I'm sorry again for taking so long with this.

Thank you so much for your patience and for reading and letting me know what you think, it really means a lot :)

I wrote a really long chapter so I've split it and this is the first half. It's almost finished though so the final chapter will be up in the next few days.

Thanks for reading!

It is unexpected sometimes how things work out.

Yuki had expected... well he hadn't really known what he'd expected. Arrest, maybe... prison. There was some punishment involved somewhere. Honestly he hadn't thought that far ahead. It hadn't seemed important.

It still didn't seem important.

He didn't think he'd really mind if it did happen... but it hadn't.

That day... what had happened that day? Yuki's memories all seemed to be smudged.

People had come in. A few, then many. Noises and movements. A pain but also a numbness.

Yuki lay in a stupor by then, half-unconscious as he slumped in the corner. There was an empty bottle on the floor beside him... or was there more than one?

So much seemed to be happening but it couldn't really touch him where hid in his mind. There were hands, lifting him perhaps. His body was heavy and unresponsive in their grip. Was there vomit?

And then waking up. When? The next day? In a room, another room. It was one of the rooms used to see clients. He was in bed. He was alone. He was still naked maybe, but that didn't matter.

All he was concerned about was the nausea which forced itself up his throat, wracking his feeble frame.

And then people came again. There were questions. And answers. But through his sickness Yuki recognised one thing; these were not police. There were house staff and a couple of Akito's business partners. There was someone who seemed to be a member of the Sohma Family and a lawyer of some sort.

He didn't understand at the time but a few days later he did.

It was a scandal.

Without official investigation they couldn't prove if Akito's death had been intentional or accidentally occurred during their excursions. And if they wanted an official investigation there would be questions. Lots of questions. The circumstances were less than ideal. The brothel... his relations with Yuki... the drugs... it couldn't be known.

So there was a story. Some heartfelt message in the news about the poor young businessman Akito Sohma. He had died of a heart attack in the night, the report said. Too much stress from trying to organise a charity ball, an expert said.

Yuki had actually laughed at that, though it was hard and bitter.

And then, there was nothing.

The whole thing was moved over. There was a funeral, probably a grand affair with family members that hadn't known or cared about Akito, and local reporters and business partners. Yuki wasn't there. No-one told him he shouldn't attend but he was attuned to reading people and could tell he wasn't wanted. Still, he wondered if they would have dared to stop him and risk a public scene. It could have been quite amusing, he thought bitterly.

He didn't know if he was... sad exactly, that he didn't go. But he did feel something. Something he didn't want to feel. He drank a lot that day.

He was left. There didn't seem to be any restrictions on him, though no-one seemed to know quite what to do with him either. The house staff had known what he was to Akito, the nature of their relationship, the abuse of it. And now... there was no Akito. In the days following Akito's death there were many legal matters being discussed. Akito's shares in the business, his residency at the Estate, the employment of his staff, his 'ownership' of the Estate workers. Much was discussed in secrecy in those days and it seemed a great number of people's future's hung in the balance.

Not that Yuki knew or cared.

He was drowning, but drowning fairly happily. No-one said he couldn't leave the Estate but he felt no desire to. He felt hardly even any desire to leave the room he had been placed in. There was a drinks cabinet and a bed. What more did he need?

In those days, without ever knowing it, in half-formed thoughts which tugged at his mind, Yuki considered suicide.

There was nothing to wait for. He had given his all. And this dark world had destroyed him.

It would be easy. Alcohol, pills... and finally over.

In the depths of the night when he thought of Akito's death, of the sinew in Akito's throat struggling against his fingers... at those times a blanket of guilt covered his body, ghosting its fingers up to his neck until he felt he couldn't breathe.

And then he thought of hurting Tohru the year before, and Akito lying still, so still... and he needed more and more alcohol to bury the guilt. In those times Yuki knew that destroying himself would be his greatest accomplishment. If only he could manage it.

It was just too much energy. He was content in his misery, wanting nothing more but to lie and drink until he withered away. This way he could wallow in his memories and his guilt. He knew this was what he deserved. So he stayed. And did nothing.

The thing which Yuki struggled with night and night was... always, always he had been under Akito's control. Following orders, obeying rules. He had done so many things in his short life. Too many things. But it had always been under Akito's orders. So without even realising it Yuki had always been able to defer a portion of his guilt and pain and shame to Akito. In a way it had saved him. To survive that much pain from childhood himself would have been impossible...

But now... Akito was gone. And he had done that. He had done that. And it was... the best and worst thing he had ever done. And he couldn't blame Akito.

