This chapter… difficult to write but not at the same time. Some scenes took a while to get to fit properly… but mostly this chapter sprang out as quickly as chapter 3 came slowly. Here's hoping luck is on our side with chapter 5! As always, reviews are always appreciated and they are an honest sense of inspiration. When I get a review I tend to stop what I'm doing and sit down on work on this fanfic… and if I'm already working on it it sometimes makes it easier to write. Thank yous go to SeraphHT and pumpkaboo for your constant words and comments and thoughts on what I've written so far and to the rest of my readers for keeping up with the story. Here's hoping you enjoy! :D
Chapter 4
Gray steel pointed at Ellis, the dark center a black hole that sucked him in. It was mind numbing to know that at any second that circle of silver could be his end… But he faced it with courage. He wouldn't back down from this. It was his fault… he deserved to die and he was ready for it. A cold gaze stared pointedly at him from behind the gun and Ellis quickly squeezed his eyes shut when he saw the movement of a finger on the trigger….
….
Earlier that day Ellis had been following Nick, Zoey, Francis and Louis… just as he had always done. It had been a couple days since he had been shot and it had slowed him down. He was no longer able help the 4 survivors… but he continued to follow along regardless.
His shoulder would twinge at him whenever he put weight on it… causing Ellis to limp along behind the others. Of course, Ellis reasoned, he could walk on two legs and not even use his shoulder to bear his weight but… as soon as he stopped thinking about it he was gimping along on all fours again.
It could be worse, Ellis supposed. The shot hadn't killed him… and Ellis knew that in a few more days it would no longer be a problem to him anyway. Or at least he suspected… he had healed so quickly in the past, after all… but then… he had still been in a mostly human form. Ellis continually found himself questioning what he was…. and partially human was becoming harder and harder to keep in mind. Calling himself partially human seemed to be optimistic now… A hopeful dream that was beginning to slip through Ellis' fingers.
Ellis paused for a breather and stared down at the elongated forms that used to be normal appendages… they ached. The joints, the muscles…. Everything. It felt like growing pains in a way except less natural. Like his body was no longer his own… and he didn't quite fit into it anymore… but he was trapped in it anyway.
Peering around the corner, Ellis found himself looking into Nick's eyes. The conman was always watching for him now… and Ellis couldn't help but feel safer because of it though he quickly pulled back out of Nick's sight. Nick knew he was there… he would know if something happened to Ellis. Though the kid wasn't entirely sure how the conman had known about his shoulder.
The memory still burned unpleasantly behind Ellis' eyes… He should have known better than to lend a hand in plain sight but Nick had called for help. Zoey might have died if Ellis hadn't helped… but she might have been able to fight her way out of that as well. Although unlikely, it was possible.
But of course Ellis had to be the hero. He just couldn't help it… and now he had a wound to show for it. Darkness bubbled up in Ellis' heart at the thought… they were ungrateful wretches to shoot him when he was only trying to help. But then he supposed he'd have shot at himself too. He was not a pretty sight.
Against better judgment Ellis turned to look into the dark reflection of a window, taking in the sallow skin that now made up his face. His gaze looked lost… black tears streaking down his cheeks and the sludge-like blood smeared across his mouth did not help his appearance. He rubbed at it again, attempting to at least have a clean mouth but the stuff was like tar… like tree sap… it seemed to permanently be stuck to his face.
Turning away in disgust Ellis followed in the survivors wake. The sun was beginning to set overhead and Ellis knew they'd be finding a safehouse soon… rest would be welcomed at this point by all of them, including Ellis.
It seemed that the survivors were beginning to have trouble… they were not finding the place they were seeking… thought they had known where it was but upon arriving here they were discovering it was much harder to find then they first thought. It made them push the pace and had them searching from early dawn to late dusk… using the daylight for all it was worth.
Ellis watched from the shadows as the 4 humans filed into a house with boarded windows. It had several stories… and looked like each survivor would have their own room tonight. There was trouble a night past when there were only two bedrooms… the survivors had been in such a fight that they had almost headed back into the darkness to find a better place to stay. In the end Nick got a room to himself… Zoey and Louis shared a bed… and Francis slept on the floor. Ellis could hear Francis' vows that next time it would be Nick sleeping on the floor… but Ellis doubted that would go through. The three seemed to avoid the conman now more than ever… and it made Ellis wonder what had happened between them.
Watching the shapes move about in the house, Ellis waited until Nick had chosen a room. Ellis wasn't sure if Nick kept doing this on purpose or not… but he continually chose the room on the highest floor that had a window near the roof. Not that Ellis really had much to go by considering there hadn't been many safehouses with that option but when there was Nick seemed to always choose it.
Not wasting another second Ellis climbed to the roof to sit near the window. Even now he refused to go to Nick… but then, he discovered, he didn't have to as Nick opened the window and his head turned this way and that… searching for something. Searching for him.
Nick's eyes alighted when they fell on Ellis and the hick almost ran… his flight response was heavy with his injury and although he was glad to have Nick on his side… he did not want to get too cozy with the conman. He would have to leave Nick again eventually and after that first time… Ellis didn't know how he was going to cope with that again. He was hoping keeping distance from the man might help prepare him… if things didn't fall back into their old rhythm then it would be easier to say goodbye.
Even with his rock solid resolve… he couldn't help but creep closer when Nick motioned him over. He stopped at the edge of the window, hands gripping the rough wood of the sill. Nick seemed unsure what to do next… apparently he hadn't really thought this through either.
"Did you want to come in?" Nick asked softly, stepping back so that he wasn't blocking the window.
