Chapter 4: Open your eyes

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When I wake up it's to the blurry view of Naruto hovering over me, expression marred with worry and are those tears in his eyes? I try to sit up to ask him what's wrong except—ow ow ow oh my god what the fuck? My chest hurts and my right arm hurts and I have a killer headache (like a hangover except I haven't touched a drop of alcohol in years and never in this body so what the hell) and when I look down to see what's wrong there's bruises all over my arm and blood coming from my fingertips. And when I carefully peel away the collar of my shirt, there's bruises on my chest, too.

"Ouch," is all I manage to croak out.

Did someone run me over (except there are no cars no vehicles in this world)? Or beat me up? But I would remember something like that—no wait, I do remember.

I remember trying to force my chakra (too much too soon not enough control what was I thinking?) to my hand last night and I guess I overdid it. No, I seriously overdid it. I try to move my arm and my hand but it hurts too god damned much so I stop and just.

Naruto's definitely crying now. "Nee-san, w-what's wrong? What happened?"

And oh no I still don't know what to do with a crying kid what do I do what do I do!? I grit my teeth and push myself up slowly with my left arm, but Naruto takes that as a sign that I need help sitting up so he props my back up and oh god that fucking hurts and I hiss through my teeth and Naruto flails around because he doesn't know what to do.

"Naruto," I say through clenched teeth (don't think about the pain don't think about it), blowing away an obnoxious piece of hair that decides to fall in front of my eyes. "Can you get the first aid kit?"

"Yeah!" he shouts as he rushes out of the room.

Leaving me to sit here alone in so much fucking pain oh my god I'm such a fucking idiot! No wonder you need patience and lots of practice to be good at chakra control. But why the fuck am I bleeding from my fingertips? It—it, ugh. To quote my dad, it makes no fucking sense (even though that phrase pisses me off and I wanted to punch him each time he said it, said because he isn't here I'm not there I'm dead but I'm not because dead people can't feel pain oh god it hurts)!

Naruto rushes back in, the first aid kit clutched tight to his chest, and he dithers next to me, unsure of what to do next.

"Put it down and open it," I instruct him.

Though, now what? Because I don't know what to do next, either. Bandage it, sure. But do I need to disinfect my fingertips first? Or rub on some kind of medication? Or... or what?

Naruto's quick to follow my instructions. He's even quicker to follow up by digging out the roll of bandages and antiseptic wipes and a bottle of pills. And I feel like a shit sister, because he shouldn't have to do any of this. I shouldn't have done anything to lead to this.

But I'm impatient, I was impatient, and look at what it fucking led to. God, they were right, they were so fucking right. I'm just such a mess, such a fuck up. No wonder my parents were so disappointed in me.

Naruto opens the packet of wipes with his teeth because his hands are shaking and god does that make me feel worse and he hands them to me before rushing off again to do who knows what. I'm worried, but I have to focus on patching myself up first, because I don't want Naruto to worry about me more than he has to and I can't run after him because I'm in too much fucking pain. So I take the wipes and I carefully wipe the blood from my fingers and my hand, red and dry and caking, trying to ignore the pain with a litany of don't think about its running through my head. And I bite my lip to stop myself from making a noise because dear god it hurts so damn much and it's all my stupid stupid fault.

Soon Naruto returns with a cup of water (so that's what he went to do) which he practically forces on me to free up his hand to open the pill bottle. I can't help but flinch because—a handful of pills numb the pain but only physically and soon it won't hurt anymore because this is the end—they're a painful reminder but I need one for the pain. So I dutifully accept the pill he pushes into my mouth (and what the hell is the dosage, anyway) and I take a sip of water. And another, to wash out the taste. Oh god that shit tastes horrible.

"I'll do the bandages," Naruto says, voice solemn, and I'm about to protest because I'm already a horrible sister don't make me a worse one, but he continues on before I can say anything. "You can't do it on your own!"

And he's right.

God damn it.

So I bite my lip and tell myself to shut up and suck it up, and I let him help me take off my shirt (and it's kinda hard to be body shy around the twin brother with whom you take baths together), the pain bringing tears to my eyes. I hear Naruto suck in a deep breath because, yeah, it looks really bad, like someone struck at me until my whole chest and arm resembles a blueberry or a rotting kiwi it's so blue and black and some parts are turning green.

Naruto's hands as he wraps my chest are shaking and clumsy and it really freaking hurts because he keeps brushing and hitting my bruises on accident because of his short reach. And holding and passing the bandages to him hurts my chest with each movement and I want to stop and curl up into a ball and cry except that would hurt more.

