Hey hey, followers! I didn't intend to keep you waiting so long for the next chapter. Still getting my chaotic life in order. Now, thank you to everyone who left reviews! This chapter. . . I'm not sure what to think of it. It has some time lapses in it. I apologize for the jumping, but I don't want to bore you with unnecessary fillers (as adorable as they may be). This means that things are going to get intense in the next chapter (yay?), but that also means that this story is coming to a close (aww). Anyway, if this chapter seems kind of crappy, I blame it on fatigue. Stayed up til 1am writing it even though I had to be up at 5am for my shift. Writer problems. I have been asked to alert people of any upcoming intimacy between Alec and Magnus. Warning: they have their first physical encounter in this chapter. Don't like it? Don't read it. For everyone else, I hope you enjoy this. Cheers, and happy reading!

My thumb slid over the waxy surface of the colored paper. Aside from the clouds in the sky, not a speck of white remained untouched by crayon. My finger absently drifted over to trace the paper's crisp edge as I stared uncomprehendingly at the picture. Alec had drawn two boys, young judging by the size of them. The direction they faced suggested they were leaving the building drawn beside them, but there was nothing to signify where they were headed. Alec had confirmed that the dark-haired boy was himself, and I verified the building to be a local grocery store. The vintage red and white awning over the door was identical to the one still hanging on the physical building. The final, disconcerting piece of the puzzle was the blonde-haired boy in the picture, the boy Alec swore he had no recollection of.

"I don't understand," I said, gazing at Clary over the top of the paper. "Why would Alec draw someone he doesn't know?"

Clary interlaced her fingers atop her desk. "You're positive that's not Jordan or Simon?"

I shook my head. "Alec would have told me if it was. Besides, neither one of those boys has light hair."

"There is a possibility that the boy was a very early childhood friend, maybe even someone he saw on the street," Clary mused. "That being said, I believe that this is a depiction of a repressed memory."

"A repressed memory?"

"That would explain why Alec doesn't know who that boy is. He can't remember because his mind doesn't want him to. This illustration was most likely created subconsciously, meaning Alec had no idea what he was doing. His mind is still barricading itself."

"Why this memory?" I whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"Alec was molested God knows how many times, but this memory in particular is one of the ones being repressed."

"You know which memory this is?" Clary asked, aghast.

I set the picture on Dr. Fray's desk and slid it across the shiny surface toward her. "According to his case file, Alec went missing from a grocery store."

I hadn't read every tidbit of information on Alec's file, but Luke had clued me in on all the details regarding the abduction. According to Maryse Lightwood's statement, she'd taken her son grocery shopping. Whilst browsing one of the aisles, she happened upon a friend and engaged in conversation. Her back had been turned and, in a matter of only minutes, her four-year-old son had disappeared. At the time, no security cameras had been installed in the small store and there were no witnesses to report any noteworthy behavior, such as a man carrying a crying child to the exit.

Clary leaned back in her chair as she studied the picture. "So this is the earliest memory of the abduction."

"It might give us a lead in the investigation if I can get him to remember who that boy is."

Dr. Fray stiffened. "What are you planning to do, Magnus?"

"I want to take him back to that store. The surroundings might jog his memory and give us our answer."

"I strongly advise against that."

"Why?"

"First of all, my client is still in a fragile state. These memories have been repressed as a means to protect himself. If you unlock this one, who knows how many more will burst open. But one resurfaced nightmare is all it takes for someone as vulnerable as Alec to suffer a mental breakdown. The last thing I want to see is him locked down in the psychiatric ward.

"Secondly, I think you'd be wasting your time. Solidified memories before age five are rare. If you're able to get anything out of Alec at all, it'll be nothing but fragments. I fail to see how taking such a dangerous risk for such a small amount of information will be beneficial to my client."

I got to my feet and made for the door. "I appreciate your concern, Dr. Fray, but, with all due respect, the fewer leads we have on this investigation, the longer those pedophiles are out on the street. And the longer they're out on the street, the greater the chance of them making a return."