Ellis quickly shook his head. No. That was a bad idea. It was the last thing Ellis should be doing. Upon the kid's response Nick spoke again.
"If you're worried about the others… the door's locked and they're going to be fast asleep soon anyway."
"S'no' tha'." Ellis replied just as softly, voice cracking… He never used it anymore –besides growling at the other infected- and that had seemed to put it into disrepair.
"What is it, then?"
"This's a bad idea. I shouldn' even be here." Ellis replied, moving to back away from the windowsill. Nick didn't reach out for him… not physically anyway. Made no move to stop Ellis except for his expression, his gaze… freezing Ellis on the spot.
"Shouldn't be. But here you are, anyway." Now Nick did make a move. He reached out, his hand moving from the light shed by the room into the darkness where Ellis squatted. It seemed fitting in a way that Nick would have light on him… but it didn't quite reach out to Ellis- though logically Ellis knew that was because Nick was blocking the light from him.
"Bad idea…" Ellis mumbled as warm fingers locked around his wrist and tugged gently. Nick wasn't forcing him… more coercing him. That tug was so inviting… even if it meant willingly going into light. Ellis found himself leaning toward the window again… leaning toward Nick and the light. His hands reached out to grip the windowsill, his grip ready to hoist himself into the room… but the light on his skin gave him pause.
"What is it?"
"I'm not… Nick I shouldn' be here." Ellis replied… his fingers were oddly short and stubby again… but his skin was still coated in blood. He was not who Nick thought he was… not what the other man wanted and certainly not what he needed. The grip on his wrist tightened into a pleading grip- not painful besides the way it tugged at Ellis' heart.
"Nick…" Ellis attempted to warn again but the other man just stared him down.
"What are you really worried about?" The conman's voice was soft… and there was a slight chill to it. A challenge to Ellis.
"Well… look at me, Nick. What do ya think my problem is?" Ellis' voice cracked again… but not from unshed tears. It was quickly becoming sore from the use it was undergoing… Didn't mean Ellis would be quiet though.
"Eh… you won't be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon. But then… I don't think you were ever in line to win one."
Usually this would have cracked at least a weak smile… but Ellis' mouth instead pressed into a firm line.
"S'no a joke."
The happy crinkles at the corners of Nick's eyes smoothed out and his expression became stern.
"I know what I'm doing." Nick replied. Ellis looked at him… and where he would usually trust Nick's words he could feel the waver in them. He didn't know what he was doing either… he was bluffing. Even though, Ellis found himself sliding first one foot into the room, then the other… and soon he was completely in the room- Nick's grip on his wrist was the only thing keeping him in a standing position.
"You really are a mess." Nick murmured… almost in wonder. Ellis' brows pulled down into a frown and he found himself backing toward the window.
"Ellis, I didn't mean any harm by it. Look…. We'll get you cleaned up." Nick said, his voice lowering… cooing… as if to calm an animal. Ellis' gaze flickered down to where Nick still gripped his wrist…then back up to the conman's face. He wasn't sure what to make of Nick anymore…
"Come on." Nick cooed again, pulling gently. Ellis was minimally surprised to realize the wrist that Nick gripped was connected to his uninjured shoulder… and he allowed himself to be led toward the door to the room. As Nick unlocked the door Ellis froze up.
"No." Ellis whispered urgently, tugging against Nick's hold.
"Kid… the bathroom is just across the hall. It'll be ok." Nick insisted and Ellis found himself following the other man again even though warning bells rang in his head. This was dangerous… really dangerous… Ellis could feel his mouth water from the scents of warmth and life and it made his heart stutter further in fear.
The hallway was dimly lit and so was the bathroom… until Nick flicked more lights on and Ellis was blinded. He threw his hands over his eyes, whimpering softly… and received a quiet apology from Nick, breath soft as it brushed against his ear. There was a click from behind Ellis… and then hands were tugging at his shirt. He resisted… he fought and struggled to pull away.
"Kid, kid… calm down." Nick muttered and Ellis froze up again, allowing Nick to slip the shirt from him. "I just want to check your shoulder… ok? That's all. I'm just going to clean you up a little."
Ellis had barely enough time to nod in understanding… though not necessarily consent… before he was being pushed and guided towards a toilet. He sat down roughly on the seat. Once upon a time the cold of the porcelain would have made Ellis jump but he didn't feel it now. He registered that there was something hard holding him up… but the temperature didn't come through anymore. Nothing really did except for the warmth that flooded the places Nick touched. The heat was brief… there and then gone… but Ellis wasn't complaining. It had been a long time since he had felt any kind of warmth… well, besides the hot sear of the bullet wound when it struck his shoulder and the other burning, tingling sensations from wounds.
A hand beneath his chin gingerly lifted his head and Ellis' face was muffled by the rough texture of cloth, rubbing insistently at his skin. He tried to pull back but the grip became more firm and Ellis sat through it. It was unpleasant… his skin felt strange were the cloth rubbed and Ellis wasn't entirely sure if it was helping anything.
A few more moments of torture that seemed to drag on… and Nick was gently gripping Ellis' uninjured shoulder and guiding him into a standing position.
"Isn't that a little better?" Nick asked softly, hand petting down Ellis' hair soothingly. The back of his mind wondered where his hat had gone… but the front of his mind took in his reflection. His gaze was still not his own… not entirely…. But the unpleasantly sticky substance from other undead was no longer a smear across his chin. The dark tears that had been black lines on his skin were now gray stains… as if someone had drawn a line with a watery marker.
