There is a reason why Kageyama dislikes going online to source for news reports of his murders.
Scrolling down to the comments section is a bad habit of his, like eating chips while one is on a diet, or not bringing an umbrella when the broadcast announced the possibility of rain. Some call him a monster, heartless and many more others descriptions that he is not so uncouth as to repeat.
He is alright with that.
However, there is one type of response that always manages to grate on his nerves.
He sees the first comment and, despite the warning bell sounding in his mind, reads it against the bright glare of the screen.
'Serve them right, they deserve these deaths.'
Then another one of these.
And a handful of anothers.
And while Kageyama doesn't necessarily have his moral compass pointing in the right direction, he can feel the disgust and rage coiling in his stomach. His mind spins. The nausea increases tenfold.
The difference between us is that I know I am a monster and you don't.
The nickname 'Sire Noble' leaves a bitter taste on his tongue, because he is anything but noble.
A knife finds its way into his hands and Kageyama grips it tight, shaking. He takes comfort in the familiar texture of its handle. His efforts to will his anger away are all in vain.
"Don't call me a hero," he wants to scream, but the voice comes out as a broken whisper, "I kill for myself. Myself, and no one else."
Selfish, spoilt boy, the mirror taunts. Kageyama smashes it to pieces. The sound startles him more than the pain in his fist does.
A myriad of reflections, all him, all desperate. His knee gives away under him.
You're crazy, they say, and the voices are in his mind. They don't shut up.
"I knew that a long time ago," he replies.
Hinata appears at Kageyama's doorsteps one Saturday, holding a volleyball in his hands.
"Show me how you play," he says, excited, as though this is their first meeting after a long, long time.
(It isn't.)
They spend an afternoon in the park, living out the dreams they never had the chance to fulfil.
"I think," Hinata pants out during their break, "that we could have been a great duo if we had gone to the same school."
"Yeah, me too."
The sun sets in the horizon as they prepare to return. Looking up, the skies are ignited by a blazing fire, brilliant red and orange splashing across the heavens. Kageyama draws a deep breath, awe-struck.
Sunsets... Red and orange... Blood and the boy...
"Hinata, your hair."
"Hm?"
"It's the colour of sunset."
Hinata glances up at him. "Is that a compliment?" he teases the other, hoping to provoke an embarrassed reaction from the taller guy.
However, it backfires when Kageyama, oblivious, answers, "Yeah, it's real pretty."
Caught off-guard, Hinata whips his eyes back onto the path in front of him as though the mere sight of the other burned him. He bites his lips, cheeks red. Who knew Kageyama can be such a sweetheart at times?
"...You're blushing."
"I'M NOT!"
Back in Kageyama's apartment, Hinata cooks up a storm of a dinner for the both of them.
"Oi, Kageyama, come help me out once you're done with the shower!"
"Sheesh, don't shout in here," said boy replies, "but alright. Won't take too long."
The shower door slides close and Hinata is left alone to his thoughts. After washing the vegetables, he reaches for a knife, but notices something off with the set-up.
Kageyama's knife set is weird...
Sure enough, some of the more specialised knives, like the cheese knife, are not included. However, an excess of the generic kitchen knife are on display, most of which look brand new. There is only one obvious knife that's gone through the process of cooking anything before, so he uses that for cooking instead.
"He doesn't cook much, why does he even need so many kitchen knives in the first place?" Hinata ponders aloud.
Just as he finishes chopping up the cabbages, the bathroom door slides open with a bang.
"Kageyama, why'd you have so many knives?"
Kageyama, in the process of drying his hair, jolted in surprise. Ah! I forgot to put the new knives away!
"...Would you believe me if I say I'm paranoid about a late night visit from Sire Noble?"
Taking the slight hesitation for embarrassment, Hinata snorted, "Knives left here won't do you much good if you sleep in the bedroom, dumbass."
A vein pops out in Kageyama's forehead. "Don't call me the dumbass, dumbass! Are you telling me to sleep with my knife set?"
Nervous laughter bubbles out of Hinata when he realises the flaw in his logic. It sure would be weird to sleep with a knife, wouldn't it?