It feels like we sit there forever, wrapping me up, in silence except for the sniffles from both of us and the hisses of pain from me, but eventually we finish. And then Naruto's looking at me with a frown and a tear-stained face asking why and what happened without saying a word.

I let out a deep sigh and rest my head on his shoulder, because I feel so so weary and I never signed up for any of this and god I should have known better than to do something so stupid. But eventually I cave.

"I tried to practice with my chakra."

Naruto reaches up and pets my head and it feels better than it should and no one's ever done that to me before and I really need that comfort right now.

"Don't do it again. Not without Yamori."

And god he sounds so serious. He probably has a determined look in his eyes but I can't be bothered to move my head. And I must have scared him so so much. So I nod my head and agree. For his sake.

Even if I won't keep my word. Because I won't always be able to wait for Yamori.

And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Naruto. Oh god I'm such a horrible sister but I can't keep my word. But I'll make sure he never knows. He can't know.

And.

In a better world, we would have immediately alerted an adult. In a better world, I wouldn't have to practice chakra control in secret.

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It takes about a week and half before my bruises fade, though they're still tender. During that time we have to be extra careful not to provoke Old Lady. We wake up earlier to make sure we leave the house before she wakes up, though we always have to return by a certain time, otherwise she'll lock us out (it happens, once, and I'll never forgive her for it because we are so so cold and hungry as we huddle in front of the door and no one helps us).

Naruto is subdued the whole time. It makes me feel terrible. Here is a boy who is usually happy and loud and energetic, and look at what I've done to him. He sticks to me like glue, holding my good hand in a strong grip, glaring at anyone who walks too close to us. We mostly hide out in the park, in the more secluded areas.

Mostly it's boring and depressing and I never want to experience it again.

The first hour is spent in silence, but Naruto and silence don't get along, so he is quick to break it. He starts pointing out things. The clouds, bugs, the plants around us. He recognizes a lot of the things we've read/seen in the books Yamori left us, though their names elude us, for the most part. He makes up his own names for them, instead. Some really ridiculous names that we laugh over, even though he insists that they are really good names. Well, it's not like my naming sense is any better.

But that doesn't last, and soon we lapse into silence again. It is the most awkward situation we've been in together (except the first time we were bathed together, though it was only awkward for me. Oddly enough I'm used to it now. Besides, there's no way I would ever trust Old Lady with that task). The awkwardness lasts until I can't take it anymore, because I never was good with awkward silences—and I can't just ask him if he likes Mudkips—so I try to tell him stories I remember from Before.

Try being the key word.

I can't even remember half the details from most of the stories, I often backtrack and correct myself, and Naruto asks so many questions that I don't have the answers to. Half remembered fairy tales: the little mermaid who became foam in the end, the girl in the red riding hood eaten by a wolf and rescued by a huntsman, Rapunzel and her long golden hair.

I'm surprised by how easy it is to tell Naruto these stories. How I don't stumble over my words, how my mind doesn't go blank and my hands don't shake and my face doesn't burn from embarrassment. I've always been a shit storyteller, unless I wrote it down instead of speaking it, but even then my stories always lacked something. But telling these stories to Naruto, even though I barely remember them, is easy.

But as I mentioned, I don't remember much of them, and eventually I run out of fairy tales I remember.

So I give up and try to think of a better story to tell, something I can remember better.

Which is when I have the genius idea of retelling the Katekyo Hitman Reborn story to fit the Elemental Nations.

"Kufufu."

Naruto gives me a funny look. "Nee-san?"

"Oh, sorry," I say, blushing. With my guard down, Mukuro's signature laughter escaped me.

Which.

Thinking of Mukuro (and seriously, he and Tsuna would be so cute together. So cute) reminds me of Orochimaru. And of their similarities. Possessing/swapping bodies, obsessing over a younger male, wanting to destroy what had a hand in creating them and oh god if they ever met.

(And. And does this—the Narutoverse—mean that the KHR-verse exists somewhere out there, too?)

But I ignore that thought and instead start the retelling of civilian Tsuna, the long lost descendant of the first Sorakage, his complete refusal to become the tenth Sorakage.

("But why didn't he want to be Sorakage?" "Because he wanted to be a normal boy. He wanted to be lazy and unmotivated and not have to worry about things like being killed or his friends being hurt." "But don't all his friends want him to be Sorakage?" "Yes, in the sense that they believe he can be a good Sorakage, but no in the sense that they just want him to be happy. Even if it means being a normal boy." "...But they don't actually believe he'll be a normal boy, do they?" "...No.")