"A little." Ellis agreed, watching as his lips stretched into a weak smile. It had been a while since his face had moved that way… well… a while before he had seen Nick again. The conman seemed to make his face move in such a way often… yet the muscles were still not entirely used to the twist and stretch.
"How have you been holding up, kid?" Nick asked softly while guiding Ellis back into a sitting position. Ellis registered the tugging of bandage being removed from his shoulder but otherwise seemed clueless to Nick's ministrations.
"Well….I'd say I'm alive… but…" Ellis said in a sorry attempt of a joke.
"You seem pretty lively to me." Nick offered, washcloth rubbing over the bullet wound in Ellis' shoulder and, though removing dried blood… it also caused more to leak through.
Ellis just grunted at that… Of course Nick would say that. But then Ellis was sure the conman was just trying to be nice. Silence held between the two men as Nick finished up. Once done he patted Ellis fondly on the shoulder.
"There we go, Sport. All taken care of." He said, and Ellis stood to look in the mirror once more. His gaze slid from his hallowed out face to his chest and he felt his mouth pull down at the corners from what he saw. He was still… muscular… but it was a different kind. It looked unhealthy.. hard edges where ribs would show through, barely seeming to remain concealed by skin. Muscles that should have looked whole and attractive instead looking sick and unkempt… uneven… Ellis looked away. He didn't want to see anymore… and the burning of his gaze showed him just how ashamed he was.
"Kid?" Nick asked, unsure. He moved so that he was in Ellis' line of sight but the kid just turned to look the other way.
"Hey! You're messing up my hard work." Nick chastised, reaching out to pull Ellis' face back toward him and wipe the tears away with a rag again. Ellis didn't reply… refused to meet Nick's gaze. He shouldn't have been here… he was risking the both of them and for what? Nick wouldn't be around to care for him forever…
"Kid." Nick replied, attempting for a response.
"I shouldn' be here." Ellis whispered softly, moving toward the bathroom door and twisting it only to discover it had been locked.
"Yes. You've said that already." Nick replied, pulling gently at Ellis' shoulder. "Kid… hey… Sport…" No response. "Ellis. Look at me."
Ellis didn't appreciate the tone… or the way Nick gripped insistently at Ellis' arm… but he couldn't help but force his gaze to meet Nick's. He noticed Nick swallow heavily and take a deep breath before continuing. Or… Ellis thought he would continue. Nick did open his mouth as if to say something… but then he shut it once more, as if finding what he had to say was difficult. In the end he pulled Ellis back from the door, unlocked it, and led Ellis back to the other room. He shut and locked the bedroom door behind him before turning to look at Ellis.
Nick looked from Ellis to the window then back again, crossing his arms. His stance clearly said that Ellis was free to leave…
Ellis began to move towards the window without hesitation at first… but when he reached it, and his hands gripped the cool surface… he paused. His gaze peered out into the darkness and then he turned to look back at Nick who was shrouded in the light of the room.
"Well?..." Nick asked, posture still closed from Ellis. The younger man stood there for a long time. He knew it was unwise to stay… but since when had he ever made a decision on the basis of logic?
A chilled wind brushed across Ellis' bare skin and he realized he was without his shirt and hat still. Not that they mattered really… not anymore. Of course his hat was still dear to him but he knew Nick would take good care of it if Ellis left it in his care.
Ellis hesitated only a moment longer… before shutting the window and moving away from it. He didn't move toward Nick exactly… he hadn't been around the conman in a while and he wasn't sure how to act really. He wasn't himself anymore… he couldn't just goof around.
"Come on, Ellis. I'm sure it's been awhile since you slept in a bed for the sheer pleasure of it… let's get some sleep." Nick said softly, slipping off his shoes and going to sit on the bed. Alarm bells sounded in Ellis' head again… he couldn't stay that long. He didn't even sleep anymore! Though… well he had blacked out for a short while from the bullet wound but that was different.
The floor creaked as Ellis shifted his weight from foot to foot uncertainly. Nick sighed and stood, taking Ellis' arm and leading the man back to the bed.
"Trust me." Nick murmured as he pulled the covers back and then ushered Ellis into the bed.
Ellis did trust Nick… though he knew at this time Nick was once again bluffing. The conman obviously didn't know what he was doing either. How does a human respond to an infected besides shooting it? Nick's treatment had Ellis feeling like some odd mix of a pet and an inferior to Nick… but at least that was better than Nick shooting him. For the most part. Nick would probably be better off if he did shoot Ellis.
Nick slid into the bed as well and the warmth was overwhelming to Ellis. He crowded into it immediately, arms wrapping around Nick's chest and legs tangling with the conman's beneath the sheets.
"I trust you." Ellis whispered, his head pillowed on the conman's chest. Another three words tickled along Ellis' tongue but he kept those to himself… this was not the time nor the place. There would never be a time or a proper place for Ellis to say that to Nick. An infected couldn't love… Nick deserved better than that.
"Get some sleep, kid. I'll look over you." Nick promised, his hands stroking through Ellis' hair. Strangely enough Ellis soon found his eyelids were drooping… His mind was becoming peaceful and tired. The heartbeat beneath his ear was familiar and it lulled him into a calm he hadn't felt for a long time… His breathing slowed- he was so very warm. Ellis' last thoughts were 'I wish it didn't have to end.'
…..
Harsh sunlight was not what woke Ellis, for once. It was the soft kisses pressed to his forehead and the hand stroking down his back. He opened his eyes slowly, feeling an invincible sort of power course through his system. He looked up at Nick and the conman paused for a moment to look down at him and assess his mood… before continuing with the actions that had roused Ellis from sleep.