"You don't have to do this," I repeated for the third time.

Alec stared out the windshield, his blue eyes fixed on the building across the parking lot. He'd opted out on wearing my hat today but the scarf was once again fastened around his neck. My gaze followed the dark strands of hair that curled slightly against the storm-blue material.

"I want to help," Alec assured me, though his voice wavered.

I banished the relief from my expression. "If you start to feel uncomfortable at any point, just let me know and we'll leave. Okay?"

Alec inhaled deeply. "Okay."

We got out of the car and started our way across the parking lot. Alec's arm pressed against mine, searching for reassurance. I pulled my hand from my pocket and pressed it lightly against the small of his back, not to push him along but to comfort him. He drew closer to my side in response.

The automatic door swung open, eliciting a startled jump from Alec. He let out a nervous chuckle and stepped into the store. The scent of fresh produce wafted through the air as I stopped at Alec's side. His mouth and eyes were wide as he absorbed his surroundings. I hoped the store hadn't been rearranged too much to muddy Alec's memory.

Silently, Alec began to move forward. I followed as he walked toward the heart of the store. He paused at the end of every aisle, staring down the walkway of shelves with a pained expression. I watched him intently, tangled between reaching out to him or not disrupting his thoughts. Eventually he shook his head, dislodging his reflections, and continued to the next aisle. We were nearing the far side of the building when Alec suddenly stiffened. He stumbled back a step on unsteady feet, but before I could touch his shoulder to steady him, he rushed into the aisle and gaped, with distant eyes, at an item on the shelf. I mimicked his actions and stood, barely breathing as we stared at a box of cereal.

"I want that one," he whispered.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Are you hungry?"

Alec reached his arm up and plucked the box from the shelf, his eyes tracing over the front designs. "I wanted my mom to get me this one, but I couldn't reach the box."

I tensed. This was the crucial moment. The elasticity of Alec's mind was going to hold its form, stretch out in search of uncovered memories, or snap in two.

Still holding the cereal box, Alec turned to the empty space beside him. "I tried to get her attention but she was talking." He whipped around suddenly, spooking me. His eyes were now fastened on the floor beside my feet. "He's there."

My blood chilled. "Who's there, Alec?"

The box groaned as Alec's fingers tightened around it. "The picture. . ."

"The boy from the picture?"

Alec let the box fall to the floor and started down the aisle. I hastily picked up the item and replaced it on the shelf before hurrying after him. His gaze was fixed in front of him as his feet carried him toward the exit.

"I don't know if I should," Alec mumbled, barely audible. "I might get in trouble."

My heart skipped a beat as I wondered what Alec was seeing. This memory was not simply replaying in his mind; he was reliving it. Word for word. Step by step. He passed through the automatic door without so much as a blink and came to an abrupt halt. An elderly couple shuffling to the entrance gave us a baffled look but continued on their way without question.

Alec spun in a circle, searching frantically. When he stopped, he faced me with desperate eyes. "What— What happened next?"

I lifted my shoulders, unable to speak. Alec groaned and pushed the heels of his palms against his forehead. He muttered to himself incoherently before, to my horror, beating at his head with his fists. With a curse I reached out and snagged Alec's wrists, pinning them at a safe distance. His eyes unclouded as they met mine.

"The water tasted funny."

Ignoring that, I asked in a rush, "What happened to the other little boy, Alec?"

He cocked his head to the side and gazed at me as if the answer, as clear as day, had gone straight over my head. "He made me drink the water."

"Let me get this straight." Luke lowered his voice and leaned in toward me. "You think the kid in this picture was an accomplice in Alec's abduction?"

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Alec hadn't heard, but the nineteen-year-old was engrossed in a game of tic-tac-toe with one of the other officers. His trembling and distant demeanour had been replaced by a broad smile and laughter. Satisfied, I turned back to Luke and jabbed my finger at the light-haired boy in Alec's drawing.

