter how ratty it is."

I smile knowingly at her answer, sure that on this one, we're on the same wavelength. "I understand how you're feeling. It's difficult, isn't it? Knowing how we got here in the first place."

"It is... and I don't see what I can do about that."

"It's good that you have them." I tell her consolingly. "The house feels even bigger and desolate when there's no one else."

Her answer doesn't come immediately, and I sneak a glance at her to see why. She's pondering my answer thoughtfully, the words I said creating more meaning in her head than I intended it to be. I didn't want her to think that I'm trying to get her pity or anything.

"About that... I was wondering why your family didn't come to stay here with you."

I look at her steadily, a tight-lipped smile on my face.

"They didn't want to leave the bakery unguarded. It makes them feel safer to still stay in it, and anyway they wake up too early to prepare so it's probably more convenient for them if they don't have to walk back and forth."

She nods, seeming to accept my explanation. I begin to feel a new bout of tension filling the atmosphere between us once we've exhausted the topic, so I make myself busy by placing the dishes on the dining table.

But Effie will be here in a minute, and there are still a lot of things left unsaid between us. We can't avoid it forever - not as long as the Capitol people are here, trying (and hoping) to document our every move. We need to reach a compromise before the celebrations come to a full blast, and we'll barely be left with any private time to talk through this. I don't want to do anything in the celebrations without knowing whether she approves of it or not, and I'm certain that the crowd, particularly the Capitol media, will be expecting the star-crossed lovers they've watched at the Games. I decide to be brave and make the first step; after all, I am well aware that Katniss will never attempt to start that conversation. And maybe I'm the one with the license to do so. After all, I'm the one who started becoming cold to her, after how I reacted at her revelation.

"Katniss..." I begin, looking at her warily as I do so. Her eyes seek mine, anxiety clouding her look. I clear my throat before starting again, trying to buy more time as I think of the right words to say.

Then the doorbell rings, followed by the unmistakable sound of Effie's voice.

Katniss and I stare at each other for a second longer before I head to the front door. I've missed the (possibly) only chance I'll have to talk about it with Katniss, and now we'll have to silently make an agreement on how to act around Effie.

"Hello, Effie. Come in." I tell her with a huge smile planted on my face. Effie shrieks (at least, that's how it sounds) as she sees me, skipping lightly inside the house as she squeezes me warmly by the shoulders.

"So how do you like the house? Have you seen the kitchen cabinets? It's a haven, isn't it? Oh, and if there's anything you wanted to change, just give the orders so that the stuff can be sent on the next train coming from the Capitol."

I laugh at her obvious enthusiasm, and while I'm not comfortable with the house in general, I still agree with her remark about the kitchen. "Yes, you're right about the kitchen. I love it. Thank you."

She grins and thrills about the decorations as we make our way to the kitchen, making comments about the things she like and the things that she wants to change like "those dreadful curtains in the master's bedroom". I chuckle and start to comment that it doesn't matter because I don't really mind the decorations at all, but I'm stopped short by another shriek of delight from Effie - this time, several octaves higher.

"Katniss!" She quips. "I didn't realize you're here already, you seem to be in a bad mood when I was talking to you earlier. So you were spending some quality time together before our meeting?" Effie suggests playfully, her dyed eyebrows inching up and down as she looks at the two of us.

"I hope you're not doing anything age-inappropriate, otherwise, I'll have both of you banned from each other's houses. It doesn't help that you're alone here, Peeta." She adds, her voice thick with obvious implications.

"Effie, you have nothing to worry about." I answer uncompromisingly. "Katniss and I aren't doing anything of that sort."

Katniss laughs, hopping down on the stool to join us and looping her arms through mine. "He's right, Effie. No need to ban us."

I look at her sideways, giving a small, easy smile that easily hides my discomfort at the ease with which she can pretend. It surprises me that she can do that, but then again, Effie is not really the most perceptive person I know. Katniss grins back at me, but it doesn't touch her eyes. I turn my head to see Effie watching us adoringly, like we're the best couple she had ever seen. Or maybe that's how it looks like, from the outside.

"Come on Effie, let's start lunch. I did my best to imitate that delicious lamb stew of the Capitol. I don't know if I succeeded, though." I say, courteously holding out her chair for her and doing the same for Katniss. She beats me there, though, never being one to rely on anyone's support. But she doesn't miss the gesture, and smiles at me warmly as I head to my own seat.

Was that smile real, or another one of her pretenses?

"We'll find out soon!" Effie answers. "But I think Katniss will be a better judge, it's her favorite, after all."

"Ah, yes. I did that for her."

Katniss laughs lightly at my comment. "If it's anything as good as the bread you make, I'm definitely not complaining."

Silence (except for the soft clinks of the utensils) fills the rooms as we start eating the meal I prepared. My heart pounds unsteadily again; nervous of what they - especially Katniss - have to say about it.

