CHANGE
Chapter 9
The light filtered into the tent and Elizabeth pulled the blankets over her eyes. How could it be morning already? She felt groggy and sore and she realized she wasn't alone. A snore erupted from something – er – someone and she peeked over the blanket cautiously to see who it was.
Hawkeye.
Just Hawkeye.
What happened last night? Her head was heavy, her mouth was dry and her body was sore. Why was Hawkeye asleep in the chair in her tent?
She began to stand and it all suddenly came flooding back. She gasped as she remembered.
Elizabeth sat down on the bed again, shaking. In an instant, Hawkeye was awake and sitting next to her.
"Hey, sleepyhead," he said gently.
"I could say the same to you," she offered him without a smile.
"How are you feeling this morning, gorgeous?"
She blinked at him. "Did you give me something last night?"
He nodded. "A sleeping pill. Just so you could get to sleep quickly," he said. "I think once you are up to it, Margaret should check you over. Things were a little harried last night and you need a once over just like everyone else on the convoy."
"I'm fine," she replied quickly.
"I think you should get a quick check up," Hawkeye said.
"I wasn't injured, Hawkeye," Elizabeth told him. "I'm really fine."
"So no one…no one…" he trailed off.
"No – no," Elizabeth furrowed her brow. "It was just…"
"BJ told me, Bets. I know what happened out there. And…"
Elizabeth sighed deeply. "You know?"
"You managed to keep a lot of men out there, Bets. No one would have expected –"
"Expected what?"
"You were the only doctor out there; you had a lot of wounded, little to no emergency supplies and one hell of a situation out there."
"Hawkeye, if I weren't there, Kranz would have not tried to protect me. He would have not had to worry about me. He would not have had to worry about me. And – he reached to pull Hemsworth down to me so I could help him. He would have…"
"He probably would have tried to pull his buddy down into the ditch with him even if you weren't there. You were not the reason that any of this happened. And it could have just as easily happened to me or Beej or Frank. And if you hadn't been there – you kept a lot of them alive because you were."
She nodded. "But, it's just…"
"Tell me," Hawkeye told her. "Please just tell me."
"Kranz – Thom – and I had become fast friends. He was assigned to make sure I was all right and once this was all over, he was headed to Seoul and back home to his fiancée so he could get married. And…"
A single tear fell from her eye.
"And now – now someone will be telling this poor girl that the man she was saving herself for – her true love – was going to be coming home in a casket. He got hit on the side of his head and…and…there was nothing that could have been done, Hawkeye," she said as she started to cry.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. Hawkeye rubbed her back and whispered that things would be okay. And he knew he'd be making a call to Sidney Freeman soon.
…
It was hours before Elizabeth finally emerged from her tent. She'd sent Hawkeye on – she wanted to wallow alone in her sadness for a bit.
Luckily, no wounded came in that day.
Elizabeth dressed and moved to the mess tent. It was time to join her friends and she was finally hungry.
"Well, look who it is," BJ said as she approached the table that the group was seated around.
"Is it all right if I join you all?" she asked tentatively.
"Of course!" Margaret said a bit too over-enthusiastically.
Elizabeth smiled shyly and sat down.
"How are you feeling, Lizzie dear?" Colonel Potter asked her.
"Just a couple of pulled muscles and bruises. Nothing to write home about," Elizabeth said.
"So…" Frank started. "Ow!" he shouted. "Okay! Who kicked me?! Someone kicked me under the table!" he shouted as he stood.
"Sit down, Frank," Margaret told him.
"My foot must've slipped, Frnak," BJ told him without sincerity. "Gee, I'm sorry."
Frank sneered. "I don't believe you."
BJ shrugged. "Oh, well."
"Could you two put a lid on it for a minute? I have something I should tell Lizzie here."
"Colonel – I don't think now is the best time…" Hawkeye started.
"Nonsense. Maybe this'll cheer Lizzie up."
"I doubt that," Hawkeye muttered under his breath.
"Lizzie, I mean, Elizabeth," the Colonel said as he stood. "The US Army is awarding you the bronze heart for your work yesterday."
"Colonel, that's very kind, but with all due respect, I don't want it."
"What?" Frank spat.
"Not that I want to make a habit outta this, but – what he said," the Colonel pointed with his thumb. "Why don't you want it?"
"I don't think now is the best time for us to discuss this," Hawkeye inserted himself into the discussion. He'd glanced around and noticed that all of the eyes in the room were focused on their table.
By now, discussion of what had happened last night had made its way through the ranks of the camp. And most of what people had heard was actually true – which was mostly unheard of at the 4077. However, people were still curious and therefore they'd all stopped talking to hear what was going on.
"Yes, I think you're right, Pierce. I want to speak with you in my office later, Lizzie," he said while he looked down at his watch. "Be there at nineteen hundred hours."
Colonel Potter then proceeded to pick up his tray and exit the mess tent.
Elizabeth suffered through the rest of the meal terribly uncomfortably and as soon as she'd choked down as much of it as she could stand, she excused herself.
Naturally, the discussion of the situation continued once she'd vacated the table.
"It's spitting in the face of the United States Army to reject an award like that. But if she won't take it, I'll accept it on her behalf," Frank announced.
"I'm fairly certain that it doesn't work like that," BJ said. "What's the big deal anyway? If she doesn't want it, she shouldn't have to accept it."
"What do you know?" Frank sneered.
"Do we really have to keep talking about this?" Hawkeye asked them all.
"I agree," Margaret said.
"You what?" Frank exclaimed.
"I just don't think it's appropriate to discuss her without her present," Margaret said. "She is our friend."
"And we ought to cut her some slack," Hawkeye said.
Frank shook his head and rolled his eyes. "We've all been through…"
Hawkeye slammed his hands down on the table, rattling everything and making Margaret shriek. "None of us have been through what she went through yesterday."
