Hi, everyone! Hope y'all had a merry Christmas. As promised, I am back with another chapter. So, there's a little twist at the end of this one. I added a scene from Alec's perspective. I've clearly marked it so you'll know when it switches POVs. I am going to warn you now that that content is fairly disturbing, though it does not go into great detail. If you're easily offended, DO NOT read this chapter (or the last part anyway). I would like to point out (in case it wasn't clearly written), Alec was not 4 when the event took place. He was older. Also, I would kindly like to ask that no one bashes the plot line in their review. Yes, what happened to Alec is heartbreaking and horrible on so many levels, but it is also vital to the story and Alec's character. And it IS just a story. I love getting feedback from as many people as possible, whether it be good or bad. If you do not like what is going on in this story, you do not have to read it. I will not change the plot for anyone. What happens, happens. That being said, if you bawled your eyeballs out or pretended your laptop screen was my face and punched it, I would very much like to hear about it. Reviews are fantastic. Cheers, ladies and gents.

Alec was playing with the cat in the living room when I finally sauntered out from the bathroom, scrubbing a towel against my scalp. He scratched the feline behind the ears before switching his focus to me. His eyes were bright and the dark circles under them had faded slightly. I, on the other hand, must have looked as awful as I felt. Between sitting in an uncomfortable position and trying not to jostle Alec, I'd barely gotten a wink of sleep the night prior. When I'd looked at myself in the mirror after my shower, it was obvious that I had lost a few pounds. In truth, all I wanted for breakfast was a steak, a cold can of beer, and a pint of ice cream. But I would never impose such forbidden luxuries on Alec. Not yet, anyway.

"Good morning," I said, replacing my drowsy frown with a smile.

"Hi." Alec looked away as the cat shoved his head into Alec's palm, demanding attention.

I draped the towel over my shoulder and trudged into the kitchen. After popping four slices of bread into the toaster, I made for the fridge and pulled out the carton of milk. Alec hadn't yet appeared, so I stole a drink directly from the jug. I was wiping my mouth with the back of my hand when he crept into the kitchen.

"Breakfast is almost ready," I announced, setting the milk back inside the fridge.

Alec nodded, dark strands of hair bobbing in front of his eyes. "Okay."

I closed the fridge door and leaned my hip against it. "Everything all right?"

He nodded in response, but the movement was stiff and hurried. Maintaining my casual demeanour, I passed by Alec to grab some plates for our toast. I could feel his eyes on my back, but when I turned around he hastily averted his gaze.

"What's on your mind?"

The cat pranced into the kitchen and began weaving himself in between my guest's legs, which seemed to offer Alec some comfort.

Though he still avoided my eyes, he asked, "What are we doing today?"

"Well, Camille is expecting us this morning, and then you have your appointment with Dr. Fray afterwards." I bent down and tried to coax the cat over to me, but he stuck up his nose and continued making figure eights around Alec's feet. The traitor. The toaster popping spared my dignity and allowed me to turn my back on the feisty feline. "I thought we'd go to the mall when you're finished. You can pick out some new clothes."

"I have clothes."

"I know that, but I'd like to let you pick out some styles that you like."

Through the fabric of my t-shirt, I felt a set of thin, timid fingers touch my waist. I froze, my eyes wide and my heart in a frenzy.

"Do you want me to pay you back?" Alec whispered, his breath nearly tickling the back of my neck.

"That," I deftly slipped out from in between Alec and the counter, away from his touch, "will not be necessary."

Troubled, I went in search of butter, pretending not to notice it was sitting in plain sight back on the countertop. As I stuck my face into the cool breath of the refrigerator, I contemplated Alec's behavior. He'd made subtle suggestions before, always asking me what sort of payment I desired, but he'd never been suggestive through physical touch. I'd be lying if I said I did not find Alec attractive. He was truly stunning with his dark hair and light eyes, and the kind shyness about him made him no less desirable. But he had not yet grown into his nineteen-year-old self. He'd gained a couple of pounds since I'd taken him in, but not enough to dull the angles in his face, in his collar bones, in his wrists. I swore he'd even gained a couple inches in height, though he still only stood up to my shoulder. Moreover, with Alec's mentality in the state that it was currently in, I could only view physical intimacy as taking advantage of him. I was not yet sure if there were any romantic prospects in the way that Alec viewed me. Disturbingly enough, he seemed ready to turn our companionship up a notch. Not that I could fault him, what with all the sexual training he'd been put through. But that did not mean that I was ready.

