"Johnny boy always played the fool
He broke all the rules
So you would think he was cool
He was never really one of the guys
No matter how hard he tried
Often thought of suicide
It's kind of hard when you ain't got no friends
He put his life to an end
They might remember him then" -Youth of a Nation, P.O.D.

I opened my eyes when the door opened. Beth walked in, a white towel drying her hair. I ignored her and closed my eyes, leaning against the wall.

"Emma? I hope you don't mind that I'm your roommate." Beth said hesitantly.

"Don't care." I said flatly.

She heaved a sigh, then I heard the bed creak. It was silent for a long moment, then I sighed and pushed myself off the wall, opening my eyes.

"You don't have to stay if you hate me." That has to be the longest thing I've said all day...

She started. "I don't hate you! I couldn't hate you!"

I waved her stutters off. "Shut up,"

She shut up.

"Don't continually blab just to talk. If you're going to talk, at least have a point for doing so." I snapped.

She nodded.

I sighed. Great. I get the robot.

I stood up, straightened my shirt, then walked out of the room. I wandered around until I found the door to outside. I slammed it closed behind me, missing a whispered, "What's her problem?"

I climbed up to the wall that surrounded the monastery, ignoring the fact I was getting soaked. I closed my eyes and let the tears mix with the rain.

"Hey, you should get inside before you get sick." Misako said quietly a couple minutes later.

"Go away." I snapped.

It was quiet for a long moment, then I heard the door click shut.

The wall I was sitting on was considerably thicker than it looked, so there wasn't a fear of falling. I dangled my legs over the side, the rain blurring my vision. Again, I considered jumping.

Just get it over with...your mom is dead, your dad's gone and nobody here cares...it'll be painless. A little voice hissed.

I was this close to jumping off. Indeed, I had started to slid off when I felt something wrap around my waist, preventing me from moving.

"Don't do it." Kai said.

"Let go..." I cried, hitting his arms with my hands with wet smacking sounds.

Kai yanked me off the wall, and we both tumbled to the ground.

"What was that for, idiot!?" I yelped, standing up and brushing myself off.

Which, in retrospect, was pointless because it was raining... How had he stayed like that to begin with? He must've braced himself with something.

"You were going to commit suicide. I wasn't just going to let you fall!" He shot back.

"Why not?! One less person for you to look after and train!" I waved my arms.

"I have to train you, idiot!" He yelled. "Sensei would kill me if you died!"

"So you're looking out for yourself?" I pointed out.

He glared at me darkly. "Go ahead. Jump off the wall and die."

I froze. "You know you want to. So why not?" He prodded.

I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe.

Kai took a step closer to me. Then another. Till I was right in front of him. "You'll die, and nobody will care."

I closed my eyes tight, shaking. "Then what? What about the people that did care, but you were too selfish to notice? What happens to them?" His voice was hard.

I shook my head, clamping my hands over my ears. "No...stop it..."

"What happens to them, Emma?!" He cried.

"Stop...stop it..."

"You tell me! If you stay alive, think of all you can do to help people that are like you! But you aren't, are you? You're going to kill yourself, and end everything!"

"Stop it...please..." I was crying hard now.

"Stop and think about that for a moment! What does suicide prove? That you're strong enough to kill yourself? That's not strong; that's pathetic. If you can't bear your life and everything you've been through, you aren't human!"

"Kai, that's enough." Sensei walked over.

I bawled into my hands, the rain dousing everything. I felt warm and gentle hands guide me inside.

Solaris's voice helped me undress and sink into the bathtub. I felt completely numb as she scrubbed my hair. Her voice was soothing to listen to as she sang some song I didn't recognize in a different language, and I felt myself begin to drop off. I was roused from unconsciousness when warm, strong arms picked me up. I groggily opened my eyes and the first thing that hit me was red. I blinked, confused. I tilted my head up, and recognized the spiky brown hair. I licked my dry lips, opening my mouth-

"Don't say anything." Kai interrupted.

I closed my mouth.

"You still going to kill yourself?" He kicked a half-open door, letting it swing closed behind us.

"...no." I muttered.

He slowly smiled, glancing down at me. "We cool, then?"

"I guess." I closed my eyes, resting my head against his chest.

He dropped me into my bed, made sure that I wasn't going to do anything stupid, then walked out with a quiet "G'night"

"He likes you." Beth said quietly.

I jumped, thinking she was asleep. "He doesn't. He just has to train me, and doesn't want me to be weak."

"Sure thing. Whatever you said." She pulled the cover higher over her shoulder and ignored me.

I stared up at the ceiling, fingering my shirt. I lifted my hand and stared at it, turning it back and forth. I clenched my fist, strengthening my resolve.

Tomorrow I'm going to become stronger. I'm not going to die.

I punched the air.

I'm ready.

New chapter! Yay! :D

The song up at the top was one I listened to recently, and I thought it fit. Tell me if it didn't.

There was a mistake the last chapter. I didn't even notice it till yesterday when I started this document. (I always look over it before I start just to generate thoughts)

Bottom line: I was really mad at myself for making such a stupid mistake...

I finally got around to watching the Waiting For Superman music video. I can't be the only one who cried watching that. You?

Don't forget to review! And I have a poll on my page, if you would be so kind to answer it.

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