Set both pre- and post-The Vampires of Venice and during The Blind Banker.

Chapter 2: Vampires at the Bank

Two lovebirds currently engaged in a little spat caused by pre-marriage jitters. Yes, nothing a spin in the TARDIS couldn't fix. Well, maybe the spat wasn't so much due to nerves as partially a tiny bit entirely caused by him and his box, but that was only more of a reason for him to be the one to mend their relationship!

"How about somewhere far away and romantic?" With a final grin, the Doctor pulled the lever decorated with flashing yellowy lights that sometimes made the TARDIS land, and other times unlocked the main suite's bathroom door or set off the popcorn popper to extra buttery.

What better way to fix almost-marital issues than with a trip to one of the most romantic cities in all of Europe: 1580's Venice. The collection of islands in Italy was the setting of so much history and hosted so many landmarks; a more beautiful city couldn't be found anywhere else in the peninsular nation. The engaged couple could dance, drink, explore and make googly eyes at each other for as long as they like, and then come back not even an hour after they had left and get married! And Amy could have someone a bit more age appropriate to kiss, not that it was unpleasant or anything he would never want to be repeated. Hmm, that sounded like it may be another sentence which probably sounded better in his head.

The usual rocking of the TARDIS shifted slightly to the right and the Doctor frowned, taking a look at his scanner. "No, no, no; what have you done! Did either of you two press or touch or look at anything?" He ran around to where Amy and Rory were holding on to the console in an attempt to keep their balance.

"Um, I think my elbow might have bumped this blue switch here. Some warning would be nice next time, you know," Rory spoke up, shifting to reveal a small switch pointing downward.

"Oh, not the blue switch! You could have nudged the green button or twiddled with the orange knob or even had a little get together in the closet with the roundels and we'd have been fine, but no, you just had to flip the blue switch."

"Sorry, but what does the blue switch do, exactly?" Amy asked. "I mean, nothing changed. We didn't suddenly start spinning out of control or fall into a wormhole, so what's so bad about it?"

"Nothing changed? Oh, but everything did! You see this?" The Doctor brought the screen around so his passengers could view it. "There are twos on here. Twos. They are far worse than threes and only moderately less horrifying than eights. I hope you're happy, Rory; you've doomed us all."

"What? How have I doomed us?"

"Doctor!" Amy yelled, the thickened Scottish accent bringing the men's attention towards her. "What does the bloody switch do?"

"I don't know; the TARDIS doesn't come with an instruction manual! Everything here needs to be turned on if you want to find out what it does. I have been pointedly avoiding that switch for hundreds of years and then your boyfriend comes along and messes with it within an hour of being on board."

"Uh, fiancé, soon to be husband, actually…"

"Well then, I suppose we should take this as a learning exercise and see what we've got, hmm?" Amy, ever the blissfully ignorant optimist, spoke up in defense of her boyfriend-fiancé-soon-to-be-husband over the previously identified man's own voice.

"Fine, but I'm warning you I have no idea what is out there; I am not even certain we're still on Earth. We could have arrived at the first moon landing! Ooh, I need to take you there later… Regardless, I can assure you that we aren't in Venice anymore."

"We were going to Venice?"

"…And there goes the surprise as well. All right, let's just go already!"

With the same amount of caution he always exercised, the Doctor opened the door and stuck his head out. He licked his finger and raised it up into the air, checking the atmosphere to ensure it was safe to venture away from the TARDIS's extended air supply. Earth. Specifically London, in the first decade or two of the 21st century. Hasn't rained since Monday. Ugh, tourists are scattered about everywhere- they might be fun to mess with later. Hmm, this place seems moderately familiar.

Retracting his head back through the doors, the Doctor gave Amy and Rory a stern look. "It is even worse then I previously thought. We're in London around your time period and we have arrived at the worst possible point: it's a Thursday evening. Quick, get back in position and I'll fly us to Veni- I mean, your totally unknown couple's surprise date and this time I'll be sure to land on a Saturday."

"Oh, I don't think so, Doctor," Amy grinned, swaggering over to the entrance and past the Doctor. "Trust me; this will be good for you. It is healthy for senior citizens to continue learning; else their brains will gather dust and rot. Now, let's see where my almost-hubby brought us to."

Directly outside of the TARDIS door stood a brick wall and nothing else. Amy squeezed through the narrow space in between the police box and the building and stumbled onto a sidewalk, muttering about stupid blue switches as her outer blouse was torn. The sight that greeted her elicited a paused and a nervous "Doctor!"