But why do you keep on caring, Peeta? We're on our pretenses right now, so it's more likely that she'll compliment it.

I ignore the nagging voice in my head as I anxiously wait for their verdict. Effie grins at me from across the table.

"It's delicious, Peeta." Katniss says softly beside me, her hand resting on mine for a few seconds before she picks her knife back up again. "Everything you make is delicious. I even like it better than the Capitol's."

I feel myself blush despite the warning alarms on my head, reminding myself not to get too carried away by all this acting. "Thank you. It's nice to hear that."

I watch as she squirms slightly and a light blush start coloring her cheeks. She might be searching for the words to say - Katniss had never been much of a talker. Effie graciously saves both of us from the looming discomfort.

"Oh lovebirds! She's right, Peeta. This is actually good. Now, let's eat so we can start with the preparations."

And that, more or less, was how the day went. After eating, we all proceed to the study room and Effie gives us the schedule of the events for the next weeks. The decorations for the events are almost ready; but Effie complains that not much can be done about the "dirty" state of our District so she'll have to settle for a "halfway decent" arrangement. I see Katniss' hand squeeze tightly at that; and again, it's something that I understand but Effie will never do. I know that she thinks it's the Capitol's fault why the District is so poor, what with all the limitations and neglect of the government. I hold her hand then, trying to satiate her anger. It won't help to fight with Effie now.

We are informed that the first event - a celebration at the district - will be held four days from now at the square. It will go on for one week, mostly during afternoon until evening because people still have to go by their day-to-day work. There will be "parties and food and booze and laughter" for the people "to unwind after a long day", as Effie put it. I doubt that a lot will participate though. Most, if not all the people in the District, are almost always too tired after working all day to do anything else afterwards. Again, I do not point this out to Effie. She continues to tell us that on the eighth night, a banquet with the district officials will be held at the Mayor's house, and this is where we will most be expected to dress properly as it's basically "a formal event". Then there's a "District Holiday" three days after the banquet, where free Capitol food and entertainers will be available all day. I try to imagine how the people in our district will react to this, but I'm guessing that it's probably more or less with the same greed that Katniss and I had on the first night that we've been faced with Capitol food. It will be the greatest luxury that our district will have, so this, I think, is something that people will go to. And lastly, Effie mentions Parcel Day - the best event among all others - where food packages containing tin cans of apple sauce, meat, candies, grains, oil, and all other kinds of food and delicacies will be delivered to everyone in the District. I'm excited to hear that this will be done once a month for a whole year; it's even a better reward for our victory than the house that we're staying at now. It's something to make me more at ease with our winning, to justify the deaths of the other players through the food that will be given to people who have been starving all their lives. It is still a kind of twisted reality, but if there's something that can make us go by our everyday lives without that sinking feeling of guilt gnawing on our stomachs every time, it will be those packages.

Effie highlights that all those events will be covered by the media. I discreetly look at Katniss, trying to see her reaction, but this doesn't go unnoticed by Effie. She, however, misplaces this as our "tiredness of being in the spotlight", and while that may be slightly true, but it's only a very small portion of the entire problem.

If only she knows.

It is already late afternoon by the time we've finished discussing the events, with another not-so-subtle warning from Effie for us to "behave" ourselves. She also promises us more calls on the days to come. By the end of it all, I'm left drained and reeling from all the details she gave us, coupled by persistent thoughts (and debates) on Katniss's behavior. It's getting harder and harder to know when she's acting and when she's not, and it's even more difficult for me to be so suspicious of her every move around me, doubting her sincerity. I think of how easy it will be to just make myself fall for the act again, but I think of the gaping hole it will leave me with after all the celebrations. The silent arrangement between us will almost surely go on for the next three weeks - or maybe a month - depending on how slow it will take the reporters to pack and go back to the Capitol.

I hope it won't be long. I don't know how long I can control my mind from getting carried away, and that's the last thing I need.

The preparations for the events pass by in a blur, and soon enough, it's happening. Reporters try to badger us by spying on the village and trying to sneak past the gates. The celebrations come in full blast, and I'm surprised that even the first part of the celebrations are flocked by people from the district. As we're obligated to do, Katniss and I are present in each one of them, always the center of attention and acting sweet and joyful for the cameras and the audience. No one seems to suspect what's happening behind closed doors, so I am able to keep a decent front without an ounce of nervousness that we will be discovered for our acting. The only thing that bothered me is my weakening resistance to not falling for the acts.

At one point, Gale comes up at the district celebration and was ushered towards us by a reporter who wanted to shoot us a photograph. He obliges, but not before giving me a murderous glare and standing stiffly beside me as our photo was taken. Gale disappears shortly after that, and I don't miss the sad look in Katniss's eyes as he walks away from us. I doubt that Katniss has been back to their forest yet; reporters still surround the district, and I believe that she knows better than to try to sneak out of the fence separating our district from the forbidden land. That thought makes me slightly better, but then again, I know that Gale and Katniss's separation will not last long - and that infuriates me a lot.

