Chapter 12: November 25th
Naruto wanted to stay the night, but I told him not to be such a presumptuous bastard and get the hell out of my house. He swore up and down it was only because he wanted to be sure I was feeling alright. I told him I'm a big boy and I can damn well take care of myself. For fuck's sake, you'd think he actually thought I loved him or something. I never said that.
After bigmouth left, I decided just to go straight to bed instead of writing in here because I was really really tired, even though it was only about eight thirty. Which is why I'm writing in it now. I also decided that I was just going to leave my journal in the desk drawer in stead of in with the underwear. The last time I put it there, things didn't turn out very well.
Fuck, I just spilled some of my coffee at the bottom of the page. Damnit!
I was thinking I should call Kakashi-sensei and tell him what's been going on. I'm sure Naruto wouldn't have told him anything that happened; he's too full of himself to admit he's gay. Or bisexual, or a flamer - whatever. But it's like I said before, he only pretends he's paying attention. Usually, he just tells me later that he forgot about our conversation. What a loser.
Speaking of being gay, I guess that means he doesn't like Sakura anymore. And boy, will she have a fit when she finds out she has even less of a chance with me than she had before. Shit, she'll have no more options! That just makes me laugh. She's such a conceited bitch. I do wonder about Hinata, though; if she finds out the guy she's been secretly pining for her whole life is gay, she might just kill herself. Or at the very least, go into a coma. Naruto should look into that.
I'm wondering if Sakura will call me today. It's still pretty early, so she might be asleep, but I haven't heard from her since that day. I'll send Naruto to go check on her later today, considering there's no way I would actually try and make her feel better. I could honestly care less, but I know Naruto likes her and all that.
Yeah, so does this mean Naruto's like, my bitch? Haha, now that I know he's at least a little bit attracted to me I can have him wrapped around my finger. Although... I did kind of say that I would treat him more like a human being. I also kind of said yesterday that I wanted more than making out. I'll have to think about that. ... I need to find someone to talk to who's had experience in relationships.
I'm so new at this damn 'people' business. I don't know how to, you know... 'woo' someone and all that crap. I think it's bullshit that I even have to show that stupid blonde I care about him, anyway. Who says I have to do that?
Alright, well I know I'm contradicting myself after everything that happened yesterday, but I can't help it. When Naruto's around I just kind of... start to melt, in a way. I feel so defensive about my sexuality, even about Naruto, but when it's actually him I'm talking to I feel like I'm not the same person. Which is probably what I was talking about when I was jabbering about that hermit crab shit.
God, if anyone ever reads this... I'm knee-deep in shit. I guess I wouldn't hide it if anything ever came of me and Naruto. But still, it would be VERY awkward if anyone knew about our sexuality. As far as everyone else knows, Naruto still has a crush on Sakura. But on the other hand, if she knew that he was gay, maybe she'd stop treating him like shit every day of his life.
I guess I will call Kakashi-sensei later today or stop by or something. But right now I'm concerned about finishing my coffee and get some breakfast.
I wonder if Naruto will try and talk to me today... I'm interested in seeing what he has to say.
Author's Note: Bleh, journal chapters are hard to write. But as I promised, I always try to update them as close as possible to the regular chapters. Next chapter will be a two-parter.