Yuki walked away. Then he ran, and he didn't stop running. He ran and ran.

For the first time in years he felt free. He was free. He was out. He could go anywhere. Get far away from his dark life with its sordid secrets. He ran and ran.

Then he stopped.

He wasn't free. He couldn't go anywhere. Couldn't do anything. He had nothing, only a shirt and pair of trousers. Not even shoes. He had no money. No friends. No skills.

He had nothing.

He couldn't read or write. He couldn't survive.

He had nothing... And he was nothing.

Yuki collapsed to to a stop on an old bench. His chest was heaving, it having been many years since he last ran. His head spun and his eyes watered. What was he doing? He felt like such a child. A child who doesn't understand anything. One of Yuki's clients who came to the Estate once a month often said, "Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation", and now he understood.

He felt like a fool. Akito had half the police in town in his pocket, and almost as many members of the local council. And more than that... Akito and his staff had raised Yuki. His mother abandoned him when he was four and since then Akito had been his guardian.

He was Yuki's father, lover...owner...

For the second time that day Yuki was ashamed of himself. He owed Akito so much. How could he repay everything he had done with such ungratefulness? He had directly disobeyed orders.

He squirmed at the thought of Akito's anger. A successful businessman and even more successful brothel owner, Akito had been raised in luxary and power and, used to being in control, his rage could come as powerful and unpredictable as a tempest.

Yuki didn't want to go back. He was... scared? Was that what he was feeling? He didn't want pain. Was that wrong?

He thought of Akito's cold eyes and felt something else. Akito had known Yuki would have to work last night. That's what the cold eyes told Yuki. They told him that Akito didn't care about him. Was this anger Yuki felt?

He wasn't used to such charged emotions; he preferred to muddle through his days in a comforting blanket of numbness, feeling nothing. There would be sex with a stranger each night, and sometimes with Akito in the early morning. Then sleep and blessed alcohol during the day. That was his life, and he lived it every day... but he didn't want to feel it. If he felt it... it would be real.

Why was he suddenly so aware of his feelings? And what were they?

He was very confused. His conflicting thoughts raced each other through his mind. Akito's cold eyes... Haru's absence... The men touching themsleves watching Hiro and Kisa... leaving the Estate...gentle hands and rough hands...moans and grunts... kisses and caresses which meant nothing... hot bodies moulding together... the burn of alcohol in his throat... the numbness pills brought...Akito's cold eyes, Haru's absence, the men touching themselves, leaving the Estate...

ColdeyesHaru'sabscencethementouchingthemselvesleavingtheEstate

Running

Running

Running

Cold eyes... coldeyes...coldeyescoldeyescoldeyes

Yuki fell forwards with a desperate, wrenching sob. It was too much. Too much. Too much!

He didn't know what he was feeling.

Too much too much too-

"Erm, excuse me? Are you alright?"

The voice broke into the tornado of his thoughts, but a moment passed before it could be understood. It was a voice, talking to him. To him. To Yuki. He was Yuki. And there was a voice talking to him.

He struggled to regain control, and slowly raised his head. A young woman stood above him in the fading light of the sun. Yuki's first thought was that she was beautiful. Not beautiful in the way some of his clients were, with their glossy styled hair and shimmering dresses, but beautiful in a different way. A subtler way. It was her eyes, Yuki decided. She had warm eyes.

He stared before realising the gentle face before him was waiting expectantly for an answer. He shook his head experimentally, like a dog trying to shake water from his ears, and cleared his throat.

"Yes- erm yes. I'm fine thank you. I was just... working through some..." He trailed off and gestured to his head. He didn't know how to explain. He didn't even understand himself. She nodded gently and Yuki found himself surprisingly comforted. He took a deep breath and looked around for the first time. He was in a...park, not somewhere he knew. He could hear children playing in the distance.

He turned his attention to the woman, feeling much calmer now. She was dressed all in pink, in strange loose fitting clothes. Yuki thought them odd; he had never seen such clothes at the Estate. He wondered vaguely if this was fashionsble. His eyes followed the ropes leading from her delicate hands to the ground and found two dogs at the woman's feet, both straining forwards towards him. He flinched away from their sudden proximity. The woman laid a hand on the smaller dog's head and murmered something. He stopped straining and sat neatly. The other dog soon lost interest and began trying to pull the woman in another direction. Yuki realised her lips were moving and struggled to focus on her rather than the dogs.

'-really though they're harmless. Buster can be a little boisterous though." She smiled down at the tugging dog with such warmth and affection that Yuki was disarmed.

Such tenderness was unusual for him to witness.

How could she devote so much warmth to a dog?

Realising he was gaping Yuki rightened himself. He was being awfully rude. Where were his carefully crafted manners?

He cleared his throat. "I apologise if I worried you, Miss...?"

"Oh it's Tohru, Tohru Honda, sorry!"

"Miss Honda."

Yuki smiled, starting to regain his usual composure once more. He had to be numb. He couldn't let those damn feelings creep into the cracks and infect him. It was all an act in this business, and he was the star of the show.

He produced a beautiful smile, feeling the muscles in his face working without the emotion behind it.

"I cannot make amends for causing you concern, but it is a pleasure to make the acquaintance of one so beautiful and kind."

His smooth talking, carefully learnt from his life at the Estate, came naturally to him. He mused for a moment over the queer reality that it was easier for him to lie than tell the truth. When had that happened? How had that happened? He shrugged it off.

