Ok, so it's been a while since I've updated this. That's mainly because this is just a fun little side project I've got on, and not meant to be serious. And I've been a bit busy recently with personal stuff, along with the stories I'm already doing. Oh, and I've had to start some more stories on my computer to get my head cleared enough to continue working on this stuff. I'm not sure when I'll post the next chapter, but hopefully I won't end up accidently abandoning this. I really enjoy writing short stories about possible Servants I can come up with.

Oh, and I also realised that my original choice was perfect for a later story I'm working on, so I had to replace him.

Enjoy.

Kiritsugu Emiya looked on warily as smoke billowed from the summoning circle, the Servant hidden behind it all. It lasted long enough for him to wonder if it worked when this strange 'whooshing' filled the air, along with beeps like from an old arcade game. Once they were all over, the smoke parted to reveal a… a boy. A young boy with short dark hair and a girly face. He was wearing a long black coat over black pants and shirt, with a silver tri-pointed buckle over the heart. Completing the look was a black sword over his shoulder, within easy reach. So he summoned the Saber class. Good, good. But there was still a problem.

"You're not King Arthur." He said aloud, watching the Servant. He merely gazed back with a heavy stare, unconcerned with his master's opinion.

"Wow, really?" Saber said in a high-pitched, girly voice. "I never realised. Maybe it's because I'm not some blond whiny idiot. Ever considered that genius?" Ok, maybe not completely unconcerned. But Kiritsugu wasn't interested in his Servant's personality. He only cared for his skill in battle.

"I assume you know how to use that weapon?" He still had to ask. The boy looked too young to be good enough to be a Saber class.

"Do I…Do I know how to use…? Of course I… Why else would I…? Are you implying I'm not strong enough to be a Saber? Is that it?" Saber's eyebrow started twitching and his iris became very small. Kiritsugu decided it would be best for everyone to drop the subject.

"Good. Then I hope you will put your all in winning the fights. I don't intent on losing."

"Yeah well I don't either boss. Now get off my case."

Irisviel had to admit, despite his lacklustre attitude Saber was very skilled in sword fighting. He had managed to fend of Lancer for several minutes without using a Noble Phantasm. But he kept acting like he was inside a video game for some reason. The fight was close until they were interrupted by Rider, asking to form an alliance with the other Servants if they give up their wish.

"Wow, that's such a great idea." Saber was saying. "In fact, it's so great it goes right back to being retarded. It almost made me forget the fact that I hate working with others because they're all a bunch of lazy mouth-breathers who couldn't fight a boss if you handed them a damn strategy guide."

"As crude as he may be, I too refuse to ally with another Servant. I seek only to gain the Grail for my master. I cannot let him down."

"See? You work with someone, you have to share the xp. And the loot. No thanks." As Rider sighed in defeat and his master berated him for him actions, a golden glow appeared on top of a lamppost. It formed into a blond-haired Servant wearing golden armour, looking down at them with a smirk. Archer. At the same time, a black vortex billowed from the ground to take on the form of a knight in dark armour. That must be Berserker. "And wow, more Servants. This would be so great if it wasn't so completely stupid. Ah well. So Many Lawsuits." A grey helmet covered his head and his eyes. On the front were the letters NVG, but she couldn't quite see what it stood for. "it's so lifelike." He said to himself, standing there in the open. Berserker instantly charged him, ready to slaughter him. Iri was ready to call out, when he suddenly turned in Berserker's direction. "Troll!" He shouted, grabbing Berserker and slamming him into a cargo container. He then repeatedly punched him at incredible speed and force, not giving him a moment to re-orientate himself. He then threw the Servant to the ground, crouching over him and punching him some more. As he stood up again, the black knight faded away into nothing. Unbelievable. He had a Noble Phantasm that allowed him to kill a powerful Servant with ease? "So which bitch is next?" He taunted as he removed his helmet.

"This will be impressive." Rider said smiling. "A true test of my skills. No matter what, this will be spoken of for generations." He charged Saber, forcing the boy to dodge to the side.

"Yeah well, no one cares. Behold, The Mythril Pebble of Pig Smiting." A small stone appeared in his hand, glowing with red energy. He threw it at one of the bulls pulling Rider's cart, causing it to glow red and shatter into pieces. As the other bull tried to deal with losing its companion, he struck it with another stone, destroying it too. "Well, it's been fun. But I've got a better idea on weeding out the competition. What the Hell am I Signing?" A funny looking hat appeared on his head, looking completely out of place. It was green, with a pink band around the front of it. "Ahem. Lancer, kill Rider for me."