With all the kisses being showered on him… none of them came towards his lips. It made Ellis stop and wonder… Nick really was disgusted with him… and that made him crave a kiss from the conman that much more. A longing to be loved spread its way from Ellis' chest and he sat up, threading his very human fingers through Nick's hair and causing Nick to pause.
The conman's gaze lowered ever so slowly to Ellis' lips… and as much as it was a debate, to Ellis it felt like a flirt… like a seduction… like a dare. Ellis put enough pressure on Nick's head to pull the conman in… the tips of their noses touching in the softest of ways.
"Ellis." The word pressed against Ellis' lips and his gaze grew fiery as he looked at Nick. He returned the man's challenge… though he would not force Nick into anything.
Lips were pressing to his suddenly… with a vigor that caught Ellis off guard. It took all his focus just to keep up with the motions, to return the passion Nick was giving him. It hadn't been that long ago when Ellis had bedded Nick… but it felt like ages. Just the feel of the man's lips working against his again was enough to have heat flooding his system and coiling in his belly… though of course that sent up red flags. Those red flags were burned… Ellis didn't want to have to think about them… didn't really care about them. He just wanted this moment with Nick… he wouldn't push it, wouldn't ask for more… he just wanted a little bit of this man for himself. That's all… just a moment to enjoy…
But each moment made it harder to stop. An all too familiar tongue was pressing insistently against his lips and Ellis responded on instinct, opening his mouth. He soon realized how potentially a bad idea that could have been when Nick's flavor flooded his taste buds. It made Ellis' stomach growl as much as it caused more heat to coil in his gut… two reactions coming from his body… and where one was welcomed… the other caused a shot of ice to race up Ellis' spine.
Nick pulled back to look at Ellis, his forehead wrinkled with worry. Not enough worry in Ellis' opinion… in his opinion Nick should have been downright terrified.
"Too far?" Nick asked as Ellis brought his fingertips to his mouth. Ellis looked at Nick… wanting to shake his head and nod… and deciding to do neither. Instead he just looked at the other man, watching as red creeped up his neck and flushed through his cheeks.
"Sorry Ellis." Nick said softly… Ellis of course nodded, a weak smile breaking across his face. He began to withdraw from Nick, however… untangling his limbs and moving out from the covers. The cold hit him hard… and he felt like he had become an absolute popsicle. It took every ounce of his reserve not to crawl back under the blankets and seek out warmth from Nick once more.
"I have to go." Ellis said. He said it more to himself… but it was good for Nick to hear it as well. The conman gave no response and Ellis found himself looking back just to see his expression. Nick wasn't looking at Ellis anymore… he had a pondering look on his face, hand rubbing at his chin.
"You'll come back? Tomorrow?" Nick asked finally as Ellis pulled up the window. Ellis of course immediately wanted to reply with 'of course'… but bit his tongue. He really should say no… should cut it off right here. For all the innocence between his spending time with Nick he felt like some sort of mistress sneaking in and out… stealing Nick's virtue… well if Nick had any virtue left that is.
"It's not safe." Ellis said in way of answer, sliding one foot out the window. If he thought he was cold before he was freezing now. Where was his shirt?
"It's never safe, Ellis. This is the goddamned apocalypse."
"I can't make you any promises."
"I don't need a promise."
Ellis stopped to think about that… then gave a soft smile.
"We'll see." Was whispered and then Ellis disappeared into the night. He regretted not having his shirt… though it wasn't like the flimsy material would really help with anything. A quick look at the sky showed him it would be warmer soon, regardless… he could cope. He had coped with so much worse… the cold outside would not be what stopped him now.
Curling in on himself, Ellis curled up beside the window and watched. Exhaustion no longer touched his eyes the way it had in Nick's presence. He was perfectly alert…. Ready to take on the world… He felt more powerful than he had in a long time.
The sky turned from a dark inky blue to an orange glow… time passed in a strange blur to Ellis… and a door opened and shut from beneath the house. The survivors were once again on the move. Peering down at them he watched Zoey… was she stomping ahead of the rest? She looked angry… Louis and Francis working to keep at her heels while Nick kept to the back as was the usual.
Of course after the first wave of zombies hit, Zoey seemed to calm down… well she wasn't rushing ahead anymore at any rate. She did seem to be more merciless to the infected then usual… if that were possible.
Following behind them Ellis couldn't really see Nick's expression so he didn't know how to take this new response. It nagged at him that it might very well have something to do with him…
Ellis' attention fell away from the other survivors as he was attacked by a Spitter. More often than not the special infected were drawn to the survivors… but every now and then they would become distracted by Ellis instead.
On instinct Ellis bared his teeth at the Spitter, attempting to warn her off. She of course would have none of that and spit acid at him, coming close to actually hitting him a couple of times.
Ellis limped around, keeping weight off of his shoulder, dodging her attacks and attempting to find a way to take her down. Some common had stopped to watch a moment before continuing on their chase of live flesh. Ellis would have become worried if they had stayed any longer… worried that he was no longer invisible to them… no longer beyond their notice as well.
There was a collision from behind and Ellis was shocked to find himself falling forward, landing in a small puddle of the acid goo. He rolled away from it quickly, turning back to see that a Jockey was double teaming him with the Spitter. So it wasn't only the hunters that were evolving with their methods… now it appeared that other infected were working together as well. This was quickly becoming more dangerous…
Ellis swiped at the Jockey, elongated fingers seeming more like claws as it clipped the annoying creature and warned it to stay back. Apparently the Jockey didn't have any sense either… or sensed that Ellis was weak. Speaking of weak though… Ellis put weight on the shoulder that had been giving him trouble for so long… and found that it was not nearly really painful anymore. It ached to remind him an injury had been there but… it was no longer a hindrance.