"Now I really must be heading home."

He finished with determination, inclining his head towards her and nodding curtly. And he fully intended to do just that. To leave this place and go back to the Estate... to Akito...to home.

But...somehow he couldn't bring himself to move. His legs felt weak and heavy. Something dark coiled itself round his chest, constricting his breathing and movement.

When a moment had passed without him moving, Tohru gently sat down on the bench beside him. She didn't say anything, just calmly stroked the dogs.

Yuki panicked slightly, he had to leave. He shouldn't even be here... shouldn't be talking to her... to anyone.

After several minutes she spoke.

"You know...my mum used to say a problem shared is a problem halved. I-I know it can be difficult to talk to others, especially if you feel like you'd be burdening them by doing so...but if it's what you need to do you should. And... I'm here if you want to talk."

Yuki's mind reeled. She was being so kind. How was that possible? He had been spoken to softly before but only by Akito, or while wrapped in a client's embrace. This was... different. He realised he was gaping once more and knew he must seem slow or ungrateful.

Unable to produce words he merely nodded once, hoping she understood. She seemed to.

"Maybe, if I told you a little about myself first, then you might feel like you want to share? Of course-" her expression suddenly changed to one of anxiety "if you'd rather I didn't that's totally okay! I mean if you want to be alone you just have to say and I'll leave!"

Yuki realised...he didn't want her to leave.

"No," he managed, "thank you."

She smiled shyly.

"Ok, well my names Tohru, as I said. These are Buster and Tinkerbell. Tink had liver problems and Buster swallowed a tennis ball, silly thing. They should both be leaving soon. Oh- they're not mine, sorry I should have said. They're just being treated at the vets I work at."

She stopped to take a breath and smiled encouragingly, always keeping an eye on the dogs.

"You're... a vet?" Yuki succeeded in asking.

"Oh no! I'm just a vet nurse, well I will be in a year and a half, when I've finished my training. That's why I have these pink scrubs. Means I'm unqualified."

Yuki once more observed the woman's clothes. scrubs. Hmm. He had never heard of them before.

"It's Inches Vets, just over there." She indicated to a street beyond the park railings. "The dogs get walked each evening. I do it because I'm still learning."

Yuki didn't know how to respond.

"So, do you come here often?" Tohru prompted.

"Erm no... no. This is my first time."

"It's very beautiful here. I really enjoy walking the dogs. Especially when the sun begins to set."

Yuki's gaze drifted across the park. He supposed it was beautiful. It wasn't as carefully and stylishly landscaped as the gardens of the Estate, but there was something charming in the cluster of gnarled trees, the ripples in the small pond and the slight scattering of wild flowers.

He smiled and inhaled deeply. Thinking of the Estate gardens made his stomach twist as he realised how late it must be. He sighed.

"I should erm... be leaving now. It was a pleasure to meet you Miss Honda."

She looked surprised but quickly masked this under a beautiful smile. Yuki rose regretfully.

"You too...erm? Sorry, I don't think I caught your name?"

Yuki considered this. He had had many names. Each night he was someone different, whoever the client wanted him to be. Thinking of some of those names now, in this bright park, with this bright girl, made him feel strangely uncomfortable.

Who did she want him to be? Which mask to don?

Her soft eyes didn't seem to demand an act. But how could she want to know the real him?

"I'm... Yuki" he answered lamely.

"Well, it was a pleasure Yuki," she said, imitating his earlier manner of speaking with a small smirk. He couldn't help but smile.

"Would you- I know this is forward- but would you like my phone number? If you felt like talking- about anything- you could call?" she blushed prettily and waited.

How was someone so kind? Was this an act?

Yuki blushed too, because he didn't have a mobile, and there was little chance he could safely use the Estate phones.

"My phones not working at the moment" he mumbled weakly, "Thank you though. Really." Tohru looked a little sad. Inclining his head and smiling, Yuki turned and began to walk away.

Then he stopped. And turned back.

She had taken a few more steps with the dogs, letting them sniff at another bench.

"Will I see you again?" Yuki blurted before he could stop himself.

She glanced up in surprise.

"I don't know" she laughed. "Will you be here again?"

"I could be..." Yuki murmured.

"Well I'm here every evening walking the dogs."

Yuki's mind reeled with the possibility of seeing her again. He couldn't promise to be able to come tomorrow... there was a chance he could never come again... but he'd like to try.

"Will you be here a week from now?"

She laughed again, "Yes Yuki, every night."

He nodded. "I'll try be here a week from now. Goodnight Miss Honda."

"Goodnight Yuki," she replied, once more copying his formal articulation with a small smirk.

Yuki left the park feeling... well feeling he didn't know what. Was there a name for this feeling? Feelings certainly were causing him difficulty today.

He was very confused, but very... happy?

Tohru... She was very kind and beautiful. She... seemed to care...

Their paths should never have crossed... but he was glad they had.

Now he jogged through the streets, hoping he could find his way back to the Estate alright.

He had directly and intentionally disobeyed orders.

He pushed himself harder, stumbling past pedestrians and cyclists.

He raced the sinking sun along the streets of a town which was simultaneously his hometown, and a foreign maze. Hoping... praying... he would get back before the clients arrived... before Akito noticed.

.

Sorry for the long gap while I was away, and thank you for waiting for this to continue :)