"This kid led Alec outside of the store, and Alec told me himself that the twerp made Alec drink water that tasted funny. If the water was drugged, isn't it plausible that Alec was lured outside by this kid?"

Luke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know how ludicrous this sounds, right?"

"Come on, Luke," I groaned. "What about this case isn't ludicrous? Nothing else explains Alec's memory. Why would some random kid leave a grocery store with Alec in tow? Doesn't it make sense to consider sibling accomplices or a father-son team?"

Luke's eyes flitted between Alec and me. "If you're right about this, that means we're looking at a whole new level of disturbing."

I checked on Alec again. A smile tugged at my lips as he high-fived the officer next to him, his cheeks pink. He was beautiful when he was happy. There just wasn't enough happiness in his life to sustain his smile.

"Do me a favor?" I leaned in closer to my partner. "Can you double check Alec's date of birth for me?"

The two of us were sitting on Alec's bed, arms barely touching as Alec finished reading the final sentence aloud. He closed the book and set it carefully on the pile next to him. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, stretching his arms above his head. I averted my gaze when his shirt lifted and exposed the smooth skin of his stomach.

"Magnus?"

"Hmm?" I plucked at an invisible thread on my sweats.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help today."

"What are you talking about? You were a tremendous help. You gave us more than we could have asked for."

"The missing pieces in my memory are important to you."

Alec's intuitiveness was eerie. "You don't always need all the pieces to solve the puzzle."

He looked up at me. "We're going to stop them, right?"

I held his gaze. "Of course we are."

Unexpectedly, Alec shifted on the bed and I suddenly found myself with his arms wrapped around my neck and his face buried in my shoulder. My arms curled around his back and tugged him against me. My mind flashed back to the night I had carried Alec from that house. His bound arms had been so weak and thin around my neck back then, but now they were strong and steady, strange yet familiar.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Alec whispered.

"Of course."

Alec finally unwrapped his arms from around me and slid under the blankets. He unknotted his scarf and set it delicately on top of the stack of books. I pulled the blankets up to my waist just as Alec flicked the lamp off. The pillow cradled my head as the night's shadows engulfed us. Just as I was about to turn onto my side, Alec rolled up against me. His arms remained tucked against his chest but he lifted his head to rest it over my heart. I hoped the racing beat wasn't too loud in his ear.

I knew the day had been exhausting and frightened for Alec, so, strictly as a means of comfort, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and brushed my fingers against the tendrils of hair curled at the nape of his neck. I skimmed my fingertips up and down in a soothing motion, ignoring the puckered bumps of scar tissue. Alec shivered and nestled closer to me, eventually settling into a steady rhythm of breathing.

I lay awake for a long time, staring up into the darkness. It was futile to deny that I wanted to stay like this forever, touching Alec's skin, twining my fingers through the softness of his hair, drinking in his intoxicating scent. Never in my life had I imagined I would be jealous of a scarf.

The cat had successfully entertained Alec for hours. I watched from my vantage point on the couch, sipping my coffee, as he dragged a shoelace across the floor. The feline crouched down and stalked after it before pouncing. When Alec dangled it in the air the cat made a reach for it, his body wriggling and his arms flailing. I wondered if Alec's cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

Still. . . As nice as it was to see Alec having fun at home, I wanted to see him make friends, the kind that walked on two legs, spoke English, and wouldn't pee in my shoe as an act of revenge.

"Alec?" He didn't respond so I called a bit louder, "Alec?"

He looked up at me and, with his attention diverted, the cat seized the shoelace and took off down the hall with it dangling from his jaws.

"Have you thought about giving Simon or Jordan a call?"

Alec crossed his legs and rubbed his arm, uncomfortable. "Not really."

"I'm sure they'd love to hear from you," I encouraged. "You could get together and hang out, be teenagers, have fun."

"I don't want to interrupt their plans."

"You wouldn't be interrupting. Let's see if they want to get together this week."

