Chapter 6: Give Me Shelter

The Bridge of the USS Enterprise was always beautiful. It was beautiful the first time James T. Kirk laid his eyes upon it when it'd been brand new and shining with luster. The light reflected just right off of the polished silver and sleek red.

Breathtaking.

The Bridge was beautiful even when the ship had gotten too close to Sigma Delta IIV and was getting sucked into the planet's gravity. Jim had ordered thrusters on full, trying his damndest to get away from that planet that was sucking them in. Huge chunks had come crashing down from the ceiling and cracks wide enough to put an arm through clashed through the side walls. Breaking glass could be heard as the view screen took a beating from the warring gravity fields and backwards thrusters. It was even worse than when his beautiful ship had been caught in the pull from the black hole of the Narada.

It took only minutes, but it felt like hours, to get out of the pull of the planet's gravity. When they finally were free from the sucking gravity and were limping back to find shelter at the nearest star base, Jim had looked at his battered Bridge and still thought it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. Breathtaking and grand. A true sight to see as his dutiful crew worked around him and stations from all around the ship called up to the Bridge with status reports mixed with damage warnings and casualty explanations.

Space was, as Bones had once said, disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence and maybe that was true but it was also beautiful, oh so beautiful. His ship sweeping across the stars passing planets both known and not was inspiring. Watching the stars pass by in blurbs was alluring in ways Jim had only dreamed.

So amazing.

His eyes brimmed with tears as he sat looking at his empty Bridge. The stars came and went as the Enterprise flew past them. The view screen had already been programed to see the galaxy around the ship so Jim just sat back and watched. It should have bothered him that there was no one around him, there was no sound of other crewmen working at their stations like there normally was. This should have concerned him, the fact that he was all alone on his ship, but it didn't. The sounds of beeps and chirps of the equipment calmed him in ways he hadn't felt in weeks, years even.

Beep, beep, beep, the equipment sounded making him smile to himself. He felt so at peace that he didn't even feel the tears making tracks down his face. Jim thought he was forgetting something, felt like there was something he needed to do but he couldn't think of anything at the moment. Nothing mattered because he was finally back on his ship and it was breathtaking and beautiful and alluring and nothing mattered. Nothing at all.

Beep, beep, beep.

There were shadows around Jim's pliant form that he ignored them. There was no use worrying, he knew he was alone on his ship. His ship, the USS Enterprise, was a fortress, a castle, no one could get on his ship. No one could harm him or hurt him here. Here he was safe.

Beep, beep, beep.

The Bridge started to shake and when it did Jim gasped loudly. Pain erupted in his chest and he coughed hard trying to distill the junk clogging his throat. He coughed once, then twice but nothing happened. He tried to gasp in another breath but nothing, he couldn't breathe. Someone, maybe it was him, made an awful sound in the back of his throat. He was choking, he couldn't breathe!

Suddenly Jim wished he wasn't so alone as he fell forward off of his chair and onto all fours on the pristine ground of his beautiful ship. He grabbed at his throat wishing, praying that someone would show up. He wanted someone to rush to him and help him, save him! Like Bones, Bones always saved him, always… always. But not now. Not now because he was alone. Alone. He was going to die and he was alone.

Beep, beep, beep.

He was always alone.

Why was he always alone?

With a gasp that felt loud and hard to him but was probably inaudible to anyone else, Jim opened his eyes with a snap. With saucer-like eyes he looked around the room he was in with panic rising in his burning chest. Jim could see that he was in a hospital room with tubes coming out of his arms and a larger tube protruding from his burning belly. He doubled over, or tried to with the wires and lines doing a good job of keeping him in place, to cough. His stomach and throat burned. His mouth felt like someone had grated his tongue and cheeks with sandpaper. His eyes dropped on their own accord but Jim was having none of it. He needed to stay awake. He needed to get out of here and go… but where would he go? Home to Frank who hated him with every fiber of his being? Home to the Enterprise where some deranged alien would hurt the people he cared about if he even got in a thousand kilometer radius of his ship? Where would he go?

Panic seized his chest as someone with strange looking, tanned hands grabbed his shoulders and forced his panicking hands away from the tube going into his stomach. Jim whipped his head around, his heartbeat going fast and a smile forming on his face when the tanned hand that looked so much like the man he loved, the hand that couldn't belong to anyone else but the man who he never told he loved. The man who had been his best friend for so many years. Bones –

Frank. It was Frank next to him with tanned hands and a scared expression on his face. Tears collected and spilled over Jim eyes as he looked at the man next to him. Jim wished the man would leave him alone for once. He didn't want to be beaten again like when he was younger. He didn't understand why Frank was in the hospital with him when he was the one who so frequently put him in here in his teen years, back when he couldn't defend himself.

Jim stared at the man with fear in his eyes. Frank looked back at him before he mumbled then reached just out of Jim's view to grab a cup of something. He brought the cup close to Jim's lips but Jim jerked away, scared of what Frank was doing.

"It's just ice chips," Frank said in a surprisingly soft voice, one Jim had only ever heard him use with Winona on sparse occasions. Then he dipped the cup over so Jim could see that yes, it really was just small chips of ice crunched in the paper cup. Frank brought the cup back up to Jim's mouth where Jim parted his lips somewhat to let some of the chips fall onto his dry tongue. When the cold wetness touched his tongue he almost moaned in delight, but he didn't. He was still on his guard, he didn't understand what Frank was playing at. He didn't understand the game.

