CHAPTER 6
THE ENGAGEMENT
Katniss and I quickly establish a routine - train ride, prep for District appearance, give speech to the District and accept certificate from the Mayor, prep again for "exclusive, invite-only" dinner, socialize and flirt endlessly during the dinner, then head back to the train. We don't bother with personal comments anymore; after all, Rue and Thresh were really the only ones we had to fervently thank. We stick to the speech that the Capitol has provided us to avoid another incident like the one in District Eleven. In some cases like in District Seven, we are given a tour of the factories after the ceremony. Katniss and I play the role of respectful Victors during the ceremonies and the occasional tour, using the dinners to show to everyone how "in love" we are to the point of insanity. We are always linked to each other - we seat beside each other during the dinner, then dance when the party officially begins, sneak kisses at almost every opportunity, and get caught sneaking away to have some private time. The effect on the crowds is instantaneous: everyone comments on how madly in love we are and how we look so perfect together. We get our much desired breather when we're finally back to the confines of our train, and quietly talk through our performance with Haymitch, who are appreciative of what we are doing. "Keep it up," he said.
All we can do is hope that our efforts are enough to keep the President happy and overlook what happened in District Eleven.
Haymitch had been supportive of the roles that we play, the prep teams do their best to make us look immaculate, Cinna and Portia make sure we stand out with our wardrobe, and Effie is adamant in making sure that we strictly follow the schedule and we get enough rest.
Both Katniss and I are unable to really get the rest we desperately want. Our continuous analysis of how we presented ourselves and the anxiousness at arriving in the Capitol and seeing President Snow stop us from getting a peaceful sleep. I keep on having nightmares, but this time, it's not really about the Games, but a greater focus on losing Katniss. I'd always wake up with a strangled moan on my lips and wetness on my cheeks. I become restless when I wake up, so I begin roaming the train again. I know she isn't sleeping well, either; I hear her screams from her bedroom. One night after dinner, and while we were lounging at the last car of the train (which easily became our favorite spot) on our way to District Six, she told me that Effie had been giving her pills to sleep.
"Oh? How helpful has it been?" I ask her curiously.
"Not very. It just made things worse." She answers. "My nightmares have gotten worse, and I often wake up paralyzed."
"It's the same for me." I tell her. "I wake up from a nightmare and become restless after, so I just roam the train, just for something to do. I can't stay put in my room because that will force me to over-think."
"I should probably accompany you, then. You should wake me sometime. But the quietness in the train late at night makes me lonelier."
"That's understandable. But it works for me, at least. Too bad I don't have a canvass here. I'd probably be done with at least two by now."
Katniss laughs, and we merely continue staring off into space as we head to District Six. When we finally walk back into our rooms, we separate with the usual brief hug and force ourselves to sleep.
Hours later, I wake up from the nightmare and begin my routine of roaming the train. I was just about to close the door of my room when I hear her screaming, and this time, I don't hesitate because I already know the effect of the sleeping pills on her.
I find her thrashing around the bed, her brow furrowed and her forehead sweaty, as she screams at whatever demons are in her head tonight. I touch her shoulders and gently rouse her to wake up.
""Katniss." I say.
Nothing happens.
"Katniss." I try again, louder this time.
Still nothing. I tap her shoulders and continue saying her name until she finally wakes up. She looks at me with wild eyes, and tries to push me away.
"It's just me!" I tell her. "It's Peeta, Katniss. You were having a nightmare."
She continues staring at me until recognition appears in her face, and suddenly hugs me tightly and sobs into my chest. I crawl in beside her and let her nestle into my arms, while whispering soothing words to her.
"I'm here. It's just a dream. I'm here." I tell her again and again while I rub soothing circles against her back and keeping her hair away from her face.
Her cries finally die down into hiccups, and later on she's just sitting silently with me. I get the water on her bedside table which she accepts gratefully.
"Thank you." She tells me.
"It's nothing. Wanna talk about it?"
Katniss is silent for a few minutes before she finally speaks. "It's Prim. I dreamed that they took Prim from our home and dragged her by her hair to the square, where they put a bullet through her head. The whole time, there were a bunch of Peacekeepers holding me, and forced me to watch as they executed her. Just like they did to the old man."
"It's just a dream." I tell her, hugging her more tightly. "I won't let them hurt Prim. We'll protect her, together."
"Together." Katniss repeats. After a while, she says, "Do you mind staying with me? In case the nightmare comes back?"
"Of course not." I say. "I'll be with you."