It was all on him. All of it. It was an almighty and awful burden.

And he knew he deserved it. So he stayed. And did nothing.

.

That could very well have been the end, almost.

Yuki was content enough for that to be the end, but the wretched world would ask one more thing of him.

This opportunity came in the form of a svelte, suited woman of about forty. A lawyer-type, Yuki registered immediately. He figured she probably knew about everything which happened behind closed doors at the Estate but wouldn't risk compromising her career by admitting that. She came to the room in which he had largely been residing and identified herself as Mrs Jones. He was sitting in bed, awake but unfocused. He was unwashed and unshaven. Very unlike the Yuki who would once have entertained clients in this room.

And she came with information. Information which would change everything.

"Mr Sohma had you, Yuki, listed as his main beneficiary."

Yuki wasn't sure if he would have understood this sentence, even without the rolling nausea in his mind. beneficiary... what was this word?

"The Sohma Estate and grounds belong to the Sohma Estate Company and Family rightfully, but Akito listed you as his co-owner and partner. Now... there was no official paperwork for your relationship but Akito was quite insistent. By listing you in such a way you stand to recieve the majority of his personal possessions, those which family members have no claim to nor any historical artifacts which would now belong to the City."

She paused from her consultation of a large folder of crisp sheets. Yuki was staring at her, trying to piece her words together. What... did this mean?

"Yuki? Are you even listening? Do you understand?" she snapped. Yuki shook his head truthfully.

She huffed in frustration. "I'll skip the details then. Essentially, due to Akito's manipulation of the law you are now the owner of his possessions, the owner of the Estate until your death, or your decision to bequeath it to heirs or to sell it, and the holder of 6.5% of Sohma Company shares."

Yuki's mind was reeling as he struggled to absorb this. The lawyer could hardly contain her disdain and Yuki noticed the look of contempt she let slip. As if he cared. But he became aware suddenly what a state he must seem.

"I own... the Estate, and Akito's possessions?" he tentatively clarified.

"And 6.5% of the Company, yes. Now I assume you are willing to accept these?"

Yuki nodded and she rose. "I will be back tomorrow, with a witness. You will need to sign some forms."

She gathered her notes together and paused. "Yuki, no-one is very pleased about this situation. The Sohma family want the Estate and the other shareholders do not want you to have as much as 6.5% of the Company. It would be in your best interest to sell everything you get as quickly as possible. It would set you up for life. The family... wanted to find a loophole but Akito knew how to work the law well, and it seemed... he really wanted you to have this."

Yuki sat mute, many thoughts bouncing around at rapid speed.

She paused at the door. "And Yuki, clean yourself up. We'll meet in the small lounge tomorrow, at 11. Make yourself presentable." With a final scathing glance she left.

Yuki sat still, dazed, for a long time after she left. He tried to process this news but his head was ringing. Without really deciding to he stumbled to the shower. The hot water helped to clear his head and the rising steam felt cleansing. He dried himself, still feeling numb. He padded to the mirror and began shaving the slight stubble which had begun to acquire over the past few days... or weeks. It was only when his hand slipped and the blade skimmed the skin of his jaw, that he felt.

As the blood blossomed quickly and brightly on his pale skin, he really thought about what this meant.

Akito had left everything to him. He had really wanted him to have everything. When they had been... together... Yuki knew Akito had made him his partner. He knew Akito had given him a share of the Company. But he had assumed... when he had told Akito the truth... wouldn't Akito have immediately reversed that? Why would he have left it that way?

Yuki grabbed cotton wool to stem the blood and looked at the pale, thin, heavy-eyed young man in the mirror.

It could be... Akito hadn't wanted to admit what had happened to anyone, not even his lawyer. Maybe he couldn't accept it? Or maybe... he really believed Yuki and him would be together again? Maybe... he still loved Yuki.

Since he had come to the Estate Yuki had seen so many bad points of Akito, so many secret flaws and such great darkness. But he had never expected a weakness.

Perhaps Akito had been more human than they had thought. Though maybe that made him more of a monster.

The fingers of guilt caressed Yuki's chest and wound their way to his throat. He coughed and chocked until his head swam. And he couldn't tell how much was real and how much in his mind. But at the end he had spluttered up gaudy red blood into the stark white sink and was exhausted. He washed it all away.

.

Yuki was already sitting in the lounge when the lawyers arrived the next day. He sat nursing a strong vodka and coke. He was dressed fairly smartly, in suit trousers and shirt. He had began to add a tie that morning but had suddenly felt as though he couldn't breathe. No more ties.

