A/N: Thank you as always for all of your comments, and a special thank you to LyreBoleyne for reading through and helping me with one of these scenes... and be sure to look out for her story (which is now posted on here as well) if you want to know more about what Elaine and Galahad are up to behind Morgana's back (and to see a few more funny Merlin scenes!)!

"Do you want to go for coffee somewhere?" Merlin suggests after lunch. Caelia had run off to another lecture before they'd been able to order coffee, and they were left alone.

Merlin feels stupidly nervous for asking, but then Morgana agrees.

For all the tension between them, their conversation over lunch had run smoothly. She wasn't ready to part ways just yet, and she was heading straight for a caffeine crash. Just as she says yes, she remembers his new aversion for coffee and cocks her head to the side. "I thought you didn't drink coffee anymore?"

Merlin shrugs, a small smile gracing one side of his face. "It reminded me too much of you. With you though, I would."

He looks into her eyes as he speaks, and Morgana feels the heat rushing to her cheeks. "Alright, then."

They make their way back to the coffee shop they'd visited with Galahad and Gwen the other day, tension filling more and more of the air between them as they remember the awkwardness of their earlier encounter. They find a free table in a corner near the back of the shop, and Merlin goes to order their drinks.

He feels his heart beating in his ears as he comes back to the table and remembers he hadn't even asked her what she wanted, and Morgana has difficulty breathing as he places the tray down on the table.

"I got you a triple shot mochaccino. I can go and get something else if you don't –"

"It's perfect, Merlin. Thank you," she interrupts, trying to give him a reassuring smile. "I haven't changed my ways."

Merlin smiles looking down at his cappuccino. "I'm glad some things are still the same."

"What happened to Gaius's? I walked by a couple of months ago, and it had been turned into a restaurant."

"Business went down after it lost your patronage."

Morgana's eyes widen. "I'm so sorry. I –"

Merlin chuckles. "I'm joking, Morgana. You were our main customer, but it still stayed afloat without you. But Gaius decided to move to Dublin and be close to Mum. He wanted company, and she needed help with the shop, so it worked out for the best."

"How are they?"

Morgana looks uneasy as she asks, and Merlin gives her a small smile. He knows she's trying, understands that she'd never wanted to hurt them, even if she'd been angry at Gaius. "They're both fine. Gaius recovered from his heart attack. He just needs to minimize his stress and Mum's doing okay."

"I'm glad, then."

"I do understand, Morgana. I don't want you to think I'm still angry at what you did because of Uther."

Morgana exhales.

"There is something I still don't understand, though," Merlin adds.

"Go ahead."

"Why didn't you come back sooner? If Morgause released all of that and if she was punished for it. If your agreement with her was over… Why wouldn't you come back?" He doesn't say "to me," but the beseeching tone of his voice implies it, and he adds, "At least to Monmouth? You were so set on doing a doctorate back in the day."

Morgana shakes her head, swallowing thickly. "I was scared, Merlin. I thought Morgause would come back somehow. Elaine let her go from The Grail and kept all the documents she'd amassed on Arthur and you and Gwen, but what if she'd made copies? You can't easily silence someone like her. She could still do something, even now."

"Do you know where she is?"

"No. Galahad said he tracked her down once, but we lost track of her after that."

Merlin nods once. "Did you give her anything more to work with?"

"No! I didn't need to give her anything. She managed to find plenty on her own."

"What kind of stuff?"

"She has plenty on your father."

Merlin looks away, his lips set. He understands the things his father had done, the lengths he'd gone to, but he doesn't want his actions to follow him. He reminds himself that it isn't Morgana's fault and moves to cover her hand with his on top of the table. "Even if she comes back one day, even if she releases anything new, you won't be alone."

Tears rush back to Morgana's eyes, blurring her vision. She doesn't want to cry, but the guilt still weighs heavily upon her, dragging her down. "It'd still be my fault."

Merlin's response is immediate. "No." He flips her hand over and squeezes. "You are not to blame for any of this."

Morgana squeezes back but then lets go and brings her hands together on her lap. "I'm not so sure about that."

"You did what you thought was right, Morgana. Did you expressly do any of it to hurt us?"