We lay together until we both fall asleep, and we repeat the process when she wakes up again with another nightmare. By morning, the train staff who gets in to fix the bed and prepare everything else in the room enters to see Katniss and I sleeping together, wrapped in each other's arms. I hear an audible gasp from her just as I woke up.
"I'm sorry." She stammers and heads out of the room. Katniss stirs and wakes up minutes later.
"Good morning." I greet her.
"Morning," She mumbles. "Sorry for last night."
"No worries. I slept better when I'm with you."
Katniss sits up and looks at me. "Me too. The nightmares were still there, but I wasn't paralyzed anymore and I woke up feeling a lot better than when I was alone."
"Good to know. I'll head to my room first to take a shower."
"Okay." She answers. "Thanks, again. See you at breakfast."
That night, I sleep on her bed again. And again. And again. This has caught the attention of the people with us on the train, mostly because the morning staff always catches us and the rumors spread like wildfire. I notice it in the way the prep team are looking at us, as well as the other staff. After a particularly interesting tour of the ocean in District Four, Haymitch finally came to talk to me about it.
"So I heard that you two have been sleeping together."
"Literally sleeping together, Haymitch."
"I know." Haymitch laughs. "It just surprises me that Katniss agreed to that. I thought it wouldn't happen for what... five years?"
"We slept together in the arena." I remind him. "It's not much different. And five years? I doubt it will happen again after this trip. It just helps us both to relax, and finally sleep."
Haymitch sighs. "The arena was different - both of you had no choice. You had to stay as a team. This time both of you have a choice."
"Is this your way of telling us to stop? Is it not helpful for the reputation we are trying to prove, that we are so desperately in love with each other that we can't stand being apart from each other for even a few minutes?"
"Yes I totally agree with that. And I'm not talking to you about this to ask you to stop. No way in hell. I'm talking to you to tell you what a good job you two are doing, and to keep it up."
"We didn't really think about that one when we first did it. It was driven by need."
"So keep acting based on need. Stop thinking, and give in to your needs."
"Are you sure that's a wise advice, Haymitch?" I laugh.
"Boy... you know exactly what I'm talking about, and what I'm not talking about." Haymitch says, grabbing a bottle of wine along the way.
I head to Katniss' room as soon as I've taken my shower, and relay to her what Haymitch told me earlier.
"Oh, Effie also talked to me." Katniss says. "She gave me a lecture on safety and responsibility and dignity, and how it is to act like a 'true lady'. I'd trade that for your conversation with Haymitch any day, I don't know why Effie only talked to me."
"It's probably a motherly instinct. And you're both girls so she probably thought that you'll understand better."
Katniss laughs. "Still. I wish Haymitch was the one to give me that... that advice. It took about fifteen minutes for Effie to complete her lecture."
"She's just concerned about your well-being." I tell her, letting my arm rest on her shoulder. "What did you tell her after all that?"
"I said we'll be more discreet. But of course I couldn't care less."
"Well, good. Me either."
We continue our pattern until we reach Districts Two and One, who are by far the most hostile crowd. They make no attempt to hide their displeasure, and I would be so afraid for our safety if not for the thought that the Peacekeepers are warding off any unwanted attempt to kill us from the crowd. At least we're safe from the crowd. I'm not sure if the same is true for the President.
We finally reach the Capitol after almost three weeks. The people are distinctly happy to see us, even waving banners of us and throwing petals along our way. I notice that many of them - both men and women - are wearing Katniss' signature mockingjay pin, and some have even upped their game by braiding it in their ridiculous Capitol fashion. We make a brief appearance in the city square where the crowds cheered endlessly for us, and chanted our names like a mantra. Then we are whisked away to our old quarters in the Training Center. I immediately relax now that we are away from the prying eyes of everyone. Katniss and I are both desperate, both tired of thinking whether what we're doing is enough. Before I can reach my old room, Haymitch tells me that we'll need to talk at the rooftop. My one place of refuge before the Games. The place where those bells chime endlessly, where we can talk without being heard.
"What is it?" I ask.
"We're almost done with the tour. But we all know that this is the most important leg, the place where you don't have to please the crowd, but the President. They all believe that you're in love, but that's them. They're easily fooled. How do you think was your performance at the districts?" Haymitch says urgently.
"I don't know... we can't really do much during the ceremonies, and the crowds don't really seem pleased to see us. The only people who see us flirt are the ones invited to the dinners, and I don't think they gossip much for the whole district to know."