The trials he goes through, and all the friends he makes. And wow is the story easier to translate into an Elemental Nations story than I thought it would be.

I don't remember the whole story, though; my memory was never good enough for that. But at least it distracts Naruto—distracts both of us—for most of my recovery period.

Then I am left with nothing to distract him with. I'm desperate. So I do what I used to do Before, sometimes, with my brother (even though it hurts to think about him, even though it shouldn't hurt because I don't have the right).

I meow at him.

Naruto looks at me funny, again. Which, I don't blame him. But he surprises me by playing along. We actually spend the whole day making animal noises at each other, and making up noises when we don't know what noise certain animals make.

I still can't believe how much fun it is.

At one point, we went to the library. I'd finally mustered up enough courage to go there. The Konoha Library is a public one, located near the center of the village. Anyone can access it.

Anyone should be able to access it.

We should be able to, we would be able to, if only Konoha wasn't so biased against Naruto—against us. If only they would take their blinders off and think. Everything would be so much different if they would. But by now I know this is a futile thought.

We spent maybe half an hour in there, marveling at the place. Or at least Naruto did, I was a bit disappointed. I'd forgotten to take into account the fact that I can barely read most kana, though I'm definitely better at speaking Japanese than writing it, and that some of the books would be in kanji. Of which I barely know a few words. And I didn't have enough time to thoroughly search the place, but I tried valiantly to find something on chakra theory and maybe a dictionary or thesaurus, because I really need one of those books (all of those books).

But before long, the librarian spotted us and flew into an apoplectic rage and threw us out. Just lots of screaming and yelling, accusing us—and here he called us "demon brats"—of trying to steal knowledge or cause mayhem or something, and physically threw us out!

The asshole. Won't stop me from trying again sometime later, though. I really need more info on chakra and chakra control. I don't want the same incident as last time to happen again, and I really need to learn how to use chakra. But I've been too afraid to touch it or do anything with it while I'm injured and uninformed.

But today my bruises are faded and every move I make doesn't hurt, so it's back to running around for us! (And it's still so weird that I run around and play so much I used to be a couch potato and there was usually a cat pinning my legs down and nothing to do and—don't think about, don't think about it.) So, hands clasped tightly together, we're quick to make our escape into the wild wild jungle known as Konoha.

And as a treat, I might have filched some money from Old Lady. She really should secure her money better. Anyway, I wouldn't have taken the money if she actually fed us, the bitch. Because we're too skinny, and too hungry, and no kid should ever be treated in such a manner, no matter who or what they're like. And especially not Naruto.

Naruto's babbling, he's so excited. Excited enough to ignore or not even notice the looks the villagers are throwing us, as they are wont to do. I glare right back at them, which makes about half the population of Konoha flinch, because how many four year olds run around glaring at people? Exactly one, apparently. (But they deserve it.)

I should be paying more attention to Naruto and where we are going, but I don't, and that's a mistake, because suddenly Naruto's hit something and he's stumbling back, pulling me down with him. And it hurts.

I suck in a deep breath to cut off my hiss of pain, carefully picking myself back up. Before I can turn to Naruto, however, a large, meaty hand reaches down and grabs his shirt collar and pulls him up so that he's dangling in the air. Naruto's tiny fists try to claw the hand away from him, to make the hand let go. I'm frozen in shock, unsure of what to do.

"Watch where you're going, you brat," the owner of the hand snarls. He's a bulky man, rotund with unkempt hair and yellowed buck teeth (from drugs or tea?), towering over us. Another man, probably his friend, stands by his shoulder. He's dark skinned from exposure to sunlight, with slicked back hair and a disinterested look on his face. Which quickly turns to shock as he gets a good look at Naruto.

"Hey, isn't that the..."

Shit.

As the man holding Naruto turns to face his friend, ignoring Naruto's struggles, his yelling to "let go!" I take my chance and kick him between his legs, grimacing. He lets out a whoosh of shocked air, doubling over in pain, and lets go of Naruto who lands on his butt with a sound of surprise. I'm quick to take Naruto's hand back into mine and pull him up and run away. There's a shout and a yell and the sound of pounding feet after us.

"Nee-san," Naruto wheezes from behind me, surprised and winded from his fall.

"What?" I reply, but I barely pay him attention because we need to get away quick or they'll catch us and do who knows what and I really wish I knew this place better because I have no clue where the fuck we're going or even where we are. And they're behind us, getting closer and closer, their longer legs eating up the distance between us. Curse this child's body!

Then Naruto's the one tugging on my hand, pulling us into an alley. "This way!"