"You really think I will obey you just like SON OF A…" Lancer started shouting as his body rushed Rider, thrusting his spear to kill him. But Rider managed to knock it aside, and Lancer's forward momentum caused him to get too close to the Servant. Even though he was run through, Rider still managed to lop Lancer's head off with one easy move. As he backed away, Saber skewered him in the back with his blade, before pulling out another and slicing through his neck.

"Using another to distract me." Rider said as he faded away. "A wise move. But it shows that you were frightened…by…me." And he vanished, marking a fourth Servant out of the running.

"Yeah, well, you're dead again. So… Dammit!" Saber looked pissed to realise that Rider had a point. He glared up at Archer, the last Servant left. "What about you? Ready for a fight?"

"You are not a fight." Archer replied coolly. "You required to have Rider distracted before you would even attempt to fight him yourself. You're far too weak to be a threat to me of a people."

"Ha hah ha. What?" Saber asked dangerously, his iris shrunken again.

"Of course, your voice reminds me of the women of my time. If you beg me to let you live, I will allow it. As long as you become a concubine for me."

"What?! No, I don't sound like a girl. That's crazy. That's crazy!" And he started laughing in a broken manner, his eyes glowing as he wore a sadistic grin. Archer glared at him.

"You dare laugh at me? Then prepare to die, mongrel. Gate of Babylon." Glowing circles appeared behind him, with weapons sticking out of them. It was insane. This Servant had more weapons than anyone could imagine. Whoever designed this Servant clearly didn't care for balance. Archer smirked down at Saber (who was still laughing) and motioned the weapons to fire. They were launched like rain, thundering down at Saber like a stampede. But Saber merely swung his blades, shattering the weapons with each strike. Only a few managed to get past and slice through him, leaving a red glowing line on him. But those lines healed over almost instantly, leaving him looking unchanged. Even Archer noticed that. "What is the meaning of this? You should be a broken corpse on the ground, not a warrior still standing."

"Well, here's the thing, Blondie." Saber replied, still smiling creepily. "You may think you've got me all figured out, but there's one thing you didn't account for. My numbers are bigger than yours. Funny thing really, you get strong enough and you're basically untouchable. Any wounds I receive heal faster than you can make them. We could do this all night, and you would not be any closer to winning. But that would actually be pretty amusing. I am Kirito, the Black Swordsman of Aincrad. I'm the dude that killed its God. I am a god myself." His dual blades started glowing with red energy as he charged his attack.

"And I'm fresh out of mercy."

I seem to like doing abridged characters for this. Maybe because they're always funnier than their original versions. This Kirito is from Sword Art Online Abridged. In the normal show, he's meant to be this kind fellow that wants to save everyone, but is sort of a loner guy. In this , however, he's a jerk that makes fun of everyone. Listening to him snarking about everyone else around him is pretty good stuff. You guy should have a watch of it. Sadly, it's only 4 episodes as of the time of this writing, but I'm hoping it'll keep going.

Fun fact: Kirito hates it when people say he sounds like a girl. And yet in Sword Art Online II, he ends up looking exactly like a girl in Gun Gale Online. I can't wait to see how they make fun of that in this show.

Class: Saber

Name: Kirito (Kazuto Kirigaya)

Series: Sword Art Online/Sword Art Online Abridged

Master: Kiritsugu Emiya

Parameters:

Strength: A

Endurance: C

Agility: B

Magic: N/A

Luck: C

Noble Phantasm: A

Noble Phantasms:

So Many Lawsuits (Anti-Unit)

Saber equips a prototype Nervegear helmet, forcing him to stand still. However, the first person to approach him for any reason will be marked as a troll, and Saber will grab them, slam them into a nearby wall, and pummel them to death. This is an instant kill Noble Phantasm, but can only be used a few times.

Behold, the Mythril Pebble of Pig Smiting (Anti-Unit)

Saber creates a tiny stone to throw at a Servant, causing damage. This skill works best when used against animal Noble Phantasms.

What the Hell am I Signing? (Anti-Unit)

Saber equips the powerful hat of charisma, allowing him to command a single person. This functions exactly like a Command Seal.

My Numbers Are Bigger Than Yours (Anti-Group)

This Noble Phantasm is unique due to the fact that it only activates when Saber is angered. In a sense, it is his own Mad Enhancement. It allows him to fight faster and stronger, along with regeneration of health. Side effects include rage, sadism, delusions of godhood, and hatred for anything around him.