"Magnus?"

"Ah! There it is!" I exclaimed, feigning surprise as I looked over and spotted the butter sitting in its anointed spot. I closed the fridge and busied myself with putting the spread on our toast.

"Magnus?"

I turned and handed Alec his plate. He stared down at his breakfast as I shoved nearly an entire slice into my mouth. I almost choked as I forced the lump of barely-chewed toast down my throat. Between the dry taste in my mouth and the lingering spark of Alec's fingers on my hip, my appetite had no reason to stick around. I pushed the last piece of toast away and noticed Alec still staring at his untouched breakfast.

"Do you want something else to eat?" I asked

He shook his head and carefully set his plate back on the counter. "I wanted to ask you..."

"Yes?" I prompted, secretly dreading his question.

"Can we go to my house?"

I blanched. That was certainly not a question I'd been awaiting. "Jace put your house up for sale a long time ago, Alec. There's a chance that someone else has already moved in."

Alec lifted his eyes to meet mine. "I just want to see it again. I can't remember what it looks like."

I knew taking him to see his childhood home could be potentially harmful to Alec. If the house had been demolished, his heart would feel the same effect. Seeing a different family living there could also devastate him, but refusing his request flat out was even worse. I didn't want to take this opportunity away from him, not when doing so could make him feel like a prisoner again.

"I'll make a few calls and see what I can do, okay?"

Alec nodded, his eyes sparkling.

"Eat your breakfast." I began making my way to my bedroom, but stopped in the hallway and called over my shoulder. "Please!"

But I could hear the scrape of a plate against the counter over my last word. Alec had, after all, been trained in following commands obediently and instantly. Why would my demand be any different?

And that question made me feel disgusting down to my very core.

Alec's sessions with Camille and Clary had been uneventful yet again. He seemed to take more of an interest when Camille read to him, though he did not attempt any of his own reading or writing. When she spoke to him out of context of a book, he was unresponsive. His time with Clary, as far as I guessed, had been spent in complete silence. Dr. Fray did inform me that she now planned to keep paper and crayons available for her sessions with Alec for the foreseeable future. She also promised that any pictures Alec drew would be shared with me, as per Alec's discretion. She planned to take pictures of the originals to keep on hand in her office, and his drawings would be done with as he pleased. When she accompanied him outside her office, she handed me a paper half covered in red and half covered in blue. I immediately thought of the red and blue police lights flashing in the darkness the night I had carried Alec in my arms, recuing him from the hellhole where nightmares were made real.

"This is great, Alec," I complimented, gripping the paper tightly.

The teenager shrugged in response, searching for the exit pointedly.

"Well, gentlemen," Clary said cheerily, smiling at both of us, "it appears as though tomorrow is our last session before the weekend. You have done extremely well so far, Alec."

Alec shrugged again, careful to avoid Clary's green eyes. Still smiling, she turned to me. I folded the picture and tucked it away in my pocket before looking at her under the rim of my ball cap.

"You're looking a bit haggard, Mr. Bane," she commented.

I'd dressed in a pullover hoodie and a pair of jeans, topping the outfit off with a hat so I wouldn't have to fuss with my hair. I didn't think I looked that bad, even if there were faint shadows under my eyes.

"I'm fine. Just missed my morning coffee fix," I lied.

She folded her arms and nodded, looking rather unconvinced. "I have time if you ever need someone to talk to."

I thanked her and began steering Alec toward the exit. We hurried out of the office building and back to my car, where I pulled into the morning traffic and headed towards the mall. It was the same strip mall I'd gone to to pick out Alec's current wardrobe, but the prices were decent and I could count on there being a lack of crowds to make Alec nervous.

After parking, Alec and I headed into the nearest clothing store. He stayed firmly at my side, his eyes downcast, as I steered him toward the men's department. Every once in a while he would look up, just in time to catch another customer staring at him. Nobody said anything, though I could see the questions poised on all their lips: Is that Alexander Lightwood? The boy who was kidnapped for fifteen years? I willed them to look away as Alec ducked farther into my side, nearly walking sideways.

I pulled Alec behind some racks of clothing and inspected him closely. He was nervous, but there were no signs of an impending panic attack.