And then we're twisting through streets and alleys, some so small we barely fit, and then out into a street packed with people. He stops running so suddenly I run right into him, but luckily we catch each other so we don't fall. But we're huffing and sweating and it takes us a minute to catch our breath. We lost our pursuers a while ago, I don't know when, because I can't hear anyone running after us. Then Naruto looks at me and I look at him and we're laughing.

It's not even funny, but we're laughing. It must be the tension suddenly leaving us, or the nerves or adrenaline, but we spend a full minute laughing, ignoring the looks we get, until we calm down. Naruto's smiling, like he hasn't just spent most of two weeks looking glum and worried, and it's such a relief that I can't help smiling back. So much so that my cheeks start to hurt.

I look around a little to try and see if I recognize where we are, but this is further from the apartment than we've ever gone.

Shit, we're lost.

I've always had a horrible sense of direction, so we're going to have to rely on Naruto to get us back. Which might not actually be a bad decision, seeing as he's the one who got us here.

...Which actually makes no sense, because if I've never been here, then Naruto's never been here, either. Ugh, I'll think about it later.

For now, I should be more worried about how Naruto's practically vibrating in place in his eagerness to look around. Actually, I'm excited, too, because maybe they'll have something good to eat!

Seriously.

I'm so hungry, and sick and tired of all the (crappy, meager amount of) Japanese food we've been eating. Too much fish and salt and pickled stuff.

...Even though kimchi's pickled, too, and I love kimchi.

But there should be more than just Japanese food, there should! I remember that one team, the younger Ino-Shika-Chou one, eating kalbi/Korean BBQ. Yakiniku? I think that's what they call it in Japanese.

So I let Naruto drag me into the fray without protest, dodging people and looking around, desperately searching for something that isn't Japanese. It takes a while, with many stops for Naruto to look at something that's interested him, before we finally find a food stall that's selling something non-Japanese.

Stopping before the small stall, I take a good whiff of what's cooking. Mm. Orange chicken? Naruto stops beside me, head cocked, and copies my action, his nose pointed up in the air, and—sneezes.

Which brings the proprietor's attention to us. He looks down at us curiously, Naruto with his nose scrunched up, me biting my knuckle to stop myself from laughing out loud.

"What are you kids doing here?" He studies us closely for a moment, looking bemused, before he freezes, eyes stuck on Naruto's face.

Oh no. Not again.

But before I can react, before Naruto even suspects anything, the man's rounding the stall with a spatula in one hand, waving the utensil violently at us.

"You! Get away, demon!"

And Naruto's frozen in shock, so I pull him away, and I bite my tongue to stop myself from yelling because this isn't fair. This isn't fair!

We go further down the street and around the corner before Naruto suddenly stops. I look back at him, confused, only to see the confusion and fear in his eyes.

Shit.

"You're not a demon," I say, because what else can I say? I pull him into a hug and hold him tight. "You're not."

God I'm not cut out for this. I just want to punch and kick and beat the shit out of these people and I don't know how to make it better, how to comfort Naruto. And it's just so fucking wrong.

And Naruto's hesitating, I know he's hesitating, because it takes far too long before he hugs me back and I can feel a small patch of wetness on my shoulder where his face is resting. God this is fucked up.

I squeeze him tighter then pull back and wipe his eyes for him. He makes a face at me, disgruntled, so I stick my tongue out at him.

"Right! Let's go get something to eat, okay?"

He looks uncertain again, eyes flicking around, probably wondering where we'll get food, if people will react like the proprietor earlier. And maybe they will, or maybe they won't. But we won't know until we try. Which is what I tell him (and the way his face lights up, uncertain but so hopeful, god it breaks my heart).

And these people. They'll continue to kick him down. Because they're so stupid, because it's like kicking at a—a bomb! Like they're trying their luck, like maybe they're waiting for him to explode, like they're suicidal and—don't think about it don't think about it.

But I'll pick him back up, because he picks me back up.

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We never find a restaurant or a stall to eat from.

We're chased away from seven different places before Naruto seriously starts to flag, and we're so so hungry from all the running and the emotional exhaustion that. I don't know anymore. I just don't care.

So I find a target, and I turn to Naruto, and I tell him, a (fake, so fake, god I lie too much to my brother and he deserves so much better) smirk on my face. "Wait here."

"Why?" Naruto asks, but he's nodding, and that's all I need.

So I give him another smirk. "Just wait."