"No! I thought I was doing the right thing. I had to bring Uther to justice, and I thought it was the only way to do so and protect you."

"You see?"

"The thing is I don't regret it though, Merlin. I'm sorry things went badly and it wrecked everything, and that I regret, but I'm not sorry it brought Uther to justice."

"Of all the things Morgana, I can understand that.

"Thank you. And really, my life isn't in a bad place now. I have some wonderful people in my life, and I do important work taking down others like Uther and I won't give that up. Still though, I regret Morgause and everything that happened because of her. I should have seen it coming."

"And I should have done a better job of being there for you! I never should have made you feel like you had to face all of this alone."

Morgana shakes her head. "You were amazing, Merlin. You couldn't have done anything better."

"If you were pregnant and you felt you couldn't come to me, then I could have." His voice is firm, and he hopes that it carries all of his conviction with it.

"No. You couldn't have. You didn't deserve what happened, Merlin."

"What on earth are you talking about?!"

"You saw what my parents were like. Everything was a mess, Merlin. You didn't deserve that, and you don't now. I'll tell Caelia it's a bad idea for me to work on the conference."

The anger he thought had left him returns. That she'd kept those feelings inside for all that time. That she honestly believed that she hadn't been the greatest source of happiness he'd ever known. "You can't still believe that, Morgana."

Morgana frowns. "That you deserve the best? Of course I do."

He shakes his head vehemently. "That you weren't the greatest source of happiness in my life." The sentiment slips out before he can stop himself, and he turns away, not wanting her to think he's anywhere near ready to make an advance.

Morgana's breath hitches. "How?"

Merlin huffs and "I loved you, Morgana, with every fibre of my being and there isn't anything I wouldn't have done for you, but if you want us to move forward, with the presentation, with being friends again, I need you to stop blaming yourself. Stop hating yourself. I know it's been five years and god knows we've both changed, but if I'm going to give you another chance, in any capacity, I need you to do the same."

Morgana shakes her head. "I can't do this to you." She'd been so certain that she was ready to face spending time with him again, but the intensity of her feelings scares her and she doesn't want to hurt him again, even if they don't stand a chance of being anything more than friends.

"Well I can't do this if you don't."

"Are you honestly suggesting that you aren't angry about all of this? You must hate me."

"I'm angry. Of course I'm angry. I'm angry that you left. I'm angry that you didn't tell me what you were going to do. Before or after you went to Morgause. I'm angry that you gave up on us so easily, and I'm furious that you didn't think that you could come to me about any of it or even tell me that you were pregnant. I deserved to know."

"You see!"

"But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to forgive you. I'm angry with what happened and with what you did and didn't do and I'm angry with myself, but I certainly don't hate you. I never hated you, Morgana. I could never hate you."

"What are we going to do? Do you want me to go to Caelia and ask her to find someone else for you to work with?"

"No." Merlin says, running his hand through his hair. "I don't want to give up."

"So we work through this?"

"We work through it, and we give the best talk at the conference."

Standing in front of her mirror, Morgana surveys her image. Her hair is loosely curled, and she's wearing a sculpted black dress, fitted through the bodice but lightly flaring out from her hips. The day still weighs heavily upon her, sending whirls of excitement and nerves running through her, but it's the night of her monthly, Thursday night dinner with Elaine and Galahad, and she wants to look nice, to look composed and in control. She reapplies a coat of blood red lipstick, and happy with the result, steps into the towering heels she's selected and grabs her purse.

"So, Morgana, how are things at Monmouth?"

"It's only been two days since we talked, Elaine."

Elaine gives her a knowing look. "You look much calmer than you were."

"I talked to Merlin. Gwen invited us both to dinner last night."

"And?"

"I told him everything."

"Everything?"

Morgana nods.

"Oh, Darling," Elaine says, her voice dipping. She reaches across the table and grasps Morgana's hand. Elaine is rarely one to show affection in any way, and Morgana can't help but notice the look Galahad is giving them.

"What do you mean by everything?"

Morgana sighs. Everyone but Galahad knows at this point, and she sees no need to keep him in the dark. Taking a deep breath, she says, "I miscarried Merlin's baby."