More chips hit his tongue until Frank took the cup away and Jim whimpered involuntarily.

"That's all I can give ya fer now, Jimmy. I'm sorry." Jim's eyes widened even more, if that was even possible. He didn't think he had ever heard Frank utter those two words in the same sentence together.

I'm sorry.

He didn't even think Frank knew those two words.

Jim looked at his step father as the older man sat back in the hospital issued chair. He looked tired with circles under his eyes. His hair was in disarray and he didn't look like he had taken a proper shower in a few days but he didn't look altogether terrible. He was tanned in all the ways a man who spent most of his time working long hours on a farm should be and his shirt looked clean. He also didn't smell of alcohol like Jim could remember so much from his childhood.

Jim didn't understand what was going on, the last thing he could remember was getting ready to take a shower in his room, but that must have been days ago by the way the monitors beeping around him and the tubes connecting him looked. Jim opened his mouth to ask the older man what the hell was going on but nothing came out of his dry throat. Frank, seeing Jim struggling, sat forward in his chair. He roughly ran his fingers through his hair. He took a deep breath seeming to collect himself before he looked back up at Jim and placed his hands on his knees.

"You, uh," He stuttered before swallowing and beginning again. "Well, when I heard the shower running for so long I figured you'd just left it runnin' so I turned the water off and uh..." Jim had never seen Frank like this. Stuttering and nervous. He could remember Frank spitting angry and stumbling drunk but never stuttering to get his words out like he was right now.

"I heard a crash and uh, look boy – uh, I mean Jim, look Jim, I'm tryin' ta, ya know, get better. I didn't always, wasn't always like you knew me and after ya left it was just me and the farm and Winona never called and… it don't really matter now but I jus' ... I'm tryin' ta get better Jim." He finished meeting Jim's eye. "I am. I wasn't the man your Ma married when you were a boy an I wanna change that. I've been trying to change that."

Jim just stared at the man with large, round, unbelieving eyes that were still glossed over.

Frank, not expecting an answer licked his lips and clasped his hands. "Look. I ain't gonna say that the things I did when you was little was good or nothing, it wasn't, it was horrible. The things I did to you and your older brother were awful but when he ran off and you ran off and Winona told me ta just take care of the farm I had a lotta' time to think." He was rambling now, Jim knew but he let him because this was something that needed to be heard and said by both men. "I went to talk to some people, good people, an I still talk to 'em. They're helpin' me get better. I go to AA meetings every Wednesday an… an I just want you to know you can stay at the house as long as you need to." He finished flicking a stray tear from the side of his face.

Jim was struck dumb as he stared at the man who had hurt him and yelled at him and beaten him when he was younger. He didn't understand what was happening but he could see the sadness in Frank's eyes. He could see the pain and the pleading for forgiveness.

A part of Jim wanted to scream and curse at the man because no, no, no, so many years couldn't just be forgotten so easily. So many years of screaming at each other and cursing everything that moves and doesn't move couldn't be just swept under the rug to carelessly. There needed to be more yelling and more screaming and doors needed to be slamming and people needed to be crying to solve this abuse he had faced for so much of his life.

Jim's head tilted to the side looking at the man, Frank, really looking at him. He hadn't seen Frank in years. He wasn't the same big headed teenager anymore who thought he was invincible. He was battle hardened and trained to be a leader. He was the Captain of a star ship for God's sakes, or at least he was. It felt like so long ago this man had gotten trashed and beat on him. But things were different now and maybe it was time to bury the hatchet. Not to forget about it because no, there was no forgetting about black eyes and torn skin, but maybe it was time to move on.

Maybe Jim was just on the really good drugs or maybe he really was considering this.

Frank ran his hands through his messy hair again making it stick up at strange angles all across his head. His hair seemed greasy from his oily fingers running through the strands. "You don't have to accept my apology and I'm not gonna ask why you came back to the Farm an quitin' Starfleet without telling anyone."

Jim snapped his eyes up to look at Frank, his mouth opened but the man cut him off. "Pike called a few days ago." Panic again seized Jim's chest. His mouth garbled and squeaked but nothing came out, his voice didn't work. The monitors above his head started beeping louder and faster along with his heartbeat. Frank lunged forward to put a warm hand on Jim's shoulder, Jim was surprised when he didn't involuntarily pull away.

"Calm down, Jim, I didn't say anything. He called and begged to know what was going on but all I said was that you were sick and he said he was coming and I told him not to. I said that if you wanted to see him you'd call him and ask him to come." Jim felt a wave of gratitude wash over him as Frank eased him back down to the hospital bed.

"I don't know what happened but I guess you left for a good reason, everyone on earth knows how much you love that ship of yours."

At that Jim nodded feeling exhaustion seep into his bones and force his eyes to sag. Frank opened his mouth to speak again then stopped when he saw Jim's eyes begin to close. "Don't worry, Jimmy, I promise to take care of you until you get better then you and I can sit down and talk about all this." Then he nodded and sat back.

Jim cleared his throat once, then twice, then he waited a second before he was sure his voice would work before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Thank you."

And for the first time in weeks, he didn't feel alone.