"They're staring at me," he whispered.

I could hear the hurt in his voice. Not only was he threatened by the prying eyes of strangers, he was feeling the sting of their gazes as well. There was a reason I had only told a select few about my sexuality. I did not want to feel cornered and humiliated under the stares that followed me like I was some kind of freak, some twisted, unnatural human being. I never wanted to feel that way, and I'd be damned if I stood by and let Alec suffer through it.

In a smooth motion, I pulled the cap from my head and slid it onto Alec's mop of ebony hair. His eyes widened as he looked up at me in surprise. I took the opportunity to move his bangs gently and pulled the visor down a bit to help conceal his face. The slightest dip of his head would hide his features instantly.

I shook my fingers in my hair, messing up the flattened strands. "Better?"

"Thanks."

We continued on in search of jeans, which I piled into my arms when we located them. I then had Alec pick out some t-shirts, both long and short sleeved, that caught his eye. Mostly he picked up solid colors: grays, dark blues, and black. I attempted to sway him out of 'boring' with plaid flannel shirts and graphic tees. The only one that convinced him was a purple tee with a black graphic designed to make it look like there were headphones wrapped around the wearer's neck.

From there, I shuffled Alec to the fitting room. He seemed hesitant on the idea of going inside and changing out of his clothes, but I assured him that no one would see him and I'd be waiting outside when he was finished. With my back turned to the door, I listened to the zipping and unzipping of jeans and the soft sound of cotton shirts falling to the floor.

As I waited, something caught my eye. It hung on a rack nearby, surrounded by coats and jackets. It was the only item of its kind, which led me to believe it had been placed on the rack by accident. I picked it up and held the soft material in my hands, stroking my thumbs over it as I drank in the color that was so familiar.

"Magnus?"

I whirled around, having not heard the fitting room door open. Alec stood behind me, the hat still firmly placed on his head. But now he was clad in a pair of dark jeans and a smoke gray long sleeve t-shirt. It was all I could do to not let my jaw drop to the floor. The jeans fit just right and the shirt barely skimmed his body, leaving enough room for him to grow but not drowning him in material. In truth, I'd never seen Alec look so handsome.

"Wow," I breathed. "You look great."

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile. I walked over to him and looped the scarf around his neck. He watched as I tied it and smoothed the material against his chest. When he looked up, I couldn't help but smile. Just as I'd predicted, the scarf matched his eyes.

Alec wrapped his hand around his throat, his fingers brushing his skin under the scarf. "This will hide them."

"Huh?" I said, distracted by the ensemble in front of me.

"It hides the scars."

I hadn't really thought about it, but the scarf did, in fact, cover the red bumps surrounding Alec's neck. The only ones visible now were the ones at the front of his throat, but if the scarf was knotted tighter, they would all be hidden completely.

Smiling, I stepped forward and lifted the scarf up and over Alec's head. I placed the material in his upturned palms and lifted the rim of his cap slightly so he could see me better. "Your scars are nothing to be ashamed of. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide them, but until you're ready to show them to the world, you can always use this."

Alec's lips parted, as if he were about to say something, but he was cut short when three young ladies walked by us, laughing. They were all huddled over the screen of a phone, making silly comments and then erupting into giggles. Having broken up my fair share of university parties, I guessed them to be about Alec's age. They had a student air about them: carefree, invincible, and ready for a good time. Alec watched them, his face blank and disinterested as the three walked away.

Not long after, two guys, a blonde and a brunette, followed after the girls. They laughed as the blonde cracked a joke, guffawing with a booming masculinity that demanded to be heard.

The brunette noticed us as they passed by and flicked his chin out at Alec, calling out a casual, "What's up?"

I inclined my head in greeting and watched them chase after the group of girls. When I looked down, I noticed the blossoming of color in Alec's cheeks. I'd never seen Alec blush under a woman's attention, not Cat or Clary or the three girls that had just walked by. But a guy had put color in Alec's pale cheeks just by saying two little words. Interesting.

Alec went back to trying on clothes and I went back to giving my opinion on said clothes, noting what was too big and what was too small. In the end, we brought three pairs of jeans and numerous shirts to the checkout. Thankfully Alec had liked the purple shirt enough to add it to the pile and gray and blue and black. The scarf, after it was scanned and freed of its price tag, found its place wrapped around Alec's neck. I paid and we left, but Alec's blush still hadn't faded by the time we got home.