"Exactly. Your efforts were basically futile."
"So what do you suggest we do? I'm running out of ideas."
The three of us are silent for a while when Katniss quietly speaks up. "We need a public marriage proposal."
My head whips in her direction, and I look at her in disbelief. A public marriage proposal? Somewhere in the back of my mind, my subconscious celebrates. This is what I have been wanting to happen since I was a child. But to have her offer to share her whole life with me just to please the President? I don't want that. I don't want her to be with me just because she has no other choice. I don't want her to be my wife because it is forced upon us, because it is expected of us. I want her to be my wife because she wants to, because she loves me too. But in the situation we are right now, that's just not possible.
Katniss keeps her eyes locked on the ground.
"Are you sure?" Haymitch asks.
"Yes."
"That's a good idea." Haymitch says quietly. "Peeta?"
Would living the rest of my life with her because of the Games, because of the Capitol's demands be better than living the rest of my life hoping to become something more to her, but still keeping the one thing that we have - our freedom to choose?
We've lost even that when we were reaped. We've lost everything when we became Victors. Because being a Victor doesn't just mean escaping the difficulties of life in the district and becoming luxurious for the rest of our lives. Being a tribute, and a Victor means giving up ourselves to the whole of Panem, particularly the Capitol, and becoming their puppets. But we have no other choice, if we want our families to remain safe.
"Okay." I tell them, but I can't take it anymore. I can't stand seeing the sad look in Katniss' face; her disapproval at being forced to do this. It should never be this way, even if she's the one who offered to do it.
I head back to my room to contemplate. The interview with Caesar Flickerman will happen tonight, and the prep team will no doubt be working their magic on us hours before the interview. I keep myself locked in my room and stare at the wall.
If it were up to me, I wouldn't do it. I would never subject Katniss to a forced life with me. What would her mother think? What would my mother think? My brothers and my father would no doubt be very supportive. And what about Gale? Is Katniss willing to let him go, and trade him for a life with me? I should feel glad; successful, even, that I won. But it's not a fair fight, and I can never be that selfish. Not when I know Katniss is doing this as a sacrifice for the greater good. I know that making decisions are not that simple now, and we cannot consider just ourselves. At this point, with the President's wrath and the Capitol's expectations, there isn't much left for us to do. It's not just myself that I have to think about now - there's also my family and Katniss' family. I just hope she finds it in her to forgive me someday, because I'm the one who started the star-crossed lovers act. I'm the reason why we're in this situation now, why she's left with no options but follow what the President wants us to do. I'd spend my lifetime making it up to her, making sure that she gets everything she needs, all the freedom that she wants. If she tells me that she wants Gale and she's just forced to be with me, then I'll live up to it. We'll make a compromise. I'll make sure she knows that I will never force her to do anything she doesn't want to do; that I will patiently be her ally through it all. If this marriage doesn't validate to the districts our "crazy-in-love" scenario during the Games, I don't know what else will.
I stay in my room until the prep team arrives and they blabber about their expectations for the party at the President's mansion and what they will wear. Both of them thankfully don't notice the sullen look on my face, so I am able to think of the proposal without any distractions. I will have to do it later, during Caesar's interview, when all of Panem would surely be watching. It will capture our goal of sending the message to all the districts that we are very much into the relationship, and it will be the best time because now will probably be the last that we'll be on television before the next Hunger Games and the Capitol people would surely be delighted. The proposal will be very different from all my daydreams of how it will be - all of which were highly romanticized and private. A far cry from the public proposal and celebrations that are sure to follow. There's not even enough time to get a ring.
Portia dresses me in yet another beautifully created tuxedo, smiling encouragingly at me when she sees the end product.
"Another perfect piece, Portia. Thank you." I tell her. "I hope I won't have to send you a formal letter of request when I ask you to do my wedding wardrobe."
She quietly evaluates me for a few seconds but smiles broadly in the end. "Of course not, silly boy. Why, you'd be my top priority customer, definitely."
"I'll hold you to that." I say jokingly, then head out of the room with her so we could meet the others at the lobby.
Later on, Katniss and I finally make our way to the Training Center where our interview with Caesar will be held.
"Sorry for disappearing earlier." I tell Katniss. I draw her closer to me and embrace her while keeping my lip close to her ear. "It just came as a shock. I didn't want you to be forced into anything with me."
I feel the slight shake of Katniss' head. "It's for the best. And it won't be so bad, with you."
