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Chapter 7
Nurse Judith Renner was shipped home from the 4077th after a call from Colonel Potter to ICORPS. She wasn't going to be able to be transferred to another unit or hospital and it was probable that she wouldn't be able to keep her nurse's license back in the states either. However, a call to her dad and Elizabeth had managed to secure Judith an honorable discharge. Renner would be able to go home without the incident on her record.
So, despite the shake ups and drama, things got back to the norm at the 4077. And unfortunately, that meant everyone was back in the OR because they'd gotten yet another batch of wounded.
"How long have we been in here?" Elizabeth asked as she continued to put stitches into the patient in front of her. She'd removed at least half a pound of shrapnel from the poor kid's belly, but he was going to make it.
"Starting to tire, Major Lawrence?" Frank Burns asked her with a sarcastic tone to his voice.
"We are all tired, Frank," BJ said.
"I am not tired at all," Frank replied matter-of-factly before being unable to stifle a yawn.
Hawkeye, BJ, Elizabeth and even Margaret chuckled.
"All right, all right, all right!" Max Klinger said as he assisted an orderly carry in another wounded on a stretcher. "After thirteen hours and twenty-two wounded, this, ladies and gents, is our last contestant."
"Thirteen hours?" BJ repeated.
"Yep, thirteen," Klinger told them. "Whose number is up?"
BJ raised a hand. "I'll take the last unwilling and unconscious player," he called.
Klinger and the other medic carried the soldier to BJ. His patient was young and not badly injured. He got to work immediately while the rest of the staff finished on the patients they had.
Another hour and a half later, the doctors were changing out of their scrubs.
"I'm going to sleep for at least twelve hours," Elizabeth said to Margaret.
"Mmmhmm," Margaret replied as she removed her surgical gown.
"I need to find something to eat first, though," Elizabeth added.
"Right…" Margaret replied.
"And then I think I'll run naked through the camp."
"That's a really good idea."
"Margaret, I know you're mad at me and I would really like you to actually listen to me right now."
"Elizabeth, I am not mad at you. I just feel awful for the things I said to you. It's so wonderful; that compassion and concern you showed for my nurse. And I got caught up in how it all affected me. I'm sorry, Elizabeth."
"I'm sorry, too, Margaret. I'm sorry for the whole darn situation. I hope that Renner gets the help she needs. As much as I wish it weren't true, I think she was into the meds a long while before we caught her. And I think her Dear Jane letter pushed her over the edge."
"As much as I wish it were different, I think you're right," Margaret said.
"Knock, knock," Hawkeye said as he pounded on the curtain separating the men and women's changing rooms. "May we speak with the ladies?"
Elizabeth peeked around the curtain and came face to face with Hawkeye.
"Yes, sir?" Elizabeth asked sweetly. "Is there something we could help with?"
"If the rest of you is as gorgeous as that face…"
"Hawkeye…" Elizabeth said, opening the curtain the rest of the way.
"You come here often?" Hawkeye smiled, changing his conversation direction.
Their relationship had quickly become one of both flirting and thinly veiled insults. Hawkeye was already incredibly fond of her and everyone knew it.
"Oh, only when there's a police action. I just love a man in uniform. I heard there were a lot here," Elizabeth smiled.
"I wouldn't be making a habit of that," Hawkeye replied. "Well, we are planning a quick trek to the mess tent for some gruel and we were wondering if you'd both like to join us."
Elizabeth and Margaret looked to one another.
"Although, we don't want to make a habit of going to the mess tent either," Hawkeye said under his breath.
"Margaret, I thought we, uh…"
"Oh…right," Margaret said. "I'll catch up with you later, Elizabeth. I promised Major Burns that we would review a few medical journals today."
"I'll bet I know which journals…" BJ smirked.
"Do us all a favor and make sure you don't skip ahead to the end. Getting there is half the fun," Hawkeye elbowed him.
"You…you…degenerates," Frank grumbled. "Let's go, Margaret."
Frank and Margaret exited the changing room a second later.
"I just don't know what she sees in Major Burns," Elizabeth said.