Mrs Jones returned, in a different coloured suit today, along with an older man. They sat and Yuki watched silently as the bartender brought them drinks. Yuki wondered where Hiro and Kisa were. Then he realised... would they still be working? For the first time he considered the others... Haru... what was happening now? Without Akito, what would happen to them? Surely clients weren't still coming?

They gave him many documents and told him all he needed to do was read and sign, and that in 14 days it would be processed and finished. There were many pages about the Estate, the extent of Yuki's ownership. They told him the Estate staffs' contracts were not connected with the house ownership but that Yuki could choose to continue their contracts if he wished. Yuki didn't answer but picked up the pen to sign. Suddenly he became nervous. He could remember how to write his name. He knew how to write his name better than anything else. Under the scrutiny of the impassive pair opposite him Yuki shakily scrawled his name on the line. It was accepted and he exhaled in relief.

There was a whole folder devoted to the Company. The lawyers explained things Yuki didn't understand in the slightest about being a shareholder in the Company. He didn't care. He just signed all the pages they presented to him.

Finally they moved onto Akito's possessions. Long lists of the items which were now Yuki's, necessary for clarity. The man was explaining about some stupid antique dresser which was being claimed by a distant cousin and Yuki was becoming angry. He didn't give a damn about furniture. He searched through the pages until he found something which made him stop.

It was codes, long lists of numbers. They were complicated and meaningless to Yuki. But at the same time, those thirteen lines of code meant everything to him.

The man had stopped rambling about the dresser now. They sat silent and terse, watching him.

"What's this?" Yuki asked, showing them the lines of code.

Mrs Jones glanced around nervously but the man seemed unfazed. "We do not know what those codes represent. They have been in Mr Sohma's ownership for some time but have never been explained to our law firm. I assumed they represented computers, being the old fashioned man that I am."

He stared at Yuki innocently. You bastard Yuki thought. You know exactly what they are.

But there was no point in arguing with these people, so Yuki attempted to quell his rising anger.

He looked at the list again. Would they be in age order? Or the order Akito had gathered them? He looked at the first code. There were numbers in the middle which could match to the date he came to the Estate, all those years ago. This was him then. He touched the page, the line of code he had been reduced to. By Akito, by these people, by everyone in this corrupt system. Just a line of code.

The bitterness rose up inside him. This world was filthy and rotten.

He turned roughly to the back page of the booklet, not caring about the other items. With a furious sense of purpose he signed his name.

The lawyers sat silent and disgruntled but Yuki was triumphant.

He had been reduced to a line of code, but now he owned himself. It was a heady feeling.

The lawyers began telling him that they could set up and manage meetings with Sohma family members or other shareholders so he could trade or sell his acquisitions.

He ignored them. Downing the remainder of his drink he gathered up his copies of the paperwork.

"How do I renew the contracts of the house staff?" he asked.

"Oh we could arrange that," the man simpered.

"Fine. Please see to that. Renew them for one more year."

The man nodded but Yuki was already turning away from them. They disgusted him.

Instead of returning to the room he had been staying in Yuki went straight to Akito's chambers. He let himself into Akito's grand office first. It was strange to see the impressive seat unoccupied by Akito. He opened a drawer of Akito's desk and dropped the papers carelessly in.

He then slowly lowered himself in Akito's plush leather chair. He had long imagined this moment but now nothing felt as he expected it to. Memories and guilt began building in his chest and his first thought was of a drink, a nice vodka or smooth whiskey... but he couldn't have that.

He had to stop now, before it got too much for him. Wondering vaguely if she would still be there, and feeling slightly foolish, he picked up the phone on Akito's desk and pressed the number one. As expected, the pleasant voice of Akito's secretary answered.

"Can you... come in here. Please?"

She entered a moment later, looking confused yet still professionally restrained herself.

Yuki cleared his throat, feeling unsure. "Akito left the Estate to me. I'm renewing all the staff contracts. But I need... first of all I need you to tell the head of staff that no clients will be seen here unless I say so. Then send some of the bodyguards here. I need them to... take the alcohol away... and lock me in Akito's quarters. Whatever I say they can't let me out of here. Have food brought but do not let me out. Not until... a week has passed."

She nodded smartly, hiding her confusion. "Thank you," Yuki murmured.

She left and Yuki sat back, feeling like an impostor. Maybe Akito had loved him, maybe he had hated him. Maybe he had hurt and used him his whole life. But Yuki could not work out his own feelings right now.

He thought of the week he had arranged for himself and almost backed out. He considered having a drink before it began and almost laughed at himself. That wasn't how it worked.