(But he can totally see Kageyama doing that, the weirdo he is. No, banish that thought, it's so weird!)
Changing the topic quickly, he said, "Now that you're out, help me to cook while I shower."
Teaching Kageyama is fairly easy, but expecting him to remember everything might not be. Fingers crossed, Hinata enters the bathroom hoping for the best.
Outside, Kageyama stares at the pan in his hand. What's it called again... stir-fry? Letting out a sigh of resignation, he tries to follow Hinata's vague instructions. Already he can feel them becoming more and more blurred in his head.
Dammit, there's a reason why I don't cook much, he thinks.
Hinata steps out of the bath, clean and refreshed, to a table of borderline-horrible overcooked food.
("...At least it's edible.")
("Shut up, dumbass.")
After dinner, Hinata refuses to leave the comfort of the apartment and they end up on Kageyama's couch. A movie is playing on the television, but neither pays much attention to it. The light drizzle that started during dinner only intensified as time passed on.
"Hey, aren't you supposed to be going home already?"
Hinata grins, "It's raining outside, I'll get soaked."
Snorting, Kageyama replies, "Dumbass, you live above me. This excuse won't work."
Still, he doesn't make a move to throw the ginger out, happy to have such nice company. A small smile graces his lips as he glances down at the shorter boy-
-only to see Hinata staring at him with a weird look.
"Is there something on my face?" he asks.
"A-ah, yes! I mean no!" Hinata stutters, feeling warmth creeping up his cheeks, "Sorry! Its nothing!"
He pretends to focus on the television under Kageyama's perplexed gaze, only relaxing after the other shrugged, turning back to the movie.
Hinata tries to convince himself that absolutely nothing is going on in his mind, but the pounding of his heart proves otherwise.
Stupid Kageyama and his stupid smile! He usually looks super scary when he smiles, right? I must be exhausted and hallucinating, yes, that must be the reason! We've only known each other for a couple of week or so anyways...
"Kageyama, we've grown to be real close in such a short time it seems almost impossible," Hinata observes, his fierce internal conflict forgotten for the moment.
Kageyama hummed, "I guess lonely people have to stick together, huh?"
Sticking out a tongue, Hinata huffs, "I actually have a life, unlike you!"
"Oh, really? Then why're you constantly pestering me, hm?"
"I've got friends, y'know," he grumbles.
"Yeah, that's why I'm glad you stuck around," Kageyama replies absentmindedly, the small smile reappearing on his face yet again.
Needless to say, Hinata almost got another heart attack.
It's the middle of the night when he wakes. The television is buzzing with static, the movie having ended long ago. Hinata quietly switches it off with the remote. The rain outside has slowed to a light drizzle again, softly falling on the windowpane. The apartment is quiescence, silent, save for the sound of the rain and Kageyama's soft breaths.
Hinata lays his head back on the other's chest, rising and falling to the rhythm of his breathing. Somehow, along the night, they've come to rest in such a position, with Kageyama's back to the couch and Hinata curling up on top of him.
His eyes glances up to the other, drinking in the details of the peaceful face. Under the illumination of the moonlight, Kageyama's face holds an unnatural glow to it. His lips, pale in the dark, is a dedicate curve of a crescent moon. The eyebrows usually sloping downwards to form a frown are flattened out, two thin, relaxed lines above his eyelids.
An eye flutters open, then the other as well. Orbs the colour of night stares back at him.
"Did I wake you?" Hinata questioned, slightly surprised.
"Not really, you should go back to sleep," Kageyama muttered.
Feeling the edges of his mouth curl up in content, Hinata snuggles closer to larger boy, yawning. He can hear the dull thump, thump of heartbeats underneath his head.
"G'night, Kageyama."
I think I'm falling in love with you.
Kageyama observes the boy silently. Fingers, cold and pale, reach up to stroke those locks the colour of the sun, but pauses mid-way only to fall back against the side of the couch.
("It's because of trust that I can spike your tosses without looking at them," Hinata explained.)
Kageyama closes his eyes, no longer able to look at Hinata.
(Precious, naive, lonely Hinata.)
This trust will be the death of you, his mind whispers.
He hugs the other just a little bit tighter.