"This is what I'm talkin' about." Ellis said, before lunging at the Jockey first. The hunched over creature had not been prepared for a direct attack and the two went rolling away from the Spitter as Ellis nipped at the smaller monstrosity's neck. Remembering how difficult it was to get blood off of his face, though… he pulled back from a killing bite to swipe at the Jockey instead. It was much less effective… but with enough swipes Ellis took the creature out of commission. He snorted as if to say 'you shouldn't have messed with me' before a tingling had him rocketing to one side.
Ellis glanced back for a brief moment to see the place where he had been and the Jockey covered in that burning goo… the green melting away much of the ground and the Jockey's features.
"Spidey sense!" Ellis cheered to himself before he set his gaze on defeating the Spitter. She had brought this upon herself after all…
She was much harder to take down in the end. Her acidic projectile made it difficult to get close… but eventually Ellis was able to move quickly enough that he was able to get behind her and tackle her so that she was face down… defenseless… and one clean swipe removed her head and had that acidic goo leaking from her body in a gush.
"Gross." Ellis muttered, backing away from the limp body. Turning to look back around for the survivors Ellis found that he had fallen rather far behind. They were no longer in sight… and he could barely hear gunshots in the distance. He didn't find that entirely worrying though- it wasn't that difficult to catch up to them. After all, they left a trail of re-dead undead to follow.
Prancing along, feeling better than he had in a long time, he was able to catch up with the survivors (after some minor run ins with a couple more Jockeys) just as the sun was beginning to set. The safehouse this time was not as large as the other and Ellis felt the space where his heart was… or used to be… ache at the thought of not being able to see Nick again. He supposed he had been taking a luxury for granted the other night.
He watched shapes mill around in the light of the house and wondered what they had been able to scrounge up for supper. His own stomach twisted uneasily as he got closer to the house… he wasn't sure if he was hungry or if it was a warning of danger.
Ellis continued to trail around the house… going on guard as he had done so often in the past. And it wasn't until the lights in the house went out that a voice was summoning him. Ellis was quick to go to it, finding Nick peering out an open window as he called to Ellis quietly.
"Hey there, Sport." Nick said when he had spotted Ellis, an easy smile coming to his face.
"Hi." Ellis said in return, his mouth also turning up at the corners into a small grin. He still knew this was a bad idea… but nothing bad had happened last time and Ellis felt like he was invincible to everything… and when you felt like nothing could hurt you, risks were more often taken without realizing the severity of the risk.
"You disappeared there for a while." Nick pointed out… and that he had noticed made Ellis grin more.
"Had some trouble with a Spitter an' a Jockey. They're both done for, now." Ellis said, chest puffing out in pride. He pushed up onto his hind legs so that he and Nick were on the same level and moved closer- close enough that both his and Nick's hands rested on the windowsill and their faces were a breath apart.
"Do you really want to play this game?" Nick asked, finding Ellis to be a tease at the moment. Ellis leaned in quickly and pecked a kiss to Nick's lips.
"Maybe." Ellis replied… he didn't know where this playful atmosphere was coming from… didn't know how things had gone from a wall between the two of them to almost back to normal… especially when just that morning Nick had still been treating him like… not quite himself. Like a being that he pitied and had to care for. That was no longer in Nick's gaze.
"Fair warning- I am master of this game." Nick said softly, fingers coming up to tangle in Ellis' hair and pull him into a more insistent kiss.
Ellis grinned into the kiss, about to respond when the sound of a Hunter sent the hairs on his neck standing on end. Nick heard it too, his eyes flashing around in the darkness. After a moment's hesitation Nick pulled back from the window and gestured for Ellis to come inside. That dimmed Ellis' playfulness a little. Not that he really wanted to fight a hunter… but Nick was challenging him to play with fire. This was really risky.
Something in Ellis burned at the challenge… there was something exhilarating about risking his life… even more so when Nick was asking him to when so often Nick was his safe call. His 'don't go too far' voice.
Another moment of thought and Ellis quickly climbed through the window, senses going on high alert as he was surrounded by smells of life. For a moment he leaned in the direction they were coming from, stomach growling once more… reminding him it had been awhile since he had eaten.
He was drawn away from the smell when Nick closed the window and then took his arm, leading Ellis to stairs and then up them. He motioned to Ellis to be quiet and Ellis was overwhelmed by the scent of living flesh for a brief moment. Then he was heading to a room that smelled mostly of old… but also of Nick… and his hunger was pressed back once more. After all, Nick was not food.
A door clicked shut… and Ellis wondered how he had not noticed this space until he realized it was an attic and not a bedroom. Had he gone up stairs or a ladder without noticing? Must have… since the click was actually a thump of a trap door closing.
"This where ya plan on stayin' for tonight?" Ellis asked in wonder, eyes alighting on all the strange objects glittering in the moonlight.
"It was the safest place to be with you." Nick responded and then Ellis was being overwhelmed by Nick's scent as the man closed the distance between them. Nick wasn't even attempting to be alluring… he was just moving to sit next to Ellis, taking the other man's hand. Ellis was again confused to find stubby appendages at the end of his palms... but then they matched Nick's and fit so well with his that the thought was quickly lost.
There was quiet… each man observing the other by the dim lighting that came from the moon. It shed the attic in an eerie glow and Ellis found himself being drawn into a world that felt safe from any harm. He leaned in closer to Nick, smile spreading across his face- wider than any he had shared with Nick that night.
