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Chapter 4

Captain Hawkeye Pierce and Major Elizabeth Lawrence made their way to Colonel Potter's office as requested. Neither of them said a word on the way there or while Radar led them into Potter's office.

"So…which one of you would like to explain why my entire camp is divided between the sexes?" he asked the both of them. He looked back and forth to each of them.

"I, um," Elizabeth started. "I should probably explain."

He nodded. "Okay, go ahead, Lizzie," the colonel said.

"Well, um…it's all my fault, I guess. I got angry at what I overheard Doctor Pierce saying and…"

"What exactly did you overhear our Captain Pierce saying?" Colonel Potter asked.

Hawkeye's face remained impassive but he was eager to hear what Elizabeth had to say and how Colonel Potter was going to react to it. He had a sinking feeling that no matter what, the colonel would side with Elizabeth – especially since Potter had known her since she was a kid.

Elizabeth shook her head. "It really isn't important now, really. I just overreacted."

"She's said she was sorry, Colonel. And I'm sure things will go back to normal tomorrow," the dark-haired doctor said.

Colonel Potter was unfazed by Hawkeye and his comment.

"You'll tell me what you said or you won't be getting any weekend passes for six months!" Colonel Potter demanded.

"Doctor Pierce was merely talking with another and was voicing his…opinion…" she said drawn out in a sarcastic way. "…And I took offense to what he had been saying."

"And you said what exactly?"

"Colonel Potter, with all due respect…" Elizabeth began.

He turned to Elizabeth and waited for her to finish her statement. And she was guilted into silence with just the one look.

"I don't think women can be Army surgeons, Colonel," Hawkeye said. "I'm not saying that women shouldn't be physicians, I'm only saying…"

Elizabeth said nothing as she stood having to listen to the opinion all over again, however she could feel herself getting upset all over again.

"Both of you, sit down."

They looked at one another and obeyed their CO's order.

"I want the both of you to hear what I am going to say. Some folks are going to think I'm being progressive, that I am just throwing caution to the wind, but I'll tell you something: Elizabeth's a damn good doctor. And so are you, Pierce. And here, well, that's all that matters. So, whatever your hang ups are, get over them. Men, Women, Klingers alike, it doesn't matter as long as you're good at your job here, all right?"

"She slapped me!" Hawkeye suddenly said, the tables turning.

"He was being an arrogant son of a…" Elizabeth said back.

Colonel Potter was out of his seat and instantly reminded her of a school teacher reprimanding unruly studends.

"You," he looked to Hawkeye. "Elizabeth's only crime, according to you, is being a female doctor? Well, if that's the case, I'm glad she slapped you. I'd like to think it knocked some sense into you, but I can see that isn't what took place. And Lizzie, I know it's rough, but you cannot go around slapping the people that upset you. Lots of people would be wearing my palm print on their cheeks if that were acceptable around here. So, the two of you will shake hands and figure out a way to get this camp back in order; one solid team. You're dismissed. Get out of my office."

The two of them took their dismissal, but the truce and good spirits from their earlier discussion was gone.

They opened their mouths to begin to argue, both of them shooting daggers at one another with their eyes, but Radar was standing and talking with Klinger. Both of them stopped their conversation when they saw the two doctors join them.

"Hi there, Doctor Lawrence, Doctor Pierce," Klinger told them. "Lovely day, today."

He was in a summer floral, a mix of pinks and blues. It hit him mid-calf and it was nice and swingy when he walked. He'd finished off the ensemble with a white hat, white gloves and a small white clutch purse.

"Hello there, Corporal Klinger, Corporal O'Reilly," Elizabeth said in a civil a tone as she could muster at the present. She studied him for a bit.

"Pardon my askin', but what are you looking at?"

Elizabeth smiled and shook her head. "I was just thinking that I have some earrings that would be great with that outfit. But you should ditch the bag. I might have something – are you busy right now?" she asked Klinger.

"You mean it?" Klinger asked her.

"Of course," Elizabeth said in a chipper tone.

"Most of the ladies aren't so nice around here."

"I'm not like most ladies," Elizabeth replied while wearing a smile.

"That's for damn certain," Hawkeye said under his breath.

Radar, of course, heard him, but said nothing.

"We're finished here, right, Doctor Pierce?" she asked sweetly.