"You sure about this?" I ask her, then hold her at arms length so that I could read into her eyes.
Katniss nods. Then we hear Caesar's voice and the loud chatter from the audience as he says our names. We enter the stage on cue, hand in hand, and wave happily to the audience before taking our seats.
"Wow." Caesar begins. "Everyone looked like they really missed you."
The audience cheers in response. Caesar laughs. "That's what I'm talking about!"
"Well, we definitely missed everyone too, especially you, Caesar."
Caesar beams. "Ah, my good friend Peeta. The feeling is mutual. Come, give me a man hug."
We both rise from our seats and meet halfway to hug. The crowd cheers again.
"Bet all the girls are jealous now that I got a hug from the Peeta Mellark!"
"Aw Caesar, don't say that in front of Katniss."
We both look at her and everyone reacts accordingly. Katniss blushes and playfully slaps my arm. "You know my limits, Peeta."
"Of course I do." I say, winking at her. I turn back to Caesar who had been watching us eagerly.
"Seems like you two have been getting along really well. I say, your relationship seemed to have grown even stronger than before!"
"Oh yes, yes we have." I reply. "Being neighbors was a huge factor."
"And how has it been for you, Katniss?"
"It was good to have Peeta near me. We get a daily supply of bread." She answers jokingly.
Everyone laughs. "Doing everything to earn her mother's vote, Peeta?" Caesar asks.
"Of course." I answer. "But I think I'm more successful earning her sister's vote."
"Prim absolutely adores Peeta." Katniss chimes in. "She loves the flowered cookies he always makes for her."
"Sweet. So aside from bread... what else have you two been doing in the past months?"
"Well... we've been focusing on other stuff also. Katniss has begun channeling her creative side, while I've started to develop my painting."
"Oh yes, your talents. Tell me about it. Katniss?"
"I didn't really plan on doing it, but Cinna's brilliant works inspired me a lot. So I asked for his help and he has been my mentor since then. Now my goal is to become as good as him."
"That's encouraging. Cinna's works are definitely one of the best. When will the Capitol get to see your designs? I'm sure everyone would want to have a piece created by the Katniss Everdeen."
Katniss laughs. "Oh we brought some samples for everyone to see. I think it will be displayed along with Peeta's paintings."
"Yes, it will be. It will be another jam-packed event, I'm sure. How about you, Peeta? We all know how good your artistic skills are, but we have yet to see an actual painting. Does it have a theme?"
"Yes. My works are mostly paintings of the Hunger Games. I paint what I remember of the arena and the other tributes because it's an experience that I'll never forget."
"Interesting. I'm sure everyone's excited to see it. Looks like both of you had become very accomplished individuals; even more after the Games."
"Being Victors has opened up several opportunities for both of us." I reply.
"And now that you've come so far... what are your plans for the future, if I may ask?"
There goes the segue that I've been waiting for. Now or never, I think. My eyes drift to the audience first and i catch a glimpse of Portia, then of Haymitch. I look briefly at Katniss, then stand up, and get down on one knee. I hear Caesar say a quiet "oh my" behind me. The audience gasps as one and quietly waits for me to speak. Katniss acts surprised and looks at me with tearful eyes.
"Katniss... we have both been through so much, survived against the odds, and now we've become stronger. I cannot imagine my life without you, and there is nothing else in this world that I'd want to do but to live the rest of my days with you. Only you. You were my savior, my friend, my love. I love you more than my own life, Katniss Everdeen, and I promise to spend every single day making you feel that. Thanking you for saving me in the arena, for trusting me, for choosing to welcome me into your life. Will you marry me? Please?"
Katniss nods, and says, "Yes. Yes I'll marry you, Peeta."
I stand up and hug her tightly. Everyone claps, cheers, hoots all at once. The crowd is hysterical. Caesar also jumps in glee and hugs both of us.
"Wow." Caesar says. "Wow. I didn't expect that answer when I asked about the future, but Panem! You've seen it here, now! Wow, wow! Congratulations!"
"Thank you, Caesar, everyone. She said yes!" I say happily, hugging Katniss again.
"You know I won't ever say no to you, Peeta." Katniss replies. "And you saved me too. I'm very lucky to have you."
"Look at that!" Caesar suddenly exclaims. "Even the President has come to celebrate with everyone!"
We all turn and watch as President Snow approaches the stage with a smug smile on his face. He approaches us then clasps my hand and gives me an approving slap on the shoulder.
"Congratulations." He tells me.
"Thank you, President Snow."
