A/N – this chapter was not in the original story but I was told I had made it too easy on Kensi and so decided to continue it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed this and those that made suggestions!

~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,~,

Chapter 6

Deeks was up early the next morning, feeling marginally better. He wanted to get out of the hospital and home to his own place where he could consider his next move. He knew he would need to talk to Kensi eventually, decide if he could forgive her or not. Either way, they needed to move on, together as a couple or separately. He talked the doctor into releasing him early and then called Sam to come get him before he had to go into work. He wanted to talk to him specifically, as he was the only one on the team in a committed relationship. He was hoping for some guidance, some insight. He knew Kensi would be upset that he hadn't called her instead of Sam, but she was just going to have to deal with it.

When Sam showed up, Deeks finished up the paperwork and said goodbye to his nurses, thanking them all, particularly Stephanie who kissed him on the check. Sam just shook his head, glad that Kensi wasn't here. He knew that even if the detective had not flirted with the pretty red head, people just seemed to gravitate to him, women and children especially. Deeks made his obligatory objection to having to leave in a wheelchair, which was quickly overridden. Sam pushed him out of the hospital and threw Deeks's bag into the back of the Challenger while he gingerly slid into the front passenger seat.

On the short ride to Deeks's apartment they talked candidly about him and Kensi, and about what had happened the day before. Sam was pleased when Deeks asked his advice, it showed how far they had progressed from the days when he had called him "the temp" and Deeks had gone out of his way to annoy him. He was honest with the younger man, telling him that he gave Kensi too much leeway, too much power in their relationship. Her jealousy was unacceptable and what she had said to him bordered on inexcusable. He couldn't just let her smile, say she was sorry and be forgiven, just like that. It didn't stop the behavior, it only reinforced that she was allowed to get away with it, time and time again. They would both need to work on these issues to survive as a couple. He also told Deeks that he thought the two of them had an excellent chance if they could work through this. They made a good couple and he approved, not that they needed his approval. They complimented each other. Kensi was much more open and less serious than she had been before Deeks and Deeks was less flighty, more grounded.

Deeks got out of the car at his place, thanking Sam for picking him up and for the advice. He had every intention of taking it. She was the one person on this planet that he cared about and that gave her the power to hurt him more than anyone else possibly could. He let himself in and was greeted by an ecstatic Monty. His neighbor, Mary, had left a note saying she had walked him already this morning and given him some food. The only thing Marty needed to do was take a pain pill and fall into bed, which he did, but didn't fall right to sleep as he had hoped. His mind was racing with a million ways to talk to his partner, his girlfriend. What he could say to make her understand how much she had hurt him without sounding like a child. To find a way past this so they could move forward.

A short while later, he heard the front door open and Kensi call his name. He wasn't ready, he wasn't prepared yet. Closing his eyes, he pretended to be asleep, glad he had left the pill bottle and glass of water on the night stand beside him. It would lend credence to his being in a deep, drug induced sleep. She came into the bedroom and softly said his name again. He lay still, eyes closed, hoping she would leave. He knew she would need to go into work. He was on leave for the rest of the week but the doctor hadn't requested he have anyone stay with him, so there was no need for her, or anyone else, to be here. She walked over to the bed and touched his hand lightly. He didn't react, keeping his breathing light and regular. He heard her sigh and say under her breath "I'll make you understand how sorry I am Deeks. I can make this right. I'll do whatever it takes." His heart lightened a little but he still wasn't ready to have this conversation with her just yet. He needed to clear his head and be ready to talk to her rationally. He heard her leave the room and then the front door open and close. His eyes opened and he stared at the ceiling.

After trying unsuccessfully for another hour to fall asleep, he got up and moved to the living room, Monty shadowing his every move. Everywhere he looked, he saw her. He remembered back to a couple weeks ago when they had moved the couch out of the way and had an impromptu dance. They had been more in synch than the time that Hetty had tried to get them to ballroom dance in the gym at the Mission. It had been more fun alone, without everyone watching their every move. They had even talked about finding somewhere to take lessons. He smiled at the memory and then realized, if he was going to come to a decision that could lead to their breaking up, he couldn't do it where everything reminded him of her. He should just get away for a few days. He thought about the place he liked to go to in Mammoth, but she had been there with him too many times. He needed somewhere with no memories of her. He remembered a small hotel he had stopped at one time in Santa Barbara. It was right on the ocean and had been very peaceful. He reached for his phone and looked up the number. Calling them, he was pleased to find they had a vacancy for the next two nights and that they were pet friendly, he could even bring Monty with him.