"Thought we were gonna play a game…?" Ellis suggested before nuzzling at Nick's neck fondly. It was odd… he could feel a small longing to bite deeply and feed from the warm life in front of him… but it was quelled by something else… and Ellis didn't actually find anything close to a temptation in doing such. He kissed the soft skin below Nick's jaw before pulling back to seek out Nick's expression.
"You're that ready to lose?" Nick whispered, kissing the tip of Ellis' nose. In this light Nick could pretend that Ellis was still Ellis… in this light he could pretend that it was just him and his human lover, hidden away from the rest of the world…
"I'm tha' ready ta play." Ellis answered meaning to sneak a quick kiss from Nick… but being pulled into something more. Something longer that had fire and passion and tongue seeking tongue and sliding along in an ever exploring search.
Nick's hands took advantage of the fact Ellis was still running around without a shirt on. Ellis wondered vaguely if Nick had thought to grab his shirt and hat… and there was a tiny tug of fear at the thought of his hat being lost behind… but soon those thoughts were left in the dust as Nick tugged at his pants.
"You sure 'bout this, Nick?" Ellis asked, having gently grabbed Nick's wrist to prevent him from succeeding at his task. The conman looked up at him, brows knitting together in an expression that seemed both vulnerable and defensive.
"Sure about making us feel good? Absolutely." Nick whispered but Ellis didn't release his wrists, forcing the conman to really look at Ellis.
"Nick…. You know I'm not… well not right anymore." Ellis' voice was calm and measured even though he was suddenly awash with pain. As he thought about it… that he was a monster… it overwhelmed his mind. He was not the same as Nick… the conman deserved so much better than him.
All at once his grip on Nick's wrists was changing and he was pulling away from the other man… backing into a corner as his body forced him to hunch over and his elongated fingers left gouges in the floor.
"You're still you." Nick replied easily though his gaze was unsure as he took in Ellis' changed state. "You're still you, Ellis." Nick said again… this time sounding as if he was convincing himself as well.
"I'm not Nick. Look at me, man. I'm…. I'm not human. Not anymore… you deserve better than that… better than a monster." Ellis said, curling in on himself. He crouched in the corner, in one of the only places not touched by moonlight. Nick sighed, corners of his mouth turned down.
"Well… from one monster to another I think it's something we can work through." Nick offered. Ellis didn't move… didn't look up. Nick wondered if the other man had even heard him. He remembered from personal experience how self-pity can cause a lack of hearing. Swallowing heavily and taking a deep breath, very aware of the danger of the situation… more so now than ever, Nick slowly made his way over to Ellis.
"Are you done with us, then?" Nick asked. It made his insides twist unpleasantly to ask Ellis such but first things first, perhaps the kid had just lost interest in Nick… Maybe Nick was Ellis' last string to humanity… and that's all he was to Ellis anymore.
Ellis shook with the effort not to become an emotional wreck. He was a man, dammit… he shouldn't be fighting tears. He bit his lower lip as he tried to force his emotions under control. It was like trying to control waves while swimming in the ocean… when you fight them you get drug under. Finally he looked up at Nick, black starting to well up at the corners of his eyes.
"I don't want to be, Nick. But I should be." Ellis said, his voice barely audible. He hated this… hated how he couldn't just tell Nick straight. No, he didn't want to be done with the conman. Even with the other man's flaws Ellis cared about him… He'd been risking his life to save the other man after all! But… he didn't deserve to be with Nick anymore. Not when he was like this…
"If you don't want to be then don't." Nick responded.
"You know it's no' tha' easy." Ellis said, shaking his head back and forth.
"Why not?" Nick replied, reaching down to place one of his hands over Ellis'… forcing himself not to flinch at the strange shape of Ellis' hands. They were weapons now… and they could easily kill Nick if Ellis felt the urge to do so.
"You'll never be safe if you're with me." Ellis finally got out because it was the truth. His heroics were just that… just good deeds of the moment. Ellis could snap at any time… just like in the past… except this time he wouldn't be coming back. His mind… would be gone. It was something that terrified him but that he knew was possible. It was probable…. It could happen at any moment.
"Is that your strongest line of defense?" Nick asked, tone sounding amused and slightly unimpressed. Ellis didn't reply. He turned his head from Nick, shifting his hand out from under Nick's. Or attempted to, anyway… Nick's hand moved so that their fingers were laced together instead. Difficult to do with the shape of Ellis' fingers… but nonetheless Nick accomplished it.
"I take that it is so here's my reply. No matter where I go or who I'm with I'm going to be in danger. It's a life I've lived before this shit hole of an apocalypse started. Even if there are 'safe places' to live and even if CEDA or whoever is in charge gets their shit under control… we'll still be in danger. We can't trust them… we can't trust to be safe from the infected for any length of time… because when you let your guard down is when you're attacked." Nick tugged gently on Ellis' hand until it was no longer on the floor but was instead lying across Nick's lap, his gaze taking every detail of the hand in.
"What I'm saying, Ellis, is that it's worth it… being in danger…. If I can remain around you. I'm going to be in danger, anyway." Those last words were hard for Nick to get out… mainly because he wasn't a sap. They felt weird to say and fit uncomfortably in his mouth… but the expression Ellis gave him after he said his piece was worth it.
Ellis moved so that his hand pulled Nick's hand to press against the hick's cheek.
"Don' say I didn' warn ya, Nick." Ellis finally said, nuzzling Nick's palm.
Nick shook his head, pulling Ellis in for a kiss which Ellis came willingly to. He followed Nick's silent guidance until he was straddling Nick's lap, careful as he brought his hands up to cup the conman's head. He paused when his hands easily tangled into Nick's hair, fingers stubby and normal again. Thoroughly confused by this Ellis pulled back from the kiss.