"We all wonder that from time to time, Lizzie," Colonel Potter said. "But don't think on it too hard, my dear. It'll put you off your food and the food is enough to put you off your food all on its own."
The door opened and Radar joined them. He was wearing his mail bag around his shoulder.
"Radar! Ol' buddy, ol' pal! How are ya doing?" Hawkeye said, hugging him.
"Geez, you could take it down a bit. Especially in front of the Colonel and the Major," Radar said, clearly embarrassed.
"You have the mail, with you, do you not?" Hawkeye asked.
"Well, yeah…"
Hawkeye laid a kiss on the young man's cheek.
"Aw, yuck!" He groaned as he scrubbed at his cheek with his hand. "Here's your mail and don't…" he tried to threaten.
"What else ya got there, son?" Colonel Potter asked.
"This is yours, Colonel. And a box for BJ and two letters for the Major, uh, Elizabeth."
"Two letters, Bets? I'm jealous. You sending yourself love letters?" he asked as he pointed to the pink envelope in her hand.
Elizabeth accepted the two envelopes, but grimaced as she read the senders.
"How long would it take for these to be returned to their senders?" Elizabeth asked Radar.
"Well, that depends, ma'am. Probably..." he said as he started to count on his fingers.
Elizabeth put a hand on his forearm to stop him.
"Don't worry, Walter. It was more of a rhetorical question," she said as she shoved the envelopes in her pocket. "Food, right?" she asked the men.
"Or as close as the army comes to it," BJ replied.
…
"Aren't you going to read your letters?" BJ asked as they sat down with their trays in the mess tent.
"I wish they'd spontaneously combust, to be perfectly honest," Elizabeth said.
"Those are strong words, Bets," Hawkeye said. "Who are the letters from?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Hmm, looks like we've hit a nerve," BJ said. "Perhaps we should lay off."
"Who are you?" Hawkeye asked BJ. "I just want to make her feel better."
"Well, well…" Hawkeye said as he held the two envelopes in his hand.
"Damn it, Hawkeye. Give me those!"
"Bets, maybe you should just read them – pull the thread. Get it over with already. Who is Mary Sue Jones? She sounds…generic."
"Yes…terribly generic," Elizabeth replied.
"Who is she?" Hawkeye asked. "And why does she write on pink stationary?"
"Hawk, maybe you should…" BJ tried.
"Really? You think she should just ignore these terribly important notes?"
"First, these aren't important. And second…these letters are only going to make me mad – well - madder," Elizabeth said. "And you won't like me when I'm angry."
"Darling…" Hawkeye said as he handed her the envelopes. "Just ready the letters, get angry, and get it over with," Hawkeye finished.
"You know what they say: curiosity killed the Hawkeye," BJ told him before he took a bite of his food.
"Fine, fine!" she said. "If you," she pointed to Hawkeye. "If you promise to shut up about it and neither of you will repeat what I'm about to say."
Both of them held up their right hands in an oath.
"Mary Sue Jones is…was…was my best friend. And she is no longer my friend because she was having an affair with my fiancé and they are now married. This lovely pink stationary I bought her so she could write to me while I was away in medical school. And this…this letter is from John Jones…my former fiancé. And I don't wish to read either of letter because I have a strong dislike that is bordering on hate for the both of them. Now, please let me eat whatever this is and move on with my life," she said as she shoved the unopened letters into her pocket once more.
Both men were silenced by Elizabeth's admission. They pursued the line of questioning no further. They all finished their meals in total silence.
…
After they finished their meals, BJ and Hawkeye headed back to their tent and left Elizabeth to go back to her tent and stew by herself. BJ began to change out of his clothes; he was ready to lay down and sleep for hours. He was down to his skivvies when he noticed that Hawkeye was sitting on the edge of his bed and staring contemplatively at his boots.
"What's with you?" BJ asked.
"I'm just baffled by the idiot that would leave a good girl like Bets behind," Hawkeye told him.
"It surprises you that a man has done something stupid?" BJ asked as he sat down on his own bed.
"She's just…"
"Believe me, I know how you feel about Elizabeth Lawrence," BJ smiled at his friend.
Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "I'm over that, Beej. We're just friend. But she's such a smart cookie. And beautiful," he said. "This guy has to be a dunce."
"Some guys just don't have a clue what they have," BJ said. "I thank the man upstairs every day that I have Peggy. But not everyone is as smart as I am."
"Or half as humble about it," Hawkeye replied.
"That's true, too," BJ said with a smug look on his face.
"What could those two have possibly needed to say to her?" Hawkeye said. "I just don't think she deserves…"
"You have no idea what those letters say and there is a very strong chance you'll never know," BJ said. "And that's the way it should be. That is her personal business. And I like Elizabeth just fine, but what do you really know about her?"
"What are you saying?" Hawkeye asked in an accusatory tone.
"Calm down, calm down. I'm not saying anything. Well, I'm saying you should butt out and let it alone," BJ said. "If she wants our help, she'll ask."
Hawkeye nodded slowly. "Yeah, you're right…" he said as he stood up from his bunk. "I'm going to talk with her again."
"Hawk…you're going to push her and she'll end up too far away," BJ said.
He was up and out of the tent totally ignoring everything his friend had said.
…
Hawkeye first checked Elizabeth's tent and found it standing empty. He'd done a cursory search of the surfaces in her tent, but he found nothing. He skipped searching through the drawers – he was curious, but not enough to go through her things.
"Has anyone seen Elizabeth?" he asked while he walked past a group of nurses.
Kellye nodded. "She was heading towards the showers."
"Thanks!" he said as he headed in that direction.
Hawkeye let himself into the women's showers unconcerned that he was unwelcome in there. Luckily, Elizabeth was the only one in the building until he walked in.
"Seriously?" Elizabeth asked when she turned around and her eyes met Hawkeye.
"Hello to you, too, dollface."
"Please forgive me for not being kind to the man intruding on my shower. What do you want?" Elizabeth asked.
"You're too good for this petty nonsense, Bets."
"Petty?"
"I mean that in an extremely affectionate way, Bets," he replied.
"I'm sure you do. But you only know of the tip of the iceberg, Hawkeye. And what did we learn from the Titanic?"
"Are you saying you're a sinking ship?"
"No. I'm saying if you don't quit pushing you'll be sleeping with the fishes."
Hawkeye grinned. "You know, you're adorable when you're threatening my life. But seriously, you ought to just…"
"I did read them; not that it's any of your business," Elizabeth told him.
"And?"
She sighed. "They're in my pocket over there," she pointed before going back to washing the soap from her hair.
Hawkeye stood still. "Is that permission to read them?"
"Ugh, you're relentless. Yes."
Hawkeye grabbed the papers from the pocket of her robe and hungrily read them. He was mid-way through the pink letter when he let out a loud bark of laughter. He re-read it and clutched the letter to his chest while he laughed hysterically.
"All of that was bull?"
"What?"
"All that jazz about the fiancé cheating on you with your best friend stuff?" he said. "She's asking you how you starched his shirts. And what the ingredients in your meatloaf are…?"
He was still laughing and it took him a long few minutes to realize that she wasn't.
"You mean…?" he asked, giving her the side eye.
She nodded. "She's that dumb."
"She married your fiancé and is now asking you for your housekeeping tips?"
Elizabeth shrugged and turned around under the water again to rinse off the soap.
"You think that one is funny; wait until you read the one from John…"
Elizabeth turned off the water and leaned on the edge of the stall while she waited for Hawkeye to finish reading. She made sure she was covered while he read; finding it a little flattering that he was trying to sneak a peek at her.
"Is this guy for real?" he asked. "I should never have left you for Mary Sue. Sure, she's cute and makes a mean lemon meringue pie, but she's nothing to talk to. I could have deep, meaningful conversations with you and you could starch a shirt like no one's business. And Mary Sue, well, she's always talking about her nails or the next shoes she wants to buy. As if shoes have anything to do with my practice…" Hawkeye read. "His practice?"
"He's a podiatrist. Went into practice with his father."
Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "No offense, but this guy sounds like a real loser."
Elizabeth finally laughed.
"How long ago did all this happen?"