I set my coffee down and got up from the couch. The paper with their numbers was in Alec's room, but before I could take two steps, a hand squeezed my wrist and tugged me back. I turned and found Alec still holding onto me, his eyes pleading.

"Please don't call them," he begged.

"Why not? They're your friends."

"We're not friends."

"It might not feel that way," I conceded, "but if you spend a little time getting to know each other—"

"I don't want to spend time with them."

I gently pried Alec's fingers from my wrist. "Why would you say that?"

Alec sighed. "Because I want them to be happy, and to be happy they need to forget about me."

"That's not true," I said, measuring his expression.

"Yes it is. Magnus, whenever Simon and Jordan think of me, they're going to think about what I did for them, and then they're going to think about what was done to them. I'm a living reminder of what they went through. The sooner they forget about me, the sooner they can move on and be happy."

"They will never forget about you, Alec. They admire you, and you are important to them."

Alec was quiet for a moment, considering my words. Finally he answered, "Please don't call them."

I let out a long breath and nodded. Alec offered a half-smile and went in search of the cat. I watched him go, wondering when he was going to stop sacrificing himself for others.

Two Months Later

"'To Alec,'" Alec read aloud. "'W-wishing you the best on your s-sp-special day. Love Cat.'"

I grinned as he meticulously added another twenty-dollar bill to a small pile of others before adding Cat's card to his collection. Though it was just Alec, the cat, and I celebrating at the house, he'd received a number of gifts earlier in the week. Camille had given him some money and new books; Cat had stashed money in his card; Dr. Fray had sent two gift cards, one for an apparel store and one for a cafe that specialized in all flavors of hot chocolate; and the guys from the station had all chipped in to buy Alec some workout gear, a volleyball, and a basketball. Alec was thrilled by all his gifts, particularly the basketball, but it was the cards he paid special attention to. He read each of them aloud at least twice and he treated them as if they were ancient tomes, opening them sheepishly and taking care not to bend them.

"Looks like there's only one left," I announced, sliding a small wrapped box to him.

Alec lifted up the small note taped to the top. "'To the most a-ma-zing person in the world.'"

I felt heat bloom in my cheeks. Originally I'd made Alec a handwritten card, but I'd filled the front, back, and middle pages with heartfelt words, top to bottom. Despite his impressive reading skills, it would have taken Alec forever to read the tiny scripture, and I'd have been too embarrassed to look at him when he finished. There was a lot my heart wanted to say, but my brain didn't want to say any of it. So I settled for a stupid note with a cheesy one-liner.

Alec slipped the note free of the tape and set it with the other cards, much to my relief. Next he set to work carefully tearing away the wrapping paper. He lifted the uncovered box and stared at the image on the front. A wide smile tugged at his lips.

"My very own cell phone?"

I grinned at his excitement. "Activated and ready to go."

Alec tore into the box and removed the device. Bypassing the instruction booklet, he scooted closer to me and watched as I demonstrated how to use it. I handed it back and helped him navigate to contact information.

"Type my name in," I directed, waiting patiently. "Great. Now type in these numbers: seven, seven, two, nine, three, seven, five, eight, one, one."

Alec added my info, mouthing the numbers as he tapped the keys. "I can call you now?"

"Anytime you want. Check it out." I pointed to another application. "This is call a voice memo. It records your voice." I pressed the button and talked into the mouthpiece. "There better be cake at your party, Alec."

Alec grinned as he listened to my voice play over and over. "What else can it do?"

I plucked the phone from his hands. "It can also take pictures."

The phone's camera shutter clicked as I snapped a picture of Alec. He smiled as he realized what I was doing and I snapped another. Snapshots of him caught mid-laugh appeared in the bottom corner, warming my heart.

"Your turn!" Alec stole the phone from me and began taking pictures.

I smiled and made goofy faces at him before holding my hand up and blocking my face.

"Keep going!" Alec shouted in an absurd yet posh British accent. "The camera loves you, darling!"

I burst out laughing, unable to contain myself. My eyes burned with tears as I guffawed. "Where did you learn that?"