"Yes, yes, I'm coming what is wro- oh…" Before them stood a relatively well-lit, tall edifice with rounded red paper lanterns stung up in front of the entrance. "Huh, this is a surprisingly mundane result for such an imposing little switch. To be perfectly honest I was expecting us to walk out in the middle of those terrorists attacks during the 2012 Olympics and Paralympics or somewhere equally unpleasant. This is actually fairly boring."

"But, Doctor, I don't understand. Why would the TARDIS bring us here? And where is here anyways?"

"Well, I could be wrong, though I highly doubt it, but I believe we are standing in front of the traveling Yellow Dragon Chinese circus, in town for one night only."

Amy turned on her heels and eyed the Doctor with a narrowed gaze. "Oh please, how could you possible know that? Did you volunteer as one of their performers once when their star acrobat hurt his leg before a show? Or were you the one to originally create the troupe and have come to check on how they've blossomed like a proud father?"

The Doctor turned wide eyes towards Amy and held up a soggy sheet of paper. "No, I just picked up their pamphlet from the ground. Why must everything be so complicated with you?"

"Uh, guys, I could really use some help over here. Could one of you maybe pull the box-thing away from this wall more? It's a bit too tight of a fit."

"Yes, right, okay; Amy, you go help Rory get out- there's some butter in the third drawer down next to the main lever- and teach him my spaceship's name or so help me… I'll go scout ahead, so come meet me inside when you're done."

Instructions given, the Doctor turned towards the decorated building and walked up the front steps. The lobby he walked into held more alit paper lanterns with ancient Chinese symbols on them and a ticket counter manned by a young Asian man was set into the wall.

"The show is about to start; reservation, or do you have the tickets with you?" the man asked, a polite tone softening the underlying impatience the words invoked.

"Party of three, one Doctor and two Ponds," the time traveler responded, flashing his psychic paper briefly. "The others will be here in a moment, but first please tell me something." Setting his elbows on the booth's table, the Doctor leaned in close and hushed his voice. "Just how would you classify this performance, from a rating of romantic paradise to sketchy illicit goods dealer atmosphere?"

The young man's eyes flashed in alarm for a second, probably from surprise- the Doctor got that reaction a lot- before settling calmly again. His hands moved under the counter as he replied, "Why do you ask?"

The Doctor leaned back and grinned. "Because I am bringing a date and I want this to go brilliantly; all low lights and cuddly times, no danger or pointy objects. After all, they are getting married soon!"

Relaxing, the man's easy smile came back. "Indeed, there is much potential for romance here, I would say, and all swords and daggers are kept safely away from the spectators, I assure you. Wait, did you say your date is getting married to another?"

"Yes, I actually high jacked one of them from his bachelor party! Fun times, but I bet a cake with a confused, poorly dressed woman in it and a free bar won't top this place!"

"… Of course not…"

Rory and Amy finally arrived and the Doctor ushered them up the stairs, dismissing Rory's protested about wishing to change shirts first with a mumbled "no time, come along". The passageway opened up into the main entertainment room; the ceiling abruptly rose high and a wide circle of candles marked where the audience should view from and bathed the area in soft light, causing constantly shifting shadows to appear on the curtains behind the stage.

"Doctor," Amy whispered as they entered the room, "this doesn't seem like a circus. There are only, like, fifteen other people here. What is going on?"

"Oh my God; we've entered a cult. Quick, we have got to go before they bring out the blood-letting knives."

"Oh, hush you Ponds. Relax, everything will be just fine. Remember: this is your date. No matter how… odd things seem, you have fun, yes? Yes. Now, you two put your arms around each other- like this- and snuggle up together. I'll just wander over there and give you some room." After rearranging a few limbs and ensuring the couple was as entangled as possible, the Doctor gave one last encouraging thumbs up and walked to the other side of the sparse crowd.

A bedazzled, painted woman came onto the center stage and signaled for the rhythmic drumming to stop. The show was about to begin. The Doctor tuned out immediately and located another couple with a tall straggler behind them. Settling beside his fellow third-wheel, the Doctor crossed his arms behind his back and stared vacantly at the ring of candles, counting down the seconds and deciding it wouldn't be suitable to leave until he reached at least eighteen hundred and four.

At first the three ignored the man who had come up beside them, content to watch the enrapturing stunts being performed. Then the Doctor started tapping his foot. It was a light beat, quiet enough not to attract any attention. Only the man next to him noticed as the movement caught his peripheral vision, but it brought on no interest. All eyes were focused on the woman as she demonstrated how putting pressure on a metal bowl caused a giant crossbow to fire. She then summoned a masked man, who was strapped securely to the targeted area. A bag of sand was pierced to lower a weight into the bowl and the audience watched as the man fought to escape from death via huge arrow.