Decision made, he felt lighter and more positive. He thought about just going, not telling anyone where he was, but knew his friends would worry. He texted Sam: Can you talk?

Sam responded back: Give me a minute. The phone rang several minutes later. "What's up Deeks? You feeling okay?" Sam said the moment he answered the phone.

"I'm fine Sam, sorry if I worried you. I just wanted to let someone know that I'm going away for a few days. I'm on leave and I need to just get away, ya know?"

Sam hesitated and then replied "I get you D. I won't tell anyone where you are but I need to know in case of emergency." Deeks smiled, it was the first time Sam had given him a nickname that didn't have a negative connotation. He wondered if Sam even realized he had done it. He gave him the name and number of the hotel.

"She's going to freak, you know." Sam told him.

"Yeah, but she's just going to have to get over it. I need to do this for me, for us." he replied.

"I'm proud of you. That's not the response you would have given a couple of days ago. Then you would only have been thinking of what she wanted. It's a good first step." Sam said. They said their goodbyes and Deeks said he'd see them all in a few days. Hanging up, he went to pack.

He threw his bag into the back of his car, along with the things he would need for Monty. Once he got the dog situated in the back seat, he put on NPR for him. He headed for the 101 and Santa Barbara. He found himself becoming more hopeful as the miles went by. He was in some pain as he had been careful not to take any pain pills before he got behind the wheel of the car. The last one he had taken had worn off hours ago. He would wait until he was in his room before taking another. He hadn't bothered with his surfboard; his bruised ribs wouldn't allow him to surf anyway. Arriving at the hotel, he pulled into a space and turned off the car. Monty whined a little when the radio went off but quickly settled back down and Deeks went in to register. The woman behind the counter looked up with a smile but it quickly faded as she took in the bruises and stitches, the careful way he walked. He smiled at her and said "Car accident." She looked relieved and checked him in. He was on the ground floor with an ocean view as requested. He got his bag and Monty and went to check out the room. It was nice enough but it was the sound of the ocean waves coming through the windows that soothed him. He debated taking a pill now or taking Monty for a slow walk on the beach. Per usual, the beach won and the two of them headed out.

He couldn't walk very far as he was still in some pain. He couldn't believe it had only been 24 hours since he had been healthy and in a good place with Kensi in their relationship. How had it all gone to hell so quickly? He thought about what they needed to work on. The jealousy, the derogatory put downs, the punches. He stopped short. The punches? Where had that thought come from? His knees gave out and he sank to the sand, ignoring the protests of his bruised ribs. He had always been so sure he could turn into his father. He had never even contemplated that he could turn into his mother instead. He had just realized that he was in an abusive relationship, the same as his mom had been. The magnitude of the abuse wasn't anywhere near as great as that Gordon John Brandel had visited on his wife and young son, but where did you draw the line? Did it only become abuse when she broke one of his bones or left him bloodied?

He thought back over the years. The punches had often left bruises on his arm or shoulder, sometimes to the point it hurt to take his t-shirt off over his head that night. He remembered the Molina Cartel/Al Qaeda case, when Mexican Police Chief Eva Espinosa had been involved. They had recovered the drone, arrested the leader of the cartel and the Al Qaeda terrorist. They had been standing outside the Mission, watching Sam and Callen drive away in Sam's new junk box Challenger. Once everyone else had gone back inside, she had asked him if he supposed she owed him an apology for Eva. He had tried to joke it away like he always did but she had grabbed his arm, pulled it up behind him, holding onto his fingers and pushing him through the door of the mission with his head. He had laughed it off but he had had a headache the rest of the day and had had to ice his shoulder and finger that night. When the Pakistanis had stolen the thumb drive with the information on their nuclear weapons, she had punched him hard, right in the jaw when he hadn't taken the shot they both knew he could have, resulting in the last shooter getting away with the drive. His face had been bruised for several days.

He, Marty Deeks, victim of child abuse was now the victim of domestic abuse. It wasn't the over the top, she beats me bloody every day kind. They had so many good times and he thought about the fact that most of the abuse seemed to happen at work. Was she trying to compensate for being the only female on a team of high testosterone males? He still loved her with all his heart but now had a new understanding of what his mother had gone through. He wished she were still alive so that he could tell her that. Now the question remained, did he stay at NCIS or did he go? If he stayed, Kensi would have to agree to work on these issues, he was not going to be her punching bag anymore. If she would not agree to work with him, then their relationship may have to end as well.