And I walk off in the direction of a corner store we're next to, small enough that there aren't a lot of people in it, but large enough that the clerk can't see me at all times. A bell chimes as I push open the door, and I look straight at the clerk, who looks torn between glaring at Naruto standing near the front peering curiously at me, and keeping an eye on me. And I give him a big smile, all teeth, and he flinches away. Then I make my way slowly toward the back where the drinks are, where there are no people, perusing the items in the isle near me, and try to look as nonchalant as I can (I'm not sure how successful I am).

When I make it to the drinks, I'm hidden from view enough that I snatch up an item near me without looking at it and stuff it into the waistband of my shorts, thanking the fact that my shirt's so large it easily hides whatever it is from view. I stop in front of the drinks, pretending to be indecisive, then go down the row until I reach the end where I'm once again hidden from view, and I snatch something else up. Then I meander my way over to the ice cream, because I really can't resist.

And oh my god, jackpot! Mochi ice cream. I'm quick to snatch one up, checking the price to make sure I have enough money for it (I do) before I head over to the cash register, where the clerk is glowering at me.

Ha, probably doesn't like the fact I took my time. But I set my bounty down and grin wide at him, making him flinch again, and wait for him to ring the item up.

He does it quickly. The price on the register reflects the price tag I saw earlier, but what the clerk says instead makes me grit my teeth to stop myself from exploding.

That asshole. He practically doubled the price! I pinch my leg to stop myself from snarling at him and I keep my smile going as I pay him with all the money I have, and I take the ice cream and I leave as calmly as I can.

Because fuck that asshole. And yeah, I stole from him, but he tried to steal from me! As soon as I reach Naruto, I take his hand and I smile at him and I give him the ice cream.

"Here."

He peers curiously at the item and oh my god he's never had ice cream before probably doesn't even know what it is except that he's seen some people it eat and that's just so fucking sad. But I try not to think about it too hard as I start to drag him away.

"Ice cream?" he asks, voice hesitant, as he lets me pull him in a random direction. For me, he doesn't voice.

"Yeah, well, since you've never had it before..."

"You too," is his quick rejoinder.

Which. Well, I guess he's technically not wrong. "You should eat it before it melts," I say instead.

He looks at me dubiously, but opens the container to peer closely at the ice cream. Two mochi ice cream lay in it with a small plastic fork. He stares curiously at them. I roll my eyes and steer us toward a bench, now we're far enough away, pull him down to sit next to me, and remove the bounty from my pants (and I will never say that ever again. Ever), placing them next to us. Then I snatch the ice cream from his hands, eliciting a yelp from him that I ignore. I quickly pick up the fork and cut one of the mocha in half, jab at it, and then hold it up for him.

"Say 'aaah.'"

"Aaaaah?"

As soon as his mouth is open, I shove as much of the ice cream as I can into it. In his surprise, he bites down, allowing me to jerk the fork out. He looks at me, wide eyed, as he slowly chews. I ignore him as I cut the other one in half and pop some of it into my mouth.

Mmm. The chewiness of the mochi and cold sweetness of the ice cream...

"So good!" we say at the same time. We look at each other and burst out laughing.

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When we get back to the apartment, it's late. Old Lady has already set the table and is eating. Across from her is two sets of dinner. Ours.

Our good mood from earlier dissipates as soon as we see her. She doesn't look up as we shut the door behind us and take off our shoes, shuffling around as quietly as we can. We don't want to provoke her. It's always eerie how quiet Naruto gets around her, but I don't blame him. I get equally as quiet.

"Go wash your hands," Old Lady says sharply, her brown eyes glaring at us as if asking us to try and disobey her.

We don't.

By the time we get back to the living room, Old Lady's already started eating. We sit cautiously at the table, murmuring "itadakimasu" as quietly as we dare (because not doing so will make her angry), and start eating.

Dinner is a quiet, awkward affair. As usual, the food is completely Japanese, too salty and fishy for my tastes, though today there's an odd aftertaste to it. Probably the ingredients were starting to go bad. But I force myself to eat as much as I can, because I need the food and this is the most she feeds us each day. Old Lady's own meal, of course, is better and bigger than ours.

Naruto eats quicker than I do, quicker than is actually healthy (though I don't blame him, because once Old Lady took away our food because we didn't eat it quickly enough, calling us "ungrateful"), and he finishes soon. As usual, I give him some of my food. But soon, Naruto's done, his stomach gurgling in upset, and he's standing and excusing himself to go to the bathroom. Old Lady barely acknowledges him, though her eyes follow him as he leaves the room. My ears start to ring from the silence.