"What is your problem?"
"Hawk…" BJ started.
"Just—just lay off her, okay?" Hawkeye said, settling down once more.
…
In the swamp, Hawkeye sat on his bunk, eyeing the still that sat on the table between his bed and BJ's. It was the middle of the day, but he was trying to come up with a reason why he shouldn't actually drink. He finally stood and helped himself to a healthy glass of the booze that BJ had brewed overnight.
"Knock, knock," Father Mulcahy said from outside the tent.
"Ah, Father, please come in. Welcome to my humble abode," Hawkeye said while the Father walked into the tent. "What do I owe your visit today?"
Father Mulcahy smiled.
"Well, I just wanted to see how Major Lawrence was feeling and thought I would check in with you first, since you seem to have a closer relationship with her…" Father Mulcahy said. "I understand she's had quite a rough couple of days."
Hawkeye took a healthy drink from his martini glass and then nodded. "Yes, she has."
"Do you think she'd like to talk about it?"
"I don't know," Hawkeye said. "She talked with me briefly, but I'm not sure she wants to talk with anyone right now. It was pretty traumatic…"
The father looked a bit put-out, but nodded. "Well, you've gotten to know her the best; I'll defer to your judgement on this one, but I'll be around if you need me."
"Thank you, father," Hawkeye said. "I'll let you know."
Father Mulcahy smiled and nodded and left the tent.
…
Elizabeth wandered over to Colonel Potter's office ten minutes early. She walked into the room and Radar was sewing up part of his bear, or at least he was trying to. He stuck his thumb with the needle when Elizabeth walked in.
"Hi Radar," Elizabeth smiled.
He hurriedly stuffed the bear, needle and thread into a desk drawer and stood at attention.
"Oh, Radar," Elizabeth said. "Don't worry about that."
He put his hand down and smiled.
"Do you need some help stitching that up?" Elizabeth said. "I don't know if you knew this, but I'm fairly good at sewing…"
"I, uh…what are you talking about?"
"Come on, Walter. Your bear," she said, before taking the bear and sewing implements out of the drawer.
He blushed a soft pink. "You probably think its real silly – you know, me having a stuffed toy…"
Elizabeth had sat down in one of the chairs and proceeded to continue to stitch up the bear. "I don't think it's silly at all, Walter. I have a stuffed cat named Kristine," she said.
"You do?" he asked, a hopeful twinge to his voice.
"Sure do. I've had her since I was eight years old. She goes everywhere with me," Elizabeth told him. "This bear sure looks well-loved, too."
"Um, yeah…" Radar said. "I've had him as long as I can remember."
Elizabeth made quick work of stitching up the seam and handed the bear back to Radar. "All better."
"Thanks, Maj – Elizabeth," Radar said.
"No problem."
To be honest, it's the best she'd felt since returning to the 4077. She didn't have to think about what had happened the night before and she was very comfortable talking with young Radar o'Reilly.
She looked down to her watch in her wrist. It was time to speak with Colonel Potter. "Well, I'm due to talk with the man in charge. I'll talk with you later, Walter."
Elizabeth knocked on the door and walked into Colonel Potter's office.
"Good evening, Colonel Potter," Elizabeth said.
Colonel Potter stood upon her arrival. "Please, have a seat, Lizzie."
She immediately complied and waited for the colonel to tell her she had to take the medal.
"Well, Lizzie, I'd like to talk with you about yesterday. Is that all right?" Colonel Potter asked. "Would you like a drink?"
She shook her head. "No. No thank you."
"I hope you don't mind if I have one."
"Of course not."
"Well, my dear," he said as he poured himself a healthy glass. "I just wanted to see how you're feeling. We all know the kind of trip you had and…"
"I would just like to move on, to be perfectly honest. I didn't do anything different than what you or Hawkeye or BJ would have done in the same situation," Elizabeth said. "I'm not ungrateful; I'm just trying to move on. It wasn't a big heroic gesture. I'm a doctor and I took care of the people that needed me. Well – most of them."
"Lizzie, that's the hardest part of our job. Some of them aren't going to make it. No matter what we do."
Elizabeth sighed deeply. "I know, but…"
"There are no buts. Through no fault of you or me, some of the wounded that come to us are going to be too wounded. Some of the patients aren't going to make it. This is my third war and it's never any easier. We all fight the good fight. We do the best we can – you just get through it."
"Everyone said that to me at mom's funeral," Elizabeth said. "It's not something you can get over – just something you get through. Hell, I think she told me that when my grandmother passed."
"Your mother was a wise woman. She's the reason you became a doctor, if I remember correctly?" the Colonel asked.
Elizabeth nodded. "I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wanted to help people who were in pain."
"And you don't think you accomplished that last night?" he asked her. "You tended to a dozen and a half men who were scared and in pain. And more than half of them are going to walk out of this place on their own in a couple days because you…you…were there. You put your won fears aside and tended to each one of them. They're all here in post-op wondering if you're actually Super Woman."
Elizabeth finally smiled. "Thank you."
"So, you'll accept the medal?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No, thank you, sir. I think that Kranz should get the medal, or at least his fiancée should get it," Elizabeth told him.
He nodded. "That's very kind of you, but he was going to receive a medal posthumously regardless."
"I want his fiancée to have mine, too. Please."
"Okay, Lizzie, as you wish."
"Is it all right if I go now?" she asked.
"Of course. I'll see you in the morning, my dear," the Colonel said.
Elizabeth left the office and found Radar finishing some paperwork at his desk.
"You have a good night, Walter," she told him.
"You, too, Major – Elizabeth, ma'am."
…
Author's Note: Well, there is the newest chapter. Let me know what you thought!