He then looks at Katniss and embraces her. Katniss smiles broadly as they part. The audience is still ecstatic and chatting excitedly. President Snow silences them through Caesar's microphone and asks, "What do you think about us throwing them a wedding right here in the Capitol?"
Katniss looks genuinely excited, clapping her hands in glee and saying how wonderful it would be. I follow her lead and thank President Snow.
"Wow." Caesar says for the nth time. "Do you have a particular date in mind, President Snow?"
"Oh, before we set a date, we better clear it with Katniss' mother." The audience laughs at the President's words, and I think, as if Katniss' mom could have her say without getting executed. President Snow puts his arm around Katniss and good-naturedly says, "Maybe if the whole country puts its mind to it, we can get you married before you're thirty."
"You'll probably have to pass a new law." Katniss responds jokingly, finishing with a giggle.
"If that's what it takes," the President answers.
"You hear that, everyone? I think now's a good idea to start thinking of what to wear for the wedding of the century! You'd invite us, won't you, Peeta and Katniss?" Caesar says gleefully.
"Of course!" Katniss answers. "We'd be very glad to have everyone celebrate that special day with us."
"You've all been an integral part of us since the Games, so of course we'd wan't you to be there." I add.
"Then it's all settled! Now let's wrap this up folks, it has definitely been the most interesting interview of my life! Good night everybody, and congratulations again to our star-crossed lovers from District Twelve!"
I try to gauge Katniss' reaction, try to evaluate how much of it is real happiness. She's acting really excited about the proposal, but I know better. How could she be happy with a fate forced upon her?
We chat some more with Caesar after the interview until we are whisked away by Effie so that we won't be late for the banquet. We follow the same protocol as in the districts, except that the star of the night is not just us, but the President as well. I look around at the very luxurious space at the President's mansion, noting the forty-foot ceiling with a projection of the night sky, and clouds seem to float around halfway between the floor and the ceiling. Somewhere up, covered by the clouds, are the musicians who play classic tunes in the background. The room has several fireplaces, and there are also gardens filled with very fragrant flowers and ponds. Fluffy sofas are littered around the room, and at the center is a large tiled area serving as the dance floor, a stage, and a networking area.
"Wow." Katniss breathes beside me.
"Wow, indeed. I think Caesar's been rubbing off on us." I say.
Several people flock around us as soon as we enter the room, but thankfully they come and go so fast because of the food and the number of high ranking people around. There are several tables on the walls filled with all kinds of food, from roasted cows and pigs and goats, fish, fruits, cheeses, bread, vegetables, and a hundred other delicacies. There are also waterfalls of wine to accompany everything and everyone.
"I want to taste everything in the room." Katniss whispers.
I look at her and continue trying to figure out the change in her. Since the interview, she seems very carefree, very unlike the Katniss I've known. Whatever the reason is, it's a welcome change.
"Then you'd better pace yourself." I tell her.
"Okay, no more than one bite of each dish."
"Sounds like a plan. Where do we start?"
"Hmm... let's do it one table at a time. Soup?"
I lead her towards the first table and share a bowl since we've resolved to just have one bite for each dish. Each one is promising, so much so that's it's almost hard to not have a second bite. We are almost always interrupted by people congratulating us, all of them hugging and/or kissing us like we've known each other for a long time. I notice that most of them have integrated Katniss' mockingjay pin into their styles - some had it tattooed on themselves, others put it on their accessories, and others have copied her braid. Without even meaning to, Katniss had started a new fashion style in the Capitol.
After about ten tables, both of us could barely eat anything else.
"There's still so much more." Katniss says in a disappointed tone. "But I don't think I can eat any more."
"Maybe we can take a break... then go back to the food later."
Katniss' prep team appears. They shriek and comment about how it's the best party they've been to, then realize that we're just standing by the table. They give us a disapproving look, and Octavia asks loudly: "Why aren't you eating?"
"I have been, but I can't hold another bite." Katniss answers. The three of them laugh loudly.
"No one lets that stop them!" Flavius shrieks. Octavia then grabs Katniss' elbow while Flavius grabs mine, and they lead us into the table holding tiny stemmed wineglasses filled with clear liquid. Flavius says, "Drink this!"
How will alcohol help? But I pick up one, anyway.
"Not here!" Octavia says in a panicked voice.
"You have to do it in there." Venia adds, pointing to the toilets. "Or you'll get it all over the floor"
Toilet? I look at the drink again and suddenly realize: of course. How else can everyone eat the food at all those tables?