Her eyes turn toward me, making me tense automatically. I hate it when she looks at me, glares at me like I'm some kind of monster, like I shouldn't be alive. Like I don't deserve to breathe. Because she's right, I don't. But I don't like being reminded of this by the likes of her. She has no right to judge me, no right to—

My hands feel numb. There's a tingling in my feet, like the pins-and-needles sensation you get from sitting on them too long, but it hasn't been that long. The ringing in my ears gets louder and my head feels heavy but my mind feels light, like it's floating away. Spots dance before my eyes, blotting and blurring my vision, and they refuse to go away, no matter how much I blink. I'm having trouble holding onto my chopsticks and they fall out of my fingers, clattering onto the table.

I can't—

I can't feel my fingers. I try to clench my hands into fists and it takes too much effort, too much time. They curl, but don't clench, weak and limp. The room's shaking—no, I'm shaking. My eyes fly up to Old Lady, accusing. She's looking at me with glee in her eyes and a satisfied smile on her face.

That bitch!

She's poisoned me, she poisoned us! Oh, no. No no no no no. Naruto!

Naruto, he's—is he alright? Shit, does Kurama negate poisons? I don't know!

I try to force myself to get up and go check on Naruto, but all my body does is fall over so all I can see is Old Lady's legs under the table and my body's convulsing and—

Pain. Oh god it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. Tears are forming in my eyes as the poison tears at me, forcing bile up up up my throat and out, choking me, falling on me, and my body thrashes.

Oh god oh god make it stop make it stop oh god please make it stop!

Old Lady starts talking, though I can barely hear what she says over the ringing in my ears.

"I had a grandson," she says, but I can't see her, can barely understand her. My mind whirs in English but she's speaking Japanese and it takes so long for me to translate. "He's supposed to be graduating from the Academy today. But you—"

I can't understand. What is she saying? My hearing is fuzzy, my brain rattles in my head as my body shakes, continuously. The agonizing pain distracts me. Oh god the pain.

And there's footsteps, coming toward us. Naruto. Oh thank god he's okay, he's okay.

I can hear him, saying something, yelling something, but I can't understand. And then Old Lady's legs move as she stands, as she shouts, voice shrill. I catch only a few words.

"You... dead... Demon!"

And oh god. Oh god, what is she doing? Her feet are thundering, moving toward Naruto, behind me.

Move. Move, damn it! I have to fucking move, to see what's going on, to stop her!

My body flails as I force myself to move, to crawl, and I pick my head up as it tries to swim away. Look up to see Old Lady throwing herself at Naruto, who's frozen in shock, staring at me, something glinting in her hands.

Bright blue eyes meet mine. "Naruto," I mouth, my hand reaching out slowly, oh so slowly and—

My hand catches something. The bottom of Old Lady's kimono. She trips, falling heavily onto the floor, jarring my body. She yanks her feet away from me, snarling, and oh god Naruto's still frozen, just standing there and that's a kunai in her hands.

Don't run with sharp objects, I think, giddily.

Old Lady tries to stand, to attack Naruto, but I force myself to move, god damn it! And I grab her ankle before she gets further than onto her knees and I try to pull but I don't have the strength, I can barely hold on to her as she yanks her foot back and forth, trying to dislodge me.

And it hurts. Oh god it hurts so fucking much. But I force myself, because I have to. Because I fucking have to, because otherwise she'll attack Naruto, hurt Naruto, try to kill him. So I force my body that doesn't want to listen to me, I force it and I move and I throw myself onto her.

But I can't do anything else, I can't move my body, I can't feel my body, only pain pain pain. And Old Lady's screaming and yelling and trying to push me off, but I'm just dead weight now, pinning her legs down. She slaps at me, sharp pain that I barely feel. Slap slapslap slap—

A sharp, stinging pain, blooming fire on my cheek. My face splits open and warmth flows down my cheek as it burns and stings and hurts so fucking much. Oh god it hurts.

There's a shrill sound, ringing in my ears. Shrill and HIGH and cONstAnt and tHE Pain anD the bURniNG fiRE and—

Darkness.

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Oh god why can't I just wake up why is this happening this has to be a dream it has to be it can't be real this isn't real I died I died I died I'm dead did I fuck that up too did I somehow survive and this is just a fever-dream a coma something produced from a head injury it just can't be real please just let me wake up whatever god or deity or higher being please just give me mercy wake me up let this end I just want it all to end why couldn't it have all just ended

please

let me

be—

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I wake up in the hospital, blinking blearily at the white ceiling, the smell of disinfectant burning my nose, making me want to sneeze, but I don't. There's a warm weight against my side, a beeping in the background. Heart monitor, probably.