"What now?" Nick said, voice heavy with exasperation.
"I don' understand." Ellis replied, showing Nick his once again ordinary hand. Nick reached out and laced his fingers with Ellis' and smiled.
"Just go with it, Ellis." Nick said, not really wanting to hunt out answers to Ellis' strange condition tonight. He just wanted the younger man beneath him, writhing in a pleasure only Nick could give him… connecting on a level that they hadn't in so long.
Ellis leaned back into Nick, fell back into the kiss, fingers tugging at Nick's hair. Nick's hand snaked down to rub against the crotch of Ellis' pants and Ellis bit back a sound, hips rocking into Nick's hand.
Nick was glad to see that although a little different Ellis' body still responded the same. He still made the same sounds and reacted to the same stimulations. Nick leaned against Ellis, pressing the man back without breaking the kiss and soon Ellis was lying underneath him, legs hitched around Nick's hips as Nick removed his hand and ground down into Ellis.
Ellis bit his lip hard to withhold the sound that was wanting to escape him so badly. His mind was hazy with want… with passion… mostly with Nick
Alarm bells went off in Ellis' head and on instinct he went from being underneath Nick to over him, his body shielding the other man's from the sudden brightness of a flashlight shown at them.
"Shit!" Came the gruff voice and pain was lancing through Ellis' shoulder as a shot went off, knocking him from Nick and leaving him to grab at his shoulder in absolute agony. It just had to be the other shoulder… the one that hadn't been shot yet. Well, at least he was balanced now.
"Fuck!" Nick cursed, immediately moving to Ellis' side, hovering over the other man. "Ellis? Ellis, are you ok?!"
"Ellis?" A familiar feminine voice asked before demanding, "Francis!? What the hell have you done?"
"That's not Ellis!" Francis argued. "It was attacking Nick!"
Nick ignored the sounds of other people crowding around them. He was busy trying to pry Ellis' hand away from his shoulder.
"Come on kid, let me see." Nick urged. The moonlight showed the black that spread from Ellis' shoulder in a steady pool, dripping from between Ellis' clenched fingers.
"Louis, find the light." Zoey demanded before she was at Nick's side, trying to help him get Ellis' hand from his shoulder. Together they were able to pull it away, and once they had achieved that Nick quickly began mopping up Ellis' blood with the first piece of loose fabric he had- which just happened to be Ellis' shirt…
Noises of stumbling in the background barely registered to Nick… and he also didn't notice when Zoey was gone from his side and then back again, equipped with a flashlight and a medkit.
Working from just the light of the flashlight Nick quickly began to clean up the wound, nimble fingers seeking out the injured areas and quickly binding it so that it stopped leaking blood. There was so much blood though… and Ellis wasn't doing much besides attempting to grip his shoulder and whimpering from the pain.
"What the hell were you thinking, Francis?" Zoey demanded, turning the flashlight on Francis once she and Nick had accomplished all they could for Ellis' wound.
"It looked like something was attacking him! How was I supposed to know it was Ellis? Isn't he supposed to be dead?!" Francis countered just as Louis gave a victorious murmur and a dim light clicked on, shedding the room with a shallow glow.
Ellis flinched from the light, drawing in on himself and pressing his face into Nick's thigh. He had flipped over so that he was now lying on his belly, arm connected to the injured shoulder tucked beneath him as the other gripped at Nick's leg.
"Ellis?" Zoey asked softly, reaching out toward him.
With a hiss he raised his head enough to bare his teeth at her before pressing closer to Nick. There was so much pain… pain from the light, pain from the fresh wound, pain from the life around him that he couldn't consume.
"Shit!" Zoey said, moving away from him quickly. "What the hell is wrong with him, Nick?"
Now that the fear of Ellis' state of being had dimmed Nick turned to look at her, laying one of his blood stained hands on Ellis' head. What could he say? That Ellis was just going through a phase? That he was really mostly human, honest?... Neither of those went over well in Nick's head.
"Nick. What is he?" Zoey asked, moving farther away from Nick and Ellis… backing up enough that she was next to Francis and Louis. The three of them faced the two men kneeling on the floor, gazes silent and calculating.
"Nick, answer her. Tell us what's going on." Louis pressed.
The pain was still excruciating to Ellis, but he was pulling his mind back together with some focus. He began to sit up slowly, forcing his eyes to open and take in the light that had seemed far too bright at first. He met the gazes of the others, fear in his heart as he realized he was in a desperate situation.
"There was an incident a while back… havin' ta do with a mad scientist an' some 'xperimentation." He said in an attempted light tone though his voice was ragged from the pain. He knew how serious this was and he was afraid… but perhaps if he pretended things were ok maybe they would turn out ok.
Three pairs of gazes focused on him and he looked back. Ellis could very well be looking into his own death at the moment, he realized. It was made more obvious to him when Francis began to reach for his gun.
"What kind of experimentation?" Zoey asked though from her expression she had an assumption as to what the experimentation had been.
"He was lookin' fer a cure… an' he was testin' it on Ro, Coach, an' myself." Ellis answered.
"Nick wasn't a part of this?" Louis questioned.
"He was there an' all… but… I talked ta the scientist an'… well convinced 'im ta leave Nick out of it." Ellis explained as Nick shook his head.
"Why don't we ask the real question on everyone's mind. Are you human?" Francis said bluntly, his hand on his gun now… he didn't completely retrieve it, just wrapped his fingers around the grip.