"You mean this will make me puke?" I ask them for clarification. The three of them all laugh in response.
"Of course, so you can keep eating." Octavia answers. "I've been in there twice already. Everyone does it, or how else would you have any fun at a feast?"
I quickly put down the glass I'm holding, extremely disgusted. They all act like it's the most obvious thing in the world - to eat until they're so full, drink that liquid to puke, then eat again. The districts suffer from hunger and poverty, while the Capitol provides every luxury to the point of being wasteful. All for the sake of having fun.
"Come on, Katniss. Let's dance." I say, looking at her. I cannot stand to be with her prep team any longer. Katniss loops her hand through my arm and lets me guide her to the dance area. The music playing is slow, so I envelop her in my arms and we sway side by side. Katniss rests her head on my chest, not saying anything.
"You go along, thinking you can deal with it, thinking maybe they're not so bad, and then you -" I say, then stop mid-sentence, at a loss for words. The behavior of the prep team bothered me a lot, knowing that everyone else here is doing that. For many years my family and I had lived on stale bread during the bad days, and that's saying something because at least we still had something to put on our stomachs. Those at the Seam - like Katniss, and like the day I gave her the bread - are much less fortunate, because they have practically nothing to fill themselves up.
"Peeta, they bring us here to fight to the death for their entertainment." Katniss says after a beat. "Really, this is nothing by comparison."
"I know. I know that. It's just sometimes I can't stand it anymore. To the point where... I'm not sure what I'll do." The things that I've been witnessing had led me to question if it's worth anything at all to prevent the districts from revolting in order to overthrow the current system. Wouldn't we be better off if we just let it happen? Wouldn't that give the people justice? Equality may be possible if someone else - someone more compassionate, more empathizing - is in power. The good life and luxuries that the Capitol people are experiencing may also be experienced by all the districts. If.
"Maybe we were wrong, Katniss." I whisper.
"About what?"
"About trying to subdue things in the districts."
Katniss stops moving and looks abruptly from side to side, making sure that nobody heard me. It was a very rebellious thing to say; one that could easily get me killed. I know that everyone's preoccupied with the party, but it still seems to worry Katniss.
"Sorry." I tell her.
"Save it for home." She warns.
I was about to respond when Portia appears with one of the Gamemakers. I've seen him before, at the training center, but I don't know his name.
"Hi Portia." I say, greeting her.
"Hi Peeta, Katniss," Portia responds. "Sorry to disturb you, but I wanted to introduce someone. This is Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker."
"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Heavensbee." I say politely.
"Hello Mr. Heavensbee." Katniss adds.
"The pleasure is all mine, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Everyone's been raving about the two of you since the Seventy-Fourth Game started, so it's really an honor to be introduced to you."
"That's uncalled for, Mr. Heavensbee."
"Please, call me Plutarch. Anyway, since I'm here already, may I take this opportunity to steal Katniss for a dance?"
I smile at him broadly and step back, passing Katniss over. "Of course. But I'm warning you: do not get too attached!" I joke.
"Oh, I'll try not to." Plutarch responds.
I look at Katniss whose face registers discomfort. I give her a quick peck on the cheek and say, "I'll be back to steal you again in a few."
Katniss laughs; one which I easily know to be forced and mostly reserved for the cameras. I turn to Portia who is waiting patiently beside Plutarch and ask her if she wants to dance.
"Me, dance? You've got to be kidding me, Peeta." She answers, laughing.
I raise my eyebrows and turn to look at her. "I thought everyone in the Capitol love parties - dancing included."
"Well, I'm not part of the 'everyone'." Portia says. "I'm into fashion, but not the dance floor."
I laugh. "Okay, I get it."
"Anyway, I have to look for Cinna somewhere, we have to plan for your next set of wardrobe."
"Still thinking of work while at a party? You're quite the workaholic, Portia." I tease.
"No one can beat Effie." She jokes back. "I'll see you around, Peeta."
I wonder aimlessly around as soon as Portia leaves, getting stopped every now and then by some interested people. But they mostly leave me in peace after about a minute, thanks to the distraction that the food provides. I head over to the table I spotted earlier containing cakes, carefully examining the intricate designs of each one.
"That's usually the most in-demand." Someone in front of me says.
I look up from the cake and smile. "Hi. Did you make the cakes?"
"It's not just me, Mr. Mellark. We're actually a team - it would be difficult for just one person to complete cake orders for this kind of event."