It wasn't until the sand had almost entirely run out that the Doctor's neighbor finally recognized Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 being near-flawlessly tapped out next to him by a stranger over the sound of Chinese flutes and drums.

"Not bad," the man commented, "though you did forget the-"

As the silence stretched on, the Doctor stopped his tapping and turned towards the man. The bloke was facing him and had a slack-jawed appearance, as though he recognized the Doctor. "I forgot what? Sorry, but have we met before?"

"A few days ago. We were chasing a taxi to find the suicide killer when you ran into me and then followed after us until you disappeared in a police telephone box. You were significantly less well-dressed than now."

The Doctor perked up. "Oh, yes, I'd forgotten about that! Been quite busy since then, as it was- almost like months have passed rather than days, really. Yes, there was the black and then the pink and blue and- oh! You're Sherlock Holmes! I've got to tell Amy-" No, wait. Amy was on her date with Rory; he really shouldn't interrupt her, even to introduce Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's famous character. Hmm, what was a fictional late 1800's, early 1900's mystery storybook hero doing in the 21st century…

The weight glanced the bowl and the crossbow went off, just missing the warrior as he dived to the side at the last moment. As the crowd began clapping, Sherlock used the noise to make a clean getaway, walking around the circle and heading behind the curtains. With a look back at the applauding Ponds, the Doctor agreed that it would be best to give the couples some more room and followed after the man.

The back room appeared exactly as one would expect the changing room for a circus to be, though that fact didn't make it any less creepy; masks and colorful costumes on racks crowded the small, dark space. A samurai outfit grinned menacingly at the Doctor as he passed by. Sherlock was in full-blown detective mode, once more ignoring the man following him to search for anything hinting at the troupe's true purpose.

The Doctor busied himself trying on a loud purple top hat and fluffy neon scarf as Sherlock peaked through the curtains at the acrobat performance. The door to the room banged open and the detective jumped behind one of the full racks while the Doctor struck a pose, maneuvering the hat to cover his face. He always thought he would do well as a model; now was his chance to practice.

The painted announcer came in, but only stayed for a moment to check her phone before leaving. Once the door opened and closed once more, Sherlock immediately stepped away from his hiding place and sprayed a paint bottle he had found on the mirror.

"I knew it."

"Hey now," the Doctor protested. "That is vandalism and I won't stand for it. Now, while we are on the subject, did you find any in blue?"

The Doctor's hope rose when Sherlock's eyes widened in recognition, and then were quickly dashed when the detective threw himself to the right to dodge a long sword aiming for his neck.

"Oh, cool, I thought he was just a mannequin. I suppose I should know by now that all mannequins are evil regardless of being alive or not, though the animated ones are always worse- whoa! Be careful with that; you're going to hurt somebody."

"Either help- arg- or- oomph- shut up!" Sherlock huffed, winded from a knee to the stomach. The Doctor unwounded the scarf from his neck and jumped on the samurai's back, wrapping it around the eyeholes of the mask. The man buckled harshly, but the Doctor waited for Sherlock to get his footing before using his captive's lower back as a launch pad and flipping off of the samurai, taking his deadly scarf with him. As soon as he could see the man located Sherlock, only to be greeted with a cloud of yellow paint sprayed into his face.

Their scuffle continued until the samurai eventually gained the upper hand and shoved the detective through the curtain.

"It is not nice to throw people; let's see how you like it," the Doctor yelled, giving into the excitement of the fight. Usually a pacifist, it was nice to just let himself get caught up every now and then. Taking a running start, he collided into the samurai and pushed both of them pass the curtains and onto the stage, further alarming the audience and causing them to start scattering as the two men knocked each other onto the candles, causing some of the older floorboards to catch fire. The man from the couple Sherlock was with earlier, who the Doctor now recognized as the "other" John, ran up to try and help with the attacker, but was kicked in the leg and fell down.

As the samurai approached Sherlock was his sword drawn, a brown-haired female bashed him over the head with the wooden end of a fire axe. She was quickly joined by a ginger woman and the two took turns hitting the man with their weapons, the second aiming far lower at a certain delicate part of the male anatomy and accenting her blows with Scottish war cries.

"Ah, yes, that's good, Amy. Now, please stop hurting the man," the Doctor said when it became apparent that Rory was content to simply gawk at his fiancé rather than speak up first himself.

"Uh, yeah; what he said. Actually, you can keep going, if you'd like."

"Blast it, the assassin got away. We're going to have to keep looking through the books to crack the code; it is our only lead now," Sherlock muttered, annoyed. He bent over to pick up his scarf that had fallen off, accidently taking the neon one instead in his hurry, and wrapped it around his neck as he left the smoldering room.

