I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe I just did that! I just flirted with Peter. Flirted! Me. I feel like a balloon as I leave the dome, the image of his slack jaw glowing behind my eyelids. There are crowds of people coming into the dome for breakfast and I weave in between them, my chin and eyes lifted for once. I am careful not to hurry, and I don't look back. I wonder if he is watching me walk away. I think he is. I giggle. I feel like an absolute idiot. I'm holding my breath and letting it out in little snorts of laughter. I keep walking up the hill to the dorms. I'm not sure where I'm going, my head feels like it's filled with mist and light, like the sun rising through a thick fog. This is the happiest I've been since my parents died. I feel a hot spike of shame pass through me when I think of my parents. My parents' death and my current state of buoyant emotion do not exist comfortably together in my mind. I wonder whether Peter is still sitting at the table, mouth hanging open. I wonder if he followed me out.

I start to turn to look back at the dome, see if I can spot Peter in the crowd of Amity gathering to eat breakfast, but before I can get my head all the way around, someone strong has grabbed me by the shirt and shoved me through the door of a storage shed. I'm too shocked to call out. I am plunged into the earthy-smelling darkness and my back hits the wall. Not too hard, but I'm in a state of shock. It's Peter, and he looks angry. Does he always look angry? Suddenly I can't remember. "Peter?" I say weakly. He turns away from me and closes the door behind us. My heart is pounding in my ears. I know logically that he can't hear it, but it sounds like a cannon. Why did he bring me in here? I see him looking at a rack of strange, sharp farming tools and a shiver runs through my body as I think of Four this morning. "Peter isn't a good person."

"Peter please." I hear my voice quaver and I feel ashamed. Peter has been kind to me, I have no reason to distrust him. He didn't bring me in here to hurt me. I am not afraid of Peter. But now he must think I am. It doesn't matter. He already knows how weak you are.

He's looking at me again. "What do you think is going to happen?"

I want to apologize to him for my fear. I want to tell him that I trust him, that I don't care what Four or 'Tris' think of him. "I don't know. Four told me-"

His face turns to stone. "Four told you what?"

I should never have brought up Four. He hates Four. I wonder what happened between them but I don't care. I want to tell Peter that but I can see how angry he is now. I've ruined this, ruined everything. "He didn't tell me anything" I say. I watch how he slumps, his head curving down toward his chest. He's even more alone than I am. I want so badly to touch him, to touch his face, the way he touched mine. I lift my arm, but then I see his eyes again, filled with anger. I lower my hand before he sees. "What happened between you? Why are they so suspicious of you?"

He laughs, a short, harsh bark of a laugh, and shakes his head. "Suspicious? Is that you trying to appease me or refusing to believe that your sister is capable of hatred?"

He won't look at me. I want him to look at me, to see how sorry I am for my weakness, for my fear. I want to apologize to him and tell him how alone I am all the time except when I am with him. I want him to know how I feel.I don't even know how I feel. "I don't know if I'm an authority on what Beatrice is capable of. And I don't think she or Four are authorities on what you are capable of."

He looks at me, finally, for a long moment. I can't speak. His eyes are huge and dark, full of regret and pain. The anger is totally gone from them. There is an instant where I think I am going to step forward, because that's all it would take, one step and then I would be close enough to wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him close to me. I'm going to do it, for a moment, for a heartbeat. Then-

"I tried to kill her. Your sister." He drops his eyes back to the floor. His hands are trembling. "Four caught me, and he stopped me." His eyes are glued to the ground, and he's curling his hands into fists, locking his knees. "So I guess they have some authority, after all."

He's bracing himself, his fists and taut muscles, to keep from shaking, but his whole body is trembling. I want to hold him. I wish he hadn't said it. I don't know how to process what he has told me but I know it doesn't stop me from wishing I was holding his face in my hands. Does that make me a despicable person? Wanting to touch my sister's would-be killer?

He raises his eyes to mine, and they're filled with fear and grief. "I'm sorry Caleb-". His voice catches. He coughs weakly. "I didn't mean to scare you." He turns away and crashes through the door to the shed, leaving it swinging open behind him. There are tears burning my eyes and once he is gone, I let them fall, sinking to the ground. I weep for my parents, who I will never see again, for the stranger my sister has become, for myself, lost somewhere along the path of all the terrible choices I've made. I weep for the weakness that will starve me of any happiness, and the fear that fills the world I never wanted and I weep for Peter, who will never love the weak, scared person that I am, who is so alone himself, who will not believe that I forgive him, even though it is true.