The phone rang three times before Luke picked up. "How's it going, B?"

"Fine thanks," I answered. "How's the investigation?"

"Brutal. No leads, no solid evidence. We're basically walking around in a blind circle."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Nothing we haven't already thought of." Phones rang distantly on Luke's end of the line. "How's the kid?"

I glanced over at Alec, who was sitting on the couch watching cartoons and eating lunch. "He's enduring. Listen, I need to ask a favor from you."

"Just in time. I've been craving free donuts."

I smiled. "I need you to bring up Alec's file and find out the address of his old house."

"Hang on." The sound of fingers on a keyboard filled the spaces between ringing phones. Luke recited the address slowly enough for me to write it down. "It says here that it's still up for sale. Some realtor is looking after it."

"Do you have a name?"

"I've got a first name and a phone number."

I copied down the information and checked the time. If I was lucky enough, I'd be able to contact this man today and set up a meeting.

Luke's voice filled my ear again. "You think going back to his old house will jog the kid's memory?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "He said he just wanted to see it."

"Well, good luck."

"Thanks, Luke. Same to you."

"I'll be expecting those donuts soon."

"You can count on it."

We hung up and I immediately began dialing the realtor's number. It rang a couple times before a man's voice filled the phone, his tone strong but friendly:

"Wolf Realty. How can I help you?"

"Uh, is—" I checked the name on the paper again. "—Alaric available?"

"Speaking."

"Hi, this is Officer Magnus Bane. Are you the current caretaker for the Lightwood house?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "I am, yes."

"Excellent. Alexander Lightwood has requested to see the house. Would it be possible to set up a date to meet with you?"

"Alexander. . ." Alaric sucked in a breath, then added hurriedly. "No need to set up an appointment! I can meet you over there right now if you'd like."

"Oh." I blinked. "Er, all right. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Officer. I'll see you shortly."

I disconnected the call and wandered back into the living room. Alec looked up at me, his fingers fidgeting with the scarf still looped around his neck.

"Still want to see your house?" I asked.

He nodded.

"All right. Let's go."

Alec's house wasn't so much a house as it was a mansion. It was an unexpected thirty minute drive, all the way to the outskirts of the city. Following the GPS on my phone, I turned left onto a long driveway. At the end of the driveway was a massive house, modern and inviting from the outside. Alec leaned forward in his seat, tilting his head back to see out from under the rim of his cap. I'd thrown on my uniform to reinforce my identity with the realtor.

A car waited for us in front of the house. I pulled up behind it just as a slender man in a suit exited the vehicle. He straightened his jacket and, without approaching, waited for us to get out and greet him. He was tall, with graying hair and light eyes. He stood with his back straight and his hands clasped in front of him, confident without being arrogant.

I looked over at Alec. "Are you ready?"

He was looking out the passenger window at the house, but I saw him swallow hard and reach for the door handle with a shaking hand. I slid out of the car and waited until Alec was at my side before walking over to Alaric.

"Officer Bane." He smiled and extended his hand.

"Alaric." I shook his hand and gestured to Alec. "This is Alec Lightwood."

He extended his hand to the teenager. "Nice to meet you."

Alec sidled closer to me, looking away from Alaric's hand to the house looming over him. Alaric, unoffended by Alec's behavior, pulled his hand back and reached into his pocket. He withdrew a key and handed it to me.

"I'll wait outside. Feel free to take as long as you need."

"Thank you."

I began making my way to the front door with Alec in tow. An eeriness settled over me as I noticed the darkness in the windows. The house, though appearing inviting, felt empty even from the outside. I knew without opening the door that it was be cold inside, that there would be hardly, if any, furniture.

I was just about to slide the key into the lock when I noticed Alec was no longer at my side. Glancing over my shoulder, I found him watching me nearly ten feet away. His shoulders rose and fell rapidly as he sucked in gasps of air.

"Alec?"

He flinched as I called his name. "I-I can't!" He turned and took off in a run down the driveway.

I cursed under my breath and jogged up to Alaric, handing the key back to him. "I'm sorry."

I didn't wait for a reply before taking off after Alec. It did not take long for me to catch up to him, but I had to reach out and grab his wrist before he stopped. His head was ducked but I could see the tracks of tears down his cheeks.

