I spent the next few days hiding out in my condo, missing school, thinking, and most of all, avoiding Imogen. And she was the only thing that seemed to ever cross my mind. She tried texting me, calling me, anything to get ahold of me, but I was too scared to talk to her. I was just terrified that she would tell me she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. That girl was a wondrous thing, and I didn't know why I was the lucky one of getting her in my life. Why did I have to take things to the next level? Why did I have to kiss her? All these useless questions floated around in my head, and I didn't have an answer for any of them. Well maybe I did...
I was on a journey of self-exploration, and it was hard. I didn't know why I kissed Imogen, all the feelings just rushed over me so quickly so I took action. I couldn't help myself. That girl really makes me feel so, so special. And I knew deep down I made her feel special too. It seemed as though when we were together, the whole world just disappeared, and it was only us two. She made me feel like a princess, and beautiful.
A small, small part of me wished that I could take it back, but the other part was ecstatic that I finally made a move on Imogen. Albeit, it wasn't the reaction I initially wanted from her, but still, I was proud of myself for having the courage to kiss my best friend. Was I wrong? Were the feelings I had for my best friend wrong? If that was the case, I didn't want to be right. I couldn't deny my feelings for Immy.
Was I gay? I had thought about it in the past, but it never appealed to me. Being gay, that would explain my feelings. That would explain why I had more than platonic love for my best friend. Being gay, really seemed to sum everything up. Come to think of it, I never really had any boyfriends either. Being gay seemed perfect to me now. I just needed the right person to give me a push, and that person, well that was Imogen.
All of heart just hoped that she loved me in the same way I loved her. I kept my fingers crossed and I made a wish. We needed to be with each other, it just had to happen. Being friends just wouldn't suffice with me, it had to be all or nothing. I just hoped that Imogen would understand that aspect about me. I liked her too damn much to just be her friend. I needed her like I needed the air to breathe, and I hoped that she really liked me too, or else I wouldn't be able to live with myself anymore.
After three days of avoiding my best friend, I finally decided to go back to school, and face my fears. It was a make or break moment, and I was hoping for the make. I got dressed in a simple teal dress with a white cardigan and some open toed shoes, then headed off to school. I hoped that Immy would just give me the chance to explain myself. If she didn't, then this was all for a lost cause, and I'd be totally screwed.
The day went by pretty quickly, and before you knew it, I was in english. Although Imogen was in fact my english partner, she didn't even look over at me, or talk to me, or anything. Was I making her uncomfortable? I sure hoped not. Maybe she would talk to me at lunch. At least, I hoped and prayed that she would. The bell then rang, signaling class was over and Imogen made her way out quickly, as I just sat there stunned. A couple of more classes passed on, and I was getting extremely anxious as lunch came closer. My heart felt like it would jump out of chest at any given moment. I was so nervous.
What if she wouldn't have me? What if she wouldn't even let me explain myself? What if she didn't want to talk to me anymore? All these stupid questions floated around in my head, and I was making myself scared to death to go to lunch. I had to take a deep, deep breath just to calm myself down, and suddenly the bell rang. It was time for lunch. All these nerves were making me act way out of character.
I walked agonizingly slow to the cafeteria, and I spotted Imogen at our usually table. She was looking beautiful as always, wearing some dark wash skinnies, and a crop top with little pink skulls on it. Her brunette hair was tied in low pig tales, and it fitted her perfectly. She always looked so good, and I loved her sense of style. It just fit her personality so well; her little quirky personality.
She noticed I was looking at her, and she smiled. That gave me new hope. Maybe there was a chance for this love after all. Thank the heavens. I sat down so hesitantly, and I sent her a quick smile. I hoped my nerves would go away, but I didn't think they would any time soon. Looks like I was going to have to talk to her being a hot nervous mess.
"Hey Fions." She greeted.
Okay, that was normal. I was glad to see she wasn't eternally pissed at me. That meant that I had a chance to sort everything out, tell her how I felt. And maybe, just maybe, we would walk away from this lunch table as a couple. That was slightly pushing it though, at least, I though it was. "Hi Immy, can we talk?" I asked, and Imogen nodded.
"I think we need to." She said with a little laugh afterwards. I laughed too, she was right. This talk was much-needed.
"Okay..." I replied.
"Just take your time."
"Well..." I started.