Ellis shook his head in way of answer. Nick's shoulders slumped… Ellis was now kneeling next to him and Nick was wondering if Francis would do him the courtesy of shooting him as well as soon as he had finished with Ellis.
"Then what are you?" Zoey asked, she had pulled her gun out as well… but it still pointed at the ground. She was shifting her wait back and forth, her expression uncertain.
"I… I don't know." Ellis replied after a moment. He could feel the black leaking from his eyes though he didn't remotely feel like crying. His fear was dimming… hadn't he thought that dying would be for the best? He wouldn't be a hassle to anyone anymore if he was dead…
"How can you not know what you are? Either you're human. Or you're dead." Francis replied.
"I'm not either." Ellis said firmly. "Well… I guess I'm more both. I mean…" Ellis swallowed heavily as the gun raised to point at him and he attempted to scramble back, biting back a whimper as his shoulder was jarred with the movement. Nick was on his feet in an instant, standing between Francis' gun and Ellis.
"Dammit Francis, put that gun away." Nick snarled. "He's not dangerous!" It sounded lame even to his own ears.
"Bullshit he's not dangerous! He was ready to attack Zoey." Francis countered angrily.
"But he didn't attack her." Nick said- just as angrily, meeting Francis glare for glare. "He's had multiple chances, let me tell you, but he's saved our sorry asses instead."
"It was you." Zoey said softly as her gaze took in the bandaging on Ellis' shoulder-the one Francis hadn't just shot… it was dirty and falling apart by now but still there… and everything snapped into place. "You're the one that cut the tongue of the smoker… and that Francis shot. And… I'm guessing all those excuses of going out to get cigarettes… they actually had to do with you. And the hat and shirt Francis found in the bathroom… they were yours."
A nod was the only confirmation Ellis gave. He was dwelling on memories of attacking Nick and the danger he truly posed being around the survivors. If they knew how hungry he was… how easy it would be to attack them, how tempting… they would have shot him by now. Ellis just needed to accept that he was better off dead…
Ellis resituated himself so that he was on his knees, scooting forward enough that he could press his recently healed shoulder and the side of his face into Nick's calf.
Nick looked down at him in surprise. "Ellis?"
"I've been 'nough trouble, Nick." Ellis explained.
"What are you saying, Ellis? That it's ok for them to kill you?" Nick demanded, his temper rising from Ellis' behavior.
Ellis, for his part, didn't respond. He just pressed closer to Nick, his expression hidden by Nick's pants.
"So that's it, then. Are you going to shoot him Francis? Or should I?" Nick asked, his voice shaking with anger. His gaze, steeled and sharp, turned on Francis who averted his gaze- looking just this side of unsure now. Louis looked sad and uncertain… like he didn't know which way to go. Zoey's gaze was pitying and sympathetic… all three stayed a good distance away from Ellis and Nick.
"Fine." Nick said grabbing Francis' gun then turning to face Ellis. The boy looked up at him and it tore at his heart… he watched the gaze glaze over as Ellis stared at the gun- a look of terror melting away to true resignation.
Ellis looked up at Nick with accepting eyes… not ready to die but ready to receive death. The glint of the metal in Nick's hands was truly going to be his end… Nick was going to be his end.
Time seemed to slow as Ellis watched Nick. The other man's expression was cold… there was no mercy to be found in his eyes as he raised the gun to point at Ellis' head. The dark barrel of the gun, at one point such a friend to Ellis and his survival companion, now his death… It seemed fitting. He watched Nick's chest fill as the man took a deep breath, his eyes closing a moment, before his finger pulled the trigger.
Everyone flinched as a click sounded from the gun.
"Dammit Francis, you could at least have the gun loaded!" Nick growled, patting his pockets for the proper bullets. Not finding any he threw the gun down to the ground. "I'll go grab my pistol." He said, turning on his heel… but everyone else stopped him. Zoey had placed a hand on his arm, Louis had barred his path, and Francis had given a grunt that sounded like a 'don't'.
"Make up your fucking minds." Nick snarled, glaring back at Ellis for a moment before shoving past Louis and heading down the ladder. He didn't say another word as he climbed down the ladder. The entire house shook when he slammed the door to a bedroom a short while later.
Ellis watched him leave with a torn expression. He flinched at the sound… and then turned to look at the three survivors now facing him. Francis had retrieved his gun from the ground and was brushing it off, averting his gaze from Ellis. After making sure his gun was alright he turned and left the room mumbling something about being sure the gun had been loaded.
"Not so much as an apology for shooting you." Louis commented lightly.
"I don' need one. He was righ' ta do such… I bet it really did look like somethin' was attackin' Nick with it bein' dark an' all." Ellis said softly, gaze distant- silently adding on 'an' me lookin' the way I do'. He had moved his gaze to Louis' direction but Ellis stared blankly, the glare Nick had shot him imprinted into his visual memory and filling his mind at the moment. He looked pissed…
That wasn't entirely fair in Ellis' opinion. The conman had been ready to shoot him. If anyone had the right to be angry it was Ellis! Nick had been ready to shoot him!
Even knowing that… Ellis couldn't find the emotions needed for anger. More than anything Ellis felt numb… What was Nick's motive? Did he do it because of Ellis' words? His gaze had been lifeless … but he had still pulled the trigger.
"Ellis."
The sound of his name pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up at Zoey.
"We'll… discuss how things are going to work from here on out tomorrow. Just… stay up here for tonight, ok?"
Ellis looked at Zoey for a long moment… he finally nodded and then watched as she and Louis departed, leaving him alone in the attic. He found the only light source inside the room and triggered it to turn off… so that he was left alone in the dark… His thoughts were his only company through that seemingly endless night.