Of course they weren't done. A million things were running through Hawkeye's mind – he couldn't figure out if he wanted to have her booted from camp or marry her. She was the perfect kind of infuriating.

Sh

He realized he had not responded to her and then he and Radar were left watching Elizabeth walk away arm-in-arm with Klinger towards her tent. Both men started to watch Elizabeth's hips swing seductively side to side. Hawkeye held up his and to cover Radar's eyes.

"You should be exposed to a walk that obscene, Radar"

And boy, was it a walk.

…

True to her word, Elizabeth made sure the gossip around camp regarding the incident with Hawkeye Pierce come to an abrupt halt. She had first gone with Klinger to her tent and he came back with an arm load of accessories and a whole different story on the matter.

And then she moved on to Margaret Houlihan. The woman claimed to be a model of moral decency [but coincidentally was also 'secretly' seeing Major Frank Burns] but she was a gossip just like everyone else.

"What do you mean?" Margaret asked. "Pierce told me it was the truth himself."

"And you believed he'd tell you the truth? It got through camp and it was just a big overblown rumor," Elizabeth lied. She was attempting damage control – not because she gave a lick about Pierce, but because she had not come here to cause a ruckus.

"I just don't understand, Elizabeth," Margaret semi-whined. "It didn't happen? Why would he admit it? He was so angry about it."

"If you were a man such as Hawkeye Pierce, would you like to hear a rumor about yourself that you were hit by a woman?" Elizabeth asked. She shook her head. "I think someone thought they heard what he and I were talking about, made some insinuations, assumptions, and embellishments, and now the whole camp…"

"I'm going to have to address the nurses," Margaret asserted immediately. "Rumor-mongering around here will not be tolerated. And they can't treat a doctor the way they were treating him today – even though Pierce certainly deserves it."

Elizabeth almost felt bad that she was lying, but in this particular case she figured she'd be forgiven by the Big Guy. She had to tell her own tale to make things right around here.

"You'd probably better come with me. In case any of them has questions," Margaret said. "We'll get everyone together now."

Elizabeth was hoping for a nap, but allowed herself to be pulled from Margaret's tent and to the office so Margaret could make an announcement.

…

By the next night at the 4077th, Hawkeye knew that Elizabeth had worked her magic and done what she could. He'd received from several nurses and several [in]decent proposals. Things had immediately gotten back to their usual. But he did see that many of these ladies were now giving Elizabeth a side-eye when they saw her.

Hawkeye wasn't sure if they were mad at her or if they were jealous, however he was willing to bet it was the latter. It was clear to him and the rest of the population at the 4077th that Elizabeth was attractive. And smart. And nice to boot. Except when she was doling out slaps.

It didn't take him long to notice that Elizabeth hadn't joined them all for that evening's movie. He had Nurse Able on his left and Baker on his right and each of the women was taking turns whispering sweet nothings into his ears. But he kept hoping that Elizabeth was going to walk into the tent.

But by the time the credits were rolling, he realized that the vigil he had been keeping on the tent opening hadn't worked. Elizabeth had not joined them.

"Hawkeye, let's go back to my tent and I can show you how badly I feel for thinking you were like that," Nurse Able said while she batted her eyelashes and stroked his arm. She was very tempting and he nearly went with her. But Hawkeye simply shook his head, politely declined and followed BJ back to their tent.

Being the good friend he was, BJ said nothing until the two of them had returned to the solitude that was their tent. Frank was on the midnight shift of post-op and the two men could speak without his nosy ears listening in.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush; what the heck is the matter with you?" BJ asked. "Nurses Able and Baker were ready to play doctor with you. The nurses clearly heard the new story."

"I guess I just don't feel like playing doctor tonight. It's been a long day, Beej. I think I'm just gonna catch some shut eye."

Hawkeye lay on his cot and stared thoughtfully at the canvas ceiling of his tent.

"Might this melancholy have something to do with Elizabeth?" BJ asked.

Hawkeye immediately shook his head. "Why would this have anything to do with…her?" he replied. "I mean, sure she's intelligent, beautiful and quick-witted, but she's bossy and infuriating and…"

"And?" BJ asked.

"And I think I'm in love."

…

Author's note: So what does everyone think of this chapter? Let me know!