"TV," Alec stated proudly. "Can we take one together?"

Without waiting for an answer, he leaned against me and raised the camera, holding it above us like a pro. He clicked the button and turned the phone round to gaze at the picture. I peered over his shoulder and felt my pulse leap in my throat. Normally not very photogenic, I was surprised to see how decent I looked. My hair was still styled nicely, not at all mussed. My eyes sparkled with tears of laughter and my smile was bright and genuine. It was Alec, however, who captured the attention. His eyes glowed brightly, shockingly blue against his black hair. And his smile. . . He was beaming. It was a smile that erased any and all negativity just by looking at it. He shined, like starlight on the sea's surface.

"Can you send that to me?" I asked.

With my help, Alec forwarded the picture to me in a text. I spent a minute just staring at it before tucking my phone away. If there was ever a picture I wanted expanded, framed, and hung on my wall, it was that one.

"Come on, birthday boy." I pushed myself to my feet and tapped Alec's shoulder. "One last event of the night."

He waited patiently as I arranged twenty candles on his birthday cake and lit them one by one. Pleased with my work, I stepped back and gestured for him to step forward. Alec looked at me, his expression a cross between expectant and confused.

"Normally there's a song you're supposed to sing, but I'd really rather not shatter my windows with my vocalizations. Happy birthday, Alec! Now blow out the candles."

Alec hesitantly gave it his best first shot, getting through only half the candles. I held back on teasing him and waited patiently for him to extinguish the rest. He helped me pull the candles from the cake and then grabbed plates and forks. I handed him a piece of the chocolate dessert and watched as he took his first bite. His eyes closed and he set the plate back on the counter. I blinked, worried I'd messed up on the baking, until Alec pulled me into a tight embrace.

"This is the best birthday ever, Magnus," he murmured against my shoulder. "Thank you."

I expelled a relieved breath and hugged him back. "You're welcome, Alec."

I had to agree with him. It may not have been the most eventful party, and the company was limited, but it had been the happiest birthday I'd ever attended. It was the happiest I'd seen Alec, and it was the happiest I'd felt in a long time. That, all in itself, made it the best.

I was dreaming. I knew because I was sitting in my old college library. Alone at one of the tables, there were books and papers fanned in front of me like peacock feathers. My heart was racing because I couldn't find the information I needed to start my essay. Without my sources, I could not give my essay a body and my citation page would be blank. This paper was destined for an automatic fail, one I could not afford.

So was this a dream or was it a nightmare?

"Do you need some help?"

I was up and out of my chair in a flash. Alec stood behind my chair holding a textbook in his hand. The tossed it onto the table and the thump it made echoed through the empty library.

"Alec," I gasped. "You're not in my class."

He shook his head. "No. Not yet, anyway. But who knows what the future might bring. Maybe I'll go to college, become a cop like you."

I shivered. The room was freezing, but Alec was only clad in a t-shirt and jeans. He seemed unbothered by the temperature. He braced a hand on the table and bent over to scan the documents sprawled there. I swallowed as my eyes travelled over his body. He looked like he did now in reality: lean but strong back and arm muscles, a hint of breadth to his shoulders, a new height that I was getting used to. In the dream, even his confidence had strengthened. He was poised and precise, and his eyes were clear of the darkness that sometimes lingered in the blue glass irises.

Alec stretched out his leg and kicked the chair aside. He inched closer and angled his body to face me. "I want to help you."

I looked at him quizzically, genuinely confused. I knew he wasn't talking about the assignment. "I don't need help."

"It must be exhausting trying to convince everyone of that," Alec said. "Including yourself."

"What are you talking about?"

Alec closed more distance between us. "You can try to hide it as much as you like, Magnus, but I can see that you're hurting. Let me take care of you."

"I'm not hiding anything," I insisted.

"You don't have to lie to me. You're suffering from a memory, and you keep telling everyone you're fine even when all you want is for someone to take care of you."