It would be difficult and painful. Especially because he was so weak. But it was better to do it now, before it got harder. He knew that. And he had to sort himself out now. He had to hold himself together, just for a little longer. He had work to do.

It would take 14 days for the paperwork to be processed, that was what they had said.

The staff arrived, cleared Akito's chambers of alcohol and, after confirming with Yuki, locked him in. He had the bedroom, bathroom, living room and office. For a week... And Yuki realised he had just sentenced himself to a form a solitary. And he laughed.

.

That week was... fairly awful. But in a way it was not as bad as Yuki had expected. It was good he had stopped this so soon, before it became stronger than him... again. This time he wasn't as... dependent as he had been before.

There were times when all his thoughts became too sharp and cruel and squirmed around his mind like gluttonous slugs and he wanted more than anything to drown them and kill them and never have to acknowledge them again. But he couldn't.

Although he sometimes screamed at the guards that he had changed his mind and ordered them to let him out they didn't relent. He wanted to smash through the sliding French windows of Akito's bedroom but the guard behind the glass warned him there was no point.

Eight days later he left Akito's quarters.

The first thing he did was thank the staff. They had done well and he owed his sobriety to them. He had known he would need the same staff to remain at the Estate.

Then he ordered that they clear all alcohol from the Estate, strip the bars in the lounges completely bare. They hesitated at this but Yuki insisted if anyone visited the Estate they could drink water like any other person. And he knew personally that he had to remove the temptation.

"You can take some home with you if you want, a few bottles, I don't care. I don't want it on the Estate. If you chuck it or drink it, I really don't care."

It was strange, when he had been under Akito Yuki had an almost natural hatred of the house staff. He had never considered them to be people too, not really. But now he found himself imagining them bringing a bottle of brandy home to their spouse. It was a strange feeling.

He left them, confident they would dispose of the alcohol, and went out into the gardens. It was so good to feel the fresh wind on his face. The air carried so many smells, practically a feast to his senses.

For the first time in a long, long time, Yuki went to the bench.

Previously it had been painful to consider coming to the bench, with all its memories of Tohru. Now, it was peaceful.

The week had been good and he was satisfied that he had completed it. But it had weakened him terribly. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. Bones at his wrists and chest were protruding and he was sure he could count his ribs if he tried. When he coughed it seemed to fill up and shake his whole body now. There was also he noticed, a strange numbness at the tips of some of his fingers, though he wasn't sure if that was connected to the alcohol or the other thing. The thing he never wanted to dwell on. Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. What a mouthful. He didn't even know what it meant. Only that it made him so, so tired now.

But he didn't need to live long. Just long enough. In six days the paperwork would be processed and he would own all of this. This underworld. Then he could get to work.

.

Those six days were very, very long for Yuki.

He began sleeping a lot, and struggling to breathe more and more. Food held no appeal but he forced himself to eat some anyway.

Most of the time he stayed in Akito's chambers. He thought it would feel wrong, unnerving to sleep in Akito's bedroom... where he had always lived with him and where... where he had done it... but it didn't. It was so peculiar, but it just felt normal. It felt like his bedroom. Like a home.

He spoke with the head of the house staff about the others. She told him no clients had been to the Estate since Akito's death and that the workers had mostly stayed in their rooms. They were unsure, she said, about what would happen to them. They were still under contract but without Akito they didn't know what would happen to them. She didn't say it, but her tone conveyed that they were scared. Yuki almost told her then but he restrained himself. He couldn't trust anyone.

.

The lawyer, Mrs Jones, returned after 14 days, dressed in yet another suit today. Yuki had begun to hate her stupid suits. They were bought with the secret of his life, of the lives of all the others. He wondered bitterly how many she had.

It was a brief visit in the end and he contained his angry words. She gave him more paperwork to sign and again pressed him to enter into negations to sell his acquisitions. He declined. He would not do business with them. And he would wait. Until the time was right.

He needed a different lawyer. And someone who was ambitions, ruthless, powerful. He needed to sell his shares of the company, for a good price, without Akito's lawyers. And he needed to legally free the others.

He stopped at the receptionist's desk on his way into the office.

"Set up an appointment with Madam Rossa. Tell her it is of the utmost importance. And make it as soon as possible. Thank you."

And he needed it to be soon, because the tiredness was making his thoughts increasingly muggy and strange throbbing headaches had begun to haunt him. It had to be really soon...

Thank you to ImpishTopHat who's review inspired the part about Yuki previously being able to partly blame Akito for his actions and now having to accept the responsibility, and who was kind enough to let me include this :)