"Not long ago. I would love to know where they got my address from, though. My dad wanted to run him over with a jeep…"
"I'm thinking that was a good idea. Are you all right?"
"I'm gonna give Mary Sue the Igor's meatloaf recipe and wish her good luck and then get my picture taken with the tallest, strongest corporal and send it to John and wish him good luck. Hopefully he's got a strong stomach."
"He'll need it if this Mary Sue makes him the meatloaf with the army's recipe," Hawkeye said. "I'm sorry I pushed you so hard on this. I'm just a believer in…"
"It's okay, Hawkeye, really," she said. "I do feel better. Cold now, but better."
"I'll get outta here so you can…you know…unless you want some help," he waggled his eyebrows. The old and flirtatious Hawkeye was coming back. And that's how their relationship worked.
"I think I'm all set on my own, at least for now," she smiled back.
The door opened to the shower building and Margaret walked in, carrying her shower things.
"Pierce!" Margaret shouted. "What have I told you repeatedly about being in here? These are the ladies' showers!"
Hawkeye tucked the letters back into Elizabeth's robe pocket and grinned in Margaret's direction.
"I thought you were...reading…with Frank."
She narrowed her eyes in Hawkeye's direction; not finding him humorous.
"He…uh…fell asleep."
"I hate it when that happens!" Elizabeth said.
"I know what you mean, Bets," Hawkeye said. "Right in the middle of a page-turner and suddenly: zonk! Out like a light."
Elizabeth joined Hawkeye in laughter.
"It isn't funny…and you're still in here, Pierce! Get out!"
"I'll see you later, toots!" he winked as he exited the building.
"Not if I see you first!" Elizabeth called after him.
"You know, you really shouldn't encourage him. He didn't try anything, did he? I could have him court martialed in an instant…" Margaret told her. "Besides, he…gets around."
Elizabeth shook her head while she reached for her towel. "That is totally unnecessary, Margaret. Even though he went about it in a pushy way, he was well-meaning. He was just being a good friend."
…
Hawkeye returned to the Swamp with a spring in his step and a grin on his face. BJ immediately was curious.
"Did you find her?" BJ asked.
"Sure did," he nodded. "Showers."
"And is she still speaking to you?"
"Affirmative, my friend. Affirmative."
BJ cocked an eyebrow. "Well, good for you, buddy. Not the path that I would have taken, but…"
"It worked out," Hawkeye smiled.
The PA squeaked as it came to life. "Colonel Potter needs to see Majors Lawrence and Burns and Captains Pierce and Hunnicut in his office on the double!" Radar's voice called out.
"Called to the principal's office," BJ sighed.
"I haven't even done anything yet today," Hawkeye groused.
"Maybe the Colonel is psychic now," BJ replied.
…
"I need a volunteer to go up to the 8063rd tomorrow and help out for a few days. Whoever goes will ride up on the bus with the patients being transported and there's a convoy coming back in a week that'll bring the doc back. The 8063rd has also been gracious enough to agree to share some of their supplies with us. I'd like someone who knows what they're looking at to make sure it's the right stuff and not a box full of packing peanuts," the Colonel said.
"I went the last time," Frank told them all immediately.
"No, you didn't. I did," Hawkeye said.
"No, no, I'm very certain…" Frank began again.
"Ahem," the Colonel said to get everyone's attention. The noise in the room stopped immediately.
"Radar?" the Colonel said as Radar stepped into the room. "Would you…?" he started before Radar started.
"Last time we sent a doc out, it was BJ. Before that Major Burns and Hawkeye before that," Radar answered before Colonel Potter could finish his statement.
"Then it's my turn," Elizabeth smiled.
"I don't …" the Colonel began.
"It's only fair, Colonel," Frank said. "She's a doctor, too. She'll join us in the rotation."
"Burns, sometimes I…"
"Colonel Potter, I'd be pleased to go. No need to worry. How long will I be gone?"
"A week. You'll leave in the morning, then," the colonel told her.
She nodded. "No problem. I'd better go get packed."
…
Author's Note: Okay! There was the latest installment. What do you think? I'd love to know!