I bit the inside of my cheek as Alec circled around me. I turned with him, not daring to let him out of my sight. He stopped circling and began to approach. I stepped back in response and gasped when I felt the table's edge at the back of my thighs. Alec was now close enough for me to feel the warmth of his breath, to smell the scent of his shampoo.

"I'll take care of you," he whispered.

I froze as he leaned forward. Soft lips pressed against mine, zapping every nerve in my body to life. Alec's hand came up to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing across my jawbone. I relaxed slightly, pushing my face into his palm. Still keeping the kiss gentle, Alec coaxed me to open my mouth and let his tongue inside. His other hand moved to rest on my waist. I waited for him to start tearing at my clothes, greedily touching my flesh. But Alec's hands stayed in place, and he focused all his attention on moving his lips sweetly against mine. Only when I couldn't catch my breath did he switch to kissing other places. The hollows under my ears. My jaw. My neck.

"I'll take care of you," he said again.

His mouth sealed over mine—

I jerked awake, sensing a presence beside me. I sat up, startled to see Alec watching over me. It had been a long time since we'd shared a bed. He slept in (not under) his and I slept in mine. It was dim, nearly dawn, but I could see the concern in Alec's eyes. I'd kicked the duvet off in my sleep, and I was sweating despite the chill.

"Alec—"

"I want to help you, Magnus," he cut in.

I gaped at him. "What—"

Suddenly he was on the bed, hovering over me on hands and knees. He was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, but I could feel the presence of his muscles and bare skin above me. He pressed his hand against my naked chest, laying me down.

"I hear you talk in your sleep," he murmured. "You have these dreams a lot. Please, Magnus. Let me help you in the only way I can."

I became very aware that I was only wearing a pair of boxers. "Alec, what are you doing?"

He leaned his face down to mine and whispered, "Just trust me."

My eyes widened as he kissed me. It was just as gentle as it had been in the dream, as it had been the first time he'd kissed me months ago. I let my eyes close and I melted into the mattress. My heart remained steady even when Alec's hands began to roam over my chest. They drifted lower and lower, lingering on the flat panes of my stomach before descending further.

I pulled back from Alec's lips. "Alec, you don't have to—"

"It's okay. I want to."

My head was spinning. I couldn't believe this was happening. "It's okay. I can take care of it myself."

Alec swiped his tongue across my nipple and a gasp ripped from my throat. He paused, waiting to see if I would push him away before continuing. I groaned as he gave another lick and followed with a light bite. He kissed a path directly down the center of my body, coming to a stop just above the waistband of my boxers. I barely had time to think before he pulled them down, freeing my erection. He licked the tip before taking me into his mouth. I moaned and arched off the bed.

I found myself tangled in a web. On one hand, it made my heart soar to think I was sharing this moment with Alec. On the other, I was mortified that I was allowing him to do this to me. He was recovering from the trauma of his past, yet I was too lost in desire to push him away. He was making me feel better than Ragnor had, but Alec had no shortage in experience.

I groaned, but I did not know if it had been drawn from my pleasure or my thoughts. "Alec, you can stop."

Alec moved his mouth from root to tip and back down. I arched off the bed again when he made a swallowing motion. Already I could feel my pleasure tightening and coiling.

"Alec, please. You have to stop or I'm going to come."

He paid no heed to me, just continued moving his magnificent mouth. I rocked my hips in rhythm with him, feeling the pleasure build and build and build until. . .

I came with a loud cry, releasing into Alec's mouth. He did not pull away until I was finished, and he swallowed every last drop. He replaced my boxers as I lay completely still, trying to catch my breath. I felt Alec curl up on his side beside me, his eyes studying me. I wondered if he could see the shame burning in my cheeks.

When I said nothing after a long while, he asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

I rolled over and kissed Alec's forehead. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him against me. "No. Get some sleep, Alec."

He complied without argument, sleeping in the warmth of my arms. But I stayed wide awake until well after dawn.

I think I did something wrong, Alec. And I don't know how the hell to fix it. . . or if I even want to.