The kissing is the worst part of it all, because it occurs so often in order for us to satisfy the demands of the crowd and the cameras. I do my best to act naturally through it all; smiling broadly at everyone and holding Katniss's waist at every opportunity that our lips aren't locked together. The only thing that I'm glad for the fact that we are never left alone is that we are spared the trouble of thinking of ways to look happy when there's only the two of us. It became a routine thing for us - being locked together in public, and returning to our cold and distant relationship as soon as we're safely away from the cameras.

The banquet is another thing entirely. Katniss and I are dressed in Capitol clothes - she in a green gown that clings to her body and me in a tuxedo. We are forced to become extra-sweet in front of the people we're with, as it turns out that most of them are part of the numerous people who sponsored us. We commit to the role obligingly, receiving several hoots and cheers from the crowd as we do so. We remain plastered to each other's side the entire time, and as both of us are uncomfortable from the unnecessary amount of attention, we become teammates - driven a common goal of enduring the night and finally escape from these people. It's almost like being in the Hunger Games again, which is probably the most accurate parallelism for our situation. At the end of it, Katniss gives me a peck on the cheek that lingered a second too long, and I am once again left wondering if that was a positive ending (as her way of gratitude) to that awful night or if it's just an extension of the act.

By the time that the District Holiday has finally come, both of us are almost entirely drained from too much exposure and the weight of our pretenses. The line between act and reality for me continue to become blurred with each day of the celebrations. It has become increasingly difficult for me to keep watch of my hands as they automatically grip her shoulders or waist, or of my lips as they seek solace in her cheeks or forehead or lips. I struggle to continue reminding myself from time to time that I can't be too easy-going about the act, the pain of betrayal crashing down on me like a ton of bricks every time I come back to my senses. I resolve to not use the celebrations as an excuse to be beside her, but each night as I go to sleep, I feel like I'm failing miserably and I find myself growing desperate as the end of it all looms in the horizon. Thankfully, the media seems to eat up the act despite the little slips we have from time to time.

Soon enough, all this will be over and she will stay out of my life again. I'm not sure what to do about that.

Eventually, the train from the Capitol arrives and the District become hyped with a kind of excitement that can be brought about only by the promise of an abundant food supply for each family. People in the District won't be starving as much as they usually do for the next 12 months, and this thought makes me smile. Effie asks us to facilitate the distribution of goods. All families are asked to line up at the square, with Katniss and I standing in front of everyone at the podium where we were called up as tributes. Excitement buzzes in the air, and it's something I know that even Katniss is happy about because her smiles come easier, her touches more frequent. We spend the rest of the day distributing goods and acknowledging the thankful smiles from everyone in the District, while occasionally "cozying up" during breaks from the distribution. At the end of Parcel Day, my spirits are considerably higher despite the fact that this is the last event that Katniss and I will have to appear in for some time.

The pressure to appear together remains for some time, though. The Capitol reporters stay in the District even after the celebrations, lingering in the square, near my family's bakery, near the gates of the Victors' Village, and in every other place imaginable. Haymitch pushed Katniss and I to appear in front of them from time to time. At one point, we staged a "date" out in town, strolling outside the Village arm in arm as we buy things from the Hob. We become swarmed with reporters as soon as we leave the gate, but we try to look annoyed that they're invading a "personal moment" so they settled with taking pictures of us instead. We were forced to answer a few questions about our new homes and our time together from one particularly bugging reporter, who became silenced only after I said the most satisfying thing for her to hear, accompanied by a loving look from Katniss as I spoke and a quick peck on the lips.

"Katniss and I are very happy with the living arrangements, and we've been spending a lot of quality time together. It's nice to just be at home and laugh and talk about things. Now, if you'll excuse us."

If only all of it were true.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I would like to take this opportunity to respond to everyone who reviewed this fanfic.

Thank you to: Tiffany.4.81, annraizel, rednose, jamie79, sue, KimTXR, musicnlyrics, kash, ForceFiend, and all guest reviewers. Reading what you have to say about the story and the way I write it makes me inspired to finish. Thank you for all the kinds words! I apologize if I'm taking too long in updating the chapters; I've been rereading the book so that I get all the details correctly and I don't miss important things that can give light to what's going on in Peeta's head. I think it's really important to set the whole thing right, especially before Mockingjay (as we all know what happened to him there).

Rednose - thank you for your insights. I think you have a point about the houses - that would explain why Peeta and Katniss live 3 houses apart, when the logical thing for the Capitol to do (if they were the ones deciding on how the spaces will be filled out) is to have all three of them living next to each other. I'm glad you liked the chapters, I will definitely insert a chapter on how their families will react when they find out about the acting. I guess we all have an inkling of how Peeta's mother will react ;)

Thank you all for your patience in waiting for the updates. I swear, I'll really do my best to give updates every week (or every 2 weeks, at most).

Love to everyone!