"And you never told him?"

Morgana purses her lips together and shakes her head. "He never even knew I was pregnant. Until yesterday."

"Shit."

"Galahad!" Elaine exclaims just as a piqued old lady glares at their table and then purses her mouth at Galahad's white, ironed t-shirt.

"I'm sorry, but that's… wow."

Elaine rolls her eyes to the ceiling at her son's eloquence and asks, "How did he take it?"

"As well as could be expected."

Elaine narrows her eyes at Morgana. "He isn't angry with you, is he?"

"He's angry, but not at me."

"Because I don't care how good or kind he is. If he messes with you, I will personally see to it –"

"I promise, Elaine," Morgana assures her, smiling at her protectiveness. "In fact, we're going to work together."

"Oh?" Elaine asks, giving Morgana a contemplative look after taking a sip of her martini.

Morgana explains about the conference and Caelia and the talk, and Elaine looks increasingly pleased with the situation, so much so that, finished with her story, Morgana quickly asks, "Can we talk about something else, please?"

"Of course. In fact," Elaine begins, beaming at her son, "I have some questions for Lad."

"Oh, for the love of God! Mother, I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Ooooh, is this about his new lady?" Morgana asks, sitting forward in her chair. "He wouldn't tell me anything worthwhile on Tuesday."

"Oh, it's a woman!" Elaine exclaims.

"Yes, it's a woman," Galahad mumbles. "In fact!" he says, cheering up. "She seems to know Merlin. I invited her to see his lecture at the university yesterday, and when I went over to introduce her to him, she was already on friendly terms with him."

"You willingly went to a lecture?" Elaine asks, narrowing her eyes at her son. "What was it about?"

"Dragons."

Morgana smirks. "You have a sudden interest in dragons, then?"

"They're fascinating creatures."

"They're green," Morgana deadpans. "You hate green."

"But I still like things that are green. Look at you! Just about everything you own is green, and I love you."

"Awww," Morgana says sarcastically. "I'm not wearing any green tonight."

Galahad raises an eyebrow and gestures at the giant emerald ring on her middle finger and the matching, dangling earrings.

"Fair enough. Tell us more!"

"Well, Merlin's a surprisingly good lecturer. Considering how… disconnected he was the other day at the coffee shop, I thought he might be one of those spacey intellectual types. You know the ones who are always stuck in their own heads but aren't much socially?"

Morgana narrows her eyes at Galahad but doesn't say anything.

"He wasn't though! He's very engaging and surprisingly talkative."

"Well I suppose he had reason to be distracted at the coffee shop," Elaine offers, smirking as she watches the two of them.

"I thought we weren't going to discuss Merlin anymore?" Morgana quips.

"Well I don't want to discuss Viviane."

"Viviane?!" Morgana exclaims. "You're dating Merlin's Viviane?!"

"What do you mean Merlin's Viviane?! And we aren't dating!"

"No, obviously not! I heard Merlin speaking to her on the phone the other day. Flirting."

"Are you sure?" Galahad asks, his eyes darkening. Morgana notices him balling the napkin in his lap and regrets speaking up.

"I think so."

"Didn't Gwen say Merlin was single?" Elaine offers.

"She may not know everything," Morgana answers, feeling the blood leaving her head.

"They could just be friends," Galahad says defensively. "Viviane said they'd been friends for over a decade." He dejectedly adds, "Though she did wink at him."

Morgana feels herself shrinking in her chair.

"Oh for the love of God!" Elaine interjects, mimicking her son. "You're both being ridiculous. For all you know, Merlin and Viviane are friends, just as you two are friends. Do you think there's anything suspicious about the two of you?"

"We're like siblings!" Galahad objects, with a face of disgust.

"Precisely! Did you stop to think that maybe there's nothing more between Merlin and Viviane? You're all adults, and the last time I checked, men and women were perfectly capable of maintaining a platonic relationship."

"But —" Morgana begins.

"No, no." Elaine interrupts and, catching the eye of a waiter, gives a half nod. "I need another martini if I'm going to listen to any more of this."