"What the hell happened in there?" Olivia asked with concern and protective anger lacing her tone and defined features.

Amanda had taken – despite protest from Sonny – the younger detective to the spare room where they often rested up if they had to work all-nighters on cases.

Nick glanced at his boss. He wanted so badly to ease his former partner's mind but he knew if he told her about what Carisi had gone through he would lose all trust Carisi had ever placed in him.

"Nick," She said trying to get the younger man's attention. "If you know something – "

"It's not my place to tell you." Nick interrupted apologetically.

"If it endangers a member of my team you need to tell me." Olivia pushed.

She had been scared for the new attention to her team, scared and concerned and also a proud but the look that flashed in Carisi's eyes reminded Olivia of too many people she'd seen during her years working in SVU.

"Sarge – Liv, you know what this is." He said sadly, his features grave and deep. "I can't tell you, it's not my place to."

Olivia nodded, her face fell and her eyes showed her years as she looked at Nick.

"When did it happen?" She asked, fearing it was within the time he had been working for her and she hadn't saved him, hadn't noticed the signs.

"College." Nick answered. "He was 20."

She couldn't have saved him if she tried, Olivia realised, but still….She felt guilty and sad and angry that something so horrible had happened. She had worked over a decade in SVU and yet hearing about these things never got easier.

"Everyone knows now." The softness of Sonny's voice made him seem younger, more vulnerable.

Amanda looked at him; he sat on the bottom bunk, his legs criss-crossed like a school child, his eyes were shame-filled and his back tense and hunched.

"Knows what hun? That you're a good detective? That you got that hard-ass son-of-a-bitch to confess? No one could have done that. That's the only thing they'll care about, that you did your job."

Sonny didn't seem to register her words in his brain for he only shook his head, un-crossed his legs and pulled at the blanket with twitching hands.

"I'll just be another victim in their eyes." Sonny said. His eyes didn't look like the Carisi Amanda had come to know, they were dark and angry. "I've ruined it here."

"The Sarge was kidnapped and tortured." Amanda crossed the space between her and Sonny, she knelt down in front of the bed and gazed into his eyes. "Nick was hit as kid, Barba too – by their dads. I was sexually assaulted, who knows what Fin's been through. We've all been to hell and back Sonny but that doesn't make us victims; it makes us fighters."

Sonny had never been told anything like that before in his life, he'd never been told he was a fighter. Sonny was always told he could do better, or that he was a failure – never had someone called him strong until Amanda and Nick.

"It wasn't your – "

"Fault?" Sonny had to smile at that. "Don't worry Rollins, I already had Nick and the Counsellor give me that speech."

Amanda laughed as she pushed herself up to a standing position.

"I should probably explain myself to the sarge." Sonny said, his smile slightly forced.

"You don't have to." Amanda comforted. "You can go home and rest, tell her tomorrow."

"I threw up 5 times, I think she deserves an explanation."

"6 times actually."

"You really cheer me up, you know that?"

"I see your humour hasn't left you, smart-ass."

The two detectives smiled at each other warmly.

For the second time, Sonny felt a warmth in his stomach that heated his whole body.

"Sargent."

Olivia turned around and smiled.

Carisi didn't look as pale as he had before, his eyes had gained some light back in them.

"You alright, kid?" Fin asked.

"I think so." Sonny couldn't help but answer honestly. "But I owe you an explanation sarge." Sonny placed his gaze back onto Olivia.

"You do." She agreed. "We'll go to my office." Her voice was calm and gentle, soft like a mothers would be – Sonny remembered his sisters talking in that tone to him whenever he got into fights at school.

When they reached Benson's office she shut the door, gestured for Sonny to sit – which he did – and Olivia then sat on her desk, facing Sonny.

"I – I'm assuming Nick told you something – he would have to – "

"Nothing more than he thought he should have." Olivia said. "He didn't want to lose your trust."

"He cared that much, uh?" Sonny mumbled humorously.

"Carisi," Olivia smiled slightly, the sort of smile that put anyone at ease. "You were amazing in there today, getting the confession….I'm so sorry you had to be put in that situation, I know how triggering it can be."

"I can handle it."

"Carisi – "

"Look, I can understand if you want me off your team, if you want to ship me off to another precinct. I've got issues, okay? I was raped and I shut everyone out, people hated me and now I crave any sort of validation I can get. I – "

"You're a good detective Carisi, a bit rough around the edges but you have more potential than a lot of other detectives I've seen – and I've worked this gig for a long time." Olivia stood up straight and smiled sadly again, her eyes concerned and proud but also guilty. "I'm so sorry you had to go through what you went through alone, but on this team – we're a family. You have us now Carisi and that won't change unless you want it to."

"If this is out of pity – "

"You're a damn good detective." Olivia interrupted. "I'd be jealous if any other team had you."