"Oh, of course. The cakes are really exquisite. What kind of frosting did you use for this one?" I ask, pointing to the cake he said is the most in-demand.
"Custard cream frosting, Sir. If you don't mind, I'd like to call the other bakers. They'd be very interested to speak with you, too."
"Sure, no problem. Thank you." I reply. I watch as he scurries off into the kitchen, then I decide to taste the cake. My interest is instantly piqued as soon as I take the first spoonful. It tastes just as exquisite as it looks, and I eagerly wonder what they used.
A few minutes later, five bakers assemble in front of me, smiling.
"Mr. Mellark, my name is Primo. This is Walden, Keziah, Zion, and Pippa."
"Hello, nice to meet all of you."
"Mr. Mellark was asking about the custard cream frosting." Primo tells the others.
"It's actually very easy to do, Sir." Zion says. "We just use a mixture of egg yolks, sugar, salt, whipped cream, vanilla, flaked coconut, scalded half-and-half, and a teensy-bit of salt."
I process the information, thinking of the interesting mix of flavors he just told me. I was tempted to ask the proportions, but decide not to, thinking that it would be more personalized, more fitting, if I experiment the measurements by myself.
"How about the others?" I ask. "The cakes are really elaborately done, by the way. And the taste is just as promising as it looks. You're all very good."
"Thank you, Sir, that's satisfying to hear, coming from you." Pippa replies. "This one -" She says, pointing to a pink boat-shaped cake with layers of blue frosting resembling waves. "-is made of fondant. It's very easy to shape so we used it for this one."
"And this one's made of meringue buttercream." Keziah adds, pointing to a cake shaped like a bouquet of roses. "It's not too sweet and is perfect for guests who prefer their cakes that way. But it easily melts, so it's only recommended if the setting is in cool places like this."
I was about to ask how they make the meringue buttercream when I suddenly feel a hand on my elbow. I turn to see Katniss there, smiling at me.
"Enjoying the cakes?" She asks playfully.
"Oh there you are." I say, wrapping my arm around her waste and kissing her nose. "Sorry I didn't get back sooner, I got distracted by the cakes."
"It's okay, I had an interesting conversation with Plutarch. So are the cakes any good?"
"Oh, they're perfect." I tell her. "Katniss, these are Primo, Walden, Keziah, Zion, and Pippa. They're the bakers here."
"Hello, nice to meet you." Katniss says.
"Would it be possible for me to have miniature versions of these cakes? I'd love to experiment and try to come up with something like these." I ask the bakers.
"Of course, Mr. Mellark!" Primo squeals. "That would be such an honor for us."
"We'll assemble the cakes and have them delivered to your train before you leave." Walden adds.
"Thank you! That's really nice of you." I tell them gratefully. All of them hurry back to the kitchen, leaving Katniss and I alone.
"Do you know what time we have to leave?" She asks.
"Effie said we have to be on the train at one. I wonder what time it is."
"Almost midnight." Katniss replies, plucking a chocolate flower from a nearby cake and nibbling on it. I didn't have the time to dwell on how she knows that fact because Effie suddenly appears beside Katniss and dictates: "Time to say thank you and farewell!"
We walk to the far end of the room where Cinna and Portia are discussing something (our wardrobe, I presume, just like Portia told me earlier) then Effie escorts us around so we could say goodbye to "the most important people in the Capitol". Katniss and I gladly endure this last wave of socializing, knowing that the night is almost over and we're about to go back to our district. Finally.
We are about to exit room when I realize that we haven't bid farewell to the President, who is the host for tonight. "Shouldn't we thank President Snow? It's his house." I ask Effie.
"Oh, he's not a big one for parties. Too busy." Effie answers dismissively. "I've already arranged for the necessary notes and gifts to be sent to him tomorrow. There you are!" Effie waves at two Capitol attendants who are holding a very drunk Haymitch.
"Still no manners. Always drunk." Effie says under her breathe.
Katniss and I look at each other and smile. Effie and Haymitch are like cats and dogs - both of them can't seem to stand each other's presence. We stand at the curb with the prep team until two heavily tinted cars stop in front of us.
"In you go!" Effie says, shooing us in. We let the Capitol attendants put Haymitch inside the car first before we follow, with Effie, Portia, and Cinna entering last.
