It was so easy... so easy to give up.

.

Letting go was effortless; he didn't have the energy to care anymore. And falling was the easiest thing in the world.

Severing all the strings which connected him to anything real, tangible... painful... he freed himself. And it was wonderful and awful.

It was everything, and nothing.

But no matter what else it was, giving up was so easy.

The decision whether or not to struggle on, which would present itself later, would be far more difficult.

.

6 months later

.

It would be surprising for an outsider to hear that being Akito's puppet, his plaything, was not so painful for Yuki. This was only because the numbness which had flooded its way into his mind... his heart... his soul... it was so very complete, so very all-encompassing, so very... comforting, that everything was less sharp, less painful, less cruel.

The days melded sluggishly together with little distinction to Yuki. There was always Akito though. And sometimes he would be cruel, or angry, or sad, or happy, but it didn't affect Yuki as it once would have. He managed to shut out the taunts and insults. Occasionally there was a physical pain, sometimes from Akito, other times a tightness in his chest or persistent cough which resulted in him desperately spluttering up phlegm. This physical pain would tug at his consciousness, making him aware of it, but he could never quite muster the energy to care. It was so dark now in the corner of his mind where he lived. So dark and comforting, and he had no desire to leave.

.

Submissive.

In a word Yuki was submissive. Absolutely and completely submissive to Akito. And Akito loved it... and hated it.

Since Yuki had revealed he didn't love him Akito had known greater anger and greater pain than ever before. The fury had torn through him like fire, obliterating all and urging him in turn to obliterate; to hurt Yuki, to punish him. But... then there was the pain. A pain the likes of which he had never conceived. Like being wrenched apart every time he looked at him and carelessly put back together only to be wrenched apart again. And the pain somehow stopped him from really hurting Yuki, though he didn't understand how, or why. And now for six months he had had Yuki by his side every day. Yuki was pliant and obedient, polite and well-mannered, reverent and quiet, everything Akito had always wanted him to be. But... that was all he was, for he seemed to be empty inside... the perfect puppet.

And maybe... Akito couldn't help loving him still, just as he couldn't help hating him. And every day they existed together. Sometimes... often.. he had been cruel to Yuki. There had been pain in the form of slaps and burns. There had been insults and malicious taunts. There had been humiliation; licking his face in front of a client, or using his body as a foot stool. Yet he was unable to elicit a response from Yuki.

He was too far gone. Akito could slap him and the force would send his head twisting to the side, and the pain would force tears to his eyes and he would hear the cruel laughter of the clients. But there would be no blush of embarrassment, for he didn't care.

It was as though nothing bothered him anymore. As though he couldn't be hurt. And this really affected Akito, for he was now powerless. So although he dragged Yuki out everyday like a dog on a leash and paraded him before the clients and isolated him and ate with him and bathed him and fucked him... he had lost him.

Everything he had ever wanted... but not like this. And so he loved it, and hated it. As he loved and hated Yuki.

.

On the surface it would seem nothing had changed. Perhaps Haru and the others might have realised if they had examined the situation but Yuki had pushed them away and severed all bonds so thoroughly that they now had no interest in him, and the two parties remained distant. Clients were impressed by Yuki's servility and business partners were impressed by his humble attentiveness. Akito let no-one know anything had changed between them. With business clients he presented Yuki as his perfect protege, his partner. With clients it differed, with Yuki sometimes being portrayed as a good whore and sometimes as a lover.

It made no matter to Yuki. He let Akito present any act, allowing him to twitch the strings this way and that. He was obedient, and as good an actor as ever, and would mold himself to any role. He knew with one glance to Akito, with one smile or raised eyebrow, he could forcibly remind Akito of the truth. This would usually present anger, and probably pain or cruel words would follow later, but it was satisfying for Yuki. It was his small triumph.

For a rotten soul and a rotting body, this was all he could hope for, and all he had the energy for.

For more than six months Yuki existed in a state of surrender. He allowed his dying body to be manipulated by Akito and it was a miserable way to exist but it caused Akito some pain and that was enough.

Yuki had long forgotten his original plan as he tumbled to this dark place. It was now nothing to him. Thoughts of the others, of his happiness, of Tohru, of the outside world, they all seemed to be abstract concepts now, impossible to even consider. He was content to remain in this state until his body failed him, for it was vaguely comfortable here and there was no pain. It was numbness. Once... maybe once he had wanted to feel, had wanted to live. Perhaps with Tohru he had wanted those things... had decided he wanted to feel after all. Yet his life, with all its cruel twists and turns, had left him horribly exposed. And when he opened himself up to feeling he made himself vulnerable to pain. A perfect puppet, a perfect doll, a perfect whore... they could not know pain, they could not know anything. This made Yuki defective, unfit for purpose. And now Akito and this world were destroying him... or had already destroyed him. A tarnished soul to match his miserably failing body.

This numbness was definitely preferable to that pain. He would gulp it down and bury himself in it rather then face the pain, the memories, the guilt and shame and hurt... The numbness was so soothing. Like an anesthetic it coursed through him and dragged him under. Blissful. Numb. And Yuki often considered that giving up everything he had been was the easiest thing he had ever known.

.

Yet there was something... something still remaining... something small and bright glinted in the darkness of his mind like a diamond in a mine. But first it must be discovered, for not even its owner knew it was there.

And on one fateful morning a spark would set the mine alight and the remaining jewel would be discovered.

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Hey! :) I know this is shorter than usual, I just wanted to update and keep up with what Yuki was doing.

Hope it's alright for now, thank you for reading!