"Hey," I said gently, "what's wrong?"

"I can't."

My hand moved from his wrist up to his shoulder. "What are you afraid of?"

"I still don't remember!" he cried. "I'm scared that if I go in there my memory won't come back. That house is supposed to be mine. It's not supposed to be strange. And it hurts knowing that my family won't be in there if I go inside. That just means that they're really dead."

"Alec—"

"I can't, Magnus!" His hysteria escalated to the point where I could hear the familiar wheezing. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I can't!"

"Look at me." I took his face in my hands, just like I'd done before.

"I. . . Can't. . . Breathe," he gasped.

"Breathe in through your nose. Remember?"

This time it only took one demonstration for Alec to catch on. He followed my soothing coaching until his panic attack subsided. When he was finally calm and in control of his breathing, I enveloped him in my arms and held him tight. He clutched the front of my shirt, his tears soaking into my uniform. The visor of his hat was poking uncomfortably into my chest, but I dared not push him away to adjust it.

"Magnus? Will you take me home?"

"Of course," I whispered, warmth spreading through my heart when I considered the fact that Alec's idea of home now included me.

Alec

Dr. Fray was sitting at her desk when I walked into her office. Her red hair was pinned up today. I could see her eyes better, and that made her very pretty.

"Good morning, Alec," she said, the same way she always did.

The table was sitting in front of my chair again, as it had been yesterday. Dr. Fray told me she wanted me to draw whatever I felt like drawing. She never said much, but she was always writing. I wished I could write like her. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid. . .

I sat down and dug through the crayon box for a particular color. When I found it, I grabbed a piece of paper and began dragging the crayon across the white surface. My hand whipped left and right, suffocating the white with black. Even when there was not a speck of white left, I kept coloring. I pushed the crayon until my hand hurt. . .

I stopped. Dr. Fray glanced up from her writing and caught my eye.

"Alec?"

Words bubbled up in my throat. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but they were embarrassing and scary. I wasn't supposed to tell her, or anyone, anything. Bad things would happen if I told.

But before I could stop myself, I whispered, "It hurt."

Dr. Fray's eyes went wide, just for a second. "What hurt?"

My heart pounded in my chest, so hard and fast I could feel it in my ears and in my throat. That happened sometimes. My heart beat so fast and it was hard to breathe and I got dizzy. But Magnus always made that go away. Magnus made the bad memories go away, too.

"Alec?" Dr. Fray's voice interrupted my thoughts. "What were you going to say?"

I started coloring again. She never yelled at me when I didn't talk. She never hit me, either. I didn't want her to know I was thinking about the first time. The first time he had ever touched me.

He'd made me do things before that. Embarrassing things that made me feel bad. Wrong. Dirty. Disgusting. But I knew that time was going to be different. I was young, but I knew what he was going to do the moment I saw the mattress. I'd been with them for a long time, years maybe, and he said he couldn't wait any longer. He made me get on my hands and knees, and I felt his body push up behind me. His body was big and heavy and hard. He whispered dirty things in my ear. His breath was hot on my neck.

He kind of rocked up against me. It felt weird. Bad. Wrong. That was when he reached around and put his hand down the front of my pants. I told him no, tried to get away. I cried because even though it felt wrong, it sort of started to feel good. But I didn't want it to.

Then he pushed my pants down. I heard him unzip his jeans and I felt something push against my behind. I tried fighting him, but that only made him mad. His partner liked it when I fought, but not this one. He told me to keep still, to stop making such a fuss when it felt so good.

That was when he pushed into me.

I screamed. I didn't know it was possible to scream that loud, but it hurt so bad. . . I'd never felt pain like that in my entire life. Until he pulled out and pushed in again. It didn't feel good anymore. I kept screaming, and he told me he liked it when I used my voice like that. And he kept on going. And it never stopped hurting.

The paper was now darker than my nightmares, but I kept on coloring. My arm was getting tired from moving so fast and my hand was hurting from pressing so hard, but the pain felt right. I deserved it. I was messed up, after all. A freak. There was no other way to explain why the next time he did it to me, it stopped hurting and started to feel good.

Tears slipped from my cheeks and splattered on the paper. I colored over those, too, because I deserved the pain. I deserved the darkness.