The throng of cars and people on the streets forces us to move at a very slow pace. It's something we never experience in District Twelve, mostly because there are barely any cars there. Katniss rests her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes. We ride in silence, even, to my surprise, Effie; all of us probably too tired by today's events to speak. At exactly one o'clock, we arrive at the train station - once again demonstrating Effie's skillful planning. I gently tap Katniss' shoulder, but she's already awake. She must not have fallen asleep on the way.
There's no media on the train to see us off, which I'm immensely thankful for. I don't think we could stand another round of the Capitol's media craze. All of us immediately enter the train - with Haymitch being assisted by another set of Capitol attendants to his room - and we all take seats around the dining table.
"Tea, everyone?" Cinna asks.
We all nod our assent. "Thank you, Cinna." I tell him.
"A cup of tea for all of us, please." Cinna tells the nearby attendant.
Effie places a set of papers on the desk and reads it quietly for a few seconds. "I know everyone's already tired, but we're still on tour! There's the Harvest Festival in District Twelve to think about. So I suggest we drink our tea and head straight to bed."
"Good idea." Katniss mumbles.
No one speaks as we drink our tea, and Effie excuses herself, saying that she needs to sleep now so she can keep good track of our schedules for the following days. Katniss is not yet halfway done, but she turns to me and says: "I can't stay up anymore. Are you done yet?"
"I'll accompany you to your room." I tell her, getting up from my chair and offering her a hand. She takes it gratefully and leans against my shoulder as we walk towards her room. She's almost out of consciousness by the time we get in, so I lead her to her bed and help her settle against the pillows. I turn to go to my room so I could take a shower, but she grabs my hand at the last minute and taps the space beside her.
"Aren't you staying?" She asks.
"I'll be back." I tell her, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. "I'll just have a shower."
"Okay." Katniss mumbles.
I head back to my room and quickly take a shower, my head and my body too tired from all the happenings we've been a part of. Today, I made a public proposal. Katniss said yes. She's my fiancee now. My fiancee. So why am I not as happy as I should be?
But of course I already know the answer to that.
When I return to Katniss' room, she's already sound asleep and oblivious of my arrival. I lay down beside her, careful not to wake her up, but she seems to sense my presence and snuggles closer to me. I let her rest her head on my arm and allow myself to enjoy the moment, without worrying of the repercussions.
I sleep well until late morning - the best sleep I've had since we were reaped as tributes. Katniss also seemed to have a good night's sleep; there was no screaming or thrashing or crying because of her nightmares. I smile and start slowly playing with her hair. This moment is so peaceful, so perfect, that it's hard to begin thinking of reality again. Just a few minutes of happiness, I tell myself, then watch the serene smile on her face as she sleeps.
Katniss doesn't wake until early afternoon. I know she's awake as soon as she moves slowly towards me, and I look into her grey eyes.
"No nightmares." I say.
"What?" Katniss asks, still a bit groggy from sleep.
"You didn't have any nightmares last night." I explain.
She's quiet for a moment, as if trying to remember, until she finally says: "I had a dream, though. I was following a mockingjay through the woods. For a long time. It was Rue, really. I mean, when it sang, it had her voice."
Rue. I know she has her own space in Katniss' heart - she resembles Prim in a lot of ways, and I know that's what drew Katniss to her.
"Where did she take you?"
"I don't know, we never arrived. But I felt happy."
"Well, you slept like you were happy."
"Peeta, how come I never know when you're having a nightmare?"
I think of how to answer her question. My dreams had a common theme - the Hunger Games - but all of it involved losing Katniss. I know I don't shout or thrash the way she does in a nightmare, but I always find myself in beads of sweat and unable to move for a while.
"I don't know. I don't think I cry out or thrash around or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with terror."
"You should wake me." Katniss says.
I could simply tell her that she doesn't have to do that because I don't really need it anymore, but that would require an explanation. One which I know would make her uncomfortable. I barely have nightmares since we started sleeping beside each other, and when I do, I easily calm down because I know she's just beside me. I want to be honest with her, and I need to show her that I can be honest without pressuring her to respond. So I say:
"It's not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm okay once I realize you're here. Be worse when we're home and I'm sleeping alone again."
"Right. We'll be back in our district tonight."
"Yes... which makes me realize, Effie might be looking for us soon. It's probably time for us to get up and face the pack." I stand up from the bed and start moving towards the door.
"Peeta." Katniss says.
I turn and look at her.
"Nothing will change. I mean... of course, the part where we sleep together might, with my mom and all... but nothing else will change. I guess I just wanted to tell you that."
The assurance that I've been so desperately wanting to hear from her before, she's giving it to me now. I can't help but smile.