I try to move, but everything hurts, burns. My brain feels fuzzy. I'm tired. So so tired.

I close my eyes and fall asleep.

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When I open my eyes again, I feel cold. The warmth next to me is gone. But I can feel the warmth of Kurama, of Naruto, nearby. I don't hurt as much, so I cautiously, slowly, turn my head toward where I can sense him. He's in a seat next to my bed, head bowed. He's holding my right hand, but I can barely feel it. I try to squeeze his hand, but all I can manage is a twitch.

It's enough to alert Naruto that I'm awake, though. His head shoots up and he stares at me, eyes wide and bright with tears and so so devastated. No. Please don't look like that. Please don't look at me like that.

"Nee-san!" he shouts. Tears spill over as he grips my hand tighter and he climbs onto the bed to get closer to me. I try to squeeze back, and this time I manage to curl my fingers a little. "Thank god you're awake! I thought!—Hic!—I thought—"

—you wouldn't wake up, he doesn't finish.

I try to smile at him in reassurance, but as soon as I move my lips, they start to crack. I lick at them and try again. I don't think it works.

Naruto keeps talking. "When Old Lady—when she—there was so much blood! And you were screaming and Old Lady was screaming and I didn't know what to do! And then Yamori and those mask guys came and—Hic!—Nee-san!"

Naruto cries and cries and cries, and there's nothing I can do.

No, there is.

Ignoring the pain, how much it fucking hurts, because it's worth it, I push myself up with my shaking arm and I slump against Naruto. I'm shaking and huffing and probably crying, but I manage to wrap an arm around him. I try to speak, but all I manage is a croak, so I just hold onto him. And we cry together.

Because I really thought. I really, really thought—that I was going to die again. And. I don't know if I'm relieved I didn't die... or disappointed.

That's how a nurse finds us. She's quick to separate and chastise us, but at least it gives me a chance to look Naruto over. Despite looking a bit haggard and tired, he seems fine, physically at least. Which is good.

Relieved, I look over to the nurse, who's still lecturing us.

"—and really, look what you've done! Now we'll have to rewrap the bandages around your face."

What?

Startled, I bring up a still shaking hand up to touch my face. Oh. There are bandages around my head, wrapped across my cheeks. I feel around them and hiss in pain when my fingers brush the cheekbone under my right eye.

"Don't touch it!" the nurse shouts. "Really!" And she launches into another lecture, but I'm not listening.

I'm remembering the pain, the sharp, stinging pain. The burning feeling, the—the kunai that struck my face, dug in. Oh god.

Oh god oh god oh god.

My breathing quickens, my vision swims, spots appear before my eyes. I can't... I can't breathe! Can't think! Sharp pain blooms on my cheeks, little points digging in. Can't can't can't oh god can't—

Something strong grips my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. The sharp pain disappears. I flick my gaze up and meet determined blue eyes.

Naruto.

Right. I shouldn't... shouldn't react this way. I have no right to. Naruto's unharmed, safe. We're both safe (but how safe are we in a village that hates us that abuses and hurts us that will one day use us use Naruto until there's nothing left of us until we can't be used until we're broken pieces to be discarded—)

"It'll be okay," Naruto says, his child-like voice steady and so so determined. I'll protect you.

"It'll be okay," I parrot. I won't let myself need protection.

Even though I don't believe myself. (Even though I don't believe Naruto.)

We stare at each other, making a solemn promise, until the nurse shoos Naruto off the bed. She then peels my bandages off, tsking and complaining, and wipes the injured area with a disinfectant wipe. I wince and hiss, trying to move my face away, but she just grabs my chin to hold me still. Then she rubs a paste on it, something that smells awful and makes my face sting like a motherfucker, and rewraps my face.

I wish she would hand me a mirror or something. I want to see the damage. I've never been particularly vain, but I've never been stabbed in the face, either. My biggest face wound was when I busted my chin as a child when I fell off my bicycle going downhill at a fast speed. My friends and I had walked around for at least an hour searching for my parents before we finally found my mom and she took me to the hospital. I'd needed stitches. Ever since then, there'd been a faint scar on my chin that was only really visible whenever I pursed my lips or frowned, which was quite often. (And for the first time, I don't feel pain when thinking about my mom.)

I'm morbidly curious about what this new scar looks like. I don't think I'll ask in front of Naruto, though. It might upset him. Though I wonder why it wasn't healed up. Didn't want to waste chakra on it?