John looked after his friend, then at his ax-wielding date, and finally at the Doctor. "Huh. Bye then, I guess." As the couple walked out the door after the detective, the Doctor thought he heard the beginnings of "it's not you, it me, and, well, really Sherlock too, and-", but it could have just been the leftover ringing in his ears from landing right on top of a box of bells and tambourines.

"Ohhh, I want to go look at books too! Come on guys, let's go- ack"

"No, Doctor, I don't think so," Amy gritted, tightening her grip on the Time Lord's bowtie. "We were promised a romantic date in Venice, and after this we are getting a romantic date in Venice!"

"… Yes, of course; silly me. How could I have forgotten about that? Totally my mistake, not at all unreasonable or choking-worthy, I'd say. I'll just go fire up the TARDIS and we'll get going; who cares about trying to put out the spreading flames. And maybe we could stop by later to see how things went-"

"TARDIS, now!"

"Right!"

John and Sherlock made their way out of the bank, both very pleased after watching the secretary loudly and enthusiastically quit once learning that her hair pin was worth nine million pounds. The climax of the show had been when the woman pulled out a prepared list of complaints about her bosses and the lack of respect and ever-present sexual harassment from stock traders who came in late, wasted. The look on Sebastian's face when she pulled out a second list made specifically for him was priceless.

"Another job well done, and a check for our expenses" John said, happily examining the envelope containing their earnings. "And all they needed to do was lock their windows."

Sherlock gave an agreeable grunt as they paused outside of the bank entrance. "Say, how would you feel about going out for some-"

"Sheeeerlock! Wait!" The two looked over as an unmistakable man wearing a bowtie came running up to them carrying a… oh Lord, this can't end well.

"Oh my word, when did you give him that, Sherlock?" John asked.

"Ah, Doctor, I see it came in handy then?" Sherlock said, pleased.

"Indeed, your harpoon was surprisingly useful today- we went to Venice and encountered some really big fish. I didn't actually use it, of course, but it sure worked well as an intimidation tactic, not to mention I look extraordinarily cool running with it, I'd wager." The Doctor beamed, passing the sharp weapon over to Sherlock as he pushed his sopping fringe out of his eyes.

"Excellent. We were just going out for a bite. Care to join us?" John offered at the same time as Sherlock's "great, go away now."

The Doctor looked between the two men, backing away some. "You know, I really am not a fan of tension, especially not when it is sexually charged, so I think I'll just let you two have your date alone, if it's all the same. Besides, I just put the Ponds down for a nap and I have to get back before they wake up and start touching my things or plotting my demise. Peace out!"

He was just about to return to the TARDIS when a man in a corporate suit approached them, interrupting John's stuttering denials.

"Sebastian, what do you want," Sherlock asked with a frown. He had been so close to being able to leave without seeing the man's mug at all; there was a reason he had agreed to John's offer to deal with the bank manager, after all. So close…

"Yes, sorry you two, but I just remembered that I had forgotten to take out the money I gave you in advance from that last check. I'll make the correction and you can be on your way," Sebastian said, slimy smile firmly set on his face.

The Doctor gave an alarmed look at the man before addressing Sherlock and John. "Oh no, it looks like you blokes have your own infestation of vampires here as well. I guess I have a few minutes to spare; I'll grab his legs and other John, you get his upper body. I saw a fountain up the road a bit, and I think something was moving in the water so it should work; Sherlock, you keep a tight grip on that harpoon just in case."

"Hold on there, just what are you doin-"

"John, please; isn't it obvious," Sherlock stopped his partner, grinning over at the wide-eyed Sebastian. "The Doctor says there are vampires at the bank, and it is our job to help him keep London safe. You hold the harpoon and I'll carry the torso."

(From within the fourth Control Room's sock drawer under a mound of knee-highs)

Time and Relative Dimension in Space (TARDIS) HANDBOOK

. . .

. . .

. . .

Section: Miscellaneous Bells and Whistles

. . .

. . .

Blue Switch: brings the current owner of the TARDIS to the place/time where (s)he has the greatest potential to feel true contentment and happiness. Works in conjunctions with the Amethyst Dial (see "Amethyst Dial" on page 1,705,442 for more detail)

End Author's Note: I have a love-hate-ambivalent relationship with the characters from both of these fandoms, so if it seems like I am ragging on one of them, then that is just how I show I care: no person is perfect, fictional or not, and I try to honor their creators by sticking to this principle. Also, the interactions between the Doctor and John and Sherlock will lengthen as the three get to know each other better. They are still in the slightly-more-than-acquaintances-but-less-than-colleagues-or-friends stage.