"Aside from the face wound, you're fine. You'll be a little sore for a while, but that's to be expected. You're lucky you were brought here so quickly. Mogusa-sensei managed to extract all of the poison from your systems." She holds up two items, a tube of paste and a sheet of paper. "Change your bandages twice a day. Put this paste on the wound when needed. The instructions are here. You can leave in a bit; the Hokage's sending someone to pick you up."

And just like that, she breezes out of the room, closing the door none-too-gently behind her. Man, what a bitch.

Naruto's quick to pocket the tube of paste she left behind and hands me the paper with the instructions on them. I just fold it and hand it back. I'm too tired to read it right now. I just want to leave this place and—what? Go home? Go back to that apartment?

Oh god. If we have to go back there.... I don't know what I'll do. I'd rather live on the streets than go back! I turn to Naruto, who's staring at me intently, as if he's afraid I'll disappear or something if he looks away.

I open my mouth to talk but all that comes out is a few coughs. Naruto jolts, arms flailing, unsure of what to do. I mime drinking, trying to convey my thirst. Eventually Naruto understands and he quickly fetches me a glass of water. I drink it gratefully, taking large gulps and uncaring of the fact I'm spilling some.

Finished drinking, I hand the glass back and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

"How long has it been?" Naruto looks unsure, hesitant to answer. I roll my eyes. Even if he doesn't answer my question, I can just ask someone else or look at a calendar to find out. "How long?"

"...A week." His answer surprises me.

A week!? I've been out for that long? And has... Oh my god, did Naruto stay with me the whole time? I look closer at him. His clothes are rumpled (though at least they're not the same clothes he was wearing that day, thank god), his hair is oily, and there are dark circles under his eyes. Why hasn't he—right. There's nowhere for him to go. Even if he was willing to leave me alone, which he probably wasn't, there's nowhere he could go. The Hokage might have arranged for someplace temporary, but Naruto and I have never spent extended periods away from each other. This is probably the longest we've gone without talking or interacting.

Oh god. How lonely, how alone was Naruto this whole time? He must have been so scared, so frightened that I'd go and die and he'd be alone. And no matter how much the doctor or nurse reassured him (did they? Or did they just ignore him?), he probably wouldn't believe them until he saw it with his own eyes.

"I'm sorry." I clear my throat and blink my eyes rapidly, praying I don't cry. If I cry, it'll only make Naruto cry, too, and I don't want him to cry any more than he already has.

Naruto rapidly shakes his head. "No. No! It's not your fault! It's mine! It's me! If only—"

"—No!" I'm quick to interrupt, because I don't want him to finish that sentence. Because he's wrong. "It's not your fault! It's theirs! It's Old Lady's! You've done nothing wrong. We've done nothing wrong!" I take a deep, shuddering breath and reach out for Naruto's hand. He grasps my hand tightly. "You shouldn't listen to them. They're all just—just stupid fucking people, okay? Okay?"

Naruto startles at my curse, but is quick to nod his acquiescence. I smile at him, and maybe it's wobbly and small, but it's all I can manage right now. Naruto's return smile is equally wobbly. We sit for a while, holding hands and taking comfort in each other's presence. Then I get out of the bed with shaky limbs, Naruto helping me, to change out of the hospital gown. I feel gross, but I'll have to wait to wash later—just later, because I don't know how much longer until later, or where, for that matter. But as soon as I finish getting changed, we sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for our "escort."

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A/N:

So. Um. On a positive note, things will get better for them? Also, no more disjointed narration now that Renge's been kicked into action. Er, that is to say, Renge's been battling with depression about being reborn, especially about being reborn in the Narutoverse, and hostility with her environment because it's something she doesn't want. Though she's never done anything to change her life/position except to get angry and irritated at people (which not a healthy way to deal with things).

To clear things up a little: Renge doesn't do a very good job of hiding the fact she's smarter than the average child. Actually, she doesn't really hide it at all. This is reflected in how she talks and interacts with others, which influences how Naruto talks and interacts. So Renge goes around talking like someone who is at least a few years older than she physically is, and Naruto tends to pick up and repeat the words she uses. And then Renge is openly hostile to many of the villagers, not just the people who treat them badly, but even to people who might grimace or move away from them. Basically, Renge's hostility raises the villagers' hostility, because at first they would only hate Naruto, believing him to be the Kyuubi, but then there's his twin with her red hair and her hostility, who is smarter than normal. Is it so odd then that some people might come to the conclusion that the Kyuubi's influenced her/part of her?

By the way, Yamori vaguely realizes that Renge's oddly smart, but he chalks it up to her being a genius like her father, because ninjas believe a lot in genetics and things like "if your parent was this way, you should